Disc: I do not own character or show of CSI:NY. I do own Devin Anderson

Couple: Mac Taylor & Devin Anderson

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I had been asleep for a good three hours when I suddenly sat up, sweating and shaking.

"Fucking Hell!"

Mac came out at about the same time. I stood up and headed to the kitchen, still sweating. I was covered with sweat, all over my body. I grabbed a beer and popped the lid off and took a long swig. He touched my shoulder.

"Devinm what's wrong? You're sweating and shaking."

I took a wet cloth and started to wipe my shoulders and chest down. He hadn't seen my back in the full light yet. When he went to wipe my back down, he paused. He turned back around.

"Don't worry about it, Mac."

Mac looked at me and raised a brow.

"What the hell happened to you? I mean, I know you were in Iraq but that damage to your back is bad. I mean, the scars look, maybe, a month old."

I grabbed my beer and walked over to grab my tank top so I could slide it on.

"Keep forgetting those scars are back there. You don't need to see them."

I sat down on the couch and took another long drag of the beer. He sat down next to me and ran his hands along the side of my face, slowly.

"Dev, what happened?"

He stroked my face and then slowly he slid his hands down my chest.

"Mac, go and get some rest. It's only about 4am."

I knew he would ask again and that he was not going to go to bed until he found out.

"Devin, I'll stay out here until you go back to sleep."

I stroked my hand over his face and leant in, kissing him slowly and looking him in the eyes. He started to kiss me back as I slid my hands along his neck, softly.

"Mac, I am okay babe."

I kissed him again, slowly, and stood up to slide some sweats on.

"I am going to go run along the river."

I took his hand and guided him to the bedroom. I stroked his face, kissing him. But before I could say anything, he spoke.

"You know, it helps more if you talk about it, not push it away. Devin, I am here for you, please?"

I sighed as I sat down on the bed. Mac knelt before me and stroked my face softly.

"They captured me and four other men. What they didn't understand was they got the wrong unit! Hung all four of us from the wall. We were left with just our boxers on." I took a breath. "Mac, you don't need to hear this."

I stood up as Mac stood up and softly took my hand, looking to me.

"Why not? You asked me to tell you what happened at the lab. What happened to Danny and Adam. I want to, and need to, be here for you."

I didn't want to lose my temper right now. I stood up, walked out, closing his door and walked to the couch. I grabbed the blanket, pushed my pants off and laid on the bear skin rug in front of the fire with the cover over my hips and legs. I threw the pillow under my head and tried to even out my breathing so I would calm down and get some more sleep. I heard Mac come out, I felt him slide under the covers and lay his head on my chest. I closed my eyes.

He slid his hands along my stomach.

"Will you tell me when you're ready?"

I rolled over, slide the pillow under his head. I sat up and stretched out, looking into the fire.

"You and me isn't going to work, Mac. I think I'll go to Chicago instead of living in New York City. For a relationship to work out, both people have to open up, talk and let the other know how they're feeling. Me, I don't do that very well. You really need to find someone who can do that, Mac."

He was up fast and straddling my lap, looking me in the eyes.

"Fucking hell, Devin. I need you and only you. So, it may take you time to open up to me. I can wait, just don't end this before it even starts. That isn't fair to you or me."

I looked him in the eyes.

"Then Mac, you're going to have to deal with the fact that I am not going to open up about my time as a Marine or what happened to me before I finally left the Marines. There are things you will never know about me, and you need to be ready for that."

He looked at me and he placed his hands on my chest, looking straight into my eyes. I spoke again.

"Don't assume that because you tell me something about your time as a Marine, I am going to open up. So, only tell me something when you want to tell me, don't just do it cause you think your going to get me to tell you about part of my life that you were not part of. We really need to be clear here, Mac, because you're pushing me to talk about something I will never talk about. It has me ready to leave you, right now."

I was a bastard and I knew it. I knew I was a bastard when I had to do this and look at the man I love and see pain in his eyes. He took a deep breath.

"Fine, I understand! I won't push you to talk about your past when we were apart for twenty years. I don't like it, but I can't lose you again. I need you."

I touched his chest and kissed him softly. I stroked his face as I slid a hand along his face softly.

"Devin, come to bed with me. At least let me hold you, it may help you sleep."

I nodded some as he stood up. He took the pillow and cover. We went into the bedroom and he put the cover down on the bed and threw the pillow up with the others. I laid down on my side, looking at the wall. I felt his hands slide along my stomach and his head softly nuzzle the spot between my shoulder blades. I stroked along his arms as I felt him relax against my back some as he slowly started to fall asleep. I closed my eyes, letting myself fall asleep, feeling safe in Mac's arms. When I woke the sun was up. I must have turned to my other side because Mac's head was now nuzzled into my chest, his arm draped around my ribs. I stroked along his back. As I heard him mumble against my chest, I smirked softly. Mac stretched out and rolled on his back, looking up at me.

"I love you, Devin."

I stroked his chest. Truth is, I loved hearing those words and that was one of the emotions I was never scared to show Mac. I kissed his shoulder softly.

"Love you too, Mac."

He looked at me as he stroked my face before kissing me softly.

"Devin when we're in bed, can you take your shirt off? It doesn't bother me to see it. I like your bare skin against mine."

I sat up, I knew it was him asking me to have some faith in him. That I knew he wouldn't treat me different or act different around me because of my back. I slid my shirt off and put it to the side. He touched my chest softly and kissed my shoulder.

"Thank you, Dev."

I laid on my back as I looked to the ceiling. He slid his hands along my chest as he looked at me. I looked at Mac. I smiled some before I slid out of the bed and headed to the living room. I sat on the couch after starting the fire and sliding some sweats on. He came to sit next to me. He stroked my hair and looked at me.

"Dev, what's wrong?"

I looked at him and kissed his cheek softly.

"Mind if we head back today?"

He looked at me as a few different emotions crossed his face.

"Why?"

I laid my head on his shoulder and kissed his neck softly.

"Because I want to set up my apartment and I think I need to talk to my doctor."

He looked closely at me.

"Will you consider moving in with me? What's wrong that you need to talk to your doctor?"

He put his arms around me, holding me close to him.

"Back's bugging me and my right shoulder is acting up."

He nodded some, he stroked my chest as he kissed me slowly.

"About living with me?"

I stood up after kissing his shoulder. I headed over to my back pack, set on the floor in the corner. I looked through it. I grabbed some Ice Hot to rub on my shoulder and I looked through all my pills. I had to take most of them.

"Mac, I'll live with you."

I felt him walk over and take the Ice Hot. He started to massage it into my shoulder. I groaned some and leaned against him.

"Sometimes, I close my eyes and I remember it all. I want it all gone, Mac, the memory and the fucking pain."

His knees were along side my ribs as he sat behind me. He kissed my shoulder. I turned around, kissed him long and hard. He slid his hands around my neck as I kissed down his neck, nipping and biting softly. He groaned quietly. I head his breathing pick up, I kissed down his chest and I heard him cry out as I softly started to bite at his nipple. I pushed his pants down as I quickly took his hardening cock in my mouth and started to slide it down my throat. I felt his fingers slide softly along my neck and into my hair as I started to bob my head up and down on his cock, he whimpered softly.

"Devin, you're going to make me cum!"

I stroked his balls and lifted my lips off his cock and looked him in the eyes.

"That's the idea, Mac."

I lowered my head and took his cock in my mouth again and started to bob my head down harder and faster. I stroked his balls and I felt them twitch as he started to cum down my throat. I licked him clean and slid his boxers back up. I leaned up and kissed him hard. He slid his arms around my neck again, breathing hard. I bite his bottom lip as I stood up, shoving my things in my bag. I headed to the kitchen to see what we had got from the store. I slid a clean shirt on as I grabbed some juice, pouring myself a glass. I felt Mac kissing my shoulder through my shirt, stroking my back.

"What about you?"

I groaned as his hands slid over my hard cock in my sweats. I turned and stroked his face, kissing him slowly.

"Not now, get ready so we can head back. I'll call my doctor then we'll spend the day at your place, just being together, okay?"

He groaned. I knew he wanted to pay me back for getting him off so quickly. He kissed me slowly and stroked my face, then headed to get his things ready. We started to pack our things and then we headed out.

When we got back to New York City my doctor saw me as Mac waited in the waiting room. When I came out I had a few new prescriptions and we headed back to his place. We spent the next week just talking and getting to know each other again, and sleeping in the same bed.