A Rendezvous of Ahem at the T-Tower
Summary: This is The Best Teen Titans Story Ever in this Ahemalicious World!
By Terra and Bouldarian (but mostly Terra)
Once in the land of Jump City, a flaxen haired beauty with a gorgeous sapphire blue eye and a loin cloth (and an annoying brother named Bouldarian) gazed longingly to the very non-ahemalicious giant 'T' in which the Teen Titans resided in. A frown crested her viciously curved lips as her eye magnified her vision like a telescope. Da Bomb, Cyborg's alter ego, was shining his da bomb sonic cannon in the eastern wing of the tower. His hot metal glistened dimly, but magnificently, as twilight settled over Jump City. Terra (named after the wonderful yours truly), the lovely blonde, eyed Da Bomb's sonic cannon enviously, wishing she had one she could ahem. Her giant eye moved onto another window. It was the large living room area. Most of the Titans resided in the room. Beast Boy was clipping his ahemalicious toenails, Starfire was trying to cook some poisonous but still ahemalicious looking food, and Robin was adjusting his black ahemalicious mask. Raven was nowhere to be found. Thus, making it an opportune moment to strike since Terra didn't much care for Raven's ahem company.
The blonde sighed over the railing of the balcony she leaned on. "I could use a good ahem," she murmured, standing up into a straighter position and summoning a rock to carry her over to the giant 'T'. She leapt onto the boulder with unparalleled ahemalicious grace and stuck her landing expertly.
"What about me?" cried Bouldarian, who had been silently watching her with his gigantic eye, Bouldar. His round nostrils flared as he sniffed. His nose was running a bit as if he had been crying. "I've been so lonely since Bouldane left for Africa."
Terra secretly chuckled to herself, thinking, Silly little boulda butt. Little does your stupid one eye know that I am Bouldane in disguise and he didn't really leave for Africa! You non-ahemalicious freak, Bouldarian. You're so pathetic, and gullible, and not very ahemalicious, though I do enjoy aheming your stupid boulda body just because ahem is my middle name! She couldn't help but let out a cackle. "Ahemememehehe."
"What's so funny?" demanded Bouldarian, placing his hands at his hips, puffing out his chest, trying to intimidate his older sister. "Does my pain amuse you? Ahem?"
"Yes." Terra had turned her neck 360 degrees around, which wasn't anatomically possible (but I did it because I can do anything ahem). She bore a wicked grin on her face, gloating over her little brother's misfortune (picture the moment when a photographer is taking pictures of Big Foot and then Big Foot turns his neck upon his realization that he is being photographed). "Bouldarian, get over it. You little ahem."
And before Bouldarian could get another word in, she had already taken flight on her great boulder, aiming for the Titans Tower. "You can't have all the fun," muttered Bouldarian. "And you're not the only one that can summon things!" His screechy voice echoed throughout Jump City like it would have in a deep cavern (of ahemaliciousness). He rose up his arms and let out a fearsome cry, but it sounded more like the mew of a pansy kitten. Frustrated, he leapt onto the two pebbles he had summoned, struggling to maintain balance as he flung himself (and the two non-ahemalicious pebbles) after his beautiful and amazing sister, Terra.
Bouldarian: Terra, you can't just control the story like that. You have to let me write some too!
Terra: I hate your whining voice you little ahem troll. I'm going to ahem Bouldar right out of that fat head of yours and then we'll see where that leaves you… Well, you won't really be able to see anything with Bouldar out of your socket, now will you? Ahem. Ahem. Ahem.
Bouldarian: Terra! That's not fair! (Frantically waving his arms up and down like a chimpanzee with one eye and a t-shirt that reads, '5 years old, 7 ½ years old, 12 ¾'). If you don't let me write some of the story, I'm going to tell Boulda Mom and you're going to get it little Missy!
Terra: (Screeching) You little ahem brat! Fine! Tell your stupid story! But if you make one little spellign or grammar error I'm going to have your non-ahemalicious eye and tuck it somewhere special, then I'm going to ahem the keyboard away from you and start writing from my beautiful, ahemalicious perspective again!!!
Bouldarian: Oh, Callete! (That's my Spanish). Alright, here I go!
Terra: (Rolling her one eye) Here we go.
The dashing young man, Bouldarian, rode on his mighty pebbles with magnificent speed and splendor. His golden hair waved in the wind like amber waves of grain (just like the ahemalicious song). His radiant eye glowed with a frosty light, sultry, icy, and striking. His warrior cry pierced the dusk sky like that of an ahemalicious eagle.
Terra: I think I'm going to be very, very sick.
Bouldarian: Shut up, and listen to my story!!!!!!!!!!!!
Terra: Boulda butt.
Anyways, the young man sped far ahead of his sister, and though she cried after him to wait for her, he did not. He was too beautiful and amazing to stay behind with that non-ahemalicious loser, and the Teen Titans were awaiting his arrival. They were all very eager to ahem with him. Oh, and Raven really was there, also eager to ahem with the dangerously handsome Bouldarian. Terra's eye was losing its sight a little and that's why she never saw Raven, but Bouldarian, whose eye was far greater and more perceptive than Terra's, did. Everyone wanted a piece of his luminous giant orb, Bouldar, who is all-knowing and fabulous.
Terra: That's not what happened.
Bouldarian: Let's not be jealous, Terra. Green isn't a good color for you my non-ahemalicious sister.
He speedily entered the T-tower, flinging the door open, and leaving his pebbles out on the porch to wait for ahem. I mean him! Oh, boulda crap!
Terra: (grinning) That's an error, my dear, poor, misled boulda butt brother. My turn! Ahem! Now, this is where the story gets very juicy, and spectacular, and gives you very ahemalicious fuzzy tickles deep down in your lower abdominal area.
Terra trampled over Bouldarian, crushing his stupid scrawny body as she ran past him and into the Titans' lair. She threw the nearest lamp she could find toward her brother, knowing that her brother loved to wear stupid lamp shades on his head and pretend he was at college parties like the ones in the very ahemalicious Asher Roth's songs. She had hoped that the lamp shade would distract Bouldarian long enough, once he got up from his trampled disposition, and give her time to ahem all of the Teen Titans, even Raven. Ahem.
"Let's get ahemed up," sang Terra in the most angelic, tear jerking voice in the universe. It was like bells chiming along with the sweet melody of a harmony in a symphony.
"Who is that beautiful creature?" asked Robin, who nearly tore off his green spandex to ahem her, but he practiced his restraint expertly, though Terra could immediately detect a bulging appendage.
"Da Bomb wants a piece of that y'all," announced Cyborg. He had his sonic cannon raring to go, and he had a wicked glint in his dead red eye. He would have been even more ahemalicious in Terra's eye, if he would have had a loin cloth, but not everyone can be as fabulous as she.
"Who is wanting a piece of what?" asked Starfire, so naïve and stupid. The fire crotch was smiling a confused, ahem smile. She had no clue as to what Terra and Bouldarian had planned for her, but mostly Bouldarian because Terra didn't really like to ahem Starfire. Terra preferred that naughty green Beast Boy, or Da Bomb and his sonic cannon, or Robin because he was so full of ahemalicious mystery.
Bouldarian, whom Terra thought had been distracted by the lamp shade, slithered over to Starfire like the little sneak that he was. He was wearing the lamp shade over his head, and his earlier trampling had seemed to wear off on his renewed body. Boulda milk, the carton he had carried of it, had nourished his worthless body back to perfect health. Sometimes Terra wished Boulda Mom would give her money to buy Boulda milk so that she could nurse her svelte body back to tiptop shape, but Boulda Mom was a hater and was jealous of Terra, so that she didn't give her diddly squat. Terra knew that the world often took out its jealousy upon her in unfair ways. It was something she had learned to accept as a mere, beautiful infant. "Hello there, beautiful lady," whispered Bouldarian in an annoying high-pitched yet scratchy voice, which was not at all like his sister's harmonious resonance. "I'm wanting a piece of you, hot soul sistah!"
Terra resisted the very strong ahemalicious urge to roll her beautiful tanzanite eye. She turned her wondrous gaze upon Beast Boy, who had a toe nail clipping stuck to his face. She sidled over to Beast Boy and scooped the clipping with her long slender finger. Beast Boy blushed as she crunched the toe nail clipping in her glorious mouth. She slid her tongue over lips like a sexy playboy bunny, teasing him once she had finished swallowing the ahemalicious nail. "Do you want some of this?" she asked Beast Boy, swinging an arm around his greenish neck. Her other arm moved to caress his lower region as she murmured beautiful ahemalicious things to him. "Answer me, my little Beasty."
Bouldarian: Now, I think I'm going to be sick. Your ahem is disturbing, Terra.
Terra: (glaring) SILENCE, FOOLISH BOULDA CHILD. OMG CAPSLOCK OF DOOM! I CAN AHEM THE CAPSLOCK BUTTON AND WATCH MY WORDS GO LiKe ThIs! AhEm! AnYwAy, oN wItH mY aHeMaLiCiOuS sToRy!
Beast Boy swallowed thickly, wondering if his manhood could handle such a feat. He thought not, and sheepishly turned away, but Terra wasn't going to let him go. "Don't worry my little ahemalicious Beasty," she soothed. "I'll take it slow with you." He gulped again, and nodded. Terra attacked him like a wild and feral animal, just as she would have wanted him to attack her. She ripped his purple and black outfit to little shreds. She ahemed with the shreds first and after she finished, she ahemed a virginal Beast Boy. He cried because she rode him like an ahemalicious kinky golem would. He loved every second. His tears were proof. They were tears of ecstasy and pure joy.
"You said you'd take it slow," he cried out, grunting as we ahemed together, a beautiful ahemalicious dance of ahem and sensuality.
"I lied," was her reply as she finished aheming him. She had ahemed with him so hard and so good that he was no longer green, but a normal hue. She had ahemed the green skin tone right off of the boy. Though he was scarred for the rest of his life because that was the best ahem he would ever receive, he couldn't help but feel grateful that he was no longer green. He didn't have to go through anymore alienation because now he was normal just like everyone else because Terra had also ahemed the animal transformation right out of him and into the floor. The carpet on the floor was now green and had several animal designs all over it. That was Terra's ahem for you. She had amazing skill with it and could even turn ahem into interior decorating. She was too kind to ask for pay for her generous work. She tossed Beast Boy aside so he could gaze upon his new naked regular body.
She turned to her next victim, I mean ahem. "Sweet little Robin," she called in a sexy voice. It was husky and low, like the way a voice should sound when Ahem Dr. Terra was paying a house visit or calling on the phone to have phone ahem.
Terra: For phone ahem, type 5. Just kidding! But really, if anyone wants phone ahem… well, only a selected lucky few will receive my hotline. ;)
Bouldarian: Can I tell the story now?
Terra: Fine. Just for a little bit. Then I'm typing again!
Bouldarian: Aheeeeeem Yes!
Bouldarian strolled up to Raven, who had just come out of her meditation just to ahem with him. She was running her fingers through his beautiful golden tresses, murmuring sweet ahemalicious nothings in his ears. She said, "Like what you see?"
"Heck to the yes, my dark Goth sistah," Bouldarian said in a deep voice, the voice of a developed man. He ahemed her cape first and then ahemed her until the chakra gem on her forehead popped out and hit Terra in the eye, right in the Terrah.
Terra: I'm cutting off your sick fantasy short. That didn't happen, Bouldarian. Nothing touches Terrah. She has an invisible force field that repels your non-ahemaliciousness!
Terra soon grew tired of Bouldarian's painstakingly boring antics. She grabbed Raven and ahemed her so hard that she was screaming, "Azerath Meterion Zinthos Aheeeeeem!" She quickly tossed that meditating telepathic body aside onto the green floor, where an animal swallowed her and ahemed her while she was still inside its belly. Terra snatched Starfire up like an eagle, swooping for its prey. She ahemed Starfire in such strange and fantastic ways that when she was done, somehow Starfire's skirt had ended up on Terra, and Starfire was left in nothing but a musky loin cloth with the lingering scent of fresh, musty ahem. "I like this new look," declared Terra. "How about you?" She had directed the question at Robin, who was touching himself in all his sweet places, preparing himself for ahem.
"No more games," said Robin, stripping off his red and yellow shirt. His cape fell over Bouldarian, obscuring his view. Bouldarian cried out angrily, desperately wanting to see Terra aheming with Robin. He could learn a few things. She was a master, after all.
"Now you're talking," said Terra, throwing herself at him with amazing centrifugal force, that she nearly knocked him all the way to the other side of the T-Tower. He liked it. "You like it A LO'." However, Robin was unable to reply because Terra had ahemed the very ahem off of him, and with no working parts, Robin was rendered very non-ahemalicious and useless.
"A one hit wonder," speculated Bouldarian with awe. He was peaking like a little peeping Tom from beneath Robin's black cape. He seemed very hot and bothered, Terra could see the ahemalicious-seeking glint in his eye, and it made her wilder inside. She wasn't about to ahem her own brother at that moment, but she was about to ahem Da Bomb, whom she had been neglecting.
"Why you little voyeur, Bouldarian," snapped Terra, smacking Bouldar out of his eye socket. Bouldar rolled on the green floor, collecting green threads and animal fur, possibly droppings as well. Bouldarian had cried out from the hit, but he relished in the painful pleasure as well. He was a stupid little ahem. "Voyeurism is a crime!"
"You were the one peeking into the tower like a little sneak, Terra!" Bouldarian attempted to shove his sister, but due to his lack of sight, he tripped over Da Bomb's metal foot and fell outside the window. Terra felt sorry for him and so she retrieved Bouldar, and threw it outside the window too, increasing Bouldarian's chance of finding the eye and placing it back inside his stupid boulda head.
"Now," Terra purred like an ahem kitten as she paid attention, close attention, to Cyborg's amazing metal body. "Come here Da Bomb. I want to ahem your Sonic Cannon." He found himself unable to refuse, as if he had been programmed to ahem Terra and only Terra. They ahemed as never before. Cyborg even took her to his 'Da Bomb Happy Room'. That meant something special, but Terra wasn't looking for a long term relationship. She just wanted a one night stand and nothing more. She was a wanderer, a floater. There were so many places to ahem in, people to ahem with. She was a free spirit, and then there was the fact that Slade, or Sladey as she preferred to call him, was hot on her trail. It wasn't that she hadn't wanted to ahem with Sladey, because she did and very badly, but she liked the idea of playing hard to ahem for a change. It was becoming a very ahemalicious and challenging game for her. She could tell that it only fueled Sladey's ahemalicious desire for her too. That would make the future ahem all the more better. Discarding Cyborg's no longer da bomb body and thinking of future ahem with her Sladey made her quiver all over and she couldn't stop vibrating until Bouldarian interrupted her beautiful trembling sensations.
"Terra, it's time to go home," he said, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. He had thought her to be quivering because she was sad or afraid. He was such a dense little ahem.
Terra shrugged her beautiful anorexic shoulder, causing Bouldarian's hand to fall at his side, dejectedly. "I don't need your comfort, you little boulda twit," she hissed with ahem on her breath. He nearly quivered himself, but disallowed himself to because Terra was his sister and his body was longing for Bouldane's touch. No one else's had really satisfied or quenched his ahem needs. "Let's git."She smiled at her Ahemey twang. She loved putting her voice to speak with an accent because it made her feel more ahemalicious, like some foreign ahem kitten.
"Another day, another ahem," Terra murmured as she left the T-Tower far behind her. She'd be back later for more ahem.
The boulda children walked into the sunset, homeward bound. It was already the ending of the next day and Boulda Mom was most likely worrying and wondering where they were. The brother and sister had hoped that she wouldn't be too upset with their tardiness. Time had passed by so quickly when one was having good ahem. Boulda Mom of all people would understand that. Terra's gaze fell on the sun, admiring it's large round circular shape, and it was at that moment that she knew, somewhere past the horizon, that Terrah, her beautiful one eye, would one day rise up and perhaps be greater, greater than even the sun.
A/N: If you couldn't tell that this was a sarcastic parody, too bad. 0)