Trying to be a bit quicker on the updating front. Wish me luck! Fluff ahead...

And, as always, multiple thank yous! to ilex-ferox.

Chapter Nine: A Couch, Among Other Things

'I have found us a couch,' Juliet bounds into Holly's room, 'and it is awesome.'

Holly raises her eyebrows. 'And where exactly did you find this couch?'

'I went down to Blackberry Fair,' Juliet grins crookedly. 'I wasn't expecting to find anything but then there it was, just sitting there! It was so perfect I bought it on the spot. It's down in the front hall, come and see!'

More than a little fearful, Holly follows Juliet downstairs.

'You're kidding,' Holly says when she catches sight of the new addition to their home.

'Nuh uh, isn't it great?'

'Actually... yeah, it is,' Holly laughs.

'You do realise that this isn't an antique?' Artemis asks from his perch on an arm rest.

'Obviously. I'm not an idiot, Arty,' Juliet flips her ponytail over one shoulder.

The couch isn't at all Holly's usual style, and she wouldn't have thought it to be Juliet's, nonetheless, she has to admit it has character. Vaguely in the style of the late 20th century, dark wooden feet support a massive stretch of turquoise velveteen. It makes no attempts at being historically correct, more like a flamboyant set piece in a 1970s production of an Oscar Wilde play than anything else.

Holly sprawls across the seat, unable to touch both ends at once. 'It's huge!'

'That's the best part. Think about it, a few pillows and we are set for all night marathons of gnome wrestling championships!'

Artemis cringes, 'It's so gaudy.'

'I know!' Juliet crows. 'It's the last thing anyone's going to expect in our living room.'

'Jesus! What is that thing?' Butler enters, carrying a plate of sandwiches.

'Our new couch,' Juliet waggles her eyebrows, 'which, brother mine, needs to be delivered to our flat.'

Butler rolls his eyes. 'Can't you ever do anything on a small scale? What about a nice little loveseat or something? Why something with enough velveteen to make a circus tent? It's enormous.'

'Cowards, all of you!' Juliet thumps down beside Holly. 'At least you like it, Holly. That's all that really matters.'

Holly burrows further into the velveteen, 'I love it.'

Butler groans, 'I shudder to think what you'll buy for a bed, Juliet.'

'The couch isn't going to fit into the lift,' Butler points out as they stand in the lobby the next day. They are surrounded by a cluster of mismatched chairs, a bright yellow bookshelf and a tiny kitchen table which - since being adopted by Juliet - has gone from dark pine to sky blue.

'What a pity,' Artemis snaps his fingers.

Juliet shakes her head, 'Well then, we'll just have to carry it up.'

'You're kidding me,' Butler stares at his sister in something akin to horror.

Juliet pats her brother's stomach, 'Don't worry Dom, it'll be good for you. You need the exercise.'

'I'm so glad I have you looking out for me,' he monotones.

'You and I'll take the couch, Holly and Artemis can worry about everything else,' Juliet reaches down to grab hold of the couch's underside.

Holly eyes the clutter then Artemis with evident misgivings but says nothing, more than glad not to have to deal with the monstrous couch.

As Juliet and Butler struggle up the stairs, Artemis shakes his head, helping Holly stack chairs into the lift. 'I can't believe she actually bought that eyesore.'

Holly laughs, 'At least it's interesting.'

As the lift doors close, he turns to look at her over the pile of furniture between them. 'Do you like it? The furniture, I mean.'

Holly shrugs, 'I'm usually more of a browns and greens kind of girl - if I put thought into it at all - but this is kind of nice. I think it reminds her of Mexico - she was showing me photos the other day - things are so colourful there, never mind sunny... I think the rain here will get her down.'

'It's colourful here,' Artemis defends his homeland.

Holly laughs, 'There are more colours in the world than just green, Artemis.'

Artemis chuckles ruefully, 'Touché.'

'And really, I... they're so fresh, all these colours. You know, clean and bright. Just what you need for a new beginning,' she smiles.

'I wonder what colour she'll paint the walls?' Artemis asks jokingly.

'We've been talking about periwinkle,' Holly replies in all seriousness, but her eyes twinkle.

Artemis rolls his eyes. 'Why am I not surprised?'

Artemis and Holly have moved all their various odds and ends in by the time Butler and Juliet appear at the top of the stairs.

Holly hurries to help the gasping siblings while Artemis clears a space in the tiny living room.

'I hope you never have to leave in a hurry,' he calls to them from inside the flat, eyeing the dimensions of the main room and mentally calculating the remainder once the couch is in place.

Juliet wants to laugh, but hasn't got the breath to.

'Oh God,' she collapses onto the sofa as soon as they put it down, 'it's a good thing you're so beautiful, Couch, or I would have left you back on the fourth floor.'

Holly brings Butler a glass of water, patting his arm. 'You okay?' she asks quietly, under the cover of Artemis and Juliet bickering over furniture rearrangements.

He nods. 'Yes, just a little winded,' he gives her a lopsided smile. 'Not what I once was.'

Holly shrugs, 'Still better than most.'

Butler hugs her to him with one arm. 'Though, speaking of me, I've been meaning to ask you - any thoughts about taking Artemis' father up on that job offer? I mean, I'm assuming, since you've been letting me teach you...'

In truth, Holly hasn't really thought about it, there's been so much else taking up space in her head. She makes a snap decision, a result of the sunshine and camaraderie of the past few days. 'Yes, I'll do it. I need the money after all.'

'Good,' the giant grins down at her, 'that's certainly a load off my mind. I had no idea how I was going to convince Artemis to replace me if it wasn't with you.'

'You're all he's ever known, Butler; you can't blame him for trying to hold onto you.' Holly reaches up to pat his cheek but has to settle for his collar bone instead. 'Besides, you're more a father to him than anything else, really.'

'A father that takes orders,' Butler says.

'Nearly everyone takes orders from Artemis,' Holly points out.

'Pardon?' Artemis registers his name while trying to explain to Juliet that a piano is now a physical impossibility in this room.

'You've got yourself a new bodyguard,' Butler says.

Immediately, Artemis' eyes turn to Holly. She crosses her arms and shifts her weight onto one foot, an eyebrow raised in defiance. It's a posture he associates with their past, after he's suggested something particularly outrageous and she's telling him exactly where he can stuff it. Knowing she's about to tell him off is reassuring in some strange way.

'Only for outings,' she specifies. 'You're on your own inside the Manor grounds.' She pauses, 'And I won't do shopping excursions either. The tailor can poke you with as many pins as he wants.'

'You're too kind,' Artemis returns.

'What can I say?' Holly lifts her chin, 'You bring out the best in those around you.'

Butler grimaces. 'Yes, I can see this is going to work out wonderfully.'

But Holly is smiling.

'I didn't realise, when I said yes, that you needed someone so soon,' Holly grumbles three days later as she stands with arms outstretched to get a suit altered.

'Well,' Butler smiles, 'you could hardly have expected me to say as much when I knew the effect it would have on your decision.'

Holly rolls her eyes, 'You're as bad as Artemis.'

Butler shrugs, unashamed. 'I do what I have to, to keep him safe.'

'You could go with him yourself,' Holly points out. 'That would keep him safe. And better fed. I hope you realise there's no way I am cooking for him, too.'

Butler shakes his head, 'Holly, I'm really no longer young enough to protect him, should he need it. You've always kept him safe before, you might as well get paid for it now.'

Holly thinks back to all the times she's saved Artemis. 'But before... things were different before. I could do more. What if now I'm not enough either? I'm not trained like you are. I'm...' Holly is visualising Artemis on the floor of the gorilla cage and her heart is doing flip flops. Like her younger self, she feels butterflies take her stomach by storm. 'Butler, I can't do this. This is ridiculous, who am I trying to kid here?'

Recognising that, this time, Holly's unwillingness stems from an entirely different source than previously, Butler puts a hand on her shoulder. 'Holly, look at me. Do you really think I'd let Artemis go off with just anyone - no matter how much we both liked her? I'll come with you the first few times and, between the two of us, everything will be absolutely fine. Besides, things aren't like they were before. He's going to an academic conference, not brunch with Britva.'

'You're coming too?' Holly relaxes visibly. 'Oh good,' she says in a small voice which doesn't, in any way, describe her relief.

'Though, I still don't see why I can't just wear my own clothes,' she says after a minute, pulling at the hem of her suit jacket and getting tsked at by the shop assistant.

'Just think of it as another uniform.'

Holly raises an eyebrow, 'An Armani uniform?'

'Your budget's a lot bigger now,' Butler shrugs, smiling.

Holly snorts. 'And can this uniform vibrate out of the visible spectrum?'

Butler laughs. 'No, but it can double as dinner wear.'

'Oh good,' Holly replies sarcastically, 'I was really worried about that one. Though,' she sighs dramatically, 'black does absolutely nothing for my colouring.'

'I'm sure Juliet will have a snappy tie ready for you before we go.'

'What about sunglasses? Do I get a snazzy pair of secret agent sunglasses as well?'

'They'll impede your vision.'

'My vision is better than yours has ever been, buddy,' Holly, at last free from the assistant and his pins, crosses her arms.

'No sunglasses unless absolutely necessary.'

Holly pouts.

Butler and Holly return to the Manor after the alterations - something Holly is not best pleased about.

'I'm all moved out as of yesterday,' Holly points out as they roll up the drive, 'and we don't leave until ten tonight. You could just drop me at the flat and I could come back to the Manor later.'

'There are still a few things I want to go over with you.'

'Of course,' she says resignedly.

'Besides,' Butler looks positively mischievous, 'Myles has been asking after you.'

Holly rolls her eyes. 'I wish you guys would stop encouraging him. He's coming up to his fifth birthday. I'm coming up to my eighty-fifth.'

'And Artemis is coming up to his seventeenth,' Butler points out, seemingly at random. 'Well, twentieth.'

'I'm getting out of the car, now,' Holly says.

Juliet is waiting for them inside the entrance hall. 'There you two are! I have been waiting forever. Now, Holly, I got you a tie because those suits are so boring and I want you to be the best dressed bodyguard there. I have a reputation to keep up, you know. Also, I saw this awesome pair of sunglasses; though they'll be kind of pointless tonight, they'll look great on you tomorrow. And don't let Dom give you any sass about the glasses, they won't impede anything.'

Holly laughs, taking the bag Juliet offers her. 'Thanks, Juliet.'

'No problem. Accessorising the world is what I'm here for. Don't even worry about it,' Juliet smiles.

'Though,' Holly frowns, 'this is a conference on general relativity, just how many other bodyguards are there going to be?'

'Ah,' Juliet shrugs, 'one or two. Artemis may be the youngest, but he isn't the only crime lord with an interest in science.'

'Just how illegal is he these days?' Holly asks.

Butler purses his lips. 'Ten percent? If that. He's more of a dabbler in crime these days than a lord.'

'Fabulous.' Holly crosses her arms.

'Artemis is Artemis, Holly,' Butler shrugs. 'Some things can't be changed.'

Holly makes a face.

'Come on,' Butler takes her by the arm, 'let's go find you some guns.'

'I love how you say that in the plural,' Holly laughs.

Six hours later, in the warm summer twilight, Holly stands on the steps of Fowl Manor beside Butler. Both are impeccably turned out in black Armani though Holly, laughing, has added Juliet's gift of a gold silk tie. It's ostentatious but it makes her smile and consequently relax. Although being fully kitted out with an iris cam, a throat mike, two (disguised) Neutrinos, a Swiss-made watch that is also a bomb and four shrike throwing knives, also helps her loosen up. If she's honest, it's the purloined fairy technology that's most comforting. Even if it does make her nostalgic. She's caught herself countless times reaching to adjust a helmet that she isn't wearing.

'You okay?' Butler asks.

'Yes,' she shrugs, straightening her jacket, 'I just keep wondering where my LEP uniform is.'

Butler nods in understanding as the front door opens.

'Sorry I'm late,' Artemis comes out, followed by his father. 'Myles borrowed some of my notes for his bedtime reading.'

Holly snickers. 'You're not serious?'

Artemis shrugs, 'Actually, I'm surprised he hasn't asked for them earlier.'

Holly stares at him.

'I'm joking, I'm joking,' Artemis waves his hands.

Holly stares at him.

'Oh stop that, I have made jokes before,' he huffs.

'That's true,' Holly agrees. 'Yes, I definitely remember you making one a couple years ago.'

Artemis purses his lips. 'Shall we go?'

'Not yet,' Holly shakes a finger at him, 'Someone may have studded that car with bombs in the past twenty minutes since Butler last checked it, I've got to make sure it's safe!'

'So glad to see you're taking your job seriously,' Artemis follows her down to the car.

'Hey, if this car explodes I'm dead too, don't forget.'

'Well, at least that tie would be reduced to cinders.'

'Watch it there, Arty, this was a gift.'

'Don't worry, I realise that; I give your taste much more credit.'

Butler and Artemis Senior watch as the other two disappear behind the Bentley.

'I can't believe how relaxed he is around her,' comments Artemis' father quietly. 'He's never that forthcoming with me.'

Butler smiles fondly in the direction of their bickering voices. 'He and Holly have gone through a lot together. She's put up with him at his worst; which, where she's concerned, has been bad enough to make even your ancestors cringe. No offence, sir.'

'They're not just co-workers, are they?' the other man is unruffled by the allusion to his family.

Butler shakes his head. 'No, they're... well, they're the most mismatched pair that's ever existed, but I doubt you'll find two people closer to each other in this, or any other, world. She'll make him the man you want him to be.'

'Did he really kidnap her?' he asks.

Butler blinks, wondering where he's found that out. 'Yes, but that isn't the worst of it.'

'Oh, Artemis,' his father sighs, staring out towards the car. 'I've done wrong by him, haven't I, Butler?'

'Yes, sir,' Butler replies, but not unkindly.

Artemis Senior smiles ruefully. 'At least you're honest with me.'

'With all due respect sir, Artemis is my employer, not you. His welfare has taken up most of my adult life so, when it comes to rectifying what has made him unhappy, you'll forgive me if I'm a little blunt.'

Artemis Senior looks the giant man in the eye. Standing on the steps of his ancestral home, surrounded by his family, Artemis Fowl I suddenly feels completely alone. His eldest son, his brilliant first-born, will forever be a mystery to him. He is the boy's father, yes, but here is the man who cared for him, because his father was too busy; there is the girl who shaped him, because his father was gone. His eldest son, his brilliant first-born is not, and never has been, his. He feels a sudden, gaping sense of loss.

'I love him, Butler, I really do.'

'I know, sir, and he loves you. Very much.'

'But I want to know him as well. Am I too late for that?'

Butler thinks about everything that this man will never know about his son. 'For some things – many things - yes, you're too late. But, in fairness to you, some of those things you would never have known anyway. You couldn't have known. And that isn't your fault.'

'Things like Holly Short.'

'Things exactly like Holly Short.'

Artemis Senior is silent for a moment before looking Butler in the eyes again. 'Thank you, Butler, for doing all that I couldn't.'

Butler swallows, knowing that he has, to all intents and purposes, taken the place in Artemis' life that this other man should have had. 'It's been the greatest honour of my life, sir. He's done us both proud.'

'Butler, are you coming or what?' Holly calls from the car. 'I know this may come as a shock, but there aren't any booby traps.'

'Though I was tempted to plant one myself, if only to dispose of that hideous tie,' Artemis adds.

'Leave my tie out of this; it's got character.'

'You don't need any more character, you've got too much as it is.'

'You're giving me the warm fuzzies, Arty, you really are. Now, unless you want me to speed the entire way to the airport, get in the car.'

Artemis gets in the car.

'You're going as well, Butler?' Artemis Senior asks.

Butler smiles, 'Well, someone needs to protect Holly, after all.'

Artemis Senior frowns. 'From what?'

'Your son.'

Holly gets them to the airport in record time. Looking, if possible, even paler than usual, Artemis steps out of the passenger seat with shaking knees. 'I thought the idea behind hiring you was to preserve my life, not hasten my demise,' he calls to Holly over the roof of the car.

'Are you doubting my driving skills, Fowl?' Holly laughs at his pale face.

'Wouldn't dream of it.'

'Good,' Holly hands him his bag, 'then let's check in.'

'I have to carry this?' Artemis eyes his luggage.

Holly crosses her arms and Butler sighs, recognising the beginning of another argument.

'Let's get one thing straight, Arty: I'm neither your mother nor Butler. You're hiring me to protect you, not be your maid. I'm not carrying your luggage. And neither will Butler. It's time you learnt to be a little more self-sufficient. And if you don't like that, well then, fire me.'

'I am self-sufficient - I am one of the highest grossing individuals on this planet.'

'Don't play dumb, Artemis, you know what I mean.'

Artemis sighs and picks up his bag. Playing dumb has never been something he could keep up for very long. 'This is what I get for hiring an ex-civil servant. The adjective is so misplaced.'

Holly just laughs.

Contrary to Artemis' dire warnings, they board the plane, fly, and land at Heathrow without difficulty. Though originally planning to fly there in the Fowl jet, Artemis' plans had to be re-thought when Holly flatly refused to take a private plane. She'd been doing research on fuel emissions.

'When you get the Lear to run off solar power or hydrogen cells or any other clean fuel of your choice, I will gladly fly you to Mars. Until then, if we have to fly, we are taking public flights.'

Artemis had, at first, simply refused. Then, seeing that she wasn't joking, had argued. And, finally, acquiesced. Holly can be more than a little terrifying when she wants to be.

Now, fresh off the plane, smelling of stale air and other people, he hopes she appreciates the sacrifices he makes for her.

'That wasn't so bad now, was it, Arty?' Holly asks as she drives them into town.

She snickers at his wordless look of loathing.

Butler chuckles. 'All the more reason for you to go green, Artemis,' he points out.

'Yes, yes, mock me; I don't mind.'

'At least it wasn't eight hours on the luggage rack of a train,' Holly comments as she pulls up in front of their hotel.

'Are you still bitter about that?'

'I will always be bitter about that,' Holly informs him.

Artemis and Butler share a quick smile, thinking back to their coffees on the beach.

Holly catches the tail-end of their expressions and frowns. 'What's so funny? Am I missing something here?'

'Nothing,' Artemis replies airily, picking up his bag without complaint, 'we were just remembering our trip to the library that same day.'

'I still say you were at the beach,' Holly hands the key over to the valet. 'That is just the sort of thing you would do to me.'

'O ye of little faith,' Artemis shakes his head in mock sadness.

'With good reason,' Butler points out.

'Et tu, Brutus?'

Holly leans against the wall, scanning the room from behind her enormous sunglasses. Juliet has gone all out; the round lenses are almost bigger than Holly's face. However, the Royal Society lecture hall is so brightly lit that Holly feels entirely justified.

'You look like a deranged insect,' Artemis tells her when she first puts them on that morning.

'Better that than a member of the undead,' she shrugs.

Suddenly, on the far side of the room, her wandering eyes catch sight of an oh-so-familiar head of hair. Holly groans. Of all the people.

She fiddles with her iris-cam for a second, zooming in on the mass of blonde curls. Yes, no doubt about it, Holly's least favourite child genius, now quite the young lady, is sitting across the room from her.

'Fabulous. Just wonderful. Like my day wasn't d'Arvitting brilliant enough already,' Holly mumbles to herself.

'Say again?' Her microphone has picked up her grumbling and relayed it to Butler.

'Nothing, Butler. Just saw an old friend, that's all,' Holly directs her eyes back across the room.

'Ah, yes. Minerva,' says Butler as the picture comes up on his screen in the hotel. 'She has gotten better you know, Holly.'

'Sure, and I know a swear toad who's never said d'Arvit.'

'I take that to mean you're feeling unconvinced?'

'Bingo, Big Man.'

Butler chuckles, 'Don't worry, you won't have to go anywhere near her until dinner tonight.'

'Dinner tonight?' Holly repeats. 'Don't I just stand in a corner and watch all these indescribably brilliant people munching?'

'Well,' admits Butler, 'usually that would be the case, but Artemis put you down as a guest instead of employee. So, see? It's a good thing that suit can do double duty.'

'Guest?' Holly's voice rises a few decibels, enough to actually make a slight whispering sound.

'He thought about it long and hard. Wasn't sure which would rile you up more: standing there watching everyone eat or having to make polite conversation.'

'And which is this supposed to be? The piss me off or butter me up option?'

'I don't know that he ever made up his mind as to which you'd actually prefer. Mainly, I think he decided that at least you'd be in a better mood if you ate something.'

'Clever man.' Holly makes a face, 'Though, if I've got to eat across from Minerva Take-Me-Now-Artemis Paradizo, it's possible that I might rather go hungry.'

'Feeling a bit territorial, are we?'

'Not at all, more like overly aware of my gag reflex.'

Butler guffaws. 'Ah, Holly, have I ever told you how glad I am that Artemis kidnapped you?'

'No, actually.' Artemis chooses that moment to look back at her and Holly smiles at him.

'Very.'

Artemis returns her smile before returning to the lecturer. 'Sometimes - but this is very, very rarely you understand - I am too, Butler,' she replies.

Back in the hotel, Butler smiles to himself as he watches the footage coming in from her iris cam.

Holly moves forward to join Artemis as he rises from his seat. 'So, all set to travel through wormholes back to the Jurassic, Mud Boy?' she asks him, referring to the contents of the lecture.

'You understood what he was saying?' Artemis asks, then dodges her slap.

'Huh, you Mud Men think you're such hot stuff; our warlocks have been working with wormholes since before Frond. We learn this stuff in primary school.'

Artemis raises an eyebrow.

'Well, okay,' she admits, 'sometimes, when I go visit N° 1, Qwan doesn't differentiate between pupil and innocent bystander and lectures us both.'

Artemis laughs. 'To answer your question, however: I'm relatively certain I have had quite enough time travel to last a lifetime.'

'I really hope that's true because I-'

'Artemis!' Minerva moves towards them through the crowd.

Holly sighs, giving up on her vague plans for a painless escape.

'Minerva,' Artemis leans forward to kiss the girl's cheeks.

The blonde smiles up at him prettily and Holly crosses her arms, shifting her weight onto one foot. The movement causes Minerva to catch sight of her, half-hidden behind Artemis.

'Where's Butler?' she asks. 'Isn't he with you?'

'Oh yes,' replies Artemis, 'but he stayed behind at the hotel. Holly will be coming with me from now on.'

'Holly?' Minerva spares the woman a quick look but continues directing her words at Artemis. 'She looks familiar. Is she a member of the staff at the Manor?'

Holly snorts, 'In Artemis' dreams.' She slips her sunglasses off and Minerva focuses on her with a start, eyes widening in amazement.

'Demon,' Minerva breathes.

Holly rolls her eyes. 'No. Elf. And not even that anymore.'

Minerva frowns, looking Holly up and down. 'But you're – you can't be –'

'Actually, I can.'

Minerva steps closer. 'Human?' she whispers. 'But how?'

'It's a long story,' Artemis tells her.

'Well, we have quite a lot of time before dinner,' the girl points out.

'Actually, he was just trying to be polite,' Holly interrupts. 'What he actually meant was: it's none of your business.'

Minerva frowns down at Holly's closed expression. 'You know, I did apologize for that kidnapping thing.'

'Really?' Holly feigns surprise, 'Oh dear, then why on earth am I not jumping up and down to be your best friend? Whatever could be the matter with me?'

'Holly-' warns Butler's voice in her ear.

She ignores him. 'If it makes you feel any better, Minerva, sometimes I still don't like Artemis - and he kidnapped one of us long before you ever even thought about it.'

Minerva tosses her hair in a manner vaguely reminiscent of Juliet right before she flips out. Since Holly knows she can knock this particular blonde unconscious in under a second, she finds it a lot less intimidating.

However, Artemis, never having been the bone of contention (however unacknowledged) between two women before, is finding the whole experience a little bit terrifying. For a second he wishes that Butler were there to save him – while said Butler tries, with little success, to smother his hilarity in his sleeve.

'Would you shut up?' Holly whispers to the guffawing man.

'Only when you stop acting like a jealous fourteen year old,' he manages between bursts of laughter.

'I'm nothing of the sort,' she hisses in Gnommish.

Artemis, also privy to this conversation having turned his earpiece on after the lecture, feels his stomach take up gymnastics. 'We had better be getting back,' he tells Minerva, 'but we'll see you at the dinner. A pleasure, as always.' He kisses her cheeks again in goodbye and, taking Holly by the arm, turns them both forcibly toward the exit.

'Aw, come on, Arty, it was just getting fun,' Holly trots along beside his much longer legs.

Artemis looks down his nose at her. He wishes they weren't rigged out in LEP gadgetry so that he could talk to her without an audience.

'I'll be right back, you two,' Butler reads his mind, 'nature calls. Don't kill each other while I'm gone.'

'I always forget how biting you can be with people you don't like,' Artemis comments without looking at her.

'Really? I've been pretty nasty to you - I'm surprised you forgot so quickly. Obviously, I haven't been doing it enough.'

He rolls his eyes. 'You undermine your efforts by turning around and being nice to me afterwards.'

'Tell me about it,' Holly sighs spectacularly. 'I've always been a sucker for megalomaniacs.'

They step out on the pavement and Holly immediately goes on the alert, tilting her head back fractionally to get a better look at passers-by, her eyes flicking continuously back and forth. The sun slides out from above the many clouds and lights her from behind, painting a line of gold along her jaw and down her throat. Artemis closes his eyes, stamping down on his body's automatic lurch towards her.

'I'm not a megalomaniac,' he says, eyes still closed.

'Of course not, Arty,' she replies condescendingly. 'And, for Frond's sake, open your eyes before you walk into something. What are you doing?' Holly pulls him out of the path of a fast approaching streetlamp.

Stumbling a little, Artemis looks down at her again. This is the wrong choice. Still shining like polished bronze, she has just enough time to give him a quizzical look before he throws caution to the wind and kisses her again. Her lips are chapped – she left her water bottle in the hotel that morning.

She breaks away first this time, but stays close enough that he can feel her lips move as she speaks. 'Don't push your luck, Fowl,' she whispers.

'Sorry,' he whispers back, clearly anything but.

'I guess I'm not really helping,' she gives him a lopsided smile, stepping back properly. He suppresses the urge to reach for her.

'No,' he comments as they continue walking, 'you're rather the queen of mixed signals.'

Holly nods. 'I know. I'm sorry. You know... well, how I feel. I just need time.'

'And space,' he allows his voice to border on the plaintive, knowing she will find it endearing.

She laughs. 'Yes, and space.'

They walk for a moment in silence.

'Thank you, though,' she swallows audibly, looking up at him. 'You're being much better about this than I thought you would. It's... it's really good of you, I know this is...'

'Awkward? Insufferable? Excruciating?' Artemis keeps his expression politely inquiring to mask his exultation. She is so moral she makes him feel guilty by simply existing, it's time he gave her a taste of her own medicine, whether or not she recognises it as such. Besides, there's nothing like a bit of guilt to hasten a decision.

'All of the above,' Holly laughs. 'You're one of a kind, Artemis Fowl,' she grins.

He smiles his vampire smile.