Chapter 6.
Edward.
I was feeling pretty smug with myself. Smug with Bella. I was pretty happy that I decided to take her out. It was the least I could do.
I can't explain the elation that filled me when I finally saw that smile of hers. It felt like ages since I'd seen it spread across her gorgeous face. It was all I could do to keep myself under control when she was hugging me and crying her soul out. I almost fell apart with her.
The thing that really fucking annoyed me was that I didn't exactly know the cause of her breakdown. I knew it had a bit to do with the kiss I almost gave her, and a lot to do with the fact she thought I was only talking to her for my own amusement, but what else was it? I knew there was something more. It drove me insane.
She came back to my place after we walked back to school. We couldn't wipe the smiles off our faces; it was like that after sex euphoria. But of course we didn't have sex. We hadn't even kissed. And, although I really wanted to, I couldn't kiss her. Not yet. Not while I could see she was so messed up. It would just confuse us both more.
And neither of us fucking needed that shit.
"Mum, Bella's here" I announced before bringing her inside. I gave mum a chance to hide any grog or pills that may cause awkwardness. I heard some clinging of glass and some stumbling, then mum appeared out of the living room with a wide smile on her face.
"Bella, dear, how nice to see you!" she said with a small slur, not enough for anybody but her own son to notice. I was glad she wasn't completely pissed, but also sad. I was sad that she was still drinking. Her condition was getting worse and I didn't know how long she had until she snapped.
What would she do, when she did snap? Would she hit me, maybe? Would she hurt herself? The possibilities were vast, and each one hurt badly to think of.
"It's nice to see you too, Elizabeth" beamed Bella. Mum smiled warmly at her and took her into a sudden hug. Bella looked shocked and simply let my mother smother her, then she was finally released. I thought I noticed a hint of a tear in Bella's eyes. But maybe it was just the light. I hoped it was.
"What are you two doing today?" mum asked happily, clasping her hands together and looking hopefully between the two of us.
"Just hanging" I said offhandedly.
"Want to watch a movie or something?" mum asked. I could tell she wanted Bella's company. Ever since I had brought Bella over, mum had been saying how nice she was. How beautiful she was. How good she would be for me. She would only say that when she was sober, of course. When she was drunk she ignored the hell out of me.
"That sounds good" said Bella, "What movie?"
"No chick flicks" I said darkly. Both of the women in front of me burst into laughter.
"No, no don't worry Edward, no chick flicks."
Bella chuckled.
"How about a horror?" I suggested. Bella shrugged and mum walked into the living room, soon returning with Jeepers Creepers in hand.
"I haven't seen that one yet!" said Bella excitedly. We all moved into the living room to watch the movie, and I barely paid attention. I couldn't possibly pay attention with Bella hugged into my chest the whole time. All I could notice was her breath warming my chest, her hair in my face, her body pressed against mine.
I could only just stop myself from getting hard. That would have been a fucking nightmare.
Bella got scared a few times, and so did mum. Every now and then one of them would jump or let out a whimper. It was hilarious.
When the movie finished, mum turned the lights back on and saw how close Bella and I were sitting. She had a strange smirk on her face, like she was in on some joke. I knew exactly what was going through her mind. She was going to try and set us up.
Poor, naïve mum. She had no idea that Bella and I could never work. As much as I knew we both wanted it to, we weren't made for each other in a romantic sense. We just fucking weren't.
Bella pushed off me and scooted to the other end of the couch, but it didn't matter. The damage was done. We had given mum hope.
"I should get home. Even though I don't want to" she laughed. Mum had left us alone.
"Why not?"
"I love it here. It's so much better than home" she said, looking around at my shabby furniture and cracked walls. I had no fucking clue why she liked being here.
She must have read my expression, because she sighed and the sadness returned in her eyes.
"Mum left when I was a baby. It's just nice, you know, being around a motherly figure."
Fuck. That was it. That was what Bella kept secret. That was the source of Bella's despair. The source of her heartbreak, her shyness and her detachment from everyone. Instead of feeling sad for Bella, I suddenly felt mad at her mother. Whoever she was, she must have been heartless. How could she leave Bella? My beautiful, smart, funny Bella. She was my Bella now. My friend, the object of my affection, my counselor and my only vice. I had a feeling Bella knew this too, since she was hugging me again. Without any restraint. Without any doubts or hesitations. She was in my arms, willing me to kiss her.
But I didn't. I couldn't. I'd argued with myself day and night, and I just couldn't mess her up more than she already had been.
So I hugged her back, and that was all. I could feel her disappointment and her sadness. I wanted to tell her how much I desired to kiss her full lips, but that would only make matters worse.
She pulled away, faking a smile.
"I'll see you on Monday" she said.
"Why not on the weekend?"
"Oh, you want to do something?" she sounded shocked. I had to make it clear I wasn't asking her out on a date. I wanted to, but like most things, I couldn't.
"Yeah, well, I have a few errands to run; you could come with me to make it less excruciatingly boring."
"Sounds good" she said, moving to the door. I followed as mum walked into the room and pulled her into another surprising hug. Bella gasped, then turned and hugged my mother back. It was a moment for the two of them. It was like there was some silent agreement between the two; they were friends now. They both had smiles on their faces and there was something new in my mum's eyes. Faith.
"Hope to see you soon, love" mum said sweetly, leaving us alone again. I hugged Bella myself and said goodbye. I watched her walk back to her truck with a sigh.
How I wanted to kiss her.
**
I got drunk that night. There was nothing else to do. I would have visited Bella, but I needed to back off. I really did. There was no knowing what I might do if I indulged myself in her presence too much.
I sat on my floor, strumming at my guitar carefully, writing some notes down on a pad while I went. I was writing a song, I noticed. I played it over and over and realised how good it sounded. I took another swig of whisky and kept playing. It was becoming harder and harder to pluck the tough strings, but I kept on. By midnight I had a pretty good song on the way. Just no lyrics. I knew who I aimed to write lyrics. I knew who I wanted to sing the song.
I just had to figure out how to get her to.
I passed out some time beyond four am with a spilled bottle of whisky and a dead cigarette hanging out of my mouth limply. It was past lunch time the next day before I opened my eyes.
"Fuck" I hissed at the light coming in from my bedroom window. I got up very slowly, so slowly I wondered if I was moving backwards. Every limb was like iron, and my head felt like it was on fire and being beaten repeatedly by a hammer.
This was how my mother felt every morning. Fucking good on her.
Somehow I managed to limp to the shower and stand under the warm water for a few minutes. It cleared my head a little, but I still felt like death walking.
"Fuck you, McCarthy's" I grumbled as I gingerly got dressed. I emerged from my room an hour later to find mum smiling happily over a mixing bowl. She didn't look like she'd been drinking at all.
"Morning, Edward!" she said cheerfully, mixing the unknown contents of her bowl.
"What's that?" I asked groggily. She giggled at the sound of my voice.
Wait? She giggled?
This was not my mum. Even on her good days she wasn't this bubbly.
"I'm making brownies for Bella."
"For…Bella?"
"Yes, dear, do you not grow a brain until after two pm?" she asked with a smirk.
"Uh, no. Why are you…?"
"I don't know. I really like her, Edward" she said happily.
"Me too" I grumbled.
"I can tell."
She mixed the brownie mix for a while longer, then began to spread it out over a tray. It looked really good.
"She loves your cooking mum, she'll appreciate this" I said, rubbing the throbbing side of my head while sitting down at the tiny bench. Mum smiled up at me and popped the tray in the oven.
"What's the plan today?" she asked, getting me a mug of coffee. Bless her.
I rubbed my head again, "I don't know. I'm supposed to be taking her out. Not like a date or anything" I added hastily. Mum laughed.
"Sure it isn't. Where are you taking her?"
"I haven't got that far yet."
She handed me my mug of coffee and two aspirin tablets.
"How about to that ice cream parlor?"
"Did that yesterday" I said, popping the pills into my mouth and sipping down some coffee. Fuck, did it feel good to have that caffeine in my system.
"Hmm. Why don't you take her to the music store? You've had your eyes set on a new guitar for a long time now, and I have some money saved away for you" she offered. I paused my drinking to look at her. She would never usually give me money for something as luxurious as a new guitar. There was definitely something going on.
She handed me three hundred dollars and smiled at me, urging me to take it and not ask questions.
"But...what?..."
"Oh, Edward, not everything comes with a catch" she said airily, "Enjoy it."
"Mum, I can't take this. We need it."
"We won't much longer" she insisted. In the end, I took the money and dragged myself up the stairs to find my cell. Bella was number one on speed dial. A bit pathetic, don't you think?
"Hello?"
Her voice was bliss.
"Hey, it's Edward."
"No shit" she laughed.
"I'm coming to your place to pick you up. We're going out."
"We are?"
"Like I said" I said with a smirk.
"Sure. Be here soon?"
"Definitely" I said before hanging up. Just hearing her voice eliminated some of the dull pain in my skull. Or maybe it was the aspirin taking effect. Probably a mixture of the two.
I couldn't wait to see Bella, either way.
Bella.
I was pretty happy. Edward invited me out, after all. I thought he might just be hoping I forgot his promise to take me out. But he didn't! I was skipping around the house and making Charlie lunch when he called. I had to clamp my teeth down on my bottom lip to stop myself from squealing.
"I wonder where he's taking me" I said as I handed Charlie his steak sandwich. Oh, I spoiled him.
"What does it matter if you're not dating?" he asked angrily. I'd been talking about Edward all morning. I'd be getting angry at me too.
"Sorry" I said, running off to the bathroom to touch up my hair and wash my face again. By the end of my routine, I didn't look half bad. Too bad about the pale skin and the skinniness. I couldn't change that overnight.
When Edward knocked at the door I almost died from excitement. I'd decided after my embarrassing breakdown at school that I would be happy around him, that I would accept that he didn't want to be more than friends, and I would shut out any hopes that he might want something more. I would forget about the almost kiss, and I would stop picturing his ripped stomach muscles and large bulk in his pants. I would. I would. I would.
"Get the door, Bella!"
Whoops. I ran to the door and ripped it open.
"Steady there, Bella" Edward laughed. He looked so happy. We were both happy. This is how it should have been all along.
"Where are we going?"
"It's a surprise" he said mysteriously. We got on his Vesper and he drove off in the opposite direction of town. I had no idea where we were headed.
After a good twenty minute drive, we wound up out the front of another store I had never seen in my life. The front door was dusty and the windows were covered in flyers. I walked up to one and saw they were all for bands. This must have been a music shop.
"I kind of have an ulterior motive for bringing you here" Edward said, locking up his Vesper.
"And what is that?" I asked with a smile. He pulled out a handful of money and smiled sheepishly.
"Mum's letting me buy a new guitar."
"Edward! That's so good!" I squeaked. I wondered where he got the money, but I knew it would be rude to ask. He led me inside, I noted how he held my hand, which made me smile even further, and I gasped. The place was wonderful. It smelled of horse hair and wood with a hint of tobacco. So perfect.
"What type of guitar are you looking for?" I asked, fingering the strings of a jet black electric type.
"Just something practical. I don't care about brands much, just what sound they make" he admitted. I admired his indifference to brands and high priced guitars. Most kids at Phoenix Union wore the newest fashions, the priciest labels. It made me ill.
I followed him around the shop for a while, until he stopped at a second hand acoustic guitar that was covered in a thick layer of dust. It had no strings and a large scratch down the middle. It was charming.
"I want it" Edward said, looking at the price tag.
"Two hundred dollars for that?" I asked, incredulous. Edward laughed.
"It's an expensive brand. Even second hand it's barely affordable. I was looking to spend about one hundred."
"How much do you have?"
"Three hundred" he said quietly. Woah, even for me that was a hell of a lot of money to have resting in your back pocket.
"Buy it, then."
"I feel bad" he muttered, scooping up the guitar and stroking it like a pet.
"You're in love with it, you can't just leave it here" I said, watching him coo over the dusty guitar. He sighed.
"You're right."
"It just needs some new strings and some dusting and it will be perfect."
"I like it dusty" he said, "It gives it character."
I had to agree. Edward went to the front desk and purchased the guitar with some new strings and a new pick. I had a feeling he rarely used a pick, by the look of his hands. Today there were numerous band aids and new cuts on them. He must have been playing a lot since I saw him yesterday.
With his new guitar settled in a bag slung over his shoulder, a smile on both our faces, and money to spend, we set off walking along the unfamiliar streets.
"Would you like something to eat?" he asked.
"Yes. But I can pay."
"I have one hundred dollars to spend, Bella, don't be like that."
I sighed and let him buy me a nice Italian meal at a small, cozy restaurant. He sat next to me rather than across from me. I really enjoyed the intimacy. We ate and chatted until four o'clock and I was disappointed when Edward paid the bill and took me back to his Vesper. I didn't want the afternoon to end. I was so happy; it was something like a dream. Not one thing had gone wrong.
He dropped me off out the front of my house. I was really wishing that maybe he was going to take me back to his place for more scary movies and hugging, but no. My house. Not that I could complain. I had an excellent time.
"Thanks" I smiled at him, "I had so much fun."
"Yeah?" he asked, seeming unsure.
"An absolute ball" I admitted, "I hope you enjoy your guitar."
"I will. I have a few ideas about what I want to do with it."
"Do I get to hear these ideas?"
"Not just yet" he smirked. I turned to walk to my front doors, looking back over my shoulder at him and poking my tongue out. He threw his head back and laughed, letting the sun hit his face in a manner that made him look God-like. I had to turn back around to stop myself from drooling.
"I'll call you sometime tomorrow" he assured me as he sped off back home.
**
I cooked a large, tasty dinner for Charlie. Chicken Caesar salad. It was one of the best meals I could do. Charlie saw it and his jaw basically dropped to the ground.
"And what did I do to deserve this?" he asked skeptically.
"I'm just in a good mood."
"You've been in a lot of 'good moods' lately" he said, frowning. He pulled out his chair and sat down at the large, wooden dining table and licked his lips and the dish of salad sitting in front of him.
"You could say that" I reasoned. We ate our dinner and I actually listened to what Charlie was talking about for once. He had a hard day at the police station. He had to arrest two teenage girls for possession of cocaine and pull over various drunk drivers. I had to admire him. He was cleaning up Phoenix, one coke whore at a time.
I did the dishes and cleaned the kitchen to the best of my abilities. Which wasn't very good, to tell the truth. The dishwasher did most of the work, and for that I was grateful. I went to bed after that; it was just after nine. I needed sleep.
It was just moments, it seemed, after I had shut my eyes that Charlie burst in the door shaking me awake.
"What?!" I asked frantically. Something must have been very wrong. Even in the dark I could see his wide eyes and furrowed eyebrows. He just looked at me for a while, his cell in one of his hands.
"What's going on, dad?!" I was panicking. Badly.
"I just…got a call" he breathed out, sounding like he'd just seen a ghost.
"Dad, please, tell me" I begged.
"Elizabeth Masen is dead."
A/N: ...We all knew that was coming. Thank you to those whole have sent emails or reviewed. I really appreciate it, and it motivates me to write better. I also uploaded this to Twilighted, just in case you prefer to read white on black.
I love Laura; you are the beta of my dreams.