3. Alone

There was no question of me going home to Charlie. Amazingly, Jasper found my cell phone in Edward's car and called my father, politely asking to keep me over for dinner. If the situation hadn't have been so serious, I would have laughed at the irony of Jasper calling to get my dad's permission to have me for the evening meal. As it was, I couldn't do anything but hold Edward's hand and refuse to let him out of my sight. I was afraid of what he might do if I left him alone.

When the clock down the hall rang the hour for six, we all stirred and moved downstairs, only to rearrange ourselves in the living room. Esme's moves were automatic, unconscious. Her mind was somewhere else, resting on memories of the morning. Because she was convinced it was her fault we'd been hit with this calamity, Alice couldn't seem to stop searching for glimpses of Carlisle's actions, her face pinched up in concentration. Jasper pulled out a notebook and started recording the facts, like an FBI detective, writing out his own account of Carlisle's disappearance, Esme's story, and a schedule of the day.

Edward and I were pressed close together on the couch, the fingers of my right hand tightly interlocked with his left, my other arm twined about his shoulders. Nothing I said or did could bring him out of the bleak mood he'd fallen into at the news. His fingers endlessly traced my around my eyes, my cheekbones, down to my lips, then back again, his face turned forward. He was deep in thought, too immersed to surface until--

Until what? Until Carlisle came back?

But Carlisle wasn't coming back, not according to his letter to Esme. And why would he not leave Esme any hope of seeing him again if he wasn't sure he wouldn't, he couldn't come back? I dropped my head onto the back of the couch, closing my eyes. My head hurt with all the worry and confusion.

We stayed in those positions for half an hour without any change. Jasper's pen scratching against the paper of his notebook was the only sound, aside from my light breathing.

Edward seemed to come alive all of a sudden, standing up and leaving me on the couch. "Edward?" asked Esme, from the dining room table. He didn't answer, at least not in words. Turning, he walked to the door, stretching out one long, white hand to the doorknob.

"Edward," I said, jumping to my feet, but my voice didn't carry past the couch. Fear escalated in my stomach, washing out the shock. I couldn't let him leave, not without me.

Before Edward could twist the knob, Jasper was there, his hand on his brother's shoulder. "Edward, where are you going?"

"He left me a message, Jasper," said Edward woodenly. "He left one on my phone."

"Do you still have it?"

He handed over the small phone in his pocket. After punching in a number Jasper listened intently, the phone pressed to his ear. The two of them stood motionless. Finally, Jasper lowered the phone. "When did he make this call?"

"Around 2:30," answered Edward, his eyes flickering to me.

"You were still with Bella?" Nothing in Jasper's manner was accusatory, but Edward's look made it plain the blond vampire's thoughts gave him away. "I'm not blaming you," Jasper said, raising his hands, "not in the least. But--"

"Yes," Edward growled, "if only I had taken the call."

"What did he say, Edward?" asked Esme, leaning forward pleadingly.

"Not much, Esme," Jasper was clearly unwilling to get his adopted mother's hopes up. "He told Edward he was leaving, not to follow him, not to worry, but he wasn't coming back. He told Edward to keep us all together, then hung up."

"Im going to look for him." Edward pulled on his jacket with a stubborn look.

"Not without me," I interjected, and grabbed my hoodie.

"No, Bella, you stay here."

"Not a chance."

"Neither of you should leave," said Jasper, positioning himself in the doorway. "You won't find him."

"Please move, Jasper." Edward's voice was calm, but his eyes flashed.

"Edward, it's okay." Unsure of what he would do, I stepped in front of Jasper. I knew Edward wouldn't hurt me.

"No, it's not," Edward explained in precise tones. "Carlisle is gone. I'll find out where he went, and then we can bring him back. Then we'll find a solution to whatever's wrong."

"There's no possible way we can track him now." It was obvious Jasper didn't plan to budge. "You have to accept this, Edward. Carlisle made a decision, and there's nothing we can do about it."

"I accept that he made a choice, but I can't accept his permanent absence. He can't do this."

"What do you plan to do?"

"I have some ideas."

"Would you care to share them?"

"No, Jasper, not right now." Edward was getting more agitated by the second, and trying not to. He squeezed his eyes shut, putting his hands to his temples. "I have to look for him. He could be in trouble."

"We don't know where to look," Jasper said, shaking his head. "It would be pointless."

"Pointless or not, that's what I have to do."

"Edward," I whispered, reaching for his arm, "listen to Jasper. He's right."

I believed Jasper, and whether or not that was a result of my own thinking or Jasper's special talent, I don't know. But I knew it was pointless to go look for Carlisle.

Edward wasn't convinced. "You don't understand, Jasper. Carlisle's not like this. He wouldn't do this to us."

"I'm sure Carlisle knows what he's doing. He asked us not to follow him."

"Of course he did! He said he's not coming back, so he doesn't want us involved!"

I glanced from one handsome face to the other. I could feel the conflict between them, especially on Edward's side, but I couldn't tell if he was angry at Carlisle or Jasper. Regardless of who his anger was directed at, I knew I would have to do something soon, or things would get out of hand.

Jasper spoke again. "You're hurt, Edward, I know this, but you need to realize we can't track Carlisle. He's been gone for too long."

"I'm not planning to track him," said Edward, gently nudging me out of his way. "I plan to consider the reasons why he left, where the reasons would take him, and look for him at those places."

Still hesitant, Jasper shook his head.

"You can't stop me, Jasper." Edward's voice held menace under the calm.

"Look, Edward, just listen to me--"

"I have been listening! It doesn't change anything!"

"Don't run out on us like Rosalie did! Like Carlisle did!"

I heard Esme's gasp and Alice's complete silence as the words left Jasper's mouth.

The remark was meant to burn, and it did. Edward took a step forward, fists clenched. Jasper's body tensed, and I moved to put my hands on Edward's chest. "Edward, no!"

"Edward, I--" Jasper started to say, his face shocked.

"At least you've finally said it aloud," Edward snarled. "You think he had no reason for leaving!"

Esme sucked in another breath.

"No, I do--he wouldn't leave us otherwise, you know I said that!"

"You don't know him like I do, Jasper. He wouldn't leave us without a reason!"

"Calm down, both of you," interrupted Alice, flitting over to stand with me between them. "Edward, you need to back off before you go too far. Jasper, you need to give Edward time, he'll come around. Bella, you need to get out of their way, and you all need to get a grip."

I felt a warming sensation all through me and knew Jasper was catching up on his job of smoothing over the raw emotions of his family. Edward stared hard at Jasper, daring him to alter his feelings. Slowly, Jasper moved out of the doorway, then sat on the last step of the stairs, his amber eyes unreadable. "Go then," he said, as Edward took another step forward. "I won't stop you. But we need you here, Edward."

"Please, don't go," whispered Esme. "Don't go, Edward."

I was jerked suddenly back to the summer, when Alice had come to my house; when the world had nearly ended.

Jacob caught my arm with a shivering hand. "Please, Bella. I'm begging."

His dark eyes were glistening with tears. A lump filled my throat.

"Jake, I have to--"

"You don't though. You really don't. You could stay here with me. You could stay alive. For Charlie. For me...

"Don't die, Bella..."

"Don't go. Don't."

How I'd hurt Jacob then. I remembered the wounded look on his face as I'd dashed to the car and raced off with Alice, heading towards death. Esme was wearing the same devastated expression, her fingers stretched out to us. "Bella," she mouthed at me, "make him stay."

"I have to find him, Esme." Edward was not going to listen to anything anyone said, not even me. I could beg on my knees at this point and it wouldn't have done any good.

With a sore heart I turned my back on Esme.

"I'm going with you," I repeated, tugging on my hoodie zipper.

"No, Bella. It's too--"

"If you say dangerous, I'll take the keys and leave without you."

"I don't know what I'll come up against looking for him," protested Edward, as I pushed past him.

"That's exactly why I'm going. If I'm with you, you won't do anything stupid."

"Bella--" Alice and Jasper cut in, at the same time, but I didn't stay inside long enough to hear them. I'd finally twisted the doorknob and was on the porch in two seconds, Edward right behind me.

"I'll call you, Alice!" I called, sprinting to the Volvo. Edward was already in the driver's seat, starting up the car. Slamming the silver door, I strapped in while he backed out of the drive Cullen-style, fifty miles an hour without looking where he was going.

In two minutes, we were on the highway, blazing around the other cars, who seemed to be standing still compared to Edward's maniac driving. "Where are we going?" I asked, studying his face in the light of the sunset.

His response was confident and determined. "La Push."