Full headers and disclaimer in Chapter 1

Title: A Father's Heart, Chapter 2 completed 02/21/2009

Chapter Rating: T

Word Count:

Author's Notes: Thanks everyone for the reviews. I'm so touched and gratified. This is my first posting on and my first CSI-NY story. Hope you enjoy!

And sorry it took so long update! I've been reveling in spoilers and reading a whole lot more than I've been writing. It's an obsession…truly.

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Danny was holding the id that the lady from Child and Family Services handed to him. His fingers fidgeted nervously with the small leather case. He was obviously still annoyed that his evening had been interrupted by the CFS officer and the pip-squeak detective wannabe that had come with her.

"….You're the boy's father."

The id fell on the floor as Danny's head snapped up to stare incredulously at the two people sitting opposite him. Lindsay, sitting in a chair beside him, also turned to stare at the woman who had made this startling announcement. Truthfully, she couldn't say she was all that surprised. It was no secret that Danny Messer had messed around – a LOT – before he met Lindsay Monroe from Montana. She assumed he'd been careful, but then, they had been careful, too. In spite of that, there was a sleeping child in the next room that proved all the precautions in the world sometimes failed.

The CFS officer, Lindsay didn't know her name; passed a sheet of paper over to Danny, who was still sitting dumbstruck, his lower jaw threatening to graze the carpet. Lindsay reached over and took the document, leaning over as she read it, in case Danny wanted to see it, too.

"It says here Joshua Daniel Messer, born December 24th 2006 at Manhattan General. A Christmas Eve baby. Poor thing, he'll never have any really good birthdays." Lindsay read the document in a matter-of-fact tone. She wasn't sure why Danny was still sitting speechless. He'd been surprised when she had told him of her own pregnancy. But this reaction was much more extreme. He was in shock. Maybe it was because this was a three-year-old, flesh-and-blood, ready-made child, instead of the less tangible, off-in-the-future possibility of a child that her pregnancy had been. "Mother, Melinda Louise Ponzio, Father, Daniel Giovanni Messer. Well, that's pretty clear."

Lindsay looked up from the birth certificate. Danny had covered his face with his hands and was shaking his head back and forth.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no." He looked up. His eyes were wide, haunted. His left hand shot out and he gripped Lindsay's right hand with it, squeezing until she thought the bones would break.

"NO! That ain't…that ain't right. That's not my kid!" He turned to look at Lindsay, his eyes pleading, begging her to believe. "He's not my kid, Linds. I swear, he's not my kid!"

Lindsay wasn't sure why Danny was so upset. The boy was three years old. He would have been conceived long before she and Danny got involved. She wasn't the type of woman who gets jealous about things that happened in the time before they got together. Surely he knew that? She'd been upset about the whole Rikki thing, but that was different. That had happened at a time when she believed they were involved. Danny hadn't come out and said it yet, but she believed at the time that they were exclusive. Although she knew of his reputation, she didn't yet clearly understand what a foreign concept commitment was to Danny Messer. In her mind, his trip to Bozeman, and the time they spent together afterwards had made it pretty clear what his feelings and intentions were, even if he didn't realize them himself yet. And truthfully, it hadn't been his actual sleeping with Rikki that had bothered Lindsay so much. It was that he needed someone and had shut her out and turned to someone else instead. If he'd shared his pain with Lindsay, she felt sure his night with Rikki would never have happened.

Maybe it was the inconvenience that was bugging him? Dealing with another child in their lives, so soon after Lucy's birth and so early in their marriage wouldn't be easy. But Lindsay couldn't believe her husband would reject a child just because it would disrupt their lives. He just wouldn't be that petty. There had to be something else that was bothering him about this.

"Mr. Messer…Mrs?…Messer," the CSF lady interjected, "I'm sorry. Obviously this has become awkward. And I understand that this may cause some disruption in your lives. But I have a duty to see to the welfare of this child, and I must ask that you consider, too, what is best for your son. At the moment, he's a ward of the state. In our attempts to locate you, Mr. Messer, we spoke to Ms. Ponzio's parents and frankly, while the subject was not addressed, both grandparents are in their seventies, and are not in the best of health. They are in no way suitable to become guardians of a small child."

Bending over to retrieve her id case, she continued, "It's apparent that you need some time to discuss the situation privately, and decide how you want to deal with this. I fully understand and I want to assist you as much as I can. But I must make this clear. If you are unwilling or unable to take responsibilty for this child, there are no other family members that we can turn to. We'll have to ask you to relinquish your parental rights and the boy will be raised in foster care. As a police officer yourself, I'm sure you understand that, as necessary as it sometimes is, foster care is not an ideal situation for any child." Removing two cards from her id case, she handed one to Lindsay and extended the other to Danny. When he did not move to take it from her, she laid it on the coffee table in front of him.

Lindsay glanced at the card. It read

Nancy Wells, M.S.W.

Child and Family Services

City of New York

Child Placement Specialist

Ms. Wells stood, hefting her satchel onto her shoulder and signaling to the detective that he should stand, too. They moved toward the front door.

Lindsay stood awkwardly. Danny was still gripping her hand and his gaze followed her as she rose. She extended her left hand, still holding Joshua's birth certificate, to the Social Worker.

"Did you need this back?"

"No, Mrs. Messer," responded Ms. Wells, "It is Mrs. Messer?"

"Yes," stammered Lindsay, "It's Lindsay… Lindsay Messer. It's nice to meet you, Ms. Wells." Lindsay tried again to release her right hand from Danny's grip, but he was like a vise.

"No, that's a copy. Your husband may need if… if he chooses to pursue his denial of paternity. Again, I apologize if this is awkward for you." It was obvious that the Social Worker believed that Danny's denial was rooted in either a desire to avoid the responsibility of another child or because he'd been unfaithful to his wife and was trying desperately to deny it. Lindsay knew she couldn't be more wrong, on both counts, but couldn't fathom what was driving him. She put the birth certificate on the table, next to Ms. Wells' business card.

Ms. Wells turned back to Danny, trying to get his attention, which continued to be riveted on his wife.

"Mr. Messer. I'll leave you to discuss this with your wife. I sincerely hope that you both will find a way to come to terms with this, so that this child can have a proper family. He's lost his mother. He deserves a father. Before you make any final decision on the matter, I think you should meet him. I'll call tomorrow afternoon to arrange a visitation."

Lindsay, her desire to be a gracious hostess taking over, tried one last time to escape from Danny's hold so that she could see her guests to the front door. She was embarrassed and confused by his reaction, and wanted to leave the Social Worker with a better impression of her little family. Danny slowly and reluctantly released her, his hand falling listlessly to his side. Seemingly oblivious to all else, he picked up the birth certificate. Squinting to focus, he stared at the instrument of his devastation.

Freed, Lindsay walked with the other two to the door. In the entrance hall, she paused.

"I apologize for Danny, Ms. Wells." She spoke in a low voice, not wanting her husband to overhear her making excuses for him. "I'm not sure why he's reacting like this. We've only been married a few months and we just had a baby of our own. A lot has been thrown at him in a short space of time and I guess he's just a little overwhelmed by it all. Marriage and fatherhood, it's a lot for some guys to deal with, you know?" Lindsay suddenly realized how the social worker might view her last statement, and quickly corrected herself. "But he's a terrific father, he really is. Lucy is the joy of his life. He'd do anything for her. And he's great at pitching in and helping to take care of her. I haven't gone back to work yet, but he still insists on sharing the midnight feedings and diaper changes when he's home. And most nights he rocks her until she falls asleep and he puts her down for the night." Lindsay realized she was blathering and decided it was time to shut up.

The other woman smiled. The jury was still out in her book on Danny Messer, but she liked his pretty, diminutive wife. Few women in her experience were so gracious when suddenly confronted by the truth of a husband's or boyfriend's past with other women. And even if, as seemed to be the case here, the tryst predated their own involvement with the man, many women became inordinately jealous when the evidence came in the form of a child produced by the prior union. Lindsay Messer had shown no signs of that sort of reaction, and had done her best to ease the tension caused by her husband's denial. Of course, it was always possible that Lindsay Messer was simply putting up a good front and that Mr. Messer's panic would be justified by a scorching rebuke as soon as they were alone again. Nancy Wells hoped it wasn't so. If Lindsay Messer was true to her appearances, the social worker had a very good feeling that the little boy who had captured her normally immune heart would find a very good home with this couple.

"I'm sure he is, Mrs. Messer. Hopefully, when he's had some time to adjust, he'll come around." Her mind brought up a picture of the little boy from her memory, having met him at the shelter home that morning. Turning back to glance again at Danny, she noticed he had donned a pair of glasses, and was still scrutinizing the birth certificate. She smiled again and turned back to the woman who was waiting to see her out. She felt confident that the little boy would fit in just fine, once his father saw fit to accept his responsibility in the matter. "I really do think your husband, and you, of course, should meet the boy. It will help to clarify things. I'll call you tomorrow to arrange it."

Lindsay smiled and opened the door. The woman had seemed a bit cold at first, but she suddenly warmed and Lindsay was beginning to like her. They were nearly the same age, although the other woman's authoritative manner made her seem much older. It was probably an occupational hazard. Lindsay wasn't sure what to make of the silent young man who was with her. She had missed the introductions, and although Ms. Wells had corrected that with her card, the young man had remained mute. Probably just learning. He was young enough. And obviously nervous.

"I look forward to your call, Ms. Wells." Lindsay was feeling more relaxed now. "I'll see what I can find out from…" she gestured in the general direction of the living room. "He'll come around. He just has a tendency of being a bit… emotional."

The two women shook hands and the social worker left, taking her anonymous young assistant with her. Lindsay sighed as she closed the door, leaning against it for a moment to gather her thoughts before having this out with Danny. They'd been living in a bubble of joy and bliss ever since the wedding, and it appeared that the bubble was about to burst. She'd known it would happen, of course. They were both strong-willed, emotional people and she supposed she should be glad that it had lasted this long. Six whole months without an argument with Danny Messer! That had to be a record.

Truthfully, she had known it wouldn't last much longer. She'd gone to her doctor that morning and he'd cleared her to return work. Light duty at first, of course, and no field work. But she'd planned to discuss it with Danny tomorrow. She knew he wanted her to take the full six months the city allowed, but she was anxious to get back to work. She loved Lucy and she loved caring for her. But she hadn't trained all those years as a CSI to spend the rest of her life changing diapers and wiping noses. She had every intention of being a hands-on, full time mother, but she believed she could work a reasonable schedule, too.

Danny had surprised her a bit with some of his old-fashioned attitudes about marriage and wives and parenting. She thought he was a modern man who understood a woman's right to be something more than a wife and mother. He hadn't come right out and said it, but she got the feeling that part of him would prefer for Lindsay to become a permanent, stay-at-home mom.

They had discussed their options with Mac right after the wedding. NYPD didn't have any hard-and-fast rules about married couples, although in common practice, husbands and wives didn't work on the same team. Mac was reluctant to lose either of them, but realized that the work could be compromised if he allowed them to continue as partners. So he assigned them to work different shifts.

It wasn't easy. During the final months of her pregnancy, Lindsay worked days while Danny worked nights. They had a few hours together in the evenings before Danny had to go to work. He would call her from the field or from the lab at 6 am every morning. He was her wake up call, and it let her know that nothing had happened to him while she slept. Lindsay would rush to get ready and get to the lab a little early. Unless he was finishing up a big case, Danny would sneak out of the lab a few minutes early so that they could spend a few minutes together in a quiet corner of the locker room. They had discovered a small alcove in the back of the locker room, screened from the rest of the room by a small row of lockers. It had a short bench where they could sit, arms entwined, usually with Danny's hand on her belly, checking the baby's progress.

The rest of the team conspired to give the couple their few moments of relative privacy. Hawkes or Adam would cover Danny's early escapes and after the first two or three times, Mac stopped asking where Danny was. Flack practically stood guard in the locker room. Even though the alcove was tucked away, and not too many people went back there anyway, Lindsay had heard the detective once telling a rookie that the area was off limits. Later, Danny told her that Flack had teased him about "M&M Alley".

Mac had tried to ease the hardship of split shifts by ensuring that the couple usually had two days off together each week. It wasn't always possible, of course, but both Danny and Lindsay appreciated all the older man did to give them the time they needed. And they did their best to repay him. When big cases led to an "All hands on deck" call, they made sure to keep their conduct professional as they worked together. And in those last few months, no one had found anything about their work that could be criticized.

After the baby was born, Danny switched to days. The plan was that, when she was ready to return to work, Lindsay would work the night shift so that she could spend time with the baby during the day. Danny would be at home with the baby at night, and they would continue to have their evenings together. It was a plan that Lindsay believed would work well, but as time went on, Danny began to drop hints that maybe she should wait a bit longer to go back to work. He'd recently gotten a promotion and pay raise and insisted they could manage on his salary alone. Lindsay would just laugh and remind him that this was the 21st century, and she was not about to stay pregnant and barefoot.

Although it sounded like chauvanism, Lindsay knew there was something deeper behind Danny's desire to keep her home. He was afraid. Between them, they'd been through their share of injuries and close calls on the job. Danny knew just how dangerous the job could be, and he knew that, once she got back to it, nothing would keep Lindsay Monroe Messer from going back out into the field.

But if she had to deal with wondering if the phone would ring someday, with Mac's voice telling her Danny had been injured or shot or worse, then he would just have to find a way to deal with the same thing. She couldn't change who she was anymore than he could.

Still, she knew that battle was looming in their future, too. She hoped this business with his newfound son wouldn't make it that much more difficult.

Lindsay pushed herself away from the door and headed back into the living room. Danny had moved over to the sofa. He was still wearing his glasses, but had set Joshua's birth certificate aside. He smiled up at her as she walked into the room. It was a sheepish smile. Lindsay expected there was an apology coming. She hoped she could convince him he had nothing to apologize for.

"Linds," Danny patted the seat next to him, indicating that she should sit with him. "I'm…sorry. I know this must have all thrown you for a loop. It's crazy, Linds. It makes no sense." Lindsay sat down and Danny encircled her in his arms, pulling her back against him. "Don't worry, though. We'll get it all figured out."

Lindsay cautiously hoped that Danny had accepted the facts. And that he had gained a measure of confidence in their relationship, and in her. It would make it all so much easier if he realized that Lindsay was not upset with him over a child he'd fathered long before they really knew each other. She began to do the math in her head and realized the child must have been conceived around March of 2006. That was just five months after she had arrived in New York. Of course, they flirted with each other and danced around each other from the very beginning. They had even gone on one pseudo-date when she had discovered that Mac played jazz occassionally at a local club. Another time she'd bribed him into helping her with a case by promising to take him out for drinks, which had turned into dinner. As she thought back to that evening, she realized that it must have been shortly after that when Danny got Melinda Ponzio pregnant.

Then it seemed they had one nasty case after another. Things began to hit close to home and there was simply no time or energy to devote to a budding relationship. In Lindsay's heart, life for Danny Messer and Lindsay Monroe began the moment she saw him walk through the doors of the courtroom in Bozeman, Montana. Anything that went on before that simply wasn't important.

Danny was tracing small circles on her forearm as they sat together, comfortably quiet. "Linds, I want you to know. My heart goes out to that kid, and I'm really sorry he lost his mom and all. But, hand to God, Linds, he's not mine. I want you to know that."

And Lindsay's perfect little bubble shattered.

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