Rick felt his head droop forward slightly. The cold he'd somehow eluded in the first moments that he'd laid eyes on her, was now threatening to swallow him whole; the comfortable heat of the moment freezing over leaving him stiff and angry. His eyes hardened, his posture tensed and he felt his own fists ball up out of resentment and frustration.

The water rippled as Evelyn broke the contact between them, his apparent chill eradicating in her direction as well. She partially stepped backward and watched intently as this man, whom she thought to be her husband, transformed into something she'd never witnessed about him. For what seemed like hours, the couple stood in silence contemplating just what had happened between them. Rick contemplated what was to be done next leaving his wife to wonder about the severity of the situation.

He was in the dark. It was at this moment that he would explain everything. He was supposed to clarify the reasoning behind ending her advances and why he found himself unworthy of her concern, her body, and most importantly, her love. But the words wouldn't form and the explanation was left unsaid.

His mind then drifted to wondering why Evelyn hadn't spoken yet. It had been a good minute and a half and she hadn't moved. The silence had to be eating up her like it was him. O'Connell could only suspect she was waiting for his explanation. Pressure made a few choice words spill out, words that lacked the thought needed to make this conversation work.

"I-uh…we-we need to…" he broke the eye contact and swallowed loudly.

His wife remained as a statue, watching as he stumbled over what some would consider a simple conversation. Her mouth fell just slightly ajar and her doe eyes studied his face curiously.

A strong electrical current of pain overwhelmed O'Connell's entire body, making him almost sick as she stared at him. Tremors nestled in his stinging chest and in response he took in an unsteady breath. His vision slightly distorted and for a moment he felt as though he were going to pass out right there. He was aghast when a cool bead of water trailed down his scruffy cheek and burrowed into the patch of fuzz on his chin.

Oh god, he was crying.

"Darling…" Evelyn's voice was timid and frightened all at once as she brought a hand up to his chin to wipe away that stray tear. "Rick, what's going on?"

Her concern was barely audible as O'Connell poured his heart out to keeping himself strong for her. Here she was worrying over him, as she always did, and the only thing he was doing was scaring her more by not responding. The throbbing was intense now, spreading like wildfire through every inch of his body leaving him at a loss. Like his dream, the world around him was becoming dark and cold and it was swallowing him intact.

"Rick!" He heard Evelyn screech frantically as the bridge of his nose collided with her collarbone rather forcefully. Before he could register anything else, his arms firmly grasped around waist and shoulders and pulled her as close as humanly possible. O'Connell's eyes firmly shut as he squeezed her with such force that it took his remaining breath away. He realized that before anything else could come from his mouth he had to hold her once more. He had to fit her into his embrace while he knew she wanted to still be there.

Evelyn stiffened and looked beyond him, trying to comprehend just what the hell was going on. Her eyes were wide as she was practically shoved into his embrace. Her breath was caught in her throat and for a second he believed she too had stopped breathing.

"Evie, I…." his voice was now cracking with each passing word, but it couldn't be helped. His eyes glistened but it was ignored. He wasn't holding anything back, he could only do it for so long, "Honey, I'm so sorry…."

Evelyn tightened under his embrace.

"Losing you was the damned hardest thing I'd ever had to go through…." He slightly sniffled but the words were coming out fully now and he was useless to stop them. "But knowing that I'd have a second chance when I clearly don't deserve it… it's killing me, sweetheart."

O'Connell slightly turned his head so that his nose was buried into the lower part of her neck. The little drops of emotion smeared across her collarbone leaving a trail of sweet salty tears. Evelyn's head tilted upward, a simple sign that she wasn't about to interrupt him. He brushed his lips over the base of her throat while his hands explored the softness of her lower back, tracing faint circles with his index finger. He pleaded with her to understand, to know…

"I love you so much, but that's not enough. I can't continue this for the rest of my life… I can't ignore what went on and-and forget that I did nothing to stop…" He bit back a curse at himself for being unable to come up with the right words. "Evie, I've failed you..." His body shook uncontrollably, as he strained short tremulous breaths. "I'm so… so sorry…" The phrase was repeated over and over again and the tears fell freely with no remorse. He didn't want to hold them back. He didn't want to be strong, he wanted to feel the pain that he knew he deserved, but even that was impossible.

He couldn't take away the hurt. Seeing her fall, watching her die, was a pain that he could never feel. The hurt in her eyes would haunt him until the end of time, and the guilt would forever trouble him.

Acting like the fool he was, he had stormed off, vowing to avenge her. When he should have taken Alex to safety, he instead decided to put his own life in the fate of those awaiting him. He decided to finish what the two of them had started almost ten years ago. Blood was on his mind, a life for a life. It would never bring her back, or so he thought at the time, but it would give him some satisfaction knowing that he had finished going through hell and back.

He easily remembered the surreal bliss he'd felt when he saw her alive in the pyramid. She shouted at him, waking him from the pain and thoughts of death that were drowning him.

He remembered exactly how she looked as well. That passionate expression reserved only for the happiness of archeology was in full form as she watched him fight off the two ancient evils. Her bouncing curls danced on her shoulders as she took in the sight of the man she loved, risking his life once again to protect the one's he loved. It was then that something, renewed hope perhaps, offered a promise that death wasn't going to take anyone else from him.

The woman before him had seen every known emotion he possessed. For the first time in her life however, she was to take note of a side of O'Connell that not even his own father had witnessed. Evie's husband, the strong force that kept this family alive through all these years, was experiencing a new frightening emotion.

He had been broken.

Rick finally pulled away from her all together as he summed up all of his thoughts into one aching conclusion.

"I… don't deserve you, honey, and I never will."

~BEF