[Backstory] Cold Embrace - Tracy Rhodes
As I looked out of my window, I saw the streets alive with families, their children, their happiness. I had long since forgotten what it was like to have such a gift. I was alone in my pain, and no one seemed to understand. If only I could go back to the life I once lived, maybe then things wouldn't be so bad. I had everything, a husband, children, one happy beautiful family. Why then did it have to end so soon? I now have no one to fall back on, not one soul to go to for help. I live each day to my own accord. I can do anything in the world with such freedom, though I choose to fall back on the only friend I have since found.
Every night would be the same routine. I would stare out of my window, I would see the happiness outside, yet I would feel nothing within me. It was heartbreaking to see others bask in the glory, forever embracing the light of the world, while I was left here to rot in the dark. I spent my nights alone, in front of the television, drinking my way to a better tomorrow, and though tomorrow would always come, it never seemed to get any better.
This night would be different, shattering my routine in more ways than one. After several bottles of vodka, I fell asleep. In my slumber I began to dream. I remember it vividly. I left my house in search of an answer. I knew not the question, I just wanted an answer, anything to fill my need. I drove around town and everything was a blur against my vision. It was then that I saw a van, headed straight for me. Why was it in my lane? What were they doing? A split second later I awoke in the hospital. I could overhear the doctors explaining what happened. I watched the television above, barely hearing what it said. A family of 6 involved in a terrible automobile accident. A husband and wife, their 3 kids, and their newborn son. All pronounced dead on the scene. At the moment I knew not what had happened, until the doctor explained to me what had happened, forcing me to realize the horrifying truth. I looked around me, and only then was it made clear that this wasn't a dream. I had destroyed an entire family. My heart was shattered at that moment, I was stuck cold in my bed.
My nights from then on provided an unforgiving slumber. I constantly was forced to relive the pain of knowing I had killed an entire family, and nothing anyone said could possibly make it any better. I just wanted to go home, I wanted to go back to my old routine, I wanted this all to be a dream. They had forced me to stay in the hospital until I recovered. My routine was completely overhauled to become meaningless. Everyday was the same. But I remember one thing was different. There was a man brought in from an ambulance, his legs were severely damaged. It was hard to watch him in his pain. I could see death in his eyes, but I also saw something else. For the first time in my life, I saw the will to live in someone's eyes. Something about him assured me he would be fine. The paramedics said he had gone into shock, and he wasn't breathing. I knew not who he was, but I honestly was hoping he would survive.
That afternoon, as I was walking down the halls, I passed by his room. I stopped and stared. His chart said his name was Will. He opened his eyes, looked at me, and smiled. I couldn't help but smile back. I walked in his room and sat down next to him. We talked for hours it seemed. He was the nicest person I had ever met. He was so down to Earth it was almost unbelievable, even throughout his pain, he still took time to talk to me, something many others failed to do. I explained why I was there, what had happened. He told me of his test, how he was involved in one of Jigsaw's latest games. He began to tell me how appreciative he was to have been in such an event, yet I couldn't understand his views. How could someone be put into such a situation, and come out happy because of it? It didn't make sense.
Eventually my routine changed, I spent many a night next to him, talking to him, leaning on him for advice. Sometimes he did just as I needed someone to do, he listened. He understood. Sometimes it wasn't even the fact that he would give me advice, it was just that he would listen to me, something everyone else refused to do. He told me of his family, how he had been abandoned by everyone he knew and loved. He reminded me of myself completely, it was amazing. I told him of my husband, how he left me for another woman, how I havent seen my children in years, they left me due to my drinking. It was heartbreaking to recall such tragedy, but then again, as routine would have it, he found a way to make it all better.
It was his last day at the hospital, I honestly didn't want him to leave. But who was I to be so selfish as to make him stay? He spoke to me that day, he hugged me, something I had since forgotten to feel. He gave me his number and promised to help me, sweared even. I took him for his word, I knew he would help me. I was grateful to have met such an amazing person. That was the last time I would ever hear from him. He completely disappeared. I had tried calling him several times from the hospital phones, to no avail. I was disappointed and hurt to say the least, but I knew he would never hurt me willingly. I began to get a bit worried. It was then that my nightmares began to come back to haunt me, only this time, I didn't have anyone to lean on. I was once again alone in my pain.
I was to be transferred to another hospital that day. I was wheeled into the ambulance. The paramedic looked much older than the rest of them, I was surprised to see someone that old working there. There was also a younger girl there, couldn't have been over 21, and she was whispering in his ear. I saw as she brought out a needle. I was confused. "What's the needle for?" I asked in confusion. "Good Luck Tracy." she replied with a smile.
I awoke in a warehouse, strapped into a chair with what looked like drills all around me. I struggled to get free, but nothing worked. In my desperation, I noticed a tape player within reach. I became confused, it was then that I remembered that Will had explained to me what had happened in his trap, and I then became fearful. I listened as I heard a voice that resembled the old paramedic from the hospital.
"Hello Tracy, your life has been filled with agony at the loss of two familes. Both by your hand. You spend your restless nights unable to cope with such a loss, and each night it tears away at you relentlessly. You allow your depression to take the best of you and you see alcohol to be the source behind your happiness. Your logic is flawed and today will be put to the test. The device you are strapped into is attached to a button. That button is your key to freedom. By pressing the button in front of you, a series of knives will begin cutting away at your body. If you choose not to press this button you will instead be impaled, cutting away both the breath of life, as well as the heart. Be warned, you have but 60 seconds. Will you cut away the past that so denies you life? Or will you let your depression continue to impale your very soul, leaving you both heartbroken and unable to breathe amongst the everyday life of the world? Today you make a choice, to gain the reward of life. Live or Die, Tracy. Make your choice."
I cried out in agony as I realized what was meant to happen. There was no way I could cut myself. Even in my pain I had never resorted to that. My mind began racing, I knew not what to do. I reached for the button, but something kept holding me back. I wanted to press it, I wanted to survive, but I couldn't. I couldn't press myself to do it. The ticking of the clock made my mind race even faster. I looked all around for an escape, to no avail. What was I to do? How would I escape? I screamed to the top of my lungs as I heard the buzzard of the clock signify my failure. I watched helplessly as the drills began coming closer to my body, and I could do nothing to stop them. I felt them touch against my skin, cried in horror as they began piercing my flesh. I could feel my insides rupturing, my sobs becoming faded by the sound of the drills inside me.
In my pain, I heard a voice calling out to me. I knew not who it was, but somehow it reassured me...that everything would be ok. I began to understand what it was like to gain awareness of the complexity of life, and why it needed to be appreciated. I closed my eyes gently, and felt the cold hand of death against my now disfigured body. Yet throughout it all, I couldn't help but become grateful. I had finally come to terms with my depression, I had finally forgiven myself for all I had done...though unfortunately it was all too late.
===THE END===