7. Claustrophobia
I was running, as fast as I could possibly run, my arms flying out behind me, my hair whipping out of my face. I skidded once or twice on the hard floor, but I always caught my balance. My mission was too important; I couldn't ruin it with my human clumsiness. At one point I smashed into a wall, barely catching myself as I scrambled to regain my footing and run on.
No one else had any idea where I was going. I heard shouts behind me, Alice and Emmett, Esme, and another voice I couldn't make out. Edward was nowhere to be seen or heard, which made my blood turn cold. Jasper, oddly enough, was in front of me, racing ahead, shouting at me as well. "Bella, we're almost there!" he yelled, over his shoulder.
I wanted to scream, 'Wait for me, Jasper!', but I couldn't, my breath coming too hard from my mouth. And I couldn't jeopardize our mission. Jasper was faster, much faster, so if he could reach our destination first, I had to let him. He couldn't wait for me-- I wasn't the focus of this mission.
"Bella, hurry!" Jasper didn't seem to realize how much slower I was.
"I'm trying!" I panted. "I'm coming!"
He didn't stop, giving me one regretful glance before he raced on even faster than before. The corridor we were running down seemed to stretch on forever, and we made an occasional turn as we pelted through the building. I couldn't figure out why no one was following us. Didn't they realize how close we were to finding them?
"Here!" Jasper whispered, and stopped dead. I stumbled into him, and he caught me with the tips of his fingers, still careful to touch me as little as he could.
"Thanks," I mumbled automatically, then crept up behind him as he flowed silently into the room beyond.
The room was wide and tall, with very few windows and only shafts of light, no overhead fixtures. It was an old building, probably designed around the 1800's. I didn't care about the room, however, only what, or who, was in it. With a muffled gasp I spotted him, at the end of the room, standing in front of an open window.
"Carlisle," I breathed, and took a step forward. Jasper's hand shot out and gripped me. The blonde vampire pulled me over to where he was standing, and crouched down, motioning for me to do the same. I obeyed, staring hard at the outlined figure of our family's leader.
Carlisle hadn't heard me say his name, and he apparently didn't smell me, either. He was standing to the side of the window, facing something that was hiding in the shadow of an archway. "Carlisle," said a musical, ominous voice, "are you ready?"
I shuddered at the sound of the voice. Of course I had known all along that I would have to hear that voice, but it still sent me into tremors. Jasper shivered beside me, his eyes fixed on Carlisle. "We have to help him," I whispered, so faint I could hardly hear myself.
"No," answered Jasper, "we can't."
We watched, in silence, as Carlisle nodded at the vampire in the shadows. "You knew," the voice continued, "this would happen someday. I'm glad to see you accept your fate so readily. Well, I won't prolong your suffering." I almost dashed out of my hiding place, but Jasper held me back. Turning on him in anger, I found Edward's brother tensed too, ready to spring out of his crouch at any moment.
Two more vampires came out of the shadows at once. One I didn't know and couldn't see well, because his back was to me. But I would have known Edward anywhere, and I nearly jumped up again as he ran, snarling, to Carlisle's side. "If you want him," growled Edward, "then you'd better be prepared to deal with us."
I thought, becuase Edward had said us, that the other vampire was a friend. It was clear now, by the way he sauntered over to the evil vampire's side, that he was an enemy, too. "There seems to be only one of you," said the voice, amused. "We don't find that intimidating at all."
"Edward, leave," ordered Carlisle.
"No," shot back Edward.
"Enough," said the voice, abruptly black and furious. "If you won't leave, boy, then you'll die with your father." He spat the last word out contemptuously.
And, right there, before our eyes, the other vampire seized Carlisle and dragged him to the ground. I screamed as I heard the horrific tearing sounds I'd heard the day the Cullens had killed James. "Jasper, we have to help them!"
Then, as Jasper and I burst from our hiding place, Edward roared in rage and flung himself on the vampire attacking Carlisle, unaware of the other enemy crawling slowly from the shadows, sneaking up behind him.
"No!" I screamed. "Edward! Look out! Look out!"
Edward had time to jerk his head in my direction before the other vampire was on him. As they fought, the awful screeching sounds started up again, mixed with someone's agonized screams.
I was shrieking too. "No! Carlisle! Edward!" If only we could make it over in time, I thought frantically. Jasper and I could save them.
But I knew we'd be too late.
"NO!" I keptscreaming, kicking blindly as I tumbled onto the floor. "Someone help them! Carlisle, and Edward! Save Edward, please! Save them, Jasper!"
"Bella!" Edward's voice was over my head, his hands holding me gently as I struggled, trying to control my screams. "Bella, it's all right, I'm here. You're safe, everything's all right." He kept speaking softly to me, eventually calming me. "Were you dreaming?" he asked, his golden eyes distressed.
"Yeah," I said, rubbing my head where I'd hit the floor. "It was just a dream." Relief filled me, but also the sense that I shouldn't forget the dream, like it was more significant than a nightmare.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Edward pulled me into his arms, sitting me up on the bed. Alice and Jasper had given me their room for the night, claiming I needed it more than they did. No one had listened to my insistence that I would be fine on Edward's couch. It was rather embarassing, sleeping in a couple's room, but I hadn't dared to complain.
"I don't know." I looked long and hard at his face, that incredibly wonderful face. Edward's face was something I couldn't live without; if I didn't see it every day of my life, I wouldn't really be living. I clasped him tight to me, unwilling to let him go after my terrifying dream. "I dreamed that me and Jasper were running down this hall, and then we came into this old room..." I told him most of the dream, shuddering at some parts and holding him close.
After I finished we sat in silence, Edward resting his chin on the top of my head. I was content to rest in his arms, leaning my head against his collarbone. Gradually, I breathed regularly, my eyelids drooping. My night had been restless, full of that haunting dream. Now, in Edward's presence, the dream seemed stupid, just a figment of my overworked mind.
I had almost proved to myself I should just forget the dream when Edward spoke, destroying my confidence. "Alice had a similar vision, about you and Jasper."
"What?" I gasped.
"Not as detailed as your dream-- not anywhere close. But she had a vision of Jasper holding you back, for some reason. He was physically restraining you." His voice clearly said he didn't like the idea of his brother keeping me somewhere I didn't want to be.
"Alice told you this?"
"No." He looked sheepish. "I saw it in her mind."
What in the world did it mean, then? It couldn't be a coincidence that we had both had that image in our minds. But I didn't have any special gift of foresight, like Alice. How could I have dreamt about the same thing as Alice's vision? "That is..." I gulped a breath. "A strange coincidence."
"Hmmm..." Edward's eyes drifted away from mine, his thoughts elsewhere. Pressing faintly on my arms, his fingers danced across invisible piano keys. "This melody keeps running through my head," he muttered darkly. "What an inopportune time to work out a composition."
"Uh, it looks beautiful."
He snorted. "It's impossible to tell sideways."
"Well, I think it'll be great."
"You humor me too much," he said, ruffling my hair. I grimaced, knowing how tangled it was from my dream.
Suddenly, I noticed how dark the room was; all the blinds were closed, the lamp in the corner switched off. A feeling of tight spaces settled over me, making me fidget. I had never had a problem with dark rooms, but today claustrophobia got the better of me. I wanted to get out of the dark cave.
"Let's go downstairs and you can play it out for me." I hopped up, and he followed with a bemused expression.
The first thing that struck me as I came down the stairs was the sound of frying bacon. "We had to feed you," explained Edward, as I turned to him.
"I'm really not--"
"You need to eat," he interrupted, his tone brooking no argument. I blushed. I didn't want the Cullens to add feeding me to their burdens.
Defiantly, I said, "I have a house. I can get some food over there."
"Except you refuse to go home," he retorted, and we stared at each other, pausing on the staircase. "Please, Bella," he added in an undertone, "it gives us something to do."
"Do you even know how to cook?" I posed the question sarcastically, knowing if anyone could fix a decent breakfast, it was a houseful of super-intelligent vampires.
"Bella!" said Alice, popping her head around the kitchen wall. "I knew you'd wake up now!"
"Morning, Alice," I said glumly, taking in her perfect hair and face. If only I looked half that attractive in the morning.
"Are you hungry?" asked the pixie-like vampire, darting around the wall and coming to stand beside us. "We're making you eggs and bacon."
"That sounds--" Totally unappetizing? I definitely wasn't hungry, but it would have been rude to turn down such a thoughtful breakfast. "Tasty," I finished.
"Luckily, Jasper knows how to turn on the burner. I had to instruct him on human appliances." Alice rolled her eyes. "Imagine, cooking eggs in the microwave! I can't believe he even conceived of the idea!"
"Jasper's cooking?" It was such an incongruous image that I giggled. Then I stopped. Jasper was making up a big portion of the conversation this morning; it was unusual.
As if he could read my thoughts, Jasper stuck his head around the wall, too. "I don't know how you find this food appealing," he remarked, brandishing a skillet in one hand.
In spite of myself, I grinned. "I know, it's just so bland compared to mountain lion and elk."
Jasper smiled back, then disappeared again into the kitchen. There was a noise like utensils rattling around, then a porcelain plate came flying out of the doorway, piled high with eggs and bacon. "Heads up, Edward," called Jasper. Edward rushed to catch the plate, blurring for a second before he was on the opposite side of the dining room, plate in hand and a murderous glare on his face.
"That's Esme's good china!" scolded Alice.
"You knew he would catch it," came the flippant response.
I laughed, sitting down at the table. Edward lowered the plate to where it sat in front of me. A fork and knife materialized beside the plate, along with a glass of milk and toast on a separate plate. The breakfast was straight out of a food channel commercial. My mouth watered despite the absence of my appetite. "It looks delicious," I said.
"Of course." Alice sat down next to me.
Laughing, Edward and Jasper sat down across from us, their golden eyes trained on their respective loves. I sighed, poking into the eggs first, then crunching down on a piece of bacon. "Mmmm," I exaggerated, rolling my eyes in pleasure.
Jasper grinned at me. "I know what you're really feeling, Bella."
Grimacing, I shoveled in more breakfast.
"Where's Esme?" Edward asked, looking around the spacious room.
The light-hearted mood died as soon as it came. We all stared at one another in fear, none of us breathing. Jasper shot out of his chair and went to the glass doors in the back of the house, peering into the morning light. "She must be hunting," he said, anxiety coloring his tone.
"Oh, no," gasped Alice, going stiff in her chair.
"Alice? What was that?" demanded Edward, leaning across the table. "What did you see?"
"I--nothing." Alice ruined the lie by looking down at her shoes.
"Is it Esme? Carlisle would never forgive me--"
"No, not Esme," sighed Alice. "She'll be back in an hour. It wasn't anything, Edward. Just an irregularity."
Clueless, I tried to read the expressions on their faces, and gave up. "You saw something?" I asked, feeling slow.
"No, not really," answered Alice, glaring at Edward.
"You saw something," he argued.
"Not anything important. Emmett hunting, or some nonsense like that. My word, Edward, you think every vision I have is significant!" Pouting, Alice stuck out her lower lip. "If it was major, I would tell you, wouldn't I?"
I was missing something, I concluded. Alice didn't pout at times like these, when one of us was gone; she was putting off something. I resolved to wrench the truth out of her later.
"So Esme is just hunting?" Jasper came back from the doors.
"Yes. I think she went to find Rose and Emmett."
"Why didn't either of you see her leave?" I inquired suspiciously.
Alice rolled her eyes. "The child's naive." I caught her drift and turned scarlet. "Blushing doesn't help Jasper's self-control, Bella," she laughed.
"Well, excuse me," I muttered. Edward consoled me, putting his arm securely around me and kissing me.
For the second time that day, the room around me was too close, giving me the sensation of being trapped. Of course, that could have been because I was burning from embarrassment. But it also could have been because the last time we had been sitting in this room, I was still reeling in shock from the letter Carlisle had written. The house was bringing back the images of Esme kneeling on the floor, crying tearlessly, and Alice and Jasper wearing devastated expressions. Edward's pain at hearing the news had been the most damaging to me, and now I was seeing the whole thing again. Had it only been the day before, when the Cullens' world had altered so radically? Already my mind was suppressing the moments, forcing me to forget. But I couldn't forget, not completely.
And I knew the Cullens would never forget, as long as they existed. They would relive those moments for eternity.
"Can we step outside?" I gripped Edward's arm.
Studying my pinched expression, he nodded. "Are you all right?"
"Fine," I said, as we got up and exited through the front door.
Edward closed the door carefully behind him and faced me, eyebrows raised. "Is you dream still bothering you?"
"No. I just--I was remembering yesterday."
"I know what you mean." Edward ran his hands through his hair, his breath blowing onto my face. I was momentaily dazed. "Bella, I don't know..." he faltered, looking for the right words. "How can I say this without sending you into hysterics? I don't know if, after all this, we can stay here, in this house. I don't know if we can even stay in this town, anymore."
My body felt numb. "What?"
"I have to do what's best for my family." He took my hand. I stared at him in growing panic.
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying we might have to leave, Bella. I can't stay here if the rest of us need to move on."
"But, I can come too, right?"
With a tortured look, he shook his head. "You need to finish school. Charlie needs you."
"But I need you! You promised!"
"Bella, you know I don't want to leave. But I can't abandon my family, not now."
"You can't leave me, Edward," I whispered, my voice hoarse. "I just got you back."
"I'm not certain yet," he was quick to say, hugging me to his chest. I threw my arms around him, holding in the tears that threatened to spill down my cheeks. "That's just my speculations. I hear what they're thinking, Bella," he was whispering, too, probably so Alice and Jasper wouldn't overhear. "Every time Esme walks into a room, she's hit with new heartache. She can't go anywhere in this house without thinking of him. Can you see how agonizing that is for her? You and I can't imagine the pain, the pure misery. Carlisle was her life, and all of a sudden, her life was gone."
Maybe Edward couldn't imagine such pain, but I could. I knew exactly what Esme was dealing with, because I had dealt with it. The difference, I figured, was that I had my life back. And, all through those horrible months when Edward was gone, I had held onto a hope that he would come back. Esme had no hope-- Carlisle had given us nothing. "I have to go with you," I said.
"Well, we can discuss this later," said Edward. He was about to say something else, gazing at me, but the phone in his pocket buzzed. Frowning, he pulled it out. "Hello?" I heard a female voice from the phone. His eyes widened. "Tanya?"