4. Bleak House
I was still sitting on the stairs, staring at the open door, when my phone rang. I took the call, a knee-jerk reaciton. "Yes?"
"Jazz, we're coming back." It was Emmett's voice. Relief filled me.
"You'll be here soon?"
"In less than three mintutes."
"Good." Ah, well, might as well get it over with. "Edward left, Emmett."
There was staticky silence on the other end. "He went after Carlisle?"
"Yes."
Emmett cussed.
"I know."
"You okay, Jasper?"
I cleared my throat. "Yes, I'm fine."
I wasn't, of course, and Emmett could tell I wasn't. "Look, we'll be there in a second. See you then."
"Rose is with you?"
"I wouldn't be coming back if she wasn't," he said in a hard voice.
"I understand completely." I glanced at Alice, who was sitting across the table from Esme, her eyes squinched shut in concentration.
I heard Rosalie mutter something, but couldn't quite make it out. Emmett sighed. "Bye, Jazz."
"Bye." With a snap the phone closed, and it seemed the momentary hope I had felt at Emmett's call evaporated.
I put my head between my hands, trying to stifle the flux of emotions in the room. Esme's pain was almost unbearable, it was so potent. I'd never felt the depth of heartache my adoptive mother was experiencing. She was afraid, too; most likely frightened for Carlisle, afraid because of the letter he'd written. In a detached way, I noticed that Esme felt no anger, no resentment. Her heart was too pure to harbor anything but sorrow for Carlisle.
Alice was equally distressed, but she was angry. She was frustrated--no, she was furious-- over her lack of sight. Guilt at not having seen Carlisle leave was mixed with anger. And, obviously, pain was ever-present, too, coloring the other two emotions. Alice, I thought, please don't blame this on yourself. Please, leave the blame where it's due.
Stop that! I ordered myself. Carlisle did not abandon us! He's not like all the others.
A new wave of sensations swept into the room, starting at the back door: Emmett and Rosalie were home. Esme sighed, and her pain was lessened somewhat. I suppressed a spout of anger at Edward. If he and Bella didn't return home soon, Esme would fall to pieces...
"Bella left, too." It wasn't a question, and Emmett wasn't surprised when I nodded. "Did they say where they're going?"
"No. Where were you?" I asked, staring at Rose.
She shook out her hair. "I went to the hospital. I thought I'd make sure the letter was true."
True? I thought, incredulously. Who would forge that kind of letter? Out loud I said, "And?"
Sighing, Rosalie pulled up a chair. "Carlisle left the hosptial at 11:35. The nurses couldn't tell me anything, but Dr. Snow said Carlisle 'had a family emergency' and left immediately after talking to him. He said Carlisle made it clear he wouldn't be back for at least three weeks, which is why Dr. Snow was shocked to see me. I told him I'd been at school and hadn't answered my phone."
"Three weeks," growled Emmett. "He told them three weeks?" We all read the implication in his tone; Carlisle was not coming back in three weeks. He wasn't coming back at all.
Fresh pain hit me from where Rose sat, and I looked at her anew. Rosalie cared about Carlisle at least as much as I did; he had, after all, created her. But from the set of her mouth, one would have thought she was more annoyed than heartbroken. I could see now that she was just holding in her pain, unlike Esme and Alice. But there was something else there, some other emotion. Was it--guilt? Did Rosalie think it was her fault Carlisle left? Guilt wasn't a normal emotion for Rose. I couldn't figure it out.
Emmett's feelings were like a storm, and he had no problem with expressing himself. "This whole family's going down the drain," he said darkly, pacing in a line between the tv and the couch. "I can't believe Edward didn't stay around. And I can't believe Bella let him go."
"She couldn't have stopped him," I said. "I tried to."
"It's not our job to make Edward responsible," sniffed Rosalie.
"Looks who's talking," I heard Alice hiss under her breath.
I leaned my head against the stair's railing. Why couldn't Edward face the truth? There was no way we could track Carlisle, especially not if he used cash to pay for his expenses instead of a credit card. We didn't know which direction he was traveling, what his destination was, how far he had to go. Nothing. As much as I wanted to follow Carlisle, to help him, I knew it was impossible. Carlisle was older than us, meaning he had more experience with covering his trail, and he had the advantage of time. He had been gone for hours before Esme had found the letter.
It was so easy to gauge the emotions of others, and yet somehow I couldn't identify my own. Was I more angry at Carlisle than agonized? Did I feel desperate, or was I just confused? Did it even matter what I was feeling? I wondered.
"I see him!" Alice sat bolt upright, her eyes wide. The room went still. No one breathed.
"What do you see, Alice?" I broke the silence, taking her hands in one of mine. "Tell us what it is."
She was somewhere else, watching Carlisle. Her hands squirmed in my grasp. "He's still driving, and it's night. I can see the road a little, but it's raining. It's hard to see anything."
"Do you see any signs, any land marks?" I could have cut the tension in the air with a knife.
"No," she growled in frustration. "Just muddy road."
"What is Carlisle doing?"
"He looks...grim. I don't know what he's going to do, but he looks to be working himself up to it."
"What else, Alice?" She didn't answer. "Alice?"
"It's gone," she sighed, slumping back in her chair.
"But that didn't tell us anything!" Emmett threw up his hands.
"It tells us Carlisle's still driving. That's important."
"You mean because he's not on a plane?" asked Rosalie, eyebrows raised.
"Yes, he's still in the country. And Alice said..." I looked at her quizzically.
Thoughtfully tracing a pattern on the back of her chair, Alice frowned. "He was very--bleak, I guess. He looked like he had to do something he'd rather not, but, because he's Carlisle, he's going to do it anyway."
"If only we knew what that something was," groaned Emmett, and dropped onto the couch.
"Esme?" I asked. "Are you all right?"
She'd been sitting so quietly, with her hands folded in her lap and her head bowed, that we'd almost forgotten she was there. Now I felt the aching pain again, the kind of pain that made me feel as if I was sore all over. I hadn't stopped to think how talking about Carlisle would affect her. When she heard me speak she lifted her head to stare at me, her face bone white.
"Yes, Jasper," she said, weakly, "I'm all right."
What could we do to make this easier for Esme? Was there anything at all that would alleviate her relentless pain? I could think of nothing. For a moment, I pictured Alice, the center of my world, leaving, walking away from me, never to return. I couldn't pursue the thought very far; it gave me the chills.
"I just wish Edward was here," Esme said mournfully.
"So do we all," agreed Alice, her mouth twisting slightly. She wasn't happy with Edward, either.
"What do we do, now?" Rose moved to sit with Emmett on the couch. He put his arms around her, and she leaned against him.
"Any ideas, Jasper?" queried Emmett, from over the top of Rose's head.
"Me?" I asked, startled. Didn't Emmett have any ideas of his own?
"We have to do something," said Rose. "We can't just stay here and let the family fall apart."
"There are no Cullens without Carlisle," Emmett said.
No Cullens without Carlisle. It was true. It was all too true, and I knew that without him, we might not stay together. Every army needs a leader to function, and it was the same for our family. Without Carlisle, someone esle would have to fill his position. Esme was too overcome with pain to lead us yet, and besides, her personality was more of a nurturer, not a commander. Rosalie, though she had the grit, didn't have the right mindset to be our head. Neither Emmett nor Alice would accept leadership.
So, it was as simple as that.
When Edward came back, he would have to become Carlisle, to all intents and purposes.
"Ah." Alice went rigid in her seat.
I put my arm around her shoulders. "Now what do you see?"
"Nothing," she said between her teeth,"and that's the problem."
I knew what she meant. "Werewolves?"
Three hisses of horror met my ears.
With her face in her hands, Alice nodded. "Edward and Bella are heading straight toward the Quileute boundary line."