This is set in different parts of New Moon...if you've read it, you'll be able to figure it out.
I don't own these amazing books (although I own Edward Cullen in my dreams ;) ) I also don't own "All We'd Ever Need" by Lady Antebellum.
Boy, it's been all this time
And I can't get you off my mind
And nobody knows it but me
I stare at your photograph
Still sleep in the shirt you left
And nobody knows it but me
Everyday I wipe my tears away
So many nights I've prayed for you to say…
I washed my face, threw my pajamas on, and then laid down with a sigh. This was the worst part of the day, by far. For the past six months, every night had been the same: get ready for bed, lay down, then cry until I couldn't find the strength to cry anymore. I stared up a the ceiling, as the tears started streaming down the sides of my face, wetting my cheeks, hair, and pillow in the process. Charlie knocked on the door then, like he did every night. I hurriedly wiped my eyes, turning over on my side, my back to the door. He cracked it open and sighed as he looked at me.
"Don't do this to yourself, Bells."
"I'm fine," I lied, trying to sound at least a little convincing.
"You've been going to bed at eight o'clock every night since they left."
"I'm just really tired."
But the truth was, by that time every night, I had reached my breaking point, that I literally could not hold myself together anymore. I turned to face the door, only to find Charlie gone. Apparently, my not-so-convincing lie was enough to satisfy him for the night. I rolled back over on my back, taking my thoughts to the place that I knew was inevitable. Every night, that was the plan- to recall every memory I had of him and to cry until I was too exhausted to do so anymore. Hopefully, if I was able to do that, I physically wouldn't be able to cry until that time the next night.
It truly was a sad and miserable way to live, but really, what other choice did I have? My life was gone— the one I loved, the family I chose, the life I desired— all gone without any reason, other than Edward's overprotective nature and the desire to save me from himself.
I grabbed Edward's old sweatshirt that he left accidentally so many months ago, and dug the one picture he didn't take out of my sock drawer. I laid back down, tracing the contours of his face on the picture with my index finger. The tears came more freely then, and I covered my mouth with my hand to muffle the sound of my cries. I rolled back over, sobbing into my pillow, the sobs shaking my whole body.
I should've been chasing you.
I should've been trying to prove
That you were all that mattered to me
I should've said all the things
That I kept inside of me
Maybe I could've made you believe
That what we had was all we'd ever need
If only he would come back—for just one minute—just so I could say my final goodbyes and tell him how I felt. If he knew how I felt knew, I knew he would've stayed. I couldn't help but regret not going after him the day he left all those months ago.
He loved me. He had to. I couldn't make myself that those words that tore me apart were all true. I couldn't stand the thought that he didn't want me, but the thought of him lying again to protect me made me feel almost as bad. I wanted to hear that I was the one—that I was his world—his love—the only one that mattered in his eyes. I wanted him to come back, but most of all, I wanted to believe that what we had—our love—was enough to keep us going.
My friends think I'm moving on
But the truth is I'm not that strong
And nobody knows it but me
I've kept all the words you said
In a box underneath my bed
And nobody knows it but me
But if you're happy, I'll get through somehow
But the truth is I've been screaming out
"You are my life. You are the only thing it would hurt me to lose." Her words plagued me ever since I left. I suddenly got up from my bed, walking to the window, opening it.
"Where are you going?" my favorite sister asked me.
"Where'd you come from?"
"I saw what you were planning. I was waiting…" she paused. "Are you going—"
"Out." I replied back, cutting her off.
"You can't go there, Edward."
"I have to." I jumped out of the window, landing gracefully on the ground. I ran as quickly as I could toward her house, not even thinking about what I was doing—only knowing that I wanted to be with her.
I tried convincing my family that I was over her, but the truth was, when a love that true and powerful hit you, there was no going back. She was the one that I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. I knew it made no sense. No one truly understood my feelings for Bella. I didn't even understand them myself. I wanted to marry her. I wanted to be with her forever. I wanted children with her, if that were realistic for us. I knew it was impossible—that it was nonsensical—but I didn't care. At this point, all I could do was run to her.
I reached her house and saw her on her porch with Jacob Black, his arms wrapped tightly around her. She broke away from the embrace, walking into the house, a small smile across her lips. I could feel the determination melt off my face as I watched Jacob walk away, obviously feeling very victorious.
"Cullen doesn't know what he's missing.." he thought, as he got into his car, driving away.
I should've been chasing you.
I should've been trying to prove
That you were all that mattered to me
I should've said all the things
That I kept inside of me
Maybe I could've made you believe
That what we had was all we'd ever need
And now, as I sat outside her window watching her sleep, I realized just how much I had lost that fateful day over six months ago. I guess I had always known, but it became so much more real now, seeing her for the first time in all those months. I lifted the window silently, so much so that Bella didn't even move an inch. I went and sat on the end of her bed, staring at her with gentle eyes.
"I love you. I should've stayed. I'm so sorry I didn't…" I looked down at my hands, then up at her again. "Bella, it was you. It was always you. You had to have known that…" I whispered, moving closer to her. "I'm glad you're happy and that you moved on…like I wanted you to. I was coming back for you, Bella…tonight. But then I saw you with Jacob. I saw how happy you were, and I just couldn't interfere. I wish I could, but I can't." I paused, looking out the window, then looked back to her beautiful face once more. "Bella, I'm an idiot. I waited almost a century for you, found you, fell in love with you, and then I was the one that let you go." I shook my head at my stupidity. "I cannot begin to tell you how much I regret leaving you, and I'm so sorry I did. Forgive me, Bella. But you have to know…my heart is yours. It always will be. I love you." I whispered. I saw her stir, and turn over. "Edward…" she mumbled. I kissed my hand, putting it on her cheek, then jumped out the window.
As much as this pained me, and as much as I was hurting, she had let me go, and I had to accept that. It's what I wanted for her. I deserved to miserable for leaving her. She didn' was it. I had to force myself to let her go.
And then, I looked up at her window once more, and ran off into the night.
It was all we'd ever need
Thought it was all we'd ever need
"I love you," Edward said, wrapping his arms even tighter around Bella.
"I love you too." She sighed, kissing his hand gently.
"I'm glad you're alive." He mumbled.
"Me too. I'm glad you're here. thank you for coming back."
"You and I both know that I couldn't stay away....Bella...I'll never forgive myself for leaving you."
"It's not all your fault, Edward...I just let you leave."
"My mind had already been made up, Bella. I was leaving to save you. It didn't work."
"I love you," Edward said, wrapping his arms even tighter around Bella, tracing patterns on her arm with his finger.
"I love you, too." She sighed, kissing his hand gently.
"I'm glad you're alive." he mumbled.
She smiled. "Me too. I'm glad you're here. THank you for coming back."
"You and I both know that I couldn't stay away...Bella...I'll never forgive myself for leaving you."
"It's not all your fault, Edward. I just...let you leave."
"My mind had already been made up, Bella. I was leaving to save you. You were more important than me. But yet, despite my best intentions, it didn't work. I'm sorry I even tried."
"I'm just so glad I got to you when I did."
"I came back, Bella. Right before you decided to jump off the cliff..." he rolled his eyes, chuckling. "You and your extreme sports..."
"Wait...you were coming back?" she asked, sitting up, looking into his eyes.
He nodded. "Yeah...but I saw you...with Jacob. And you looked happy and I just...I couldn't interfere with that."
"Jacob? You thought I had moved on at all? Let alone with Jacob? He's like my brother!"
He nodded. "Just the same, Jacob doesn't do a very good job of keeping his thoughts quiet."
She grabbed his face in her hands, looking intensely into his eyes. "It's you, Edward. It's always been you."
"As it is you, my love. No distance or time could ever change that. I called your dad that day...the day of the funeral, Bella. I wanted to see for myself if you had moved on. But then...when Jacob answered and said he was at the funeral, and then Alice told me her vision...I snapped, Bella. I refuse to live in a world where you don't."
"I love you so much..."
"I love you too, Bella. Always have. Always will...you're the only one that even matters to me...I've said it before and I'll say it again...you are my life now. You're the only one I need."
She smiled, and laid down again beside Edward, and he wrapped his arms tightly around her. She laid her head on his chest as he softly began to sing these words:
n
I should've been chasing you
I should've been trying to prove
That you were all that mattered to me
I should've said all the things
That I kept inside of me
Maybe I could've made you believe
That what we had
What we had, it was all we'd ever need
I hope this was at least SOMEWHAT worth the wait. Computer broke...TONS of exams this week (2 yesterday and 1 today) so I'm worn out!!! But no worries- I'm still writing! Any ideas? Sick of songfics yet? Any plot/song ideas? I have some ideas going around in my head right now, but ideas are always great! Just let me know!
Thanks for reading and please, please, PLEASE review!!!
Renee