Sunrise, for the First Time

Disclaimer: Blah blah, I don't own stuff by Stephenie Meyer, including Twilight characters or titles or copyrights or dowries, which is remarkably unfortunate, considering making money off of wasted time would be a very lucrative profession for me.

Chapter 5: Never to Return

I'd imagined it all; of course I had. Standing here, school books in my arm, my other hand on the doorknob, and thinking that when I opened it, there'd be a silver Volvo parked behind my decrepit truck, as if nothing had ever changed. I had, of course, imagined that Edward had returned, that he had professed his love for me and promised to take me to school. I had to be prepared for when I opened the door and saw no shiny car in the driveway; I had to be prepared to face this day at school after having been stupid enough to give into my insanity this morning.

But, when I opened the door, there it was, the silver Volvo, and there he was, leaning against the driver's side door with his arms across his chest, his hair catching tiny drops of water from the light drizzle, a smile playing on his lips. In an instant, he was beside me; he took my bag from my arm and took my hand in his. I smiled at him in wonder as he walked me to the passenger's side, opening the door for me. Then, catching my expression, he laughed. "Bella, if you don't stop believing I'm a fantasy, I'll have to send you to a shrink. I only hope he doesn't perform hypnosis so that you unwittingly divulge any of my secrets to him -- I'd hate to have to break into an insane asylum to save you."

I clucked at his terrible joke and got into the car. He had no idea how close the possibility had been.

He got into the car and hesitated for a moment, staring at me contemplatively. "Hmm," he said. I waited for him to voice his thoughts. "As much as I hate to desert my brothers and sisters on our first day back at The Fair Forks High, how would you feel about playing hooky today?"

Was he kidding? "That'd be spectacular."

He laughed. "Wonderful. I know just the place to go." He smiled mysteriously, but I had a pretty good guess as to our destination.

Then, I connected the dots. "Wait! Your brothers and sisters? You're already enrolled in school again?"

"That would be correct. Carlisle and Esme have spent the past three days moving into our old house and re-enrolling their "children" into school, getting Carlisle's job back, and other such mundane things." He hesitated, "Apparently, my dear family have been prepared to move back here from the beginning. They never sold our house."

So that's why he was back. It was convenient for him to return to me, now that his family had disregarded his wishes to live elsewhere.

"Rosalie, I must say, is a bit miffed; she doesn't appreciate my volatile decision-making. She's threatened to drop my piano from the roof if I decide I want to move again any time soon."

How remarkably frustrating. "If you decide?"

"Yes. I'm afraid my entire family have become somewhat impatient with me. But they're thrilled that I seem to have reached the conclusion they wanted me to reach all along."

"Which is?"

"That I belong wherever you are."

"Oh," I said, waiting for my thoughts to catch up with themselves.

"Try not to sound so disappointed, Bella," he laughed. "I would've returned sooner, with Carlisle and Esme, but I … had a few loose ends to tie up elsewhere."

I wasn't sure if he wanted to elaborate, so I didn't ask.

He continued. "Alice, I'm sure, will be very disappointed that I've stolen you from her on her first day back. She'll forgive me when she sees you somewhat returned to normalcy, though." He took my hand. "Not that she hasn't already, but I imagine it'll be a relief for her to see it in actuality, instead of in visions."

So I was going to be normal again. I could scarcely believe it. Then again, I was struggling to believe I wasn't still dreaming. I stared at Edward's hand in mine, not able to find my voice.

Edward peered at me. "I'm a little uncomfortable with the idea that you don't have any questions for me. This is uncharted territory. I think I preferred you screaming at me."

"I never screamed at you."

"Ah, my apologies, I preferred you forcefully lecturing me." He laughed and squeezed my hand. "But you may scream at me forever, if you wish. Or you may be silent forever. Just as long as you're with me."

My heartbeat quickened, and he smiled again. I couldn't remember the last time he had been this happy with me, even in my fantasies -- it was heaven.

"And here we are," he said. I looked around, taking in our destination. I had been right: there it was, the tiny, hidden trail leading to our meadow. Edward opened the door and held his hand to me. "Shall we?" He asked, and I obliged. "Climb onto my back, little girl, and don't forget to close your eyes this time."

I furrowed my brow. " 'Little girl'?" I asked, annoyed, but he laughed and swung me onto his back, and we were off. I squeezed my eyes shut.

After a few minutes of quiet wind against my face, he stopped, and gently pried my fingers from around his neck and set me down on my feet. I couldn't feel any rain, and a warm breeze tickled my face and lifted my hair, wrapping it around my neck. I kept my eyes closed and lifted my face to the sky, taking it in.

"My Bella," Edward sighed and wrapped his arms around me, placing his lips on mine. "You are too good to be true," he said after he broke the kiss. I opened my eyes.

"Are you really here, Edward?"

"I am, and shall remain so long as you wish it."

"I wish it forever."

"Then forever it is."

I sighed, totally confused. "So you're saying that you love me again?"

Edward raised his eyebrows. "No, not again, Bella." My eyes widened, not believing that I had been so stupid as to think he could. "I never stopped."

"You never stopped," I repeated, utterly bewildered. "Then why did you leave me?"

"Oh, Bella," he said, and pulled me out to the middle of the clearing, sitting down and pulling me with him. "I thought that if I could gather the courage to leave you, you might be able to have some semblance of a normal life. But I am," he clenched his jaw, "I am such a selfish creature, Bella, that I don't have the strength to stay away from you. As I said before, I did everything I could to remove any temptation to return to you, but it was eating me alive, being away from you; I thought that I might lose my mind from the torture. It was as if I was living in a body with no soul." He sighed. "That is, if that were not already the case, with my particular form of existence."

I put my hand to his face, and he leaned into it, putting his hand on top of mine. "Your soul," I said, determined that he believe me, "Is not gone, Edward. I know because I can see it. You have a beautiful soul."

He smiled. "If you're right, Bella, then it's yours if you wish it."

I shook my head, still confused. "You're going to be the death of me, Edward Cullen."

He dropped my hand, contorting his face. I had said the wrong thing. Stupid Bella. "I can only hope not, my love."

I decided to change the subject. No use trying to convince him of something when he was so determined to believe in his own damnation; besides, I had too many questions. "So what finally made you decide to come back?"

He smiled, a bit tragically. "Hearing your voice on the phone did me in. It was only a matter of time after that, even if Alice hadn't come and spent days on end nagging me about leaving you alone."

"Where have you been all this time?"

"A number of places. I spent a few months in Alaska, but I'm afraid my presence became a burden on my extended family; I depressed them." He hesitated. I wondered if he was editing his story. "Then I traveled aimlessly for months. Africa, India, Russia, South America -- it's all a blur, really. I tried so hard to do what's best for you, Bella."

"You're what's best for me."

He ignored my interruption. "And the past month or so, I've been in Italy."

"Italy? Why Italy?" I wondered if there were some significance to the final location.

"Do you remember me telling you about the Volturi when I was telling you Carlisle's story?" He asked. I nodded vaguely. "They're the vampire ruling class, I guess you could say. Well anyway, I went to them, thinking to pledge my loyalty in a final desperate attempt to solidify my decision to separate myself from you. I became involved with them, just as a visitor, to see if I could ever adjust to their lifestyle. It's very…" He struggled for words. "Totalitarian. I'm not entirely accustomed to following vampire… Traditions…" He hesitated, editing again. I had a pretty good idea as to what he referred. "When Alice told me you had killed yourself, I called to see if it was true; if it had been, I was entirely prepared to ask the Volturi to kill me."

I shivered. I didn't want to imagine what could've happened if I hadn't answered the phone that night.

"When I decided to come back to you, I had to take my leave politely, so as not to make them suspicious." He was editing again, but I had a feeling further details would not exactly help me sleep at night.

"So Alice came to you there? In Italy? After she saw me?" I was finally starting to put the puzzle together, even if the image wasn't exactly clear yet.

Edward shook his head. "Nope, no more questions. My turn."

I sighed, then nodded.

"What did you mean when you said you liked to do dangerous things in order to hear me?"

I blushed and looked away. I didn't want him to know how close to madness I'd come. "I… figured out that…. Whenever my adrenaline increased, you yelled at me in my head," I knew I was on the verge of incoherence, but I was trying to word my explanation so that he wouldn't think I had risked as much as I had.

"So in my attempted absence to keep you safe, I drove you to commit dangerous activities so that you could have auditory hallucinations of me?"

That sounded about right. "Yes."

"Bella," he said, suddenly laughing, "You are the most frustrating, fascinating woman on the face of this earth."

I'd take that. "Thanks," I said, and grinned at him in mock defiance.

Suddenly, his marble body was pressed against mine, lowering me gently to the ground as he showered me with kisses. I giggled, relishing the increase in my heart rate, hoping to drown in his sweet smell and his cold skin.

Well, maybe not drown. Too soon. Bad metaphor.

Then, the sky opened up and rain started to fall in sheets. Edward laughed and lifted me up effortlessly, swinging me onto his back. I locked my arms around his neck and pressed my face to his hair, and off we went, laughing in unison.