During the next several weeks nothing extraordinary happened. Lydia returned to New York where she had her hands full with a new work project, so she didn't had time to even think about visiting the Neitherworld again. Once it was finished, Lydia thought she deserved a break and what better place to spend her free time than the Neitherworld? And right on cue a message appeared on her mirror: Stench Riviera today. Bring bathing suit. Lydia doubted that she would be able to set foot into the 'sea', but tossed her black bikini into her bag. That time she was prepared for two-three days of an impromptu vacation. She concentrated on imagining the triangular door to the world of the dead. It took her fifteen minutes for the door to materialize. The juice seemed not to yet settle perfectly inside her body.
The door opened… and there it was – the Road House once again. And in front of it Beetlejuice was rolling in the air his cackling heard for miles. Why did he acted so stiff around her then?
"What's the excitement about, boys?" she asked, nearing the house.
"Oh we were recalling once again the pranks at the reception," Kevin explained, because he was the one who could form some coherent words in between laughs. "That was one grand scheme! We need to repeat it again! What is next? Beauty contest?"
"Oh yes! We can make all those 'beauties' squirm! They don't have a drop of anything even closely connected to beauty anyway."
Lydia watched as Beetlejuice hang upside down with a straw of grass between his teeth that formed one of his trademark smirks that told anyone looking that you better scatter or something nasty could happen to you. Lydia was far from jealous of the contest's participants.
"So did someone here issue an invitation to the beach? It will be really grand since it is November, but I really doubt that I will be able to put on the bathing suit I took with me."
"With BJ's juice you can do whatever you want here," Kevin reassured. "I do advise you to take shower after though. You know, just in case." By the looks if it, Kevin hadn't had one since the wedding.
……………….
Beetlejuice ended up going even if he declared right away that he had other more important things to attend to so they could splash themselves without His Juiceness. But Kevin had none of it. He was very insistent and persuasive bringing as an argument his plans to have a beetle barbeque just for him. That of course decided the matter. So three boney lounges and Lydia's black bikini later the trio settled on the Stench Riviera 'sandy' beach.
"So since when are you into snakes?" Beetlejuice asked, referring to the snakes' appliqué on her bikini.
Lydia lifted her glasses to check if the question was addressed to her. Since the stunt earlier, Lydia concluded that now Beetlejuice was using an avoiding tactic with her. So now he was talking with her and even paid attention to what she was wearing?
"Well, spiders are classics and all, but snakes have their special grace and beauty of their own. All those different colors and scale patterns! Magnifique!"
"Whatever," Beetlejuice grunted, obviously not sharing her fascination.
Lydia shrugged and ignored him (two can play the game). Instead she moved her attention to Kevin who was jumping the waves (wasn't everything around radioactive?), once again exercising a wondrous ability to make jumps even three meters high.
"What is wrong with Kevin?" she inquired, the ignoring game seemed to be over already.
"First me and now Kev? Who are you? A teacher checking a test?"
Lydia waited for her outfit to change in one of a typical teacher, but nothing happened. Huh? "Obviously he is not acting like an ordinary child."
"An ordinary child here?! That's insulting!"
Lydia had to agree that it was. No simple child could be fascinated with the gross world of the afterlife. "If I didn't know better, I would've said he was flying."
"Then you don't know better," Beetlejuice throw, sending another bug into his mouth. From his satisfied expression Lydia deducted that the barbeque turned out to be a success.
"You mean he is actually flying?!" Lydia exclaimed, sitting up.
"Not yet."
'Again with the 'not yet' answer. What is going on here?!' "So it'll happen in a century or so?"
"Who knows? But I believe it will be much sooner."
'Is it pride I hear?' "Please, Beetlejuice, can you just tell me?" 'If he says 'Why should I?' I am gonna hit him.'
"Why should I?"
And Lydia hit him on the arm. The effect was far from the desired one. Her whole hand burned. She glanced at Beetlejuice to detect his reaction and saw that he was… scared? 'He must've felt it too. But why? I'll ask him later, now to the more pressing matter.' "I feel for the boy. Since the moment I discovered that he had TB. I am just concerned."
"There is nothing to be concerned about," Beetlejuice grumbled, as if her concern was a person insult to him.
"Of course, he is safe with you and everything, but why cover your relationship with such a mystery?"
"There is no mystery. Everybody knows about it."
"Except me," she wanted to shout, but kept her voice moderate. She didn't remember since when somebody made her so damn frustrated. She would receive a nervous breakdown for sure.
"He is my… how do they put it? Next in line? Next of kin?"
"Kevin is your son?!!" Now she did shout. Thankfully there were no creatures around them to throw her dirty looks for disturbing their peace.
However Beetlejuice did shot her a dirty look. "Are you dense? He is a breather."
'Keep calm, Lydia. Don't jump to ridiculous conclusions. Of course, Kevin can't be Beetlejuice's son. He is frigging alive! What made me say that?' "So he is your what?"
"How do you call someone who gets your stuff when you retire?"
"Successor? Heir?"
"Yeah, that."
Lydia's thoughts reeled, but she didn't let them out of her mental control. "You are not working, oh sorry, the W-word," she instantly apologized seeing him cringe, "so where are you retiring from?"
"Oh this and that… Mom and Dad started nagging again, but to the usual, 'Find a job' and 'Clean your room' they are now adding 'Find a good girl to settle with, maybe she will clean after you'. Hah! Like in million years! And I thought they would leave it after Donny got hitched."
"Donny is married?!" 'My, so much happened only in five years I was not here.'
"That goody-goody decided to help the world by taking part in prisoners' rehabilitation. One of the conditions was to marry the prisoner (didn't want them back at any cost, hehe) and he did. A wild cat she is! She is a cat actually! Saint Donny had married a cat!"
"He must've had her best interests at heart," Lydia retorted, but was also surprised by the end of the story. The union was most unusual.
"Of course he did!" Beetlejuice agreed, but his going into fit of laughter showed his real thoughts on the situation.
"So about Kevin?" Lydia nudged to return to the previous topic, starting to feel slightly sick by Beetlejuice's sardonical laugh.
"The old folks kept nosing into my afterlife and then that administrative worm, Juno, the smoky bitch, ordered me (ordered me, hah!) to provide some 'worthy reason' why I needed a breather in the world of the dead. So I told her the boy would be the next Juice Wielder. That shut her gap and the gap in her throat too. Got him cheap too."
"Cheap?"
"Only four hundred years."'
'Next juice wilder? Four hundred years?'
Lydia wanted to question further, but was suddenly blinded by numerous flashes, which turned to be produced by cameras.
"You are just perfect! Absolutely perfect!"
"Perfect for what?" Lydia managed to cut in between the endless reasons of her perfection.
"For the beauty contest of course! Were you not planning on participating?! Unbelievable! Fill in these forms and we are waiting for you to shine on stage in two days!" With that the slug (or was it a snail?) departed with his congregation of photographers and managers.
"You – in the beauty contest?! Don't make me laugh!" But Beetlejuice was laughing already anyway.
"Oh really? You… you… tasteless freak! I'll show you!" Lydia continued muttering threats to Beetlejuice, grabbing her things and he just continued to cackle his head off. She even kicked the said head several times for good measure, but it didn't help. "I'll win and you will eat your words!" With that declaration she stomped off even forgetting to say good bye to Kevin.
"Challenge, you know I love it."
"Arrogance, you know I hate it."
Even with feverish preparations during the next two days, Lydia didn't become Miss Neitherworld. Feeling disgusted by all events of such nature she didn't step down from the challenge, firstly because the beauty contest in the Neitherworld was not like the one in her world, secondly, and most importantly, she wanted to prove Beetlejuice wrong. But since when did it matter to her what he thought about her appearance?
Anyway… Lydia prepared everything well, but lost mostly because of her sudden clumsiness and silly mistakes in the most inappropriate times. Just because she knew that minute or the next Beetlejuice was to execute his scam. She didn't want to fall victim to his yet another prank, and knowing that now they had become far from the innocent tripping or water splashing, she was even more afraid. Really afraid, that's why her concentration was completely askew. The only good thing that came out of the whole ordeal was that Lydia didn't bet anything on her winning, otherwise she would've been really screwed.
She dragged herself to the Road House, totally exhausted from the crazy contest, but couldn't step over the doorstep – the whole living room was covered with money bills.
"Not bad from a single bet, hah?" Beetlejuice chuckled, counting the bills, his pupils – dollar signs. "Kevin was right – it is funnier with you around."
"What is the meaning of this?" Lydia asked with a frown and a dreadful feeling that she had been set up.
"I ran the pools on the winner of the beauty contest. Bet against you of course."
'So there was a scam… But wait a minute.' "Then everyone else had bet on me for you to win so much."
"But I knew that you knew that nobody else knew. So it was a sure bet."
Lydia felt into his trap without even knowing it – she was the one who knew that Beetlejuice planned to do something and that very knowledge made her loose, and the striped gloater knew it. "How can you play with emotions like that? Don't you have a heart?!"
"I don't."
"What?!" 'Don't have a heart?! But I saw it, talked to it, touched it even!' "What do you mean you don't have one?"
"It means what it means. Are you that dense to comprehend a single word?"
"You… you… you… filthy heartless bastard!"
"Too true," Beetlejuice responded with a satisfied smirk.
Lydia turned on her heels and stomped out of the house and stormed back home. She had enough of that attitude. The Neitherworld was not worth it if she was treated like that. So why did she feel as if her own heart was stabbed over and over again?