Previously on Chapter TWO:
"I do," I look down at my hands, not wanting to meet her eyes, knowing tears will spring if I do. "If only I had known… if only I had looked into my dreams deeper… if only I realized that it was all a conspiracy before it was too late… He would never have gotten hurt; none of us would have gotten hurt. If only I had known." I was babbling, and despite my efforts, stray tears escaped my eyes, and before I knew it, I was wrapped in Mrs. Leblanc's arms.
"Oh, sweetheart," she says, and that's all it took for me to belt it out and sob- the pain of what had happened rushing back to me, despite the bright future ahead of us.
THREE
I had healed; I know I did- when I found Jacob, I knew I was alright- that everything will be all right. But then, why do I feel so lost?
After I calm down enough to take a deep breathe, I disentangle myself from Mrs. Leblanc and walk over to the big spell bag that makes up a quarter of my suitcase (the other quarter is made up of the gigantic spell book that was passed down from my family before me). I fish out lavender scented candle- for calming. At once, I smell the intoxicating and calming aroma of lavender. I take out a bottle of cedar wood oil for strength and comfort. Aware of Mrs. Leblanc's penetrating gaze, I squeeze the bottle until several drops of the oil fill my fingers.
I close my eyes as I saturate the lavender candle from top to bottom parts and sides at a time, murmuring, "As above, so below." Once I finish, I open my eyes and light the candle. "Blessed be…"
"Blessed be," Mrs. Leblanc replies.
I summon up as much courage as I could and look at Mrs. Leblanc, who I notice, wears a profound look in her eyes.
"I'm so sorry," I murmur.
"Oh, honey," she says. "Please stop blaming yourself. None of it was your fault- never has and never will. Mark and I never blamed you, and neither did Jacob; you should not hold yourself responsible for what that demented girl did to our Jacob."
I sit back down next to her and found my clasped hands fascinating, all of a sudden. I know that nothing she says will ever alter my conscience, but it's nice to hear those things, nonetheless. I remain silent, and Mrs. Leblanc took that as a cue to keep going.
"Sometimes we just have to forget the past and move on," she says. "The memories will linger, of course, but it doesn't mean we should remain living it."
"What if it haunts us in our dreams?" I ask. "What if we do everything we can to forget, but our conscience exerts as much effort to hold on? I do try to forget, but whenever I close my eyes, all I see was Jacob falling off that boat, the months of living a lifeless life without him, and Jacob looking at me as if I were a stranger."
"Stacey," she says, taking my clasped hands into hers. "First of all, Jacob falling off the boat was not your fault- your dreams will hold on as much as it wants to until you can finally find it in yourself to heal. Second of all, your life when he was gone- it was the past, he's here now, and that's all that matters, that's all that should matter. Third of all, Jacob might look at you as if you were a stranger, but Stacey, sweetheart, the truth is, you're the most important thing in his life- and deep down, he knows it and he will remember it, if he hasn't already.
Stacey, you mean the world to him. When his uncle passed away several years ago, something in him changed. He was lonely and he didn't have many friends- Mark and I even wondered if he was cutting himself, back then." I look at her incredulously at the thought.
"Ridiculous, I know, but he was so lonely and depressed. Nightly, he'd wake up screaming from some dream. We thought it had something to do with his uncle, and that he was just having a hard time coping with it. We tried sending him for some professional help, but he refused to go. We didn't know what he did behind his closed doors; we didn't know what he did with his Friday nights; when students in his school would go to the movie theatre, he would stay behind his locked door for hours at a time."
I know what his dreams were about, and I didn't think I had the right to tell Mrs. Leblanc that it was about me- my death more specifically. I shudder at the thought of what had happened that first year I met Jacob. However, I remain silent, and Mrs. Leblanc goes on, "Then, out of nowhere, he asked to be transferred to a private school in Massachusetts- Hillcrest, and Mark and I didn't know what to do. We could see that he desperately needed to go, but we didn't know why. A part of us were afraid that should we let him go somewhere far away, he would do something to himself, but a bigger part of us were hoping that going away for awhile would help him.
I don't know what we were hoping for exactly, but I knew that I wanted my old son back. I wanted him happy and contented, so we send him away. There, he met you, Stacey. He made tons of friends and when he came back to visit, he was our dear son, once again- except he was more. He kept talking about you, and whenever he does, he would have this sparkle in his eyes that tell us he was in love."
I couldn't help but smile at that thought. Jacob is in love with me- he's in love with me, Stacey Brown.
"So you see, Stacey," Mrs. Leblanc squeezes my hands and smile at me. "You have nothing to worry about. Jacob might forget some, but he doesn't forget all. He might have been hurt, but he has never blamed you."
"I don't know what to say," I reply, looking into her eyes- the same slate blue as Jacob's.
She smiles at me and says, "And sometimes, no words are needed to convey how you feel. Expressions are worth as much words as pictures do." We chuckled together and she takes me in her arms once again.
"Thank you, Mrs. Leblanc," I mutter.
"You're welcome, darling," she says, chuckling as she pull away to take my chocolate milk. "And I'm afraid your chocolate milk is getting cold, you should drink it now before you go on unpacking."
I thank her once more and take the mug from her, drinking it as she leaves my room to give me time alone to think and muse about everything she's revealed to me.
As I finish unpacking, all the while thinking about my heart-to-heart with Mrs. Leblanc, and wishing I were in Jacob's arms, my wishes are fulfilled when a pair of callous hands held my waist from behind. I leaned back on Jacob as he gently nuzzles my neck, sending shivers down my spine.
"I smell lavender with cedar wood," he murmurs into my shoulder. "And I heard crying… are you alright?"
I close my eyes as I answer him, "I am now."
He turns me around and looks intensely into my eyes, his hands never leaving my waist.
"Are you sure?" he whispers. Instead of answering him, I nod as I bite my bottom lip, willing my eyes to look into his eyes, his hair, his face, everywhere, instead of wandering down his own full ones. "Stacey…"
"Yes?" I manage to whisper. For some reason, I feel faint- must have been the overwhelming aroma of… lavender… or lemongrass. Or maybe it is because of the fact that I only have to tip my head slightly forward in order to finally make our lips meet.
A/N: To those of you who are following Green is for Healing, I apologize profusely for the REALLY long update... I've been really stressed out with SATs, summer AP work, and all that jazz... I really do apologize... But if you leave a really nice comment, I might send you a SNEAK PEAK of chapter 4 :) So R&R!!