2. Soulless

That's how they found us, when they got home.

Edward and Emmett were laughing when they came inside, closing the door loudly after themselves. It had been Edward, of course, who'd noticed the tension of despair around the house, just like I had. "Emm," I could hear him saying downstairs, and Emmett sobered up immediately.

"Where are they?" asked Emmett, suddenly. I already heard Edward starting to run up the stairs.

There was a rustle, then they were in the room. Esme was still where she had been, kneeling amid the shattered pieces of her life. Alice had moved to let me sink to the floor with them, wrapping her small arms around me. I hadn't reacted to her hug, I had just sat there, staring into space. Jasper had made the most progress of all of us, crawling around me and Alice, kissing her, surprising me by laying a hand on my shoulder, and rising to stand in the doorway, waiting for Edward and Emmett.

"Jazz--" Emmett started to say, but cut off as Edward responded to our thoughts.

Hissing, Edward reeled against the wall in shock, looking like he'd been slapped in the face. Gripping the doorframe till it cracked, he slid to the floor, an odd, choppy sound coming from his throat. He'd heard the news from all our minds.

Emmett was still processing the scene around him. "What's wrong?" he asked, tensing up. Edward made a huffing noise like the wind had been knocked out of him.

That was when I'd stirred; Edward was in pain. "Edward," I said softly, and Alice let go of me as I went to him. "Edward," I said again, sitting next to him and throwing my arms around him. He turned to stare at me, his amber eyes searingly agonized, desperately confused. Tears came out of my own eyes, and I laid my head on his shoulder, stifling a sob. "It's going to be okay," I whispered. I couldn't stand it: the Cullens would never get over this, especially not the two oldest, Esme--and Edward.

"Carlisle's gone, Emmett," said Jasper, tightly.

"Sure, he's at--"

"No, Emmett. He's gone."

For two of my heartbeats, there was absolute silence. "What?"growled Emmett.

"He left this morning, at eleven."

"What do you mean, left?" I could see Emmett struggling to imagine Carlisle being really and truly gone. Carlisle had created Emmett, he had always been part of Emmett's life. How could there be the Cullen family without Carlisle?

"Give him the letter," said Alice.

Edward stroked my hair mechanically. "Gone," I heard him say, under his breath. "Gone?"

"Edward," I murmured soothingly, tightening my arms around him.

Handing over the letter, Jasper watched Emmett read with a guarded look on his face. Emmett's eyebrows drew together, his mouth opening in disbelief. He mouthed a word, but I couldn't make it out. "It can't be true." Her eyes trained on Emmett's, Esme uncurled her fingers, showing the ring in her palm. "No!" Emmett was as shocked as I'd ever seen him. "Where's Rose?" he asked, seemingly irrelevantly.

"She went after him," Jasper said, his arms crossed. "Before I could stop her. But she'll never find him, not now. The trail's old, he...left from the hospital, and he didn't leave any clues."

"He told us not to follow him," Alice said, from the floor.

"Why?" said Emmett, raising his voice. "Why would he do this?" I could see the big vampire was hurting just as much as everyone else, but Emmett was getting angry rather than sad.

"The Volturi," whispered Esme, her face going bone white.

I blanched, too.

"No," answered Edward quickly, rubbing my back, "not them. He wouldn't go to them."

"To save us, he would," said Alice.

"Save you?" I asked, confused.

"To save Bella, perhaps?" mused Jasper. "To plead for her life?"

"No!" I cried, horrified.

"They wouldn't listen." Edward was confident, but his voice was shaking. He was devastated by Carlisle's disappearance. "I don't think Aro would hurt Carlisle, but he also wouldn't make exceptions for him. Carlisle knows that. I don't think it's the Volturi."

"Who esle, then?" Emmett started pacing up and down the hall outside Edward's room. "What would make him do this?"

"He left me," Esme said quietly, forlorn.

"No, Esme." Edward's voice was strained with loss, too.

"Carlisle loves us all," said Jasper, once again surprising me. "Wherever he is, he plans to come back if he can, I know he does."

"But where?" wailed Alice, piercing the stillness in the air. She put her head between her hands, mussing her hair. "I should have known, I could have stopped him."

"Alice, don't blame yourself." Jasper was clearly adding stressing about Alice to his list of worries for the day.

"He's purposefully changing plans, thinking of other things, clouding my view. It's just like--" she stopped herself, but we all knew what she had meant to say. It was just like when Edward left for Italy.

What if, a little voice in my head said, this is just like when Edward left? With the same motive for leaving?

But it couldn't be. Carlisle wasn't Edward; he was the oldest, the strongest, the most calm. He was the head of the family, the leader of the coven, and leaders don't just walk out on their children.

I looked at Edward, and he read the apprehension in my face. "Carlisle wouldn't," he whispered, in too low a voice for anyone else to hear. "He wouldn't do that to us, to Esme. There had to be a reason."

"He will come back, won't he?" I asked back.

He didn't answer.

"Rose," said Emmett, as if searching for a solution. He ran off, whipping out of view.

"Rosalie found out first?" I asked the room in general.

"No," whipsered Esme, raising her desolate face to look at me. "I did. I was in Carlisle's office, arranging some books I'd taken off the shelves, when the letter fell out of my copy of Pride and Prejudice. He knew I'd find it in there. After that..." I had to lean forward to hear the rest. "I don't know what I did. I read it, then-- I suppose I came in here. I don't know why."

"Alice saw Carlisle running through the forest, and Esme crying," said Jasper. "We were downstairs, waiting for you to come, when we heard Esme. Rose found us all there, and somehow understood what had happened. I was too shocked to stop her."

"It doesn't matter," said Edward in a hard voice. "She won't find him. He's gone."

Esme started to cry again.