Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters. I am making no money…

Special thanks to Jayeliwood for your support and ideas, but most of all for your help with commas. She is the best beta a writer could ask for. I must also thank ObsessingOverEdward and TheSpoiltOne for all their contribution. All three of you rock!

Chapter 21: Figuring it Out

Edward Cullen

Jasper left me alone in his living room after I had remained silent for a few minutes. Did I really love her? Did I even know what love was? I stared out into space, trying to make sense of everything that was going on in my head and even in my heart.

Part of me wanted to head back to her house and apologize for leaving. Yet, a big part of me was still angry at her deceit. She had kept a very big secret from me. She hadn't trusted me enough to let me completely into her life.

Yet, I also knew that if she had told me I would have left her. I didn't know the first thing about kids. Kids weren't for me. But, I had a feeling that Bella was for me. Was it love? It could've been love, but I had no idea how to tell.

I stood up, realizing that I had to head home and shower. I needed time to sort through the confusion and the pain. I needed to make sense of something that probably would never make sense.

I got into my car, allowing my mind to wander. But, the only thing I could think of was Bella. She was consuming each and every one of my thoughts. Her beautiful smile, her melodic laugh, her expressive eyes, her silky hair, and soft skin seemed to be burned into my senses. And, I knew I never wanted them to fade.

I arrived at my condo in under fifteen minutes, allowing the valet to take the car. I ignored the stares as I made it to the elevator riding up to my place. I immediately stripped out of my jeans and boxers before climbing into the hot shower.

As the hot water hit me I tried to imagine any other woman in the shower with me. But, I couldn't. There was no other woman in the world who could possible compare to her. I didn't want to be with anybody but her. She truly meant something to me.

The realization hit me like a ton of bricks in the chest. My plan had backfired. The predator had fallen for the prey. I, Edward Cullen, had fallen in love with Bella.

I slowly got out of the shower, even more confused than when I had gotten inside. There was no doubt that I loved Bella, but I knew I wasn't ready to admit that. It was hard enough admitting it to myself. How was I going to admit it to her? Or, even others?

I slowly got dressed, trying to figure out what I had to do. I knew I had to go to her, but I knew she didn't want to see me now. She had messed up by not telling me the truth, but I had messed up by running away. I needed to do something for her. I needed to make her see that I cared for her.

I knew I needed to talk to somebody who would understand my dilemma. Someone who knew what it was like to suddenly fall for a woman when you had swore never would. I needed to talk to Emmett. He had fallen for Rosalie just as hard and he had worked through it all. I knew the situation wasn't the same, but I needed to talk to somebody.

I made it to their house without much traffic and was relieved to see that they were at home. I knocked softly on the door, smiling weakly at Rose as she opened the door.

"Edward, what are you doing here?" She asked in surprise, stepping aside and letting me in.

"I came to talk to Emmett. Is he around?" I asked, hoping I didn't make a complete ass out of myself.

"He's out on the patio with Ethan. Is something wrong?" She questioned, eying me curiously. Was it really that obvious? "Does this have to do anything with Bella?"

"Please, Rose," I said, burying my hands in the pockets of my jeans. I wasn't exactly feeling too confident with anything at the moment. "Can I just talk to Emmett without getting the third degree?"

Rose smiled sadly before nodding at me. I slowly walked away from her through the house to the outside patio. I was surprised to find Emmett sitting on one of the lounge chairs with three month old Ethan on his chest. He looked completely peaceful and happy. It was definitely a side of Emmett I had never seen.

"Am I interrupting something?" I asked as I stepped outside causing Emmett to look at me.

"Hey, Edward, what brings you here on a Saturday? Shouldn't you be hanging out with Bella or something?" He questioned as he sat up causing Ethan to squirm slightly.

"I actually wanted to talk about her," I admitted, knowing there was no use in putting off the inevitable.

"What happened?" He questioned, motioning me to sit down.

"Did you know she had a son?" I questioned, wanting to know if I was the only moron that never knew.

"I did," he replied calmly causing me to scowl in anger.

"And you never mentioned it, because…" I trailed off, keeping my anger in check. As much as I wanted to blow up and kick his ass I knew I had to control myself. I wasn't going to solve anything like that. What was done was done.

"It's not my place to tell," he replied, making me groan in frustration. Why did everybody think it wasn't their place? "But, I know that's not why you came."

"I'm confused, dammit," I said, taking a deep breath. "I'm completely lost over what I should do. I have no fucking idea what I'm feeling or what I'm doing."

"Do you want advice?" Emmett inquired seriously before looking down to check on Ethan.

"Please," I replied, feeling extremely vulnerable.

"If you love Bella, I suggest you don't let her go. Once you do you may never get her back," he answered wisely.

"How do I even know if it's love?" I inquired, feeling really dumb. How could I possibly not know what it is? I felt like I should know, but I didn't.

"Honestly, you just know. I knew after only a month with Rose. You feel a deeper more profound connection. It's indescribable, but it's wonderful," he explained causing me to think.

"I just don't know, Emmett," I sighed, running my hands through my hair. "She has a grown kid. He has to be like eight or something."

"Six," Emmett corrected.

"What do I know about kids?" I questioned, looking at Ethan. My nephew was still sound asleep on his chest.

"No one knows anything about kids," he stated with a shrug. "You do your best and pray that it is enough."

"I was a dick," I mumbled to myself, resting my face against my hands.

"We all are from time to time. The good thing is that we have women that are willing to forgive," Emmett added after he stood up.

I looked up at him, but my attention was not on Emmett. Ethan looked to be awake and I suddenly had the urge to hold him. He was a small person. He had his entire life ahead of him. He had yet to mess up.

"Emmett," I called, a bit unsure. But, I knew if I didn't do it now I was never going to do it. "Can I hold my nephew?"

"Are you serious?" He asked in disbelief. Ethan was three months old and I had yet to hold him.

"Can I?" I repeated nervously.

"You don't have to ask," he stated with a goofy grin before he looked down at his son. "Now Ethan, Uncle Eddie is going to carry you now. He's never held a baby before so you need to be good. I'll go get your bottle ready while you spend time with your uncle."

I held back a laugh as I heard Emmett lecture Ethan. I had never noticed just how happy Emmett was as a husband and now as a father. His old womanizing ways had come to an end and he was a better man now than before. Was I capable of going through the same change?

Emmett placed Ethan in my arms, making sure I was supporting him correctly. "Just hold the head," he instructed before smiling at me and heading inside.

I awkwardly held Ethan for a minute or so, unsure whether it was alright to move. I felt almost as if one move was enough to break him. But, it also seemed stupid to be completely stiff. I settled slowly and softly into the chair before looking down at him.

"Hey buddy," I whispered, not wanting to speak to loud. "I'm your Uncle Edward."

"I know I haven't exactly been the best uncle around. But, I have to be honest, I know very little about kids," I admitted, looking down at Ethan smiling as his eyes began to flutter open.

"What do you think, Ethan? Have I screwed things up badly with Bella? Is it possible she still wants me around?" I questioned, observing him carefully as he stretched and stuck out his tongue.

"Do you think I can be a one woman man?" I asked, trying to voice all my fears. I hadn't been in a real relationship since high school and I wasn't sure if it was even for me. "I want to be. Is it crazy that I still want Bella?"

I laughed as Ethan began to gurgle. "I think you'd like Bella if you'd met her," I continued, staring down at him. "She is funny, smart, and beautiful. She's everything I could ever want in a woman."

As the words left my mouth I understood what I had to do. It all seemed to make perfect sense and I felt stupid for not really realizing it before. "Shit, I really do love Bella," I said out loud, a smile breaking on my face..

"If my son's first word is 'shit,' I am holding you personally responsible for that. And, I will not hesitate to kill you," Rose warned with an amused grin on her face.

"Sorry," I said sheepishly but my excitement could not be contained. "I just know what I have to do."

"Then go get her," Rose urged with a huge smile before she took Ethan. "And you, pay no attention to your crazy uncle."

"I'm not crazy," I protested before heading inside to leave. I had to run a quick errand before I could win Bella's heart. I knew exactly what I needed to do.

Bella Swan

I couldn't understand how it was possible to feel the heartache I felt. My heart seemed like it was breaking in a million tiny pieces, leaving a huge gaping hole in the middle of my chest. I knew there was nothing I could possibly do to heal it. Only Edward had the power to piece me back together and once again make me whole.

I gripped the pillow Edward had used tightly against my body as I stared at the wall. The tears continued to stream down my face as I tried to reason with my decision. I obviously shouldn't have kept Edward in the dark about Matt. But, I also couldn't think of a way I could have told him. It had never been the right time.

I had very little hope that he would take me back and I also held no false pretense that we could ever work together again. The only thing I could hope for was for a recommendation letter from Jasper or maybe Emmett. Hopefully, the experience I had accumulated over the last few months would be enough to get me another job.

Even if Edward would still work with me, I couldn't work with him. I refused to put myself through the pain of having him so near yet so far. I couldn't see him move on when I knew I would never be able to move on. He had captured my heart and I wanted him to keep it. It belonged to him and no one else.

"Bella, sweetie," Alice said as she walked in with a tray in her hand. "I made you your favorite homemade macaroni and cheese."

"Not hungry," I answered weakly, burying myself further into my pillows and covers. I had no reason to eat. I wanted Edward.

"Bella, you have to eat. It's mid-afternoon and you haven't even had a bite," she explained, setting the tray on my nightstand before taking a seat on the edge of my bed. "It's not healthy for you to be like this."

"Leave me alone, Alice," I pleaded as a few more tears ran down my cheek. "I messed everything up."

"Bella," Alice sighed, placing her hand on my back. "You can't keep blaming yourself. We're all human. We all make mistakes. Plus, Edward will come around."

"He won't," I corrected, unable to look at Alice. How could Edward ever be able to forgive me? I wasn't sure I was able to forgive myself.

"Isabella Marie Swan," Alice scolded, getting up suddenly and pulling back my covers. "Get your ass out of that bed. You're going to march into that bathroom to shower and change. And, then I want you back here. We're going to have mac and cheese and then an entire half gallon of cookies and cream ice cream."

"I'm not changing," I said, wrapping my arms around my middle. Edward's shirt was the only piece of him I had left. I was not going to allow Alice to take it from me. "Alice, just let me be. I just need to be alone."

"What kind of friend would I be if I let you mope around?" She questioned, crossing her arms across her chest. She seemed to be at a total loss over what to do. But, she had done enough. I needed at least this one night to wallow in my sadness.

"Please," I begged, lifting my head only enough to look into her eyes. "I need this."

"Bella," Alice sighed in obvious frustration. "I know Edward has feelings for you. He'll come to his senses soon. I can feel it."

I closed my eyes trying to believe Alice's words. I wanted nothing more than to believe them. But, I didn't want to raise false hope. Edward would never want me again.

Edward Cullen

I rushed out of Emmett and Rosalie's house, racing towards Margaret's flower shop. I had the sudden urge to get her a flower. I wanted to apologize the right way. I wanted her to know that I wanted her, all of her. And, that included her son. I was not going to run away from her.

I arrived at the shop and as usual I had no idea what to get her. What did you get a girl when you were going to apologize? I wanted her to know that I cared for her. I wasn't ready to tell her I loved her, because I wasn't quite sure what that meant.

"Hi," I said, noticing an older man sitting behind the cashier instead of Margaret.

"Hello, there. What can I do for you?" He inquired, standing up from his stool.

"Is Margaret around?" I asked, knowing full well she somehow always knew how to lead me to the perfect flower. I needed that now more than ever.

"She's handling a family issue today. Is there something I can help you with?" He explained causing me to sigh deeply. Would he know what flower to get?

"I sort of messed things up with a woman I deeply care for," I said, looking around to see if any one flower popped out at me.

"Then I guess it has to be quite the flower," he mused, looking around.

"Margaret always has a way of leading me to the right flower. It's amazing how skilled she is," I stated as I neared the roses. The red roses were absolutely stunning, but I did know the true meaning of red roses. And, I wasn't quite ready to admit that to her. It was not the right time for that.

"My wife is quite the matchmaker," he chuckled causing me to freeze.

"Do you know if Margaret is with Bella?" I inquired suddenly. Is that why she wasn't here?

"Are you Edward?" John asked instead of answering my question.

"The flowers are for Bella. I really messed things up and I want to make them better," I explained nervously.

"Then I suggest you pick something quickly and get back to her. She really cares for you," he said causing me to sigh in relief. He wasn't going to try to stop me.

I looked around the shop, finding the perfect flower on a nearby shelf. It wasn't a bouquet of red roses, but rather a red vase with a large assortment of red orchids. It was stunning and it was perfect.

"I'll take that one," I said to John.

"Bella will love them," he commented as he moved passed me, bringing down the vase with the flowers from the shelf.

"I hope so," I answered as I paid for the flowers, leaving the shop in a hurry.

I had to win Bella back. I had to make her mine, because I wanted to be hers. I didn't want anybody but her.

A/N: Who thought Edward with Ethan was cute? I love that scene it was one of my favorites. I have a very soft spot for babies.

Remember to head to the Twilighted Forums for previews and discussions. I will be around until Wednesday night if you have any questions.

Next Chapter: What Happens?

Muggleinlove