Full headers and disclaimer in Chapter 1

Title: A Father's Heart, Chapter 3 completed 03/22/2009

Chapter Rating: T - there's a bit of foul language

Word Count: 2,837

Author's Notes: Thanks again for the kind reviews! And for those wondering if Danny is in Denial…well…you wouldn't really want me to give away the ending, would you? {evil laugh} Suffice it to say, he's not lying… but he doesn't have all the facts and he's not considering all possibilities… yet.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Lindsay Monroe… wait, Danny corrected himself… Lindsay Messer… had an amazing temper. Fiery, hot and quick, it would spark in a split second and scorch anything and everything in its path. She would give his own fiesty Italian mother a run for her money in that department. He'd been prepared for it. He wasn't surprised that this whole business of getting a kid that was supposedly his dumped on them would piss her off.

He wasn't surprised by it, but it scared the shit out of him.

Danny Messer knew he was still on probation with his wife, the mother of his child. He'd messed up in the worst way and he knew he was the luckiest mook on the face of the planet that she had been willing to give him a second chance. He also knew that one more slip up could mean the end of that chance. And if he truly messed things up again, then he figured he deserved to live the rest of his life without the two loves of his life. If that happened, he'd take the punishment he deserved, slink off into a corner somewhere and never darken her life again.

But he was scared to death that he was about to lose everything over this. And it was so unfair. So hideously, ridiculously, but typically Danny-Messer's-Life-Is-Fucked-Up UNFAIR!!

"Daniel Messer," his wife was in full tirade, "what in the HELL is with you?" She was pacing a short path in front of the sofa, stopping at each end, her arms folded across her chest, her eyes stabbing him with the daggers of her anger.

As he sat on the receiving end of a full-blown Lindsay blow-up, the likes of which he hadn't seen since shortly after she'd told him she was pregnant, Danny suddenly had a bizarre vision of his lifeless body on Sid's autopsy table. Mac was leaning over him, asking for Sid's determination of cause of death.

"You see these thousands of small stab marks, scattered across the torso, concentrated in the region directly above his heart?" Sid pointed with a gloved finger as Mac nodded solemnly.

"Those look like the marks of eyeball daggers," Mac intoned knowingly, "small, but extremely deadly in the hands of a skilled marksman."

"Exactly," agreed Sid, "poor guy never had a chance. He bled out from multiple perforations of the cardiac sac. Stabbed right in the heart. Probably hurt like hell, too."

As he imagined the two men pulling the sheet over his sightless eyes, Danny snapped back to the real world. He needed to focus on what Lindsay was saying. And keep the completely inappropriate smirk off his face. He couldn't afford to allow his twisted sense of humor to dig him into a deeper hole.

"Danny, this makes me wonder if you can truly be the man I thought you were. The man I want to be the father of my children." Lindsay, seemingly out of steam, was about to sit down when a high-pitched wail set up from the nursery. "Oh God!" Her face fell as she collapsed into the chair.

Danny immediately stood and bolted into the back room. He glanced back at his wife. At least she wasn't crying. She looked… defeated. Danny hoped she wasn't giving up already. As long as she was angry, he knew he still had a chance. If she gave up, he was done for. He needed her fighting for their marriage as much as he would be.

The baby screamed again and Danny found the energy to jog the rest of the way into her room, to her tiny little crib. In spite of everything, he couldn't help but smile at his daughter, even if she looked more like an overripe tomato than a small human being right now. He scooped her up in his arms and began to bounce her gently up and down, cooing soothing nonsense noises in an effort to calm her down. Realizing that the angry voices from the other room might have frightened her, he decided to try another tactic, holding her close to his chest, hoping to restore her sense of security in her little world. To his relief, it seemed to work as she immediately quieted, her tiny fist grabbing at the chest hairs that peeked through the opening in his shirt. At least one member of his family still wanted him!

Danny continued to hold his little girl tightly, cooing and cuddling her, swaying gently back and forth, wishing he could give Lindsay the same sense of security this easily. He was about to lay Lucy back down when he felt soft fingers stealing around his arm to cup the baby's head. Lindsay's other hand snaked across his stomach as she lay her head against his strong back.

"You're amazing with her. Do you know that?"

Danny leaned his head back, closing his eyes and savoring the contact, hoping it promised that they could work their way through this. That didn't sound like a woman about to give up. Thankfully, if Lindsay's temper was quick to catch, it was often just as quick to fade. Once she got the rage out of her system, he could talk to her, make her understand that, for once, he really hadn't done anything wrong.

Gently, he lay Lucy back down in her crib, rubbing her little tummy so that she would know he was still with her, still keeping her safe. She kicked her feet a bit, and rubbed a fist against her cheek, a sure sign that she was about to settle back down to sleep. Seconds later, she was still and quiet, her little chest rising and falling rhythmically as she slept.

He turned to face Lindsay, and was relieved to see that, while the daggers had left her eyes, the spark of determination was still there. It amazed him sometimes how well he had grown to know this woman, even if at times he felt he knew her not at all. He could tell from her expression that she still wanted to work this out, and now that she had finished ripping into him, he would get the chance to tell her his side of this mess. Taking a chance, he put an arm around her shoulder and steered her back towards the living room.

"Hey," he whispered, "how about I make us some tea? Then we can talk about this."

During Lindsay's pregnancy, and now that she was breast-feeding, she abstained from caffeine and alcohol. She told Danny a few weeks after the baby was born that she had developed a taste for some of the herbal teas, especially the Almond Pleasure that had been part of a baby shower gift basket from Mac and Stella. After unwrapping dozens of rattles and onesies and booties and baby toys, Lindsay had been inordinately touched by the thoughtfulness of her bosses' gift. The basket held a comfy pair of slippers and a warm, cozy nightrobe, as well as creams and oils to soothe her overstretched and dry skin, and a selection of calming herbal teas. Many evenings, he would find her at some point snuggled on the sofa, wrapped in her robe and sipping a steaming mug of tea. She had coaxed him into trying it once, and, while he didn't think it'd ever replace a cold brew after a long day, he had to admit it tasted okay and was relaxing.

At the moment, he was not above using any weapon in his arsenal.

Lindsay nodded, and turned to go into the living room while Danny moved into the kitchen to get the tea. The tea would serve two purposes. In addition to its natural calming effect, the preparation of the tea would give them both time to calm down, and gather their thoughts. He was determined that this would be a discussion, and not an argument.

The microwave dinged just as he finished assembling mugs and tea bags on a small tray. He poured the steaming water into the mugs and jiggled each teabag in the water a few seconds, before carrying the tray into the other room.

Sitting down beside his wife, he cradled his mug in his hands and blew across it. "Lindsay, I know I had quite a reputation before, and I can understand why you would be willing to believe that this boy is mine. But I need for you to trust me on this. He's not my son, and there's no way that he can be."

They were sitting side by side on the sofa, but there was a distance between them of about a foot and a half. Lindsay turned so that she was half-facing him, mirroring his own posture. "Danny, I know you had a reputation. And I know… well, I know that a lot of it was true. Which is why I don't understand how you can be so dead sure about this? Danny, this happened long before we were together. I'm not going to be upset that you had a one night stand with an old friend back when I was still just the new rookie in the lab. Frankly, I'm not at all surprised that your… activities… produced a child that you didn't know about. You've told me yourself you weren't much for second dates. And I'm sure you were careful, but… so were we. Isn't it possible that you ran into this Melinda at a bar one night and just didn't recognize her?"

Danny sighed. Never in his life had he so wished that he had given up his rakehell lifestyle a few months sooner. Meeting one Lindsay Monroe had changed him forever, even if he took over three years to really figure it out. But he'd been determined to keep up his reputation, and make sure the cute little girl from Bozeman knew exactly what he was about.

He shook his head, "It didn't happen, Linds. I admit, I've met a lot of women in my time, and gone home with more than a few. Most of those women I never saw again. And you're right, any one of those times might have resulted in a… a kid. But not this one. This kid isn't mine."

Lindsay was becoming exasperated. What was bothering him so much? She knew he was insecure where she was concerned. And she had to admit, he had some reason to be. In an angry moment she had told him that if anything, ANYTHING remotely like the Rikki incident happened again she'd leave him and never turn back. She'd even quoted Flack's favorite old Irish saying, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

How could she convince him that this didn't count? That it was past history, and she wouldn't be upset. Nothing that happened before they were together could be considered infidelity. Why was he still denying his own son?

"Montana… "

Lindsay turned her attention from the warm mug in her hands back to her husband's eyes. Either he was completely sincere, or he was the best actor this side of Broadway.

"Danny… I just… I can't believe you would deny your own son! And if you deny him, how can I trust that you'll stick around for our children?"

Danny's face fell. If she didn't trust him to be there for her, that was one thing. His past gave her all the reason she could ever need. But how could she question his devotion to Lucy, or to any future kids they might have?

"Montana, I will ALWAYS be there for our children. And if Joshua WAS my son, I'd be there for him. And I… I think… I hope… you would be, too. But I've done the math, and he CAN… NOT… BE… MINE."

Lindsay's eyes widened. "Done the math? What do you mean?"

Danny set his tea down, and took the mug from Lindsay's hands so he could hold them. Stroking his thumb over her wide wedding band, he prepared to make a confession.

"The birth certificate says Joshua was born December, 2006. So he was conceived sometime around March or April." Danny lifted his eyes from the contemplation of their joined hands and looked into his wife's face, a faint grin spread across his face. "This is going to completely blow my rep, but, other than…" Danny jerked his head in the general direction of the hallway and grew serious again, "… that one time, I haven't been with any woman other than you, Montana… not like that anyway… since before that night you invited me to come hear Mac play. That was February first, eleven months before Melinda's kid was born." I picked up a blonde in a bar a few days before that, but that… that was the last time. Ever.

This was not something Lindsay was prepared to hear. She knew Danny would never outright lie to her, but how could this be true? He wasn't a monk, of that she was very sure. But if what he was saying was true… she thought back a minute, calculating the months between that first "date" and a certain wild night of pool and tequila… he'd been celibate for over a year. Why?

"Why?"

Danny shook his head again, a small snort of laughter erupted from him. "Montana, you don't get it, do you? I guess I can't blame you, 'cause I sure didn't either, and I was livin' it. I was messed up back then. I went with lots of women, sure, just like usual. But after that night, when it came time to talk them into taking me home with 'em, you know, for a little somethin', somethin'… I just… didn't. I made up some excuse and went home alone. First time in my life I was takin' cold showers on a regular basis, and…well… handling things on my own."

Lindsay hadn't said a word, or even moved. She was staring at him, her mouth slightly agape.

"It hit me on the Hollys case. You scared me that day, Montana. I think you know that. But I think I scared myself more. I realized I hadn't been with anyone else because I wanted to be with you. On one hand, it was kinda relief, " Danny grinned broadly, "I'd actually begun to wonder if I was maybe gay or somethin'. Not that there's anything wrong with bein' gay, but can you really see me datin' Flack?"

That snapped Lindsay out of her stupor. Suddenly, she was laughing uncontrollably. She doubled over and held her stomach, the mirth spilling out of her. Some of it, he knew, was nerves. But he hoped it also meant that she finally believed him. If this was still hanging between them she couldn't be laughing like this, could she?

"So," she sputtered, "you were holding out…" she hiccuped, "for me?"

"Yea, Montana, I guess I was. I turned from a player into a sap, too head over heels in love to be with any other woman, and I didn't even know it myself."

Lindsay was still giggling uncontrollably, her laughter punctuated by hiccups as she tried to catch her breath.

"And if you ever, *EVER* breathe a word of this…"

Danny rubbed and patted her back, trying to relieve the hiccups. Her laughter was subsiding, but tears streamed down her cheeks. He was glad they were tears of laughter, even if it was at his expense.

"Oh Danny, don't worry! No one else would ever believe you went over a year without a little "somethin' somethin'"… "

She grabbed her mug and sipped her tea, the warm liquid helped to dispell the hiccups and restore her breathing. The laughter left her eyes and she became serious once again.

"Danny, why would she put your name as the father, if there's no chance you are?"

Danny put his arm around his wife's shoulder, drawing her into his embrace.

"I don't know, Montana. I don't know."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Author's Notes

1.) Ok, I know some of you will not believe for a minute that Danny Messer went over a year without having S-E-X. For myself, I believe that love is a very powerful thing. It changes people. And I believe it changed Danny. So that's my story and I'm sticking with it.

2.) I find myself thinking of the most incongruous things at the most inopportune times. So my characters do the same thing. Thus, we have Danny thinking of Sid doing his autopsy in the midst of Lindsay's tirade. Although I stole the idea from Hawkes in "The Deep"

3.) I really do love getting reviews. Hint! {grin}.

4.) The next chapter will be a little break from all this angst.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~