"Charlotte? What happened?" by now he was really scared and somehow desperate. What would he do without Addison?
"Derek we have to take her to an OR. She`s bleeding" Charlotte told him while paging an emergency team.
"What happened?" he asked her again now louder.
"I don`t know Derek. But we have to hurry" she told him while a group of people took Addison out of the room towards an OR.
He just stood there, hoping everything would turn out to be a nightmare.
They would have 3 little babies. What if Addison wouldn`t make it. What if she`d never know her own children.
"Dr. Shepherd? Do you want to see your son and daughter?" A nurse broke his thoughts. Just then he realized he hasn`t even known his second babies gender.
"Yes. Can you please inform me as soon as you know something about Addisons condition" he asked her.
"Of course Dr. Shepherd" the nurse replied and led him to his babies.
"Hello Summer-Neela Shepherd. I hope you`re feeling good. You couldn`t meet mommy yet but I`m sure it won`t take long until she can hold you too" he told the infant in his arms. He needed to belive his Addison would live.
After a while she placed his daughter next to Sam. Just then he noticed that he was right. He saw a boy on the ultrasound. His son. And then it hit him. He`s going to have idetical daughters. He was happy. That`s exactly the way he wished it would turn out.
He already knew the girls would have Addisons personality. They would turn out exatctly like their mother. About Sam he wasn`t sure.
"Do you know something about Addison yet?" he asked the nurse as she entered the nursery.
"I`m sorry Dr. Shepherd. They said it doesn`t look good. They still try to stop the bleeding" she explained to him.
"Thanks. What`s about the baby?" He asked her.
"They sent someone to take the baby up here. She`s completely healthy as far as I know. Do you already named them? In the moment they are just baby boy and girls Shepherd" she told him.
"Yes we`ve already chosen the names, but I want to wait for my wife if that`s okay" Derek replied.
"Of course. Do you need something? I could call someone if you want me to" she suggested concerned. There was a chance that Addison wouldn`t make it.
"No I`m going to call someone myself" he told her and left the room but not without a look at his two babies.
He heard the phone ringing about a thousand times until someone picked up.
"Hello?" he heard his mothers sleepy voice.
"Mom? It`s Derek" he said.
"Derek honey is everything okay? It`s 6 in the morning" she asked concerned.
"No mom, nothing is okay. Could you come? To the hospital?" he asked her. Tears were starting to run down his cheeks.
"Of course" she answerd. "I`m on my way"
"thanks" he replied and just starred at the white wall in front of him thinking about the worst. He was too scared to think Addie wouldn`t make it.
"Dr. Shepherd?" It was Izzie who talked to him.
"What is it Dr. Stevens?" he asked. Maybe she had news.
"I thought you might want to meet your daughter" she said and walked towards him with a small bundle in her arms. She handed the newborn to her father.
"Hello Carson" he said. Addison chose the name.
"How is Addison?" he asked the intern hoping to get good news.
"I`m sorry Dr. Shepherd but it doesn`t look good in the moment. They have trouble to contole the bleeding" she explaind to him what happened with every detail.
"Do you think she`ll make it?" he asked her immideately. He knew Izzie worked a lot with Addison before she took maternity leave and probably knew more about neonael than he.
"She`s a strong woman. I think she´ll make it. But no promises Dr. Shepherd. Is there anything I can do for you?" she asked him worried.
"No thanks I just called someone" he said.
"Okay, but if there`s anything I can do, let me know. I really like Addison. I would even call her a friend" she told him.
"If there`s anything you can do I`ll let you know" he replied and gave her a very small smile.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Do you think she`ll make it?" Meredith asked.
"No idea. But I don`t really care" Christina replied.
"Meredith you`re not happy about Addisons condition, are you?" Izzie asked in disbelieve.
"Well maybe Derek and I" but she wasn`t able to finish her sentence as Izzie cut her up.
"You can`t be serious. You want her to die so you get another shot with McDreamy? You`ve got to be kidding me. I tell you what. I don`t think I can be friends with you anymore. I just don`t get how you can be so, so…" she couldn`t even find the right word for what she thought Meredith would fit.
"Izzie,
come on why do you care?" she asked her now.
"Because Addison
is a great woman. She`s the best I ever met and even if she sometimes
pretends to be made out of ice, she is a very sensitive and friendly
person. She just acts like that to protect herself from getting hurt
and she`s my friend" Izzie explained and walked away. She needed to
know Addison would be okay.
- - - - - - - -- -- - - - - - -- -
Derek went back into the nursery. To his other two beautiful little babies. He couldn`t belive that Addison maybe will never meet them.
"Derek? Honey what happened?" Carolyn asked him as she entered the room.
"She started bleeding during delivery mom. She`s in surgery but they say it does`t look good" he explained to his mother.
"Ohh Derek, I`m so sorry. But she`s strong. She`s going to be okay" she tried to persuade her only son and a little herself too. She fell in love with Addison the day she met her the first time. She`s such a good person who went threw so much.
"I hope so. Do you think she`ll be mad if I name our daughter after her? I mean Addison as a second name. She would kill me if I would take it as her first name. She always wanted her child to have the name Carson" he explained.
"So my new granddaughters name is Carson-Addison Shepherd?" she asked.
"Exactly" he said smiling down to the smallest of the three newborns.
"What about my grandsons?" she asked now.
"Why grandsons? You only have one new grandson. His name is Samuel-Jack" he told her.
"Oh it just sounded like it was one girl. So what`s her name?" she asked as she saw the little girl in the crib.
"This is Summer-Neela" he told her.
"Son they are all beautiful. And I`m sure Addison will be as so proud, as soon as she meets them" she told him.
"I hope she`ll have the chance. They operate on her for over an hour by now" he told her. Now the tears started to fall again.
"Ohh Derek" she took him into a hug. Trying to comfort her son. "She`ll be okay! She would never leave her children befor meeting them" she told him.
"I hope so" he said not even trying to hold his tears back.
"Derek?" this was Charlottes voice.
"How is she? Is she okay?" he asked immideately.
"She`s at the ICU. But I think she`s going to be okay. She lost a lot of blood but we could stop the bleeding and we gave her blood transfusions. She`s stable. It`s seems to be okay now"
"Can I see her?" he asked. He has to make sure she really is going to be okay.
"Of course. And you can take the babies if you want to. They brought a crib into the room" she told him.
"Thanks. Mom would you come with me?" he asked her. He needed her now.
"Of course son. I`ll come with you" she said and picked up her grandson and Charlotte took Summer.
"So it might take a while until she wakes up" she told them and left the room after checking Addison again.
"Mom, you can go if you want to. Take the keys and go to our house. The others will be there soon to open their presents" he told her.
"Are you sure?" she asked him.
"I`m sure mom"
"You have to call me as soon as she wakes up" she needed to know if she`s really okay.
" I`ll call as soon as she wakes up, promise" he promised her.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Addison slowly began to wake up about a hour later.
"Addie?" he asked and stroke her cheek. No response.
"Adds? Come on, wake up. You have to meet your beautiful children" he told her.
"Derek?" she asked a little confused. "What happened?"
"You can`t remember?" he asked her worried "What`s the last thing you remember?"
"Ähm, Charlotte told me to push one more time. O my god. Did something happened to the babies?" she asked scared. The fear let the heartmonitore show her heartbeat is getting faster.
"No, they are all fine. You started bleeding and became unconscious. But you have to calm down" he explained to her what happened in detail.
"Okay. So do I have a daughter?" she asked hopefully remembering to have a son.
"Yes, you have two beautiful, not-idetical babygirls" he told her. "Wanna meet them?" he asked her.
"Are you kidding me? Wait did you say unidentical?" she asked and Derek already placed one of the babies in her arms.
"This is baby C. Our beautiful little Summer" he introduced Addison to her babygirl.
"Hello Summer. She is beautiful Derek. She has your hair" she determined stroking her daugthers cheek.
"And this is Carson-Addison" he told her placing the other girl in her arms.
"Wait. You called her Addison?" she asked disbeliving.
"Yes. They weren`t sure you`d make it. I just had to" he explained to her, looking still scared.
"And they really aren`t idetical. Looks like even I make mistakes sometimes. She has my hair" she said smiling.
"Hello Carson, oww you`re so cute" she said.
"Exactly. And here is Sam" He placed the third baby on Addisons stomach.
"Derek they are so beautiful. How late is it?"
"It`s about 8:30" he said. "Why?"
"Because your sisters and mother will be at our house soon" she told him.
"I gave my mom the keys earlier. So at least they can unwrap their presents" he explained.
"Mom was here?" she asked.
"Yes, I was scared and needed someone to talk to. And I called her" he told her honestly, looking sorry.
"Hey it`s okay. I`m glad you called her but I beg she wouldn`t have left without you promising to call her immideately when I`m awake. So why don`t you call her" she asked him.
"Okay fine. I`ll call her and you get some rest" he said and took two of the babies back into their bassinets and left the room.
- - - - - - - -- - - - -- - -
Two hours later Addison woke up again. Derek wasn`t in the room.
"Hey little ones. Do you like it out here?" she asked the three sleeping infants in the crib next to her bed. Just than Carson woke up and looked at her with the same eyes like Addisons.
She picked her up and hold her closely.
"Hey you´re beautiful you know that?" Addison asked her daughter which were her splitting image. The baby yawned.
"Ohh you`re such a cutie!" she said smiling.
"You`re right she is" Derek said as he entered the room. "Everyone`s so relievend you`re okay. And so am I"
"May I get a kiss?" she asked with wide eyes.
"Of course" he said and pulled her into a deep intensive kiss. "I love you so much Addison"
"I love you too" she smiled.
"Thanks for not dying"
"Are you kidding, you have no idea how happy I`m to be alive"
Carson started kicking and gave a small cry.
"She might be hungry" she suggested after Carson started crying worse.
"Yeah probably. Wanna breastfeed her or not?" he asked not knowing if she was well enough for breastfeeding.
"I`ll try. I really want to" she said. He helped her to remove the hospitalgown so her breasts were free. Carson started sucking immideately. She sucked hard and loudly.
"She really is hungry. This feels so weird Derek. But good somehow" Addison told him enjoying the closeness to Derek and the baby.
"I can only imagine" he replied. Both looking down to the baby girl.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Derek you should go home and get some sleep" Addison said at about 8 pm.
"Are you sure? I don`t want to leave you and our babies. I could just stay here" he suggested.
"Oh come on. I`m good, the babies are good and you can come back in the morning. Come on your family is probably dying to see some pictures of the babies"
"Yeah probably. Want me to bring the baby blankets my mom made tomorrow?"
"That would be great. And could you bring me a book or something? I probably am staying longer than I planned after what happened" she said looking a little annoyed that not everything went like planned.
"Everything you want" he said and kissed her goodbye and stroke all his babies over their head.
Addison fell asleep immideately after he left. She really needed to sleep now.
- - - -- -- - - - - - - -- - - - - -
Derek decided to bring all their christmas presents to the hospital to surprise Addison. They got presents for all the babies. It was a hugh basket the presents were in. He had trouble to find one big enough for all presents.
Addison loves christmas. She could spend hours just looking at the Rockefeller Christmastree. Sometimes she were there the whole day just looking at that tree.
Derek always laughed he never understood but a year ago, after he told her about loving Meredith, she told him her secret. She said that the tree always gave her hope. It make her feel safe when she felt her life crushing into tiny little pieces.
And that was the case almost her whole life.
"Hello my beautiful wife" he greeted her. "Look what I got"
"Presents? I love you Derek" she replied with almost the biggest smile he had ever seen. She always becomes a little child on christmas again. She`s always so excited.
"Hmm. That`s for you. From me" he said and handed her a hugh package.
She carefully unwraped it and in it were 3 big baby books. Two beige ones with flowers in all colours at the cover and one in typical boy colores. He was sure she would have a son and two daughters.
He already put in some of the ultrasound pictures and from Addisons swollen belly. They took a photo every week.
"Thank you so much Derek"
"I`m glad you like it. But I have something much better for you" he said and handed her another package.
In it there were lots of photographs. Of them taken on their first week on med school. A phote of their wedding lots of other pictures taken over the years of their relationship and the Rockefeller Christmastree. His first wedding band and lots of other little things. But most important, there was a letter.
------------------
'Addison, my love, best friend, soulmate and love of my life,
when I asked you to marry me I already pictured where you would like to get married. I thought about different places but I knew this one would be the best.
It was the first one that came into my mind and I knew you`d love it. And because I want all your wishes to become true I decided it would be the right one.
We are going to get married in front of the Rockefeller Christmas tree. Next year on december 27 I want to marry you for the second time. In the snow in front of the tree that gives you hope and makes you feel safe.
I want to spend the rest of my life with you and this time we`re going to make it. I promise you that. I realized what I lost when I lost you. I`ll never let you go again.
I love you with all my heart
Derek
PS: I already got the permisson for us to get married there. I had to talk to the Mayor of Manhatten '
----------
He studied her while she read the letter and noticed tears shimmer in her eyes. She was speechless for a moment and he knew he just let one of her dreams become true.
"Derek, thank you so much. This is just unbelivible. I can`t belive it" he heard her say while she tried to hold back the tears.
"Everything for you my dear. I love you" he told her and pulled her near so she could let go of her tears. Tears of joy.
"I`m glad you like it and those tears have to get out, so let them" he tried to tell her that crying is allowed and no sign of weakness.
"I love it! Thank you so much" and she followed his advice and let the tears runnig down her cheek. And she noticed it really felt good.
To be continued…
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