Jake didn't know it, but I still thought about Him.

Nearly every day, little insidious tentacles, thoughts of Him, would creep through my mind, latching onto every little notion that drifted through my head.

I tried, I did, but I couldn't help it. The more I tried to not think of him, the easier it was to just slip and all of a sudden I'd be struggling for breath without Him, only half a person and not even very much of that.

I was in a forest. It looked like the ones surrounding Forks and La Push, but there were no landmarks or anything familiar, identifying it as something I knew.

And I was the only living soul around. Even the trees felt oddly dead, and vague, like they were being viewed through a pyre of smoke.

Apart from that, there was nothing.

I was alone; unwanted and unloved.

There was nothing here. There never was.

And there never would be.

That was when I started screaming, waking myself out of the nightmare.

I rolled onto my stomach, muffling the screams in my pillow as they turned to sobs.

I heard His voice in my head, "Bella? Bella, what's wrong?"

Half of me revelled in the glorious sound of his voice, a beautiful harmonious melody whilst the second half was screaming at the first half to think of something, anything else.

But… I wasn't in any danger.

I was at home, in bed, sobbing into my pillow.

I heard His voice again, "Are you ok, Bella? Bella, can you hear me?"

I lifted my head from my pillow, scanning the room, my vision blurred with tears.

And there, by the window, His hands outstretched towards me, an expression of loving concern/adoration across his perfect features was Edward. Fucking. Cullen.

.

Edward!

Go away. I don't want to hear what you have to say.

EDWARD!

Edward Anthony Mason Cullen, get up off the freaking floor and listen to me!

Why? All that matters is what I don't have. The one thing I can't have. Her.

"Edward!" Alice cried out, a mixture of frustration and anger, aiming a kick at my side.

I lift my head from the dusty wooden floorboards to meet her eyes. Mine are black, I know it, I can feel the thirst of months clawing at the back of my throat.

"What?" It's less of a question and more of a statement, but maybe if I humoured her she'd go away.

She fixed me with her best don't-you-what?-me glare.

You need to go back to Forks.

"No."

Why? Why, Edward? Why do you have to make yourself, and our whole family and Bella-

I flinched as she thought Her name. I still couldn't think of Her without the sharp shooting stabs of agony, but if Alice noticed, she didn't react.

-hurt so much?

"For Her. She'll have a better life without me."

That's not true and you know it! She loved you, Edward. I wouldn't be surprised if she's gone and died with grief! You were her everything.

The thought of Bella- my Bella- cold and lifeless, made me angry.

I stood up, towering over tiny Alice, shaking with violence.

"Just go, Alice."

No.

"GO AWAY!"

The monster inside me was growing, I could feel it. I lashed out at Alice, blind with anger, striking her across the face. It was the same monster, the one who'd killed humans, slaughtered them and stolen their life, their blood, the one who'd have slaughtered Forks High for the sake of Her blood.

I could no longer tell where I stopped and He began.

She cried out and staggered backwards, caught off guard.

So tiny and small and fragile looking- she reminded me of Bella and I felt sick.

How could I? Remorse filled me, self-disgust and loathing and hate.

Edward-

Sometimes the truth hurts far more than the lies ever will.

You need to go see Bella.

I'm sorry. I'm a monster, Alice. But I'm still sorry.

It's not too late, Edward.

I'm not Edward anymore. I can feel the monster, clawing through my empty veins, taking control.

Edward, she loves you. Listen to me, Edward.

I try to fight the monster, I really do. I force against it with all my will, but it's taking over.

Come with me. We'll leave now, go straight to the airport, and you'll be with Bella by this time tomorrow.

It's taking over, the monster is everywhere, and Edward is nothing more than a dying spark.

One word, Edward. Just one word.

And the spark goes out, the monster is in control. The monster smiles, showing too many teeth, and tells Alice, 'Yes. Of course I'll come.'

So I've rewritten this chapter. Definite improvement, yes? You know the drill. Review, review, and review some more.