Matt

It was dark. Everything was so dark. And pain. So much pain. Where the hell was I? Was I dead?

No, when you die there's no pain, right? What about Hell? Was there pain there? Is that where I was?

No. I didn't want to be dead yet. I had so much to tell him. I couldn't die without telling him.

And what about that gorilla? Where was he? I remember stepping in front of Mello, keeping the gorilla back. I remember pain and then…nothing. Just a lot of noise and pain.

A light hit my eyes. Too bright. I thought death was less painful. Can't I just have a break? I lost Mello, I didn't need to be in constant pain too. It's just not fair. Then again…life wasn't fair why would death be?

"Matty…"

Voices? Are there voices in Hell? It's too beautiful for this place. That voice doesn't belong here. He doesn't belong here. Please, send him somewhere else. He's a good person, he doesn't deserve this place. Please…

"Matty… wake up… please…"

Such a beautiful voice. I want to wake up, I really do, but I don't know if I can. I want to give everything to that voice, so beautiful. The most beautiful sound in the world.

Cold drops fall on my face. Rain? Rain in Hell? Well, that's far from what I expected.

No, not rain. Not consistent enough for rain. Tears? Who would be crying? It's not me.

"Matt…"

Ah, the voice is crying. Rather, the owner of the voice is. Why is he crying? He shouldn't cry. He has so much to be happy about, crying just won't do. I have to get up and tell him that. But the light…I don't want to face it…too bright.

"Matt…Please get up…I don't know what I'll do without you…"

He's playing dirty now. He can do plenty without me. Much more than with me. I'm not worth your tears, Mello. Please stop crying.

Even if I can't open my eyes I have to tell him. I open my mouth and I'm not sure if the sound I hear is me. It sounds so soft, so…broken. That's not my voice. Wonder why it's repeating me though. Creepy.

"Mello…s-stop crying…I'm not worth it…" Oh, that is my voice. So weird. I never heard it sound like that before. I wonder if its because I'm dead.

"Matt? You're OK? Can you…can you open your eyes?" He sounds so relieved. I'm glad. But…OK? Am I? I don't know. I feel warm now and the pain…it's starting to leave. Maybe…maybe I'm not dead?

But I took a bullet. I know I did. I felt it. It hit the center of my chest. It hurt so much. How could I not be dead with all that pain?

"Matt come on…open your eyes. I promise everything's OK now."

Well if Mello says so…

Was it always this hard to open my eyes? It feels like I glued them together. It hurts almost as much as the light does.

"Ouch…" My voice sounds a little better. Wonder what was wrong with it… I can see everything now. No, not everything, but everything in front of me. Blond hair. Blue eyes, so much darker than my own. I love them all so much. I want to touch that hair, but my arms won't move.

Oh, a smile. So beautiful.

"Matty, you're alive. I-I thought you were dead…"

Thought? So I'm not dead? I could have sworn I was.

Now there's water flowing into my mouth. It's cool, I like it. My throat doesn't seem so closed after it too. I can start to move my hands. I wiggle my fingers, flex my arm. Feet? Those are working now too. Everything seems fine. Except my head. It hurts, like someone hit me. Oh, they did. I remember that. And blood. I was bleeding.

"Mells, I wanna sit up. Can you help?"

He obliges, smile still in place. I know he's glad my voice is better. I wish I could sit up on my own though.

His face is so close to mine as he helps me. I can see his lips, that smile, so close. If I just lean forward…

I touch our lips together. His are soft and warm, they taste just like chocolate. He smiles into it and pushes back for a moment before pulling away. I want to cry at the loss of contact.

"Good to see you're still you. You've been out for days." He sits back on the edge of the couch I can see I'm lying on.

"Where are we?" He rolls his eyes.

"The new hide out. I couldn't just leave you like this in the desert. Everything was already on its way here. I had to fix your head in a plane, we were in such a rush. Everyone thought you were dead when we got out of there, you didn't even move when I gave you stitches." Well, that's a new one. Never thought he could stitch anything. Must be a new talent.

"So what happened? I remember getting shot and then nothing. Why aren't I dead? Not that I want to be, I just thought I was…" I really wanted to know how I survived something like that. Even I knew the possibility of living from a gun shot at point blank range wasn't very likely. And why was he smiling like that?

"You're never going to believe this. The shot, it hit that rosary you were wearing. See?" He held up a string of red beads, a dented cross with what looked like a bubble sticking from the center dangling on the end. I almost laughed.

"So…I was saved by a rosary? What the hell? How often does that happen?" I really was laughing now. And so was he, it sounded so beautiful. "So what about Frankie?"

I honestly didn't care about that pig, but I had to know if he was gone or not.

"Well…I thought you were dead so…I kinda…shot him…" He looked so embarrassed about it. It was cute.

"So? Who cares? He was disgusting. And that means I won, since I'm here and he's not."

"Yeah…but I might have…emptied the entire gun into him…I was so mad…you know." I smiled at him. I really didn't care if that was the outcome but…he was that mad over me? I wasn't worth that. Not after the stupid stunt I pulled. I told him as much.

He scoffed and leaned in close, keeping his eyes locked onto mine. "You are more than worth it, especially after what you did. If you hadn't neither of us would be here right now." I opened my mouth to tell him he was wrong and he put a finger over my lips. "No complaints and no telling me that I'm wrong. He was crazy, he was going to kill us all and he wasn't about to stop for anything. If he had killed me he would have gone for you next and you know it. And if you hadn't stepped in the way, I wouldn't have been able to kill him and you sure as hell couldn't. You were half asleep through the whole thing. He hit you pretty hard, I'm surprised you even got up at all. You saved us both Matt, so don't ever say you aren't worth it again. You mean everything to me."

I could feel the lump forming in my throat. I meant everything to him. I was worth killing someone to him. He was angry when he thought I was dead. I could feel the tears running down my cheeks but I didn't care. I was just so happy.

I threw my arms around Mello's neck and pulled him back towards me, connecting our lips again. He didn't pull away this time. He groaned and pushed back hard, placing his hand behind me and making me lie down again. I smiled and licked his bottom lip, hoping he would let me in. He groaned again and opened his mouth, pushing his tongue to tangle with mine. He was sitting on my waist now and I couldn't help but moan at the pressure. All too soon though he was pulling away for air. I looked up at him, wanting more.

He laughed. "Don't pout, it's too cute. You're still sick and you need to eat. You've out for at least four days." I pouted more. Who needs food when you have Mello? He laughed again and gave me a quick kiss before climbing off me and heading out of the room.

I sighed and looked around. There was a bed in one corner, large enough for two people to be comfortable, and a desk with what I recognized as my computer sitting on top of it, surrounded by books and a few other parts of the system from Los Angeles. The floor was littered with leather and boots. I smiled. It was just like out old room and it'd only been used for four days. He was so predictable. There was a T.V. too, and to my joy, all my old consoles hooked up to it. God I loved him.

Mello walked back in with a tray containing a bowl of something steaming – soup? - and a glass of water. I was surprised there wasn't any chocolate. He used to eat that stuff when he had the flu. Weird child. I really wanted a burger though. And video games.

"Eat this then you can go sleep on the bed, it's probably more comfortable than this thing." He kicked the couch cursing when it hurt his foot.

"Can I not eat and just play games?" He snorted and shoved the food over my lap.

"Eat and then ask me if you want to play games."

"Yes Mother."

His face seemed to fall at the joke. I looked at him, asking him what was wrong.

"I'm sorry I let you go in there by yourself Matt. It was stupid of me. None of this…You wouldn't…It's all my fault…" Ah, so that's what he was thinking.

"Mells, it's not your fault. He was waiting for me. He would have done the same thing, even if you went down there with me. And it's better that it happened this way anyway. If you had been down there from the start…it would have been worse…"

"No! If I had been there nothing would have happened! You wouldn't have gotten hurt because I would have protected you! It's my fault and nothing you say can change that! You almost died Matt. Don't you understand that?" His shouting was giving me a headache.

How could he blame himself for this? It wasn't his fault at all.

"It wasn't your fault. And I'm fine now so you shouldn't beat yourself up over it." He wouldn't listen and I knew it, but it was worth a try.

"No…it was my fault. If I hadn't gotten you to help me, none of this would have happened. I was so scared Matt…I thought you were gone…I thought I had lost you…" I could see his shoulders shaking, see him forcing back tears. He was so stupid sometimes.

"Mells, I would have found you eventually anyway. I had been looking for you since day one. You really think I wouldn't have found you, that the same situation wouldn't have happened in a different place? And you think I wasn't scared? Why do you think I had that rosary on to begin with? I was terrified I was never going to see you again. But I was glad you weren't down there with me, that you were somewhere safe, even if I wasn't. I wanted to protect you for once, if it cost me my life so be it. What happened wasn't your fault and I'm glad it happened."

He looked at me like I was crazy.

"Why the hell are you glad? Do you want to die that much? Did you want to scare the fucking shit out of me? I haven't even fucking eaten Matt, I've been so worried. I wouldn't even leave your side to sleep." Damn...

"I'm glad because I was able to protect you. If I hadn't moved you wouldn't be here. And then where would I be? Do you think I want to live in a world without you? What the hell kind of world is that? If you had died…I would have killed myself…"

"Don't ever say that again. Never." he growled, leaning over me and almost spilling the bowl of soup to the floor. "If I ever die, you will not kill yourself. You will fucking live the rest of your life and you will be happy. You hear me?" I nodded. He moved over to the desk and pulled a book to him, officially ending the conversation. I sighed. He was so stubborn.

After I finished the now cold soup and three glasses of water, and successfully kept it all down, he handed me a controller and let me play Zelda until my eyes started to get heavy. We hadn't spoken the entire time, but it wasn't awkward, we just didn't want to ruin the comfort.

He helped me climb into the bed, my legs still a bit shaky and not trusting myself not to trip on the wires and such, and pulled the sheets up to my chin before leaving to change. He was probably only gone a few minutes, but I had dozed in and out and was half asleep by the time he got back and crawled in next to me.

He was trying to give me space and was laying almost on the edge of the bed. I sighed and wiggled over to wrap my arm around his waist. He stiffened for a moment before moving to his back and pulling me up so my head rested on his chest. I planted a quick kiss to his neck before yawning and snuggling against him.

"Night, Mells. I love you, you know." It was probably stupid to say something like that but I really didn't care anymore. If I didn't tell him now, who's to say we wouldn't die tomorrow? As long as I'm alive I'm going to tell him everyday so maybe he'll eventually love me too.

I felt his lips press against my hair. "I love you too Matty. And thanks for everything." I smiled into his chest and fell asleep.

A/N: i don't know if this is the end or not... i might do one more because i have a ending line thinger in mind but it didnt really fit this chapter... i'll try to get it before tomorrow night but i have some homework that i've been neglecting...

i love this chapter though! oh the kissing how i enjoy it! i almost didn't want to write this though because i was reading the manga for the first time (how pathetic is that?) and there was so much Matt and then he died and i was close to tears. he has a much bigger part in the manga than in the anime, i don't get why they didn't include that part. or a lot of other part as a matter of fact. but i have no control over it or there would be some big changes that would not be suitable for young children...

ANYWAYS! reviews are love and Matty loves them too! and they'll make me want to write more!