Disclaimer:All of the characters are the property of Dick Wolf. I thank him, the writers, the directors and all the great actors who brought them "to life" for our benefit. Any "liberties" I have taken with them stems from my fond admiration (and a few personal quirks I will seek "help" for).

AN: This story is not set within the accepted "canon" for the characters as it is only officially portrayed by the TV series. So I get to "fool around" with them in ways in which they've never been seen, stretching that to the limit and suspending the "reality" that is "fiction" to start with…now there's a contradiction in terms!!!

(And yeah Goren I know the proper word for that is oxymoron…and no I do not have time to peel you some grapes…I'm busy)

Bobby discovers it's a very bad idea to make private calls during working hours…

THE SECRET

When Alex Eames entered the squad room Bobby Goren was speaking to someone on the phone. There was something about his body language, the softness of his voice and the expression on his face told her it was a conversation he didn't want over heard.

"Hardly ever…well that's not true" said Bobby.

"Went up fine Wednesday night when it was just me…yeah was great…then Friday just when I needed it to…uhuh…no sign of life at all. Yeah of course I tried that…and like you said I tried pressing where you showed me…"

Eames sat down anyway. She was intrigued and making, she hoped, a fairly good job of making it look like she wasn't listening.

Yeah" he was saying "They are much better since I glued the foam under them like you suggested…bit tricky to get it the right size and shape but it seems to be working. But it's the other thing…no still not right…"

Eames glanced over as he picked up his ball pen, repeatedly clicking the thing in a nervous fashion and she tried not to notice the insistent and regular sound.

"Uhuh…like I told you when you checked it out the other day…totally dead…no sign of anything happening…" Bobby muttered, "I'm not sure which is worse. That or what was happening before…yeah the getting halfway then…well letting me down in every sense…uhuh…especially embarrassing no matter how kindly someone says "these things happen Bobby" to you and suggests you go to the movies instead…uhuh…no he couldn't get it to work either"

Eames almost had to nail her eyelids to the desk to stop herself looking over at Bobby. It was true he wasn't a kid anymore but he was surely too young to be having that kind of trouble? And just her luck for it to happen to him before she got chance to find out if the rumours about him were true.

"No" said the guy she hoped would end up her partner in every sense.

"Won't even go up manually sometimes…well I did kind of hope that stuff might work…why I'm calling again Doc…uhuh…Tuesday evening suits me fine…I'll see you then…around six-thirty…pardon?…really…hang on a moment…"

Eames sensed him reach for his folder and finally make use of his pen. Years of working together meant she could read his writing wasn't the neatest, upside down. A quick glance confirmed her worst fear as Bobby scrawled "Viagra" in his folder.

"What time and where?" he asked writing down what looked like 2.30 "And how much?"

Eames saw what looked like "$60" get added before Bobby went on "Yeah I expect I will" before lowering his voice almost to a whisper and saying "So long as no-one here finds out…"

"Too late" thought Eames knowing this was something she'd definitely keep to herself and wondering what she could or should say when Bobby got off the phone.

His voice was more normal but still rather quiet as he said "Meanwhile I'll try the other thing you said…see if holding it that way works…and see you Tuesday. Bye Doc"

Bobby put down the receiver and glanced up with a sudden pink flush on his cheeks "Oh" he startled a little "I…um…I didn't see…er…realise you were back Eames"

He glanced about him guiltily and closed the folder swiftly "Sorry…private call in work time"

"I gathered" she said before leaning forward over her desk and lying quietly "I didn't mean to eavesdrop"

Bobby shrugged fractionally "I don't suppose you will be telling anyone about it"

"Of course not" Eames paused and decided maybe she should say something.

"I…I'm sorry to…the problem you're having Bobby. Not sure what I can…is there anything I can do…to help I mean?"

"You're welcome to try Eames" he muttered somewhat bitterly as she resisted the temptation to crawl under the desk and get started right there and then.

"Do you know much about them?"

Eames coughed to stop herself choking and flushed "My share I guess"

"Funny" Bobby sat back "I never took you as one much into gizmo's"

"Excuse me?" she said wondering not for the first time exactly what did go through that head of Bobby's he'd use the word "gizmo" for it.

"Entertainment systems" he said making her frown. "I wish I never saw that ad for a 42 inch, HD wall mounted system with a remote adjustable height screen. Damn thing won't go up and down despite my pal Doc trying to fix it"

"Oh" she sighed with relief.

"I…um…that probably is out of my league Bobby. That's Doc the electrical engineer guy isn't it?"

"Uhuh. At least the foam stopped the reverb on the speakers" Bobby stood up "Be with you in a minute…um…I just need to…er…pay a visit"

"Of course Bobby" she said watching him leave and turn left down the hall in the direction of the rest rooms.

Before wondering if Bobby had told her the truth after all?Otherwise what was all the stuff he wrote on his pad?

Checking the bathroom was clear, Bobby pulled out another of those "gizmos". His cell phone. To call an illegal bookie, get sixty bucks down for Doc and fifty for himself on a sure fire certainty called Viagrain the 2.30 at Belmont. It was only on his way back to the squad room something suddenly struck Bobby about that whole conversation…damn it…life sure had a way of getting complicated for him sometimes…