Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
21. Problems
Epov:
I just drove as those last words I had said to Bella echoed in my head.
"She doesn't know me anymore. Every time I visit her I must remember to tell Alexander that she loves him but she never says it to me. She is living and breathing but to me she died two days after my father."
She really didn't say it to me. Even back before everything happened. I thought back to when I could remember. I was about four and she always told him.
"I love you baby." when he left for school. As he became older it changed to "I love you honey or sweetie." and finally just settled for "I love you."
She didn't say it to me once. Was I such a bad son? My father even managed to croak it out to me once when I hit a home run in a final game causing the school to win the championship. What did I do that caused her to dislike me so?
"Edward, would you please just talk to me." Bella said, suddenly placing her hand on my knee. My head jerked up and I looked at her, she was staring at me with worry in her eyes. I had totally forgotten her, the tension in my arms yelled at me as my muscles began to protest against all the strain.
I must have gripped the steering wheel unconsciously, trying to get rid of some of my frustration. I relaxed and smiled at her taking her hand, suppressing the feeling of guilt that I had for ignoring her like that. I noticed that music was playing in the car. She must have turned on the radio. How long did I ignore her? I glanced at the clock, jeez almost an entire half an hour.
"I'm sorry. I was caught up in some old memories." I tried to apologize hoping she wasn't to mad.
Don't press the matter. I thought to myself and as usual she didn't. She really understood me better than anyone else.
"So what are we going to do until the concert?" she asked curiously. I smiled and winked at her remembering the surprise I had planned for her. She sighed silently clearly happy about something.
"It's a surprise. I planned a little something for us." I said as I drove through the traffic. She paid closer attention to our surroundings as she stared at the scenery flashing past the window. I drove in the direction of the stadium where Linkin Park was going to perform tonight, there was a restaurant were we could spend the afternoon without worrying to be on time for the concert.
"So what kind of surprise is it?" She asked not able to contain her curiosity any longer.
I quirked an eyebrow at her, "You'll just have to wait and see Ms. Swan. I didn't think you were capable of impatience." I said to lighten up the mood.
She glared at me, "I'm not impatient, I'm just curious."
I laughed as the thought, if looks could kill, went through my head, "What is the difference?" I asked as I pulled into a parking space next to the cozy restaurant. I didn't get out immediately and looked at her, intrigued to hear her answer.
"Whatever you want the difference to be." I smiled and leaned over to her noticing that there was no one in the parking lot. I stopped my face only a few inches from hers causing her to breathe erratically.
Blood began to gather in her cheeks as she blushed. I lifted my hand trailing it down her jaw line. Goose bumps began to spread over her arms and her breathing became even more erratic. I cautioned myself to concentrate on her and not give in to my urge to kiss her. I slid my other hand behind her back and pulled her towards me.
"I'm curious to know just what effect I have on you." I said as I bent down and started to kiss along her exposed collarbone. When I reached her neck I bit down softly causing her to whimper out loudly.
I kept my head there trying to gain control over myself and not to breakaway and kiss her passionately. She turned sideways in her seat and I kissed my way to her ear effortlessly. She tilted her head as I lightly sucked her earlobe and I moved my hand to her waist. From there it was easy to sneak it under her shirt, slowly moving it up her side and over her ribs causing her breath to hitch. She entangled her hands in my hair and tried to pull my face to hers.
I smiled in her neck, "So impatient my love." I bit down on her earlobe causing her hips to push forward into me. I tried to keep a clear head as my hand kept moving up her side and finally stopped just below her breast. I waited to see if she was going to object and when she didn't I moved my thumb to graze her warm delicate breast softly.
"Edward, please." she whispered her voice filled with longing and passion.
Not able to resist I obliged and my lips found hers. She kissed me with such passion that made it easy to loose control and give in to the teenage urges pulsing through my body. My hand slid under her bra and cupped her soft breast. I began to massage it softly and she moaned out, I took advantage of the moment and pushed my tongue into her mouth through her parted lips. She whimpered into my mouth as my thumb grazed over the peak of her breast caressing it softly. She answered every kiss with her own and just like me wasn't holding anything back.
It was so easy to give in and be that hormone driven teenager but in the back of my head I knew we had to stop. She was worth more to me, than a quick shag in the back of my car. I pulled away panting heavily.
"I think that both impatience and curiosity are bad characteristics, especially when they are used together." I kissed her on her nose quickly and climbed out of the car. The wintry air had the same effect on me as a cold shower, so that by the time I opened her door for her I was in full control with myself.
"Now I'm starving so would you come along please before I get back into that car and do something we'll regret later." I said causing her to blush as she climbed out of the car. I locked the car and took her hand and led the way to the restaurant.
I opened the door for her as we entered and a waiter welcomed us smiling. He showed us to a table in a private corner and after informing us that someone will tend to us soon, he left.
"Is this your big surprise? A fancy dinner, I must say you're not very original Mr. Cullen." She said jokingly to me.
"No, I told you I'm hungry. We'll get to the surprise later." She looked like she wanted to say something but our waiter arrived to take our order. I ordered a steak while she chose the mushroom ravioli. We made some small talk until our food arrived. I really was hungry and began to eat the well prepared steak.
When I glanced at Bella she was enjoying her meal as well, clearly she was just as hungry as I was. We ate in silence, content in each others company. Bella would offer me a mushroom from her plate every now and then. When we finished our food I ordered some coffee and took her hands.
"Now that I'm not hungry anymore would you like to have your surprise?" I asked very matter-of-factly making it seem like no big deal. She nodded not taking her eyes from mine. I didn't miss the slight sparkle in them. I smiled my crooked smile and reached inside my jacket pocket and placed a small square box in front of her, secretly hoping that this wasn't too much way to soon.
I let go of her hands so that she could open the box. I focused on her every move, her every expression to see if she liked it or not. Slowly as if she expected the innocent box to bite she lifted the lid and exposed a small delicate silver chain. She lifted it into the air and immediately the small trinket dangling on the end caught her attention. She laid it in her palm studying it, her eyes got a little bigger when she recognized it as an infinity symbol.
She looked up to me and smiled, "Its beautiful Edward, thank you. Would you like to do the honors?" I sighed with relief and stood up. I took the necklace and she held up her hair to clear the way for me. I tied it and was glad my hands weren't trembling.
I kissed her neck, "It's so that you'll know that I will love you forever." I whispered in her ear. I held my breath as I waited for her response to my confession. She stood up and turned around, looking in my eyes searching for something.
"I love you too and will…" I didn't wait for her to finish her sentence before I kissed her. "Always love you." She finished her sentence when I pulled away.
Our waiter coughed behind us suddenly and she blushed as she sat down. He placed our coffee on the table after I joined her at the table. I asked him for the check and he walked away smiling to himself. We drank our coffee slowly staring at each other. Did she feel the electricity between us? I asked myself as I paid and gave the waiter a nice tip.
"We better go. The concert will start in about an hour." I said and led the way to the car. I opened the door for her and pulled her into me briefly before she could climb into the car. We drove the short way to the stadium discussing what songs we'd like to hear the band perform, when we finally got a parking space and got swept up in the lively crowd once we joined the endless row of people. I held on to her hand tightly afraid we might get separated until we managed to find a place to stand near the stage. We would get to see everything that happens on the stage first hand.
I slid my arms around her holding her the entire time. When the concert finally started we jumped together with the crowd and screamed with them like the crazed fans we were. Near the end of the concert they sang 'Leave out all the rest' and I sang with them. We swayed to the beat and my voice was hoarse from all the screaming but I didn't care as Bella seemed to like it. At about eleven pm the concert was finally over and we started following the flow of human traffic exiting the stadium.
"Edward if you're tired of all the driving I can always drive home." Bella had offered as we left the concert, waking me out of my zombie-like stupor.
"I'm ok Bella. I'll pull over and…" I stopped mid sentence and came to a halt when I noticed the three people standing a few feet from my car. What were they doing in Seattle? Why can't I seem to escape my past? Was fate mocking me? There they were. Victoria was beautiful as always, James as cocky as ever and Laurent looking as bored as ever.
They haven't noticed me yet. Maybe we could get to my car before they did notice me. Victoria suddenly laughed and looked in our direction before I even began to move. She fell silent. I began to move. I pulled Bella into my side and started walking towards my car.
"Edward! What are you doing here?" Victoria asked and I cursed silently when James's head jerked up. He got up and took Victoria's hand walking slowly towards me and Bella with Laurent following them silently. I didn't reply but I stopped in front of my car gripping Bella's side tightly.
"Victoria, James nice to see you. Now if you'll excuse us we have a long road home." I said gently pulling Bella to the side of the car.
"Now don't be rude Edward. Why don't you introduce your friend? You remember Laurent from school don't you?" James said indicating to him were he stood on his left side.
I suppressed my emotions and replied calmly. "Yes I remember him, this is Isabella. Bella this is James and Victoria, they were in my school back in Chicago." I was trying to keep the situation as calm as possible.
Bella nodded in their direction. Victoria just glared at her while James smiled at her. Great so much for keeping it calm. "You sure know how to pick them Edward, she is explicit. She looks so innocent, did you take her to bed yet or are you waiting until someone does it for you?" Bella stared at him I could feel the rage burning inside of her from a mile away. I just stood there and said nothing. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction he was looking for.
"I prefer real men in my bed not little boys." Bella said and I smiled at her, James got to see a Swan girl in action, they sure knew how to stand up for themselves.
"Oh she's feisty. I like that. How long before she leaves you Edward? I heard no one can love you, not even your parents. You should watch out Isabella, people tend to die around him. First Tanya, then his brother, followed by his father and I've heard his mother is as good as dead."
That was all it took to set me of, Bella just stood there as I snapped forward. I hit James across his jaw with as much power I could put behind it. Laurent grabbed my shirt but I barely felt my leg jabbed out and hit his knee, breaking his leg. It was a reflex action and I never actually meant to break his leg. James lay on the ground blood flowing from his nose and mouth. Victoria was on her knees next to him with her cell phone against her ear.
"You better tell him to think before he talks again or next time he may have no mouth left to talk with". I snapped at her before I turned to Bella inhaling her strawberry scent deeply to calm myself. Slowly but surely the rage and adrenalin was gone.
"Bella I think it's better if you drive after all." I said holding the car keys out for her. I would wrap the car around the tree if I attempted to drive in this emotional condition. She grabbed the car keys and got into the car after me. She just drove following my directions until we were out of Seattle and on the freeway heading towards Forks.
It amazed me that she wasn't firing questions at me, she must be going crazy not knowing exactly who they were and why I acted the way I did. I looked at her and saw how she frowned obviously pondering over something.
"Bella I know I owe you an explanation but can it please wait until tomorrow?" I asked looking at her almost pleadingly, I will tell her but I couldn't talk about it right know. I just wanted to crawl under a big rock and disappear for a while.
"You don't owe me anything Edward." She said glancing in my direction, I just nodded and looked out the window, I felt exhausted from the night's event and last night's slumber party so it wasn't long before unconsciousness engulfed me.
I woke when Bella shook me lightly. "Hey we're home. Are you ok?" I rubbed my eyes and looked at my watch. It was about four am.
"I'm fine Bella, don't worry about me. You better get home and at least get a couple of hours sleep." I got out and walked to her Mini Cooper trying to hide the depression I felt gnawing at my heels. "Drive safely Bella, I'll see you tomorrow at school." I hoped she didn't notice how hollow my voice sounded as I held the door open for her and waited patiently for her to get in. She kissed my cheek quickly before she got in and drove away, I just stood there watching her tail lights disappeared and wondered if I would ever get to see her again. I turned and headed for the house, I walked into my room. I pulled on a pair of pants and fell onto my bed where the darkness once again seized me.
It was raining when I woke to my alarm. I reached over and knocked it from the bed stand where it finally died on the ground. I listened to the rain against my window. I stared at nothing for awhile when someone knocked on my door.
"Edward honey, are you in there?" Esme asked outside my door, I just turned on my side facing the window. The door opened and she entered walking around to face me. "Are you sick?" I stared at nothing and said nothing, like she cares in anyway.
"Edward did something happen?" Now what would give you that idea? I said nothing.
"Is Bella alright?" Shit Bella! My head screamed at me, you said you'll see her at school. Oh well, I guess now she has no reason to love me anymore. I said nothing.
"Should I call Carlisle?" No, you can't cure somebody who can't be loved. I said nothing.
"Edward, please talk to me." Once again I said nothing. She left my room but never left the house.
Carlisle arrived a few hours later. He asked the same questions and I answered with a big fat nothing. He also left, just like Esme, just like my family, just like Tanya and now just like Bella. They all left me to stare at nothing, to want nothing, to care about nothing and to feel nothing.
I heard the front door open and soft voices downstairs. Shortly after that I heard someone march up the stairs and stop in front of my door. There was a loud banging on my door and after a while someone pushed it open causing it to hit the wall with a bang. I just stared at nothing, not even caring if the world came to an end. The person walked around my bed and stopped in front of me. I didn't even bother to look who came to stare at the unlovable freak.
The person turned around and in two swift movements opened the curtains in front of the windows causing me to blink. I recognized Bella as she also blinked at the sudden bright light. Great what did she want?
"Go away Bella, I just want to be alone." I said pulling the covers over my head. They were yanked away before I could settle into a comfortable nothingness.
"What the hell is your problem Bella?" I asked glaring at her.
"You are my problem! I almost went insane of worry today because you never came to school! You said you'll be there and you didn't even let me know that you weren't coming!
"Since when do you hide in your bedroom feeling sorry for yourself? Esme and Carlisle are worried sick about you and you just flat out ignore them!
"So what, some people from your past show up again and you think if you hide in your little room they won't find you? Pull yourself together and see what you do have in your life instead of what you lost! Stop living in the past and appreciate what you have before you lose that too!
"You've got exactly twenty minutes to shower and come downstairs where the people you love will be waiting to help you through this!" She yelled at me before she turned and walked towards the door. Great time to pick a Swan moment I thought sarcastically as I began to reach for my bed covers
"Oh and just to let you know, I love you no matter what happened in your past and I will always love you no matter what the future holds. Think about what that means to you before you choose to crawl back into your bed." She said before she walked out the door.
She still loves me? Is there some light at the end of the tunnel? I stood up from the bed and walked towards the shower hoping that the light is not a train waiting to hit me down again. As the warm water flowed down my body in small rivers my mother's voice drifted through me as if she stood there with me. I recognized the song as one she used to sing to me after something bad had happened to me.
You can almost see it
That dream you're dreaming
But there's a voice inside your head
Saying you'll never reach it
Every step you're taking
Every move you make feels
Lost with no known direction
Your faith is shaken
But you, you gotta keep trying
Gotta keep your head held high
There's always gonna be another mountain
Your always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes your gonna have to loose
It ain't about how fast you get there
It ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb
The struggles you're facing
The chances you're taking
Sometimes might knock you down
But no you're not braking
You may not know it
But these are the moments
That you're going to remember most
You just gotta keep going
And you, you gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on
There's always gonna be another mountain
Your always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes your gonna have to loose
It ain't about how fast you get there
It ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb
Suddenly I remembered my mother touching my shoulder when I was sad, messing up my hair when I was glad or exited. Kissing my cheek when I least expected it. Making my favorite dinners when the rest of my family wasn't really fond of it, asking me about every little detail of my life.
I understood know why she never said I love you to me. Alexander needed to hear it to know he was loved but I just needed a small gesture to know she loved me just as much. I sang the last verse of the song quietly finally at peace with my mother.
"There's always gonna be another mountain
I'll always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'll gonna have to loose
It ain't about how fast I get there
It ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb"
"Thanks Mom"
A/n ok we really have a dark and twisted Edward. I extended this chapter a bit because I couldn't end it with Bella walking out of the door and wanted some peace for Edward. The song I used is called 'The climb' by 'Miley Cyrus'. I changed the words in the first two verses to fit the story. I listened to the song Saturday morning and just knew I wanted to use it so yeah I did and I think it fits the story well.
Thanks for all the great reviews. It was the highlight of my day. Thanks for adding the story to your favorites and alerts lists. And I would like to thank my great beta, Princess Briar Rose, for polishing this chapter to perfection.
Thanks for reading.