Chapter 2

Tammy was quiet on the way home to Reva's. Not saying a word, and looking out the window, with a depressed look upon her face. Her tears had stopped, but her eyes were red, and she had tear-stains on her face. Evidence, that she had been crying.

Reva looked over at Tammy with concern. She understood...better than anyone...what Tammy was feeling at the moment. It felt like a piece of you had been ripped out of your body. Reva tried to speed home. She didn't know how much longer she could hold out with her own sorrows. Reva wanted to be strong for Tammy, it would be what Jonathan would want her to do.

They pulled up the driveway, the car coming to a stop. "Are you coming in?" Reva asked, after they had sat in the car for a few minutes. "Come...I'll fix you up some warm soup and hot chocolate." Reva tried to pry Tammy out of her reverie.

Tammy looked at Reva, and towards the front door. She didn't know how she would be able to walk in to the house, knowing that Jonathan wouldn't be joining them...not for a long time. She had so many memories of him, in that house. She opened up her car door, and slid out of the seat, slowly. Her feet and her body seemed to be moving in slow motion.

When Reva and she walked into the house, Tammy was immediately assaulted by her memories of their kiss...when she had told Reva and Josh of his stealing money from Lewis.

Then...how he tried to kick her out of his life, after Alfred had died. And joining their families at Christmas, where Jon had met his granddad, Hawk and Uncle Rusty for the first time...all assailed her.

Why must it be this way? She wondered. Why couldn't they just be happy? Why hadn't they have just called the fire department, like she had wanted to? Why?...Why?...Why? Tammy slowly moved to the couch, where she sat down...exhausted.

She was tired, but knew that she wouldn't be able to sleep. Not without Jonathan around, to make things okay again. They had been so happy! Why did her mom hate him so? Why couldn't she just forgive him? She did...and he had hurt her most of all!

Reva had gone into the kitchen and had fixed up some soup and some hot chocolate...but Tammy hadn't been aware of it. She was too much into her own thoughts.

"Tammy, honey..." Reva said, as she sat down next to her, after setting a tray out on the coffee table. "Eat...it will make you feel better."

"I'm not hungry." Tammy replied. Reva looked at Tammy, closely. She could see the dark circles under Tammy's eyes. Reva wished that she knew what to say that would make her feel better. It was especially hard...because she was feeling the same exact way. What could she say? That would make her feel better, when she could hardly feel herself? "Tammy, you have to eat something..." Reva tried to convince Tammy. "Please, Jonathan wouldn't want you to starve."

"Jonathan isn't here now...is he?!" Tammy shouted. Tammy immediately regretted her harsh words. Reva was only trying to help. Tammy couldn't understand how Reva was coping. She wanted to ask her...but she couldn't get the words out. "I'm sorry," Tammy apologized. "I know you're feeling the same way."

"I am," Reva replied. "That's okay..." Reva waved off Tammy's apology. "I know that you're feeling at a loss. I am too," Reva laid a comforting hand on Tammy's shoulder. "Maybe...we can get through it...together." Tammy nodded her head.

"I'm tired...I think I'm going up to bed," Tammy told her, leaving her soup and hot chocolate, untouched.

"Sure, honey," Reva replied. She watched, as Tammy stood up and headed for the stairs.

Tammy turned around, just as she reached the bottom step. "I'd like that," Tammy said.

"Like what?" Reva asked, puzzled.

"I'd like to get through this together," Tammy replied, before she headed up the stairs.

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Jonathan had been "processed" and was escorted to his jail cell. He was now wearing an ugly orange jumpsuit, and was carrying his pillow and blanket. The guards led him into his cell, and Jonathan looked around. Bunk beds, with mattresses so thin, you'd need ten of them, to make them any good. A toilet was in the corner and a window, on the far wall. Jonathan thought that it he must've gotten the "wedding" suite...it at least had a window. Not that you could see out of it, of course. But he'd at least be able to look up at the stars, wishing that he could be reunited with Tammy.

Jon took the top bunk. He had nobody in the cell with him. He was glad for that. He wasn't in the mood for any kind of company.

The guards closed the bars. Locking him in his cell, the metal clanging, really made it that much more real...what had happened. Locked up...no freedom...no Tammy.

Tammy...what was she doing? Was she with Reva? Jon hoped that she would be okay. That she would get over this...and over him. It has to be this way, he thought to himself. She had to get on with her life. He had to be a memory now. It was the only way it could work, the only way for her to be happy, without him.

Tears started to roll down his cheeks. The thought of living without her...broke his heart. He rubbed his chest, where it hurt the most, hoping that would ease his pain. "I'm sorry, Tammy." He whispered. "If I had listened to you...we wouldn't be in this mess."

He shook his head, and laid down on the cot. Jon couldn't stop it...the tears just kept on coming. He tried to take a breath, but it was hard to do. He felt like a part of him was gone. The best part. He felt like a light had gone out. It was dark and gloomy. With it...he felt his anger boil to the surface.

Why must he destroy the things he loves the most dearly? Alfred was right...he will never be a better man and this proves it! Jon stood up, and started throwing the mattresses off of the beds and tearing at his hair. The guards shouted down the hallway, to quiet it down. Jon got control of his anger, and put the mattresses back on the metal bunks. It had helped, relieving his anger and frustrations, out like that. Jon could hear some of the other inmates, calling out wondering what had happened. Jon chose to ignore them, and laid back down on the bunk. From now on...he was going to do what Tammy asks of him. If it means to behave? Then he will do so. Never again, will he choose to ignore what she says. Tammy was always right...

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Tammy tried to lay down to sleep...she really did. She just didn't know how she was supposed to do it. Knowing Jonathan wasn't coming back to her...not for many years. How could she go on? How do you get over the love of your life? Tammy knew that Jonathan wanted her to be happy...but Tammy didn't think she would ever be that way again. Not until Jonathan came back into her life.

Until then, she would just go through the motions. She climbed out of bed. She opened the door, and noticed the light was on downstairs. She wondered if Reva was still up. She must be...the light is on. Tammy turned in the opposite direction of the stairs, and walked to another bedroom door. She opened the door, the darkness making her afraid for a moment. She turned on the lightswitch, just inside the door.

There, she looked around. Jonathan's things strewn around. He still even had clothes laying on the floor. There were posters on the walls of his favorite metal bands. The bed was unmade and the covers thrown halfway off the bed. It seemed like Jonathan had just left; that he was coming back soon. She noticed the aquarium on top of his dresser.

Did Lou, his pet snake, know that Jonathan was away? That he wouldn't be back for a long time? Tammy didn't know much about snakes, and what she did know, she learned from Jonathan, but she knew that they had long lives. Would Lou still be alive when Jonathan got out of prison?

Tammy turned on the light that was on the night stand. She turned around and turned off the ceilling light, that she had turned on when she had entered the room. She closed the door. Behind it, she noticed his leather jacket, with patches, hanging on a hook. She grabbed it, and wrapped it around herself, putting her arms through the holes, so that she was wearing it just like Jonathan had, then breathed in. It smelled just like his after-shave and of leather. It brought tears to her eyes. She missed the smell of him already!

How would she be able to go on? Tammy walked to the bed, fixed up the covers and climbed into it. She laid there...imagining how it would feel to have Jonathan's arms wrapped around her. Making her feel safe. She could smell Jonathan's scent on his pillow. Just the smell of him...she closed her eyes...and breathed in. She sighed.

What would it have been like to sleep with him again? She wondered. She could kick herself, for not doing it earlier and for putting it off. Why had they waited? Now...they will never know what it felt like, when it was real. To know what it means to really make love! Tammy knew the reason why...but she was full of remorse for a lot of things right now.

Why hadn't she just told Sandy that she had been in love with Jonathan? They would've had so much more time to be together!

Her regrets made her feel sad. They can never change the past, just have to deal with it the best that they could. Fresh tears started to roll out of Tammy's eyes. Tammy felt that now she could finally be free...free to cry all she wanted to. Tammy gave in to it, and cried. Eventually she fell asleep, wrapped in Jonathan's jacket and curled up into a little ball.