Author's Note: This is a really dark chapter, at least for this story. I surprised myself with this. It's a little trippy at the beginning, and if you don't like the thought of vampires killing people, don't read this. I may be overracting---- but I kinda doubt it. ;)

You'll want to cry for Carlisle and smack Adelaide. I wanted to do both. :(

Songs!

Already Over -- by Red .com/watch?v=0SJPCdafnLo This really captures the mood I was hoping to accomplish with this ch. But don't worry! It's not hopeless!

Going Under -- Evanescence .com/watch?v=RYVm0qbWIZU

What I've Done -- Linkin Park (don't know why, just fits) .com/watch?v=NC0U_zoOQKI

and

In Coma -- Dead Poetic .com/watch?v=P1um7BcC2JE

ENJOY...*evil laugh*

30. Rational Fear

"He's waking up," said a hoarse voice from nearby.

"He must not, not yet," Adelaide ordered. "Put him back under."

What were they talking about? I wondered, my mind fuzzy from unconsciousness. It seemed as if I had been under the influence of Reynard's singular power for ages. After eons I felt myself coming around, much like the effects of an anesthetic wearing off, I imagined. I felt a draft on my face, blowing my hair lightly; I felt a smooth surface beneath me, one with a pronounced edge, like a countertop. Or an operating table, the medical sensibilities in my mind thought hazily. The image that idea conjured up brought me closer to wakening. Twitching, I moved my arms--

To find they were being pinned by some invisible force, my eyes still not open to get a good enough look at them. I am strapped down on an operating table, my mind told me. I must wake up. Now.

"Reynard!" said Adelaide's sharpe voice.

"It's not working," answered the hoarse man's voice, presumably Reynard's.

"Well, make it work!"

An explosion of light made my eyes clench shut and my muscles tense. There was no sound, which was as traumatizing as a plethora of noises. The pressure that had suppressed my mind for hours reasserted itself. No, I told myself, I will not lose consciousness again. My fingers slapped reflexively against the hard table. My feet moved also, but I soon found out my legs were strapped down as well. My head jerked to the side, and my body spasmed with renewed animation.

"Reynard, does your power work or not?!"

"It does, of course, but he's too strong! He's expecting it now!"

"Lay it on as hard as you can!" Adelaide was highly worried about something my rapidly-clearing mind could not fathom.

A second barrage struck me, overhwhelming me with sensation. I froze, focusing on staying afloat in the waves of light and sound. Only thoughts of Rosalie, somewhere enduring this same affliction, and of my family, kept my awareness nascent. Gradually, the pressure receded, and with it half the sound. Whether Adelaide liked it or not, I was waking up, my strength and cognizance returning. A small growl slid between my teeth--my throat was functioning normally.

"He's coming up." Reynard was resigned.

I heard a hiss, then a crack as my restraints were removed. "Come on, Doctor," sighed Adelaide, "wake up."

Wary of this turn-around, I blinked open my eyes, taking in my surroundings. The room in which I was lying was medium-sized, dark except for four slotted windows on two of the walls, and a dim flourscent in the light overhead. From where I was I could see no door, so it was on the one wall I could not see. Flakes of paint were peeling away from the areas around the windows, and long swatches of the walls were stained with water and dirt. The table on which I had been tied was, as I had feared, some medical utility, although it did not belong with the squalid settings. The softer straps originally on the table had been replaced with reinforced steel.

Tentatively, I sat up, testing my body to make certain everything was as it should be.

"He's remarkably alert, for just coming up," Reynard commented boredly, examining his fingernails.

"He was most likely aware of us for the past five minutes." Adelaide glared at the dirty blond vampire before turning to face me. "So, Doctor, have you reconsidered your position?"

She wasn't getting a single syllable of acquiescence from me, not if I could help it. "Where are we?"

"In an abandoned foreman's office."

"In France?"

Laughing gently, Adelaide thrust her thin shoulders upward. "That depends, Carlisle."

I was not going to get anything from Adelaide, either, it seemed. Very well-- there was usually a price to pay for integrity. "Where is Rosalie?"

"Safe, with Blaise. Does that ease your discomfort somewhat?" She smiled at my guarded expression. "My men are keeping her safe."

That had me worried. "May I see her?"

"Again, it all depends." Copying Reynard's gesture, Adelaide scrutinized her long fingers, her nails catching the light. "I just need one answer from you, and then you may be reunited with your Rosalie. Is that so difficult for you?"

I weighed the consequences of giving a blind promise and making Rose safe myself. "What is it you want?"

She cast me a shrewd glance, her crimson eyes slitted. "Are you afraid of anything, Doctor?"

That was not the question I had been anticipating, so I thoughtlessly replied, "Why should any of us be afraid?"

"A good question, but unrealistic. After all," here she snapped her fingers at Reynard, who ghosted out the door, "even the mightiest predators on the planet are afraid of something. Vampires, Doctor, have no cause to fear, but we do, don't we? Over some irrational fear from our past life."

"I suppose that's true," I responded carefully. Where was she going with this? "Fear is not a rational emotion."

"There I have to correct you, because some fear is healthy, like the way humans fear us, their natural predators. But there's no reason for us, the top of the food chain, to fear. Are you afraid now, Doctor?"

In truth, I realized, I wasn't. This madwoman did not instill fear in me. Not fear for me, at least, but I felt a crushing anxiety for my daughter. I hoped Rose would remain level-headed, as she'd been most of our journey together. I also hoped she could escape from Adelaide's men and go back to Emmett, who needed her more than she would ever know.

Rose was not the only one for whom I felt shivers of fear; my whole family was in danger of being swept up in this crazed vampire's plot. I prayed they didn't find us, if they were searching. The Volturi would not excuse a Cullen of insurrection, no matter how much affection Aro had for me. Nothing would give Caius more pleasure than seeing my family destroyed, utterly obliterated, by his soldiers. He was that sort of spiteful, malicious person.

And, I knew in my heart, if I couldn't refuse Adelaide's commands-- if I did become the tool she used to finish her army-- I would not want Esme to know how I'd helped wreck the vampire world. At this juncture escape for me was absolutely impractical, surveyed as I was. My wife should not have to bear the shame that would come with having a radical partisan for a husband. If anyone ever knew what Adelaide was planning, and saw that I was involved, life would become that much harder for Esme, and Edward, my first son.

Shame was the least of our troubles, for now, however.

Adelaide was still smiling at me, waiting.

Reynard opened the door to the room, along with two others of Adelaide's army. They were holding a fourth, struggling person between them, one whose dark brown hair was hanging in her face. She was small, and young, from what I could tell. Mystified, I glanced from Adelaide to the men and back. The psychology behind this woman's strategy would take months to decipher.

It was not until the group of four crossed the threshold of the room, passing under the draft that ran across the ceiling, that I figured out the girl was human.

The scent of the young woman was particularly appealing, and not just because I hadn't hunted in almost a month. Her scent had a pull to it, a sweet flavor, exotic. I didn't allow myself to linger on it, cutting my eyes to the space above her drooping head. My throat recalled a sensation it hadn't experienced in years, decades: the faint burning that was thirst, more intense to someone who hadn't been exposed to human blood an a regular basis. I crossed to the wall opposite the door, unwilling to sit in the draft that was carrying the poor girl's scent straight to me. While I trusted my control, I had never gone so long without hunting for two centuries.

"Lock the door," said Adelaide. Reynard complied, then stood guard before the worn wooden panel. "Release her, before you kill her yourselves."

The two vampires pushed their prisoner carelessly forward, and she slammed into the table in the middle of the room. I itched to help her, to pick her up off the floor, but I repressed my doctor's instinct. Whimpering in terror, the girl scrambled clumsily up, one hand steadying herself on the table's edge, the other raking the hair out of her eyes. I hissed in horrrified recognition.

Bella! They've found Bella!

Then I noticed the white scar extending above and below her left eye. It wasn't Bella, but the girl could have been my human daughter's twin. Wide, chocolate brown eyes stared at Adelaide and I, the message projecting from them a pitiful one: the girl thought we were monsters, blank terror her one feeling. "Please," she whispered in French, "please. I didn't do anything to you. Please let me go."

I could only stare at her in misery, for what could I do but ask for a pardon that would not come?

"I imagine you're thirsty, Doctor," Adelaide said, in false courtesy. "Feel free to take this girl as your kill, we've all fed recently."

I did my best not to gag at the implication. This innocent young woman had been brought here as my dinner? But then I remembered my masquerade, and the red contacts in my pocket. My charade had backfired on me, with a disasterous outcome. Now I either explained the whole of my dietary philosophy or...

I couldn't take my eyes off her, this human marked out to die for my satisfaction. She was beautiful, just as Bella was beautiful, in her own way. And she was so young, not out of high school, by the looks of it. I could no more kill her than I could kill Bella. "I am not thirsty," I said.

"What?" teased Adelaide. "Your eyes are as black as night, of course you're thirsty."

"No, I'm not."

The girl shrank away from my voice. I tried not to flinch. I was not a monster, as she must have assumed I was. I ached to tell her this, to comfort her if I could. Yet I could do nothing against the five other vampires in the room.

"You're being ridiculous, Carlisle. You are thirsty, aren't you?"

"No. I am not." This would be my standed respons, I decided, until I could stand my thirst no longer and was forced to inform them of our hunting habits. I didn't know why, but telling them of my family's lifestyle repulsed me.

Adelaide stalked close to me, her side brushing against mine. She leaned over to speak into my ear. "You see, Doctor, we're all afraid of something, rational or irrational. I am afraid of remaining under the iron fist of the Volturi-- a rational fear. You, however, are afraid of death." Before I could contest this statement, she continued, "You aren't afraid of your own death, certainly not! You seem almost wanton with your own life. But you are afraid of this girl's death, are you not?"

With another snap, Adelaide motioned her men forward. They descended on the girl, dragging her to a standing position and holding her in place as Reynard paused. As Adelaide nodded, the nomad rushed up to the girl, putting his hands on the sides of her face. I turned away to the sickening crack of the child's neck being broken. If I had had the power to weep, I most likely would have, whether Adelaide was desiring that reaction or not.

"You're afraid of the deaths of others," whispered Adelaide, while in the background her minions began to feed. "Humans especially. That's an irrational fear, Dr. Cullen."

I couldn't answer civilly or logically, so I held my peace. My reply would have been something in the vein of condemning her to eternal torment for her black heart. The woman was ruthlessly sociopathic, there was no doubt about it.

"I wonder," mused Adelaide, as I seethed and mourned. "Do you feel the same fear for the Volturi? Is that why you refuse to help me?"

At last I gathered myself enough not to snarl as I said, "You should have known, if you deduced my love of human life, that killing an innocent woman in front of me would alienate me to your cause forever."

"Perhaps." She smiled her evil smile as she gazed at the four vampires slaking their thirst. I hated that smile, and would for the rest of my life. "But I don't really care of you agree with me, Doctor, or even if you want to help me. You will help me. Because, you know, there are more humans where that creature came from, plenty of them to kill. How many must die before you consent to my wishes?"

Revolted, I turned my face to the wall, pressing my forehead to the rough paint. I had to calm down, I had to let go of my rage. I could not lose control again, as I had when Reynard had attacked Rosalie. Adelaide had me irrevocably fixed in a moral dilemma, and there was nothing I could do to extricate myself. The woman's question was a valid one, haunting.

How many humans would die before I gave in?

My other thought was too disturbing to ponder, and I tried to force it from me to no avail.

How many of my children would have to hurt before I gave in?