---Chapter 08: Flightless Bird---

Is it… a dream?

All the ones I have loved calling out my name.

The sun warms my face.

All the days of my life, I see them passing me by.

(From Swan Song – Within Temptation)

---

It happened again, tonight.

The Third Exorcists, of course, were first to be aware of it. Goushi came knocking on her office door, and Matron responded at once, for she had been staying awake just to be there when it occurred.

"Prepare the sedative," she told the nurse who was on duty that night before trotting towards the only occupied cot in the infirmary. The moans and whimpers from the previous nights had become muffled, choked screams, which couldn't be a good sign. Drawing back the white curtains, she met with Tokusa who was struggling to pin Link against the cot by his wrists. "How is it?"

"It would be a delight if you could put an end to this, Matron," said the man. "it's getting much worse."

Matron didn't know what Tokusa was trying to imply by saying "put an end to this", but she ignored him and took care of her patient first. Howard Link's situation sure had worsened. She had observed him four nights straight; every night he woke, whining and tossing around on the cot until she managed to soothe him. On the third night, he had been thrashing so violently that she couldn't calm him with just words. And this time, he even started screaming while struggling clumsily but aggressively to free himself from Tokusa's hold. His eyes were bright and wide opened but Matron knew for sure he wasn't alert; his pupils didn't react to the change of light and didn't focus on her at all.

"Link, it's all right, no matter what you see it's not real, I swear it's not real-"

She whispered into his ear, cupping his face in her hands, but he fought back, shaking his head from side to side uncomfortably. As his scream rose into a wild, agonized howl, Matron knew that she wouldn't be able to help. She gestured for her assistant to give her the syringe.

"Link, if you stop moving it won't hurt-"

He didn't do so – he struggled harder instead, and it took Matron a lot of effort just to get the needle into his vein. He knew she would do this to him; his eyes widened as he felt the drug and he tried to resist, but then he let out a soft moan of defeat before easing his body from the tension. Soon his eyes closed, his body went limp, his head lolled to the side and rolled into the depth of the pillow and Tokusa let go of him.

"Thank you very much for your hard work, Matron," said the man politely with a bow of his head. "We feel bad for waking you at this time of the night, but only you-"

"Oh, I'm only doing my job." She gently brushed him off with a sigh. She placed the syringe on the tray on the nightstand, then put a hand on Link's forehead. "The sedative will slow his healing, but we can't have him damaging himself. I'll see what I can do about his fever."

Leaving Link to the care of her assistant, Matron returned to her office to check on Link's dossier. She remembered every medicine she had assigned, but since Link's list of medicines was quite a long one, she wanted to make sure that she didn't make any mistake. She skimmed through the list and sighed, massaging her temples before picking up the pen and wrote something in Link's profile.

Once again she felt so powerless; no matter what she did, they kept slipping away from her, one by one. But she would never give up.

---

This morning when he woke up, Allen thought about raspberry scones.

He went to the cafeteria looking for some, but it was too early so breakfast had not been served yet. He asked Jerry if he had any. The Chef looked up from the oven he was surveying and gave him a smile before wandering towards the kitchen counters, then returned with two paper bags in his arms.

"I assume you won't be here when breakfast is served," he said kindly, "so take some for yourself too."

"Thank you Jerry, that's so thoughtful of you. Sorry for the trouble-"

"Not at all, Allen," the Chef dismissed him with a smile. "It's my pleasure. Now, if you excuse me… I should finish cooking before those gluttons wake up-"

"Yeah, right. See you at lunch."

The scones were warm and their scent was pleasant. Allen hugged the paper bags to his chest and broke into a trot, hurrying towards the Medical Wing. His small journey was quiet and peaceful; he encountered no injured people on his way, just some nurses who carried stacks of paperwork, laundry baskets, or trays of medicines. Once the infirmary door was in sight, he slowed down. The Third Exorcists were standing guard outside the infirmary, much to Allen's surprise. He bid them good day before opening the door.

"Good morning, Matron-"

His jaw dropped. For a moment he thought his vision fooled him, but it was true, it was real. The white curtains had been drawn back, revealing the cot in the corner of the infirmary. Matron was sitting on a chair next to the cot, holding a bowl in her right hand and a silver spoon in her left; she was talking, and Allen knew for sure that unlike him, she wouldn't be talking if the other person couldn't response,

"Come on, open up, just one more spoonful-"

"Nein!"

The voice that answered was Link's, but it wasn't really Link. Allen didn't remember if he ever heard Link speaking in his mother tongue, nor did the Inspector ever use such a childish tone. In awe, the white-haired boy came closer… and soon a pair of pale olive green eyes looked up to greet him.

"Oh, Allen." Matron followed Link's gaze and turned around. "I didn't know you came-"

"Don't mind me, Matron." Allen took another step closer. "How is he? Did he recover?"

"Well… Not entirely." The nurse wasn't sure how to explain, "He just-"

"… scones."

Allen jumped in surprise when Link mumbled so, touching his arm with a black-tainted hand and reaching for the bags of scones. The Matron reacted while the young Exorcist was still standing there in amazement.

"No, Link, finish your porridge first. Then if you take your medicines properly, I'll let you have one-"

"Nein, alte Hexe!" The Inspector frowned, yelled, and let himself fall noisily into the cot, yanking the sheets up until they covered his head. Then he just curled up sulking inside the lump, acting like he didn't give a damn about what was happening around, but would still react viciously if Matron dared to lay a hand on him.

"Boy, he's got a temper." The nurse sighed in defeat when her hand was shook off for the fifth time, "Well, I'll wait until he calms down and see if I can force some more food down his throat-"

"Matron, what happened?"

The woman looked at Link's tray of medicines, replacing the pills with some bottles of liquid, "He's struggling. I'm assuming that the Skulls' spell didn't actually remove his memories, but merely seal them somewhere inside. The Inspector's struggling to get them back, and… as you can see, he's succeeded. Somewhat."

"I… see." said Allen, half-distracted when he saw, out of the corner of his eye, a hand poking out from the lump of sheets and quickly snatching two scones from the paper bags he had left on the nightstand. When Matron turned back, the hand had already disappeared under the sheets. "So, this is an improvement?"

"Of course, even though he's not really himself. Anyhow, a child is still better than an inanimate object. You, Allen." Matron turned to face him. "I know how you're feeling right now, but please, please, just let him be. It may take him days, maybe months, to fully recover. Don't push him. Don't force him to remember. He's extremely unstable right now, if he is agitated there's no telling what will happen next."

"Understood, Matron." He stood up straight and saluted, grinning broadly. "What does 'alte Hexe' mean, by the way?"

"… Old hag." Matron huffed and left to help an injured Finder.

Allen burst into laughter. When he turned to look at the lump on the cot, he found a pair of green eyes peeking at him, and he sent a wink in that direction. Ah, but if felt good to have hope.

---

He stayed at the infirmary the whole day. He just lingered there in the corner of the room and watched. The scones that Link had managed to steal improved his mood; he left his blankets cocoon after a while, and meekly accepted the porridge that Matron fed him. He drank medicines properly, not fighting back at all, just whispering some soft German words under his breath, probably commenting on the liquid's horrid taste. Then he was allowed to have another scone, and he had been munching at it happily as Allen watched him, wondering why the balloon of excitement he'd just felt went down so fast.

Maybe Allen had expected Link to gather himself faster than this. Maybe he just wasn't used to see the stoic Inspector acting like a five-year-old, rolling around on his bed, humming German folk songs, talking to himself in the language that only he could understand, staring at the sky with his hands cupping the sides of his face and his elbows rested on the windowsill, looking after every bird that flew by, as if nothing could bother him, while the Link that Allen used to know had lots to worry about. Maybe it was just because he started to miss him, the Inspector, the stingy Moleface who followed him everywhere he went, who always told him to look down, be meek and act like a good boy while he wasn't even that docile to begin with-

Allen felt a gentle tug on his sleeve. When he looked up, he realized his vision was blurred by the hot tears that had been welling up in his eyes, so he wiped them hastily, and was shocked to find Link so close in front of him. The Inspector had slipped off his bed, dragging the blankets behind him, and had come to Allen. His blonde hair hang messily down the sides of his face, his lengthening bangs almost covered his wide opened, crystal clear green eyes. He was pale, his skin was an unhealthy shade under the colors of the twilight; his lips were trembling slightly, maybe because of the exhaustion from which he hadn't fully recovered yet. Mismatched hands came to rest on Allen's lap, as Link knelt on the floor and looked up at him and spoke, releasing each German-accented syllable with difficulty. "Mein Herr… Are you- all right?"

Allen felt a pang of misery, but he managed a smile. "I-I'm fine…"

Hot, slender fingers touched his scarred cheek. "Nein… that's… not true… Why are you- cry-ing?"

Allen's restraints shattered. He couldn't take it anymore, that voice, that face, those eyes- Having Link's form right here in front of him, while knowing that the true Howard Link had drifted away, had been sent away into the darkness, too far away from his reach. Allen slumped to the floor on his knees, flung his arms over Link's shoulders, and he held the Inspector's gaunt form, sobbing hotly into his neck,

"It's all my fault- It's all my fault. Link, I'm so sorry, I had no idea… I'm so sorry. Please, Link, I'll do anything… I'm begging you, come back… Please come back!"

---

"Nurse, sedative!"

"Yes, Matron!"

"He won't stop- I can't- He's too strong, Matron!"

"Bind him." Ordered the Head Nurse. She turned to the dumbfounded Allen and scowled, "Move!"

Timcanpy hissed at her furiously; she simply ignored the golem; horrified, Allen pulled Tim back by his tail and made his retreat, but still couldn't tear his eyes off the scene in the infirmary. A nurse ran past him, a syringe ready in hand, while another made a lunge for the storage cabinet and brought out a roll of bandages. Matron took the bandages and, with the sudden strength and determination of a much younger woman, pinned each of Link's limbs down and bound him to the cot. Sweat trickled down the sides of her face as she yelled, fighting to be heard over Link's continuous screams, "It's okay, Link– Nothing can harm you now– Calm down, please, you'll only hurt yourself-"

Nothing can harm you now? But what did she mean – Did Allen harm him? He never meant to – but did he? He fiddled with his shirt, and answered himself, Yes, I did. Only a harming act could result to this outburst, and Link was suffering from what Allen had done.

Link had been crying. He didn't just sulk like a child would, he had actually been crying his heart out, and he was fully himself when he did so. Tear mixed with blood streamed out from his eyes; drop by drop, they rolled down, tracing his ashen white skin, marking his face with a crimson cobweb. His mouth was pulled down by screams of agony; he screamed until he was out of breath, and when he was, he bit his lips, he bit his tongue – so hard that blood began to trickle down from the corners of his pale lips. Matron ordered the nurses to put a gag in his mouth to prevent him from hurting himself more, but none of them could bring themselves to do so, and the Head Nurse had to do the heartbreaking work by herself. The more restraints they put on him, the harder he struggled – soon his wounds were torn opened; more blood were smeared on the white sheets, and Matron choked out in despair,

"But do something, anyone, do something, stop him!"

A crimson figure walked past Allen and stopped by the cot. Even though in shock, the young Exorcist could still recognize Goushi's voice.

"Move," he told the nurses before beginning to chant a spell with an unwavering voice, "Hijutsu: Shibaribane-" and seals flew out of his sleeve and encircled the cot, "Baku!"

It was like a thunderstrike. A flash of light blinded their vision, and when they could see again, Link was already lying still. More tears fell free from his eyes; his chest heaved up and down painfully; but he was no longer struggling, for he had been bound by Binding Feathers.

"Don't you need to do something?" Tokusa gave the awed Matron a gentle nudge. "Hurry up."

"Ah, y-yes," she squeaked, taking the syringe from her assistant. Holding up Link's arm, she avoided looking at his face and injected him with the sedative. It looked like she gave him quite a lot of it; as soon as the syringe emptied, Link's body went limp. His eyelids slowly dropped and he fell asleep, drifting into a world of nightmares where he was left completely alone.

---

His legs ached, his back was ice cold, but he refused to move.

Matron walked past him, carrying a fuming basin. She set it on a chair next to the cot, soaked a towel in hot water, wrung it dry then began to clean Link's body. It took several changes of water until she was fully satisfied. Nodding absently to herself, she removed the wet towel on Link's forehead and checked his temperature before replacing it with a new, clean towel.

It was past midnight and most of the nurses had gone to rest. Link, Allen, Matron, the nurse on duty, and the Third Exorcists were the only ones left in the infirmary. Matron had been ignoring Allen all along, but he was thankful that she still let him stay here, after what he just did-

She had smacked him across the face – he would have wondered how a backhand from a nurse like her could actually hurt that much, but he always knew Matron was a strong woman. It must have been a lot more painful if he'd slapped someone using his left hand, like he had done to Link not so long ago-

"Are you going to sit there all night?"

Lost in thoughts, Allen didn't recognize that Matron had come in front of him. He slowly raised his head – Timcanpy left the nest in his hair as he did so – and looked at her, "Please… don't worry about me…"

His voice was hoarse, as if he had forgotten how to use it. Matron stared at him.

"Worry? Who would worry about an idiot?" she said harshly, but after a moment of silence, she gently touched his cheek, "… Does it still hurt?"

Allen cracked a smile, "Don't worry about me… I've gone through worse. How is he-?"

"He's having a bad fever. Apparently, he is forcing his way out of the Skulls' seal. I don't know what you've told him while I wasn't there, Allen, but he's reacting to it. He recognized you."

"Ah" was all the boy could manage. "Will he- Will he get better?"

"His fever is not worrisome, but I dare not predict anything. I don't know much about spells, especially not those that affect one's mind. But Allen, you've crossed the line, you've pushed it to the limit, and your role is over. Now it's all up to the Inspector. If he is strong enough, he'll overcome it – However, of course, there are things that, once broken you can never put it back the way it was…"

With that, Matron turned on her heel and left the infirmary for a while. Allen decided to leave his spot, stood up, and walked to Link's side. The Inspector was sleeping soundlessly under the effect of the drug, but Allen wondered what was actually going on in his mind. His eyes were tightly shut, his breaths shallow, his chapped lips parted for more air, and the feverish blush on his cheeks was the only color on his pale face. His cursed right arm kept twitching, tugging on the bandages that Matron had put on him for restraints. Weighted down by sorrow, Allen couldn't think of any thing better to do than to use his fingers to comb some strands of stray hair from Link's face. Finally, he decided to stop looking. Assuming that Matron would return any moment, he left Link's side. He returned to his corner, sat on the chair and drew his knees to his chest, hugging them tightly. Curling into a ball to fight against the coldness of the night, Allen mentally bid Link goodnight before burying his face in his knees and drifting off to sleep.

---

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A/N: This chapter came earlier than I expected :D I hope everyone enjoyed reading. There are only two more chapters til the end. I finished reading a long time ago, but I'm not satisfied with the events yet. My beta and I are still looking for a way to fix the overdose of melodrama, but gain no success so far. So it'll probably take a while. Please be patient.

If you can drop a nice long detailed review, you'll help me a lot. Thank you so much for reading this far. I'm really thankful.