Disclaimer: I don't own these characters – they belong to Brenda Hampton and ABC Family. No profit is being made from this fic.

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Chapter Five

Amy's POV

I was sitting on a chair and feeding John in the nursery when Ricky suddenly appeared in the doorway of the room. I almost dropped the bottle of formula I was holding out of sheer shock. It was like those lame scary movies where you looked one way and by the time you looked back the villain had appeared out of nowhere. Okay no, that was an exaggeration. Despite the many reasons why I hated Ricky, he was not a villain of that sort. And I suppose the 'suddenness' of his appearance was probably a by-product of my inattention. I was very, very tired.

'God, Ricky!' I scolded. 'You scared me. What time is it? Why aren't you at school?'

No doubt I sounded more irritated than I should have been. I hadn't slept well the previous night. And not because of Robbie crying in mom's room. How could I have been expected to sleep when my mind couldn't stop thinking about a) what on earth was going on with Ben, and b) what Ricky and Adrian could have possibly fought about to make the latter so angry.

Ricky's tense expression softened once he saw that John was happy to see him. But when Ricky turned his attention back to me, he stiffened and seemed to be at a loss for words.

'I'm sorry,' I sighed wearily. 'You know how cranky I get when I'm tired.'

Ricky didn't even seem to be listening. There was something on his mind. I felt strange waiting for him to respond. It was like an imposter was in his skin, dressed up in his hoodie, vest and jeans. Like an imposter who was standing there thinking of what the real Ricky would say in this situation. There was almost a glazed look to his darkened eyes. Foreboding much?

'You don't have to stand at the doorway like a vampire who hasn't been invited in,' I said lightly, forcing a smile.

The smile probably came across as a hopeful grimace. What could I have to smile about? I missed school today on account of the fact I felt so drained and also because I didn't think I would be able to put up with the rumors. Yes, even though I had been talked about and talked about last school year – previously being a 'hot topic' for discussion hadn't made me immune to the perils of gossip. I was emotionally fragile at present. Yes, I had admitted that to myself during the night. There was no room for denial in this house either.

Maybe it was a cop out to not go, but Ben had texted me this morning to say he would drop by my house tonight. I had basically given myself the day off school in order to properly come to terms with what was going on. The end was surely coming. As if algebra and English lit were going to help me in this situation.

I wanted to spend the day with my son. He made me feel better about things.

'Um, it's one-thirty,' Ricky said in a measured voice.

'You cut school?' I asked, trying not to sound judgmental or hypocritical.

He still hadn't moved from the doorway. He leant on the doorframe and gulped.

'Have you come to tell me off about missing band practice?' I queried. 'I did text you to say I wasn't taking John to the Church nursery.'

I was surprised he responded straight away this time. John shifted in my arms and gurgled on hearing his father's voice.

'I don't mind you that you took the day off,' he admitted with a frown. 'I'm guessing you didn't want to show up because of Ben. You weren't in the mood to confront him?'

Ah. Perhaps that was why Ricky was acting all weird.

'I figured he wasn't going to school. Read between the lines, really. He finally texted me back this morning.'

Ricky finally took several steps into the room. He was trying to act all casual, with his hands in his pockets. But I could read him better now – I no longer fell for his pretenses like I had when we first met at band camp. Something was up.

'The guy's a wuss,' Ricky added bitterly. 'He didn't show up to school, you're right.'

He walked over and I let him take John. I remained seated in the chair whilst Ricky stood a few feet away with our son.

'Hey buddy,' Ricky greeted him. 'Have you grown since I saw you yesterday? Because you are growing up so quickly.'

'He's going to be ready for solid food soon,' I said.

'I agree.'

'Anyway,' I sighed. 'Ben is a wuss. I agree with you now. He's coming over tonight. He won't send any other texts or pick up the phone, but he'll set a time to come over. Too chicken to talk to me on my terms. Too chicken to go to school. Though I guess now he's not too chicken to break up with me.'

Ricky flinched.

'You don't know that he's going to break up with you,' he implored. 'You love him. You should ask him to stay.'

'Ricky, come on,' I replied with a half hysterical chuckle. I let the pain seep into my voice now. 'It's the end. I can feel it. It's Armageddon without the uplifting Aerosmith song. It's going to be over.'

'This isn't right, Amy. You're supposed to be with Ben.'

I looked at Ricky and at the way he was lovingly holding John on his arm. There was a thought that was buried in my subconscious and lately it had been trying to rear its ugly head. Ricky was John's father. I was John's mother…

'I can't believe I pinned my hopes on that guy. He's supposed to love me. He promised to take care of John, be his step-father. And what? He just threw that away because…I don't know, because he wanted sex? Because he's jealous of you? I'm so tired, Ricky. I'm not as brave as people think.'

I was hurting in anticipation of a breakup. But I was sure that what I was feeling now would be nothing compared to what it would feel like when the breakup was official. If I thought about it, I could conjure up the same feelings of devastation and heartbreak that I had felt during previous fights with Ben. There was no doubt, however, that tonight would be different. It was going to feel like someone was slowly peeling away at my heart with a carving knife. This was bigger than a typical high school breakup. I had a son. I had had a plan. Now I was probably doomed to become a single mom. How would I ever gain back the confidence to be in a relationship with any other guy? Ben had been willing to stick by me even though I had another guy's baby. Now that illusion had been well and truly shattered. Now I was left to contemplate a harsh and ugly reality.

Ricky was looking at John adoringly and holding his little hand. Then Ricky looked down at me from where he was standing.

If a stranger had walked into my home and into this nursery they would think that this scene was a true family portrait. In some ways they'd be right, but in some ways they'd be wrong.

'Will John ever have a step-father?' I asked out loud. I pulled up my knees to my chest and hugged myself. 'Who would want to date someone with a son?'

'There are heaps of single moms who don't end up single forever,' Ricky pointed out.

I had to ask him. I simply had to go there.

'Is John ever going to have a step-mother?'

The question hung heavily in the air. Ricky looked pained. With John in his arms he was unlikely to say anything too sharp.

Here we were in a brightly lit nursery in the middle of the day, yet we were embarking on a heavy hitting conversation. Maybe the both of us should've gone to school. No, this conversation had to happen eventually, so why not now?

'You said,' I continued. 'You said I can't control who holds or doesn't hold John. So, is John ever going to have a step-mother?'

I didn't want John having another mother, no matter how fake. I didn't want Adrian around my son. I didn't want any other motherly figure there for John. He was my son.

This was tough. Moreover, I still didn't really know why Ricky and Adrian had fought last night.

'I don't think I'm the marrying type,' Ricky answered carefully. 'And I don't plan on having any other kids.'

'But even if you don't get married, you're going to have girlfriends.'

'So? You're going to have boyfriends.'

Ricky was desperately clamping down on any hostility that was itching to burst out.

'You want Ben to stay with me. Do you want John to have a step-father because it lets you off the hook in some way?'

That question was met with a piercing glare.

'I take care of my son and I will continue to do so because I love him!' he half-exclaimed, not wanting to alarm John.

Ricky walked over and placed John down in his crib. He then made sure John had some toys to play with.

'I don't want him seeing or hearing this conversation,' he declared, moving for the door.

I followed his lead. I got off my chair and walked out into the hallway. Ricky closed the nursery door behind him. We stood awkwardly outside the room. The tension was suddenly palpable. Ricky pinched the bridge of his nose as if he had a headache.

And then the conversation started up again.

'I am a good father, Amy! Give me some credit for once!' he said emotionally. 'I'm not trying to pawn off my responsibilities to someone else. I'm not trash and I'm not a deadbeat father.'

'I'm not saying you're a bad father. I know you're putting in a lot of effort,' I argued, on the defensive. 'Answer me properly. Is John likely to get a step-mother?'

'Why do I need to answer that question? Don't take your anger over the Ben situation out on me. I'm not at fault for Ben's weaknesses.'

'You need to answer me,' I insisted, getting indignant and pointing my finger at him. 'My son needs to be raised in a good environment. I will not have him co-raised by a slut, you hear me?'

Ricky came up closer to me but I wasn't about to be intimidated out of this conversation. It seemed like everyone else lately was running things on their terms. Like Ben. Getting pregnant had prompted me to start sticking up for myself and my interests.

'My personal life is off limits to you,' he snapped.

'Oh yeah? You're with Adrian now. And when you're not with Adrian, no doubt you'll find some other slut to have sex with. The girls you're into are in no way worthy of being around my son.'

The glazed look in his eyes from before had been replaced with a fiery, emotional quality.

'Our son, Amy. John is my son too.'

'Yeah, our son. Not the son of you, me and your whore of the month! I don't want Adrian or any other girl of that kind holding our son, taking care of our son or being within a two block radius of our son.'

'You can't control who I date.'

'John lives with me under my roof. If you want to see John, then I suggest you respect the fact that I don't want to hand him over into the hands of a whore.'

Ricky's face had reddened. The slap mark from last night hadn't fully faded yet, so that merely added to the look of offence on his face.

'You can't withhold our son like that,' he warned. 'Like I've told you before, I have rights!'

I bit my tongue on that one. He wouldn't want to go to court to fight for his rights because that would put his life under the microscope.

I was being a bitch, to some degree. But I felt really strongly about the issue.

'This isn't about custody,' Ricky declared intensely. 'We've had this conversation before and I know you want me in John's life. It's what's best for him. Now, do you think I would kick up a fuss over a guy you were dating?'

I took a few deep breaths. We both needed to calm down.

'I would only date a guy if he was capable of being a good father figure to John. Or at the very least, be trusted to take care of him,' I explained.

'Who gets to be the judge of whether your boyfriend is worthy? You. Not me.'

'Well, how would you feel if someone unsuitable was trying to be a step-father to your son?'

'Why are we arguing about this on the day your boyfriend is breaking up with you?' Ricky asked, his voice raised once again.

'Because Ben walking out today just shows that there could be problems in the future,' I cried. 'This breakup doesn't really affect John because he's so young. But what happens when he's six or ten or fourteen. What then?'

'Amy, come on,' Ricky said in exasperation. 'This isn't a problem now. Why don't you save your energy for tonight when you talk to Ben?'

'Yeah, because I want to reserve all my energy for when I get told that I am no longer wanted.'

Pity cut through the tension. Ricky tried to shake off how riled up he was by explaining why he had come over in the first place.

'I was checking up on you, to see if you were okay. And I was rewarded with this delightful conversation,' he said softly.

'I'm sorry,' I said, voice wavering. 'But you need to understand where I'm coming from.'

Tears stung in my eyes. What a melodrama. He was right - I should've saved up all this emotional energy for later.

'You need some rest. I don't care if you hate me, I'm right about that at least,' he remarked. 'I'll take care of John. You should take a nap.'

I nodded, chagrined. I felt like he had more to say, but he was holding back now.

I let the father take care of his son.

What I would give for a guy who would take care of me.