A/N: Thanks for the reviews, guys. They certainly encourage me to keep going. A lot of you are saying you didn't want, or expect Liz to die so early. Well, she was only the catalyst for my story, so I wasn't going to ramble on for a few extra chapters when it was not needed. And my writing gets progressively worse when I write too much, so I wanted to avoid that. Enjoy :P

Chapter 7.

Bella.

I spent a lot of the day crying, and when I wasn't bawling my eyes out, I was staring at my cell, debating in my head whether to call Edward or not.

I decided not to. He would call me first, right? I didn't want to intrude, but I didn't want to make him feel like I didn't care. Because I did care. I cared so much that my heart ached and my body was numb. I didn't even bother to get up from bed the whole day.

Charlie sat with me for a while, rubbing my back and attempting to calm me down. When he realised how little he was doing, he decided to go off to the station and leave me alone. I didn't know if I was relieved by this or saddened.

Elizabeth Masen had killed herself, Charlie told me. Overdose on muscle relaxants. Just the thought of it made me cry more. And Edward. Poor Edward. He would be shattered. Having a parent die is bad enough, but for a parent to kill themselves? To purposely take themselves out of your life? It must have been hell for him.

"Bella" came Charlie's croaky voice from my doorway, "You need to come and eat something, have a shower, talk to me."

Was he home from work already? What time was it? I moved my head the slightest to see it was dark outside. Not that it mattered. Time was irrelevant to me. All that mattered was Edward. What had happened.

"Please, Bells, I'm worried about you" Charlie said, his voice breaking into a small sob. That's all it took. I exploded into a fit of tears, coughing, screaming and whatever else. Charlie took me firmly into his arms and rocked me back and forth like a baby.

"It's terrible" I said. My voice was barely audible since I hadn't used it in over twelve hours.

"I know" Charlie said, "I know."

**

Three hours later, after a hot shower, a decent meal and some more hugs from Charlie, I was feeling a little better. But only a little. Edward still hadn't called. I was so, so worried.

"Should I just call him?" I asked Charlie. He frowned.

"I'm not an expert, Bella. I don't know."

"Would it be rude to just call him? Should I go and see him?"

"He'll probably be at the police station."

"Did you see him today?"

"No. Just Elizabeth…" Charlie broke into another small sob, and we were both gripping each other tightly again. I'd never been so physically close to Charlie, but I loved it. It was comforting, it was soothing and for a few seconds, it felt like everything was back to normal.

"I love you, Dad" I croaked through tears. He stroked my hair and hugged me to his chest.

"I love you too, kiddo."

I pulled away, "Should I call him, though? What do you think?"

"I said I don't know, Bells."

"Where will he live?" I asked suddenly, fretting. What would he do? Be sent to a foster home? Just the thought brought more tears to my already watery eyes.

"At his house. He's eighteen, he can do what he wants."

At least that was better than foster care. I couldn't bear to have him there, all alone. I couldn't bear to live without him. Touching.

"He must be heartbroken" I said sadly, wiping a tear away.

"Just let him deal with it in his own time. I think he will come to you when he wants to."

That's all I needed Charlie to say. I clamped my cell shut and flung it on the table. Now I just had to wait for Edward, not fret about whether I should be the one to call first.

"Want to watch a movie?" Charlie offered. No, I did not want to watch a movie. I wanted to hold Edward and tell him everything was going to be okay. I wanted to kiss his lips, play with his hair, sing him to sleep. I wanted to make sure he was managing. But to spare Charlie grief, I nodded my head and smiled weakly.

"Your choice" he offered. I scrambled to the floor and picked up the copy of Mean Girls I had watched not too long ago. Charlie groaned.

"I knew I would regret this."

"It's a classic" I said, placing the shiny disc into the DVD player. I caught a glimpse of my reflection and held in a gasp. I looked like a madwoman. I shuddered and sat back on the couch, next to Charlie. We watched the movie, had a few laughs, but it wasn't enough to distract me from the aching in my chest.

"I'm tired" I said truthfully once the credits began to roll. Charlie led me up to my bedroom and tucked me in. It was the sweetest thing he had ever done, and I brought a genuine smile to my face.

"Night, Bells. Sleep well."

I was beyond crying by then. Depression was leering over my body, ready to strike. Anxiety and fear swarmed in my head. Shock was still tingling in my fingertips. I was going to explode with emotion.

Luckily, I fell asleep not long after Charlie switched my lights off. Crying for twelve hours straight was tiring. I don't remember dreaming. I guess I didn't actually sleep for that long, because it was still dark when I heard something familiar.

Tap.

I shot up from bed and, not bothering to fix my appearance, climbed out of the window in earnest. I could see the tall shadow of Edward leaning against the side of my house. Smoke was pouring out of his mouth, and pain was pouring out of him. It was almost suffocating. He wasn't doing well.

"Edward" I said breathlessly, "I'm so, so, so…" I couldn't finish as I burst into tears. Edward walked forward and swept me into his arms without any hesitation. He still hadn't spoken.

"Are you doing okay?" I asked stupidly. Clearly he wasn't. Clearly he was going through the toughest time in his life. And I just asked if he was okay. His mum just died, for Christ's sake.

He shrugged and let go of me, sitting down on the dry grass. I did so too, and I was instantly uncomfortable in the prickles and weeds that made up the majority of my garden.

"Say something" I begged. He put out his smoke against the side of my house and sighed. It wasn't the usual sigh I was used to hearing. It was loud, deep, cracked and almost hysterical. The sound itself made my heart break.

"I have no fucking idea what to do" he said finally, pulling at his hair with his hands. I grabbed them and started to rub the calluses tenderly, hoping to give him some kind of comfort.

"That's okay" I whispered, "Nobody does."

"How could she…?" he trailed off, staring up at the stars. I asked the same question myself throughout most of the day.

"I don't know, Edward. But I'm sure. No, wait, I'm certain it had nothing do to with you. She loved you" I was surprised at my controlled voice.

"You don't know that" he said dully.

"I do. I have eyes."

"She told me she hated me lots of times" he argued. Why was he arguing? It was obvious she thought the sun shone out of his ass. To her, he was everything. And I could just gather that from seeing the way she looked at him.

"We all say stupid things, things we don't mean."

"I just wish…"

"I know."

We hugged again, this time I felt a warm liquid drip down my neck. He was crying.

Oh, if I could have died from a broken heart right then, I would have. I can't explain the feeling that flowed through me. I could barely breathe. I needed to give him some hope, some glint of a future worth living for. The one thing that came to mind was something I had realised as soon as I heard Elizabeth had died. I had to tell him. So I did. I pushed him away so I could look directly into his green eyes. They glinted marvelously in the moonlight, and I almost found myself lost in them. It just proved what I was thinking, what I felt. I didn't care if he didn't feel the same; I just needed him to know. It was now or never.

"Edward, I love you."

Edward.

She was looking at me strange. Well, stranger than she had been. She looked tender, warm, loving. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to see if that might dull the pain. But I just couldn't. I would not let myself fuck up her life, like I have my own.

"Edward, I love you" she said quietly. I didn't quite register what she said until a few moments after. My heart sped up, the hair on my bare arms stood up, I had goosebumps. She loved me? Surely, this was some fucking act of sympathy. Something to help me stay sane. I was way past that. I was never going to be sane again, if I ever had been in the first place.

Seeing my mum like that had fucking ruined me. I was gone. A lost cause. A complete fucking screw up.

I'd walked right into my house feeling all fucking smug and happy about buying my new guitar and spending the afternoon with Bella. I was even planning on making mum a nice dinner to say thanks. But no, not one day could go without drama. I couldn't have one day that would just roll along smoothly.

As soon as I walked in that house, the smell of vomit, blood and other bodily fluids hit me. It was disgusting; I almost gagged. I could also hint the lingering smell of alcohol.

At first, I thought she'd just passed out. I walked over to her and tried to wake her, avoiding the pool of vomit and blood. But after several attempts, I realised she was gone. Dead. Nothing. I knelt down in that mess and hugged her to me, crying like I never had before. Fucking dead. She was cold and lifeless. The feel of her icy skin, the smell of her vomit, the sight of the pills on the floor all struck me too suddenly. I passed out and woke up later with her body still in my arms. The fucking smell. It had worsened.

That image of her; her lifeless, clouded eyes, her limp body and porcelain skin, it would stay with me for a lifetime.

A few hours later I was at the police station, answering questions about mum's character. Okay, she was fucking depressed and killed herself. I told them that. But they had to ask more fucking questions, and as they asked more, the more personal they became. I wanted to die and join mum. I wanted to leave the world behind and cease to exist. It would be better than what I was going through.

And mum, what she had done to herself, what she had done to me, made me furious. Furious, yet sad. Depressed. Lonely. Hopeless.

The one thing that kept me from taking one of the officer's guns at the police station and pulling the trigger to my head was her. Bella. She kept me going.

And here she was, telling me she loved me, just to keep me alive. She didn't need to do that. Just her being here did that all on its own.

"Edward…" she whispered nervously. I realised I'd been quiet for a long time.

"You don't mean that" I said, not properly hearing myself speak. For all I knew, I could be speaking the Chinese fucking alphabet.

"I do. I love you."

"Fuck, Bella" I groaned, pressing my fists to my head violently. It probably looked like I was hitting myself. Eck, I wanted to hit myself. I wanted to do more, but I couldn't. No fucking way.

"It's true. And if you don't believe it, then I can't help that."

I looked up at Bella's pursed lips and creased forehead and realised…

She wasn't lying. She loved me.

"Y-You do?" I said, semi-happily. I felt guilty at feeling anything positive, but fuck. Bella Swan loved me. I loved Bella Swan.

She nodded shyly, and I leaned in closer to her to whisper, "I fucking love you too."

She was smiling at me like she couldn't be happier. I brought a hand to my mouth and felt I was mirroring her smile. I grabbed her by the shoulders and did what I wanted to do for what seemed like a lifetime. I crushed my lips to hers. They were warm, wet, soft, plump. I could get lost in them. They were fucking amazing lips.

She sighed and her mouth opened, allowing me entrance. I tasted her mouth, and it was lovely. I wiped away a tear that was crawling down her cheek and kissed her harder. I was on top of her within seconds with an erection and a heart rate that would alarm even the best of doctors.

Bella gasped for air.

"I think we need to stop."

I agreed with her. I didn't want to have sex with her for the first time lying on some prickly garden bed just outside her bedroom window. I sat back up and watched her reaction. She was smiling even more than before, and I noticed I was too.

"You sure know how to take a gal's mind off things" she joked, which brought me back to reality. Dead mum. No income. Alone in that shitty house for the rest of my life.

But now I didn't have to be alone. I had Bella, and that's all that mattered for the time being.

**

I didn't go back to school yet. I couldn't go back and face the sneers and taunts of those who hated me. Aka – the complete student body of PU. Bella was understanding of this, and brought home assignments for us to work on together. It took my mind off the upcoming funeral, that's for sure.

My house had been cleaned up, but I still stayed well out of the living room. I barely went downstairs. A lot of the time I would just sit in my room, get drunk, and strum on my new guitar.

Mum had given me the money because she felt guilty. She knew she was going to kill herself. She'd planned it ages ago. But what did she mean, I wouldn't need to worry about money any longer? Was she delusional? Did she spend her last hours under the delusion that we were going to become rich, or did she really have something planned? But what did it matter, anyway? She was gone. Whatever plans she had, she threw them away when she did so with her life.

Was it wrong to feel fucking angry at her for this? How could she leave me? I loved her. I fucking loved her to bits. All of those years, I kept hold of my sanity for her. Just for her. Could she never see that? I thought she did. I thought we had an understanding.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Bella asked me, sprawled out on my bedroom floor. It was a wonder we managed to make room for our work on the floor. I rubbed my forehead and sighed. I was pretty hungover; and it was three pm. Yeah, I had issues. I just hoped Bella wouldn't notice.

If she had noticed, she didn't show it. She was happy and bouncy and everything I loved. We barely got any work done that afternoon in my bedroom. We mainly kissed and hugged. But now she meant business.

"About what?" I asked, playing dumb.

"Tomorrow" she rasped. Her eyes were sad again and I wanted to tell her to mind her own business. But it was her business. I was her business.

"I don't know."

I hadn't had anything to do with the funeral. Mum's sister, Jenna, had come up from Australia to plan the whole thing. I barely even remembered what time it was on.

"I just want you there" I said to Bella, bringing her body close to mine and kissing her softly. Every kiss I planted on her lips was a miracle. It lifted me up into a happier place, a place where I wasn't just some fuck up orphan, a place where I cared for my own well being.

I never stayed in that place long.

"You look awful" Bella said, breaking free of my kiss.

"You've told me" I said, running my hands through my hair. I felt some loose hairs come out with my hands, but didn't let Bella see. I didn't need her to worry more.

She'd worry, though, when I would wake up one day as bald as Homer Simpson. Fuck.

I didn't blame Bella for nagging me about my appearance. I knew I looked bad. I looked awful. In the four days since mum died, I hadn't eaten a thing. I was lucky to have a coffee in the morning. What didn't help was the fact I spewed my guts up every night from some degree of alcohol poisoning. I was thinner than her now. My eyes were tight and looked bruised. My hair was raspy and thinning. My skin had taken a new paler tone. My hands were shaky. I was losing it.

I was a complete fucking mess.

"I'm just worried about you" she sighed. I turned her face to mine with a slightly shaky right hand.

"I know. And I thank you for it."

We kissed again, and it seemed like nothing in the world could touch us. The harsh reality of my life came back once her lips parted from mine.

"You need to get home to Charlie" I pointed out. I didn't want her to leave, yet I didn't want her to stay either.

"I can stay a while longer."

Alcoholic Edward won over Greedy Edward and spoke up. Alcoholic Edward needed a drink, and that couldn't happen with Bella around.

"You should go, please."

"I'll see you tomorrow. I'll call you tomorrow morning to check in."

To check that I'd still be alive, she meant.

"Okay" I said, standing up with a swagger. She pulled my face to hers and kissed me goodbye.

I would now spend the next sixteen hours getting drunk and wishing she was kissing me.

Not bothering to wash up or get dinner, I headed straight for my stash. I pulled out a bottle of scotch and took a few gulps. The warm tingling spread through every part of my body and I already felt better. I chuckled stupidly and headed for my guitar, taking another few sips.

I started refining the song I'd written a few days ago. The one I wanted Bella to sing to. The one I wrote for Bella.

By the end of my drunken tirade, the song was perfect. I beamed at the sheet of music and sculled the last of the bottle. I blacked out soon after.

This was how I spent my nights. This was how I wanted to live.