A/N: I couldn't be more sorry for leaving it so long to update, really. I've just been hounded with uni work, plus my job has been very demanding. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. It's not been one of my favourites to write, but I did my very best. Special thanks to Leah, who has finally gotten around to proofing this chapter, and although she has been in hospital and everything, she still managed to do a pretty good job.

Chapter 17.

Bella.

After the previous night's events, I was not in the best mood the next morning. Jessica noticed this, and spent the whole morning hounding me for answers.

"How did you get that bandage, again?"

"It was in the medicine cabinet."

"How did you manage to put it on yourself?"

"I've had a lot of practice."

"But how – "

"Jessica! Please, I'm trying to read" I snapped, flipping a page of Our Mutual Friend, pretending to focus on the words of Dickens.

"Bella" said Jessica in her pay-attention-to-me-or-else voice. I lifted my head up and saw her standing over me, hand on hips, lips pursed, eyes narrowed.

"What?" I asked with a sigh. What more did she want from me? I had told her everything she asked. I answered every prying question. And she was still persisting.

"Something's different about you."

"I'm in a bad mood" I reasoned, shrugging her off as she sat next to me on my bed.

Why did I befriend her? It was better hating her, I whinged to myself.

"It's more than that. Did something happen?"

"What could have possibly happened? I hit my head, I have a headache, and you're distracting me from my work. That's all."

"Fine. But don't say I didn't bother asking" she shot at me, standing up sharply and snatching her purse from her bedside table, "I'm going out. See you at the party tonight. I probably won't be back in time to help you get ready."

And with that, she left the room in such a manner I thought she might turn around and punch me as a last minute decision.

I didn't let the argument with Jessica bother me. I couldn't have, anyway. All I could think about was Edward. He helped me last night, and despite him almost turning 'vampire' on me, he showed that he could control himself around me. He didn't pressure me. He acted like a friend.

I hated myself for finding it so hard to hold a grudge against him. I had to constantly remind myself that he was the one who left me, almost killed me, and ruined my life.

I hated how I was so weak-minded, how I couldn't make up my mind. One minute I would hate him, and the next I would be remembering what it was like to taste him, hold him, hear his laugh.

I grunted aloud and tossed my book across my bed. It landed neatly on my pillow, right next to the box of tissues. I'd needed them last night, after Edward left. I didn't want to throw him out. But I did. I kept pushing him away, because I had to. I couldn't let him back in, as much as my heart now yearned to.

It was eleven am, and I had at least seven or eight hours until I had to prepare for the Cullen's party tonight. The college swim team had won some competition, and Emmett had offered to throw a party in honour of their work. Of course he would. He was a jock.

The party was to be held along the borders of the forest, near a small creek. Everybody was talking about a bonfire, but I couldn't see how the college would permit a bonfire right next to the treasured forest that gave Washington State its uniqueness.

I, of course, still did not want to go; partly because it would mean seeing vampires again, and partly because my head was still throbbing. I knew for certain that I would not be drinking any alcoholic substance, no matter how appealing it looked. I couldn't afford to be stumbling around with an already cracked-up skull.

Standing up from my bed, I grabbed my shoulder bag and a few pens. I had my Creative Writing class. My least favourite of them all. I was not creative, nor was I interested in writing. Just reading. But you were pushing to find a course on Literature that did not require some type of writing class or something involving creativity. So, I dealt with it. I wrote dreary, un-structured pieces of prose when told to without complaint. The professor would give me apprehensive looks once finished reading my work, and mark it with that red pen I hated. Always a D.

I walked quickly to class, where I sat for three hours, only half aware of what I was writing.

"Miss Swan" announced the professor. I looked up to him, seeing his glasses perched on the bridge of his nose, his lips turned up into a sneer. I detested him.

"Yes, professor?"

He held out a wrinkled hand to indicate that class was over, and the stories we were working on were to be handed up. I sighed, knowing that the red pen sitting in his shirt pocket would be getting a workout soon.

"You may leave. The results will be posted up tomorrow morning" he said rudely, turning his back on me and walking back to his desk. I shot him a dirty glare from behind his back, and basically ran out of the classroom, eager to get some food.

"Creative Writing, huh?" asked Jasper, who had appeared by my side while walking to the food court.

"My favourite class" I said flatly. He laughed.

"You're not avoiding me anymore?" he asked, sounding both surprised and pleased.

"I don't see the point. You're not the one trying to kill me."

"It's not easy for any of us, you know" Jasper said darkly, his eyes following a group of young girls. I contemplated his words, watching his eyes turn a darker shade of topaz, before responding.

"But...Edward...just doesn't handle it well enough?" I asked.

"I don't think you understand what we have been trying to tell you, Bella" Jasper said, ripping his eyes away from the unsuspecting girls. He waited for me to grab a tray of salad, and followed me to a small two-person table by the far window.

I sat down and popped a piece of carrot into my mouth, nodding at him to continue.

"There's myths. Well, they're not exactly myths. They're just very rare occurrences."

"Of what?" I asked, stabbing a piece of lettuce with my fork.

"Most humans smell the same to us. But occasionally, there's one that smells like nothing we have ever smelled before. These humans are called our singers. It's an old word used by some of the most ancient vampire clans. There have only been a few singers documented in vampire history. But...it seems Edward has found his singer in you."

I almost choked on my lettuce, "M-me?"

"You don't smell like ordinary human to him. You smell like food. Imagine being in a field of dirt, and suddenly the most beautiful, fragrant flower emerges. He's instantly drawn to you."

"And," I started, stabbing another piece of lettuce, "What happened to these 'singers' in the documents?"

Jasper took a long time to respond, watching me eat my food with a curious look on his face, "They were killed."

I gulped as Jasper watched me carefully, as though I could run away at any given moment.

"Will that happen to me?"

"I don't believe so. These singers; they were just random humans to the vampires involved. And the vampires were accustomed to...feeding off humans. They had no problems with killing their singers."

"But..."

"But with Edward," Jasper continued, "The situation is completely different. He knows you, he can't hurt you. He doesn't kill humans. He has a great deal of self control. He only lost it once."

"That's true" I agreed, finishing off the stray pieces of lettuce and tomato on my plate, "But I still don't think I can trust him."

"That's a problem we both have to deal with."

"I keep forgetting that..."

"That you're the only one who has a reason to distrust Edward?" Jasper finished my sentence, smiling at me, "Yes, it's hard to imagine he has hurt so many people with just one small lapse of self control. Imagine how he feels."

"I can't imagine that. It will only hurt more."

"But to not consider his feelings in all of this, that's not exactly fair. And maybe if you did consider his feelings, you might discover a way to forgive him completely."

"He almost hurt me again" I said, staring out of the window at the people playing hack. They looked so care-free, with nothing to worry about apart from missing the sack. They didn't know about this new world of vampires. I envied them.

"How?"

"I was bleeding, and he fixed me up...but he froze at one point. It scared the Hell out of me" I explained.

"It would. But did he lunge at you, growl, hiss, hurt you?"

"No."

"Then he did nothing wrong. He didn't come close to hurting you. If anything, he froze to stop himself. He was exerting his self control. He was trying."

"I didn't think of it that way."

"No offense Bella, but you're very determined to see the worst in him. I have no doubt that you're missing a lot of good things in him, because you refuse to see them."

"It's just hard..."

"I know it is. Trust me."

I looked at Jasper, all collected and calm. I wanted to be like him, to be able to handle my emotions and think logically. It would save me a lot of hurt and trouble if I had a clear head and control over myself.

"Thank you, Jasper" I said sincerely as the bell rang through the food court. He stood up immediately, stepping around the table to hold out my chair for me as I got up. I laughed.

"What?" he asked, looking confused and almost hurt at my laughter.

"You're so different" I observed. He chuckled, his face relaxing.

"I'm over one hundred years old, Bella. Of course I'm different."

My stomach spun around, causing me to feel sick suddenly, "One...hundred...years...old..."

"Vampires are immortal..." he said, as if it were obvious. The thought hadn't even crossed my mind. I don't know what I thought, what I had concluded about the life span of a vampire. I was too wrapped up by my Edward situation that I neglected the more important issues. Vampires were real, and they weren't dying any time soon.

"Sorry, I just...I just didn't even think."

"You've had a lot to deal with. It's understandable."

"There you go again, being so logical" I joked. Jasper watched me without smiling.

"Logical?"

"You're always so wise, so put together. It makes me jealous."

"After one hundred-or-so years or reading people's emotions, being able to control them, I have learned to control mine. Or I like to think so."

"Y-you can do that?"

"We all have our powers" he smirked, patting me on the shoulder and heading off to his next class. I disposed of my plate and hurried off to my room to gather my thoughts. I needed silence, time to think on my own. I was way in over my head. It hurt to even think about what had just happened with Jasper.

I eventually got to my room, and I threw myself down on my bed as soon as I kicked my shoes off. I buried my face in my feathery pillow and cried.

Everything that Jasper had said – he was right. I had refused to see the kinder side to Edward. All I'd done was make him seem like some sort of monster in my head, when really, he was trying to his best abilities to keep me safe. He saved me, cared for me. And I could barely thank him for it, because I was too consumed by the two mistakes he had made.

I sat up and wiped my eyes. It was three in the afternoon, leaving me four hours to sleep. After barely getting any the night before, I pushed the box of tissues and copy of Our Mutual Friend aside and fell asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow again.

**

I woke up with a jolt when the door to my room slammed shut. I got up quickly, rubbing my eyes in attempt to clear my vision.

"Don't worry, it's only me. I'm here to help you get ready, after all. You'll need it."

My shoulders sagged at Jessica's voice. She still sounded pissed off.

"I'm sorry about this morning" I said, pushing myself up from my bed slowly. I wasn't sure why I was apologising. I didn't even know if I had anything to be sorry for. Whatever it was, I decided I valued my friendship with Jessica more than some stupid bandage. And for some reason, I found that amusing.

I gave a small, barely audible chuckle as Jessica led me to her vanity table. I remember the days when I used to hate her, and now I could barely remember why. Sure, she was rude and selfish, but we all were. If I were to judge her, I would have to judge myself. And I was guilty of being a lot of bad things, too.

It might have been the revelation I had about Edward or the conversation with Jasper. It might have been a lot of things that put me in such a good mood that night. I let Jessica do whatever she wanted with my hair and makeup.

I smiled and bopped my head along to the music she had turned up loud. She smiled at me in the reflection of the mirror, looking like I could do her no greater favour than let her give me a much-needed makeover.

I noticed that, unlike before, there was something new inside of me rather than hurt, anger and hate. There was joy. And there was logic. I loved Edward, I had been in denial. It was easy to see now, with a clear mind and a clean conscience that I still loved him, vampire or not.

I love Edward Cullen. I love Edward Cullen. I love Edward Cullen.

I wanted him, but I was still not sure how to go about it. Admitting to myself that I loved him was the hardest thing I'd had to do in over two years. Saying that I loved him aloud was a whole new step that I just wasn't ready to take. I knew, though, that I would be ready soon enough. And when I was, I would finally feel free. I would have done something right for a change. I would give him another chance, and that didn't bother me at all. I had spent too long hating him and not trying to understand why he left me, why he almost killed me. I had been too angry to give him the benefit of the doubt. But now I would.

I owed my new revelation to Jasper. He cleared things up for me, without even having to exert himself. He was a true friend, and I would not deny him what I promised. That I would try to see things Edward's way. I would try. For Jasper, for Edward and for myself.

"Done!" squealed Jessica from behind me. I looked up from my lap and saw myself for what felt like the first time in my life. I was beautiful, and I didn't feel strange accepting that. There was something else in my eyes, instead of just blankness. They almost glistened in the light. I was a new Bella; in love with a new Edward.

The next hour was spent choosing both mine and Jessica's outfits. She opted for a hot pink mini skirt, a silver tube top and a long, dark blue denim jacket. I had to admit, she looked like a Barbie doll, but still amazing.

"You look gorgeous, Jess" I said, watching her twirl around the room giggling.

"I know, right?" she asked, adjusting her boobs so they almost popped out of her top. I shook my head at her, laughing along with her.

This was how college was supposed to be.

"I have something for you to wear" she said suddenly, dashing to her drawers. I opened my mouth to refuse, knowing her fashion sense all-too-well, but she surprised me by pulling out a knee-length, silky black dress. I loved it instantly. It was simple, but beautiful.

"It will suit you perfectly" she gushed, holding it to my body, "Go, try it on!"

"I couldn't, it's yours. I wouldn't want to ruin it" I protested.

"Please, when am I going to wear it? I don't like black."

"Why do you have it?"

"I thought I would wear it at the time..." she said with a laugh, pushing me into the bathroom to change. I smirked at her as she closed the door and quickly pulled my clothes off, slipping into Jessica's dress. It hugged my body, making it look like I actually had curves. I looked at it in the mirror and a smile appeared on my face. Jessica had been right. It suited me.

"You done?" called Jessica, sounded so excited I was scared she might have an accident.

"Yep!" I answered, stepping through the bathroom door. Jessica gasped upon seeing me, and I gave a small twirl for her. She started clapping and ran straight to me, grabbing my wrists and pulling me back to her vanity.

"One last thing!"

I watched her rummage through the top draw of her vanity, obviously searching for something. She squeaked when she found a small, yet beautiful pair of diamond earrings.

"I can't wear them" I said instantly as she turned around to face me.

"Why not? They're not real, idiot."

I laughed and let her exchange the earrings for my old black studs. When she was done, she fluffed up my hair a little more and stood back to examine her work – me.

"Gorgeous, Bella."

"Thank you" I said, not being able to hide my happiness. I looked very dressy, so Jessica agreed to let me wear my Converse shoes and a leather jacket to tone it down. The end product was good. I kind of looked like I belong in a magazine. Jessica agreed.

"Let's go!" she shouted, nearly running out of the room in earnest. I followed her, almost as excited as she had been. Would Edward be at this party? I wasn't sure. But the anticipation of it all elated me. I was glad to be feeling such an extreme joy after spending so long trapped by my own negativity.

By the time Jessica and I arrived behind the Cullen's dorm, the party was already in full swing. There was indeed a bonfire – and the noise of the wood splitting and groaning under the heat was comforting.

There were more people at this party. I could see some couples sneaking off into the forest and I couldn't help but feel a pang of worry. Who knew what might be lurking in the dark bushes? I did. Vampires.

"Swan!" called out Emmett, who was again standing by a large keg, "You drinking tonight?"

"No thanks, Emmett" I said kindly, walking towards him, "I learned my lesson from last time."

We fell silent at the memories of the last time we saw each other. I cleared my throat.

"Um – what I should say is thank you" I said finally as Emmett handed a cup of beer to a tall, slender girl.

"You don't need to thank me" he said, looking into my eyes seriously, "We've got your back from now on."

"Good job with the party, by the way" I said, nodding towards to massive crowd of dancing students.

"It was mostly Jasper. I just spread the word, got hold of the alcohol. You know."

"Is he here?"

"Right behind you" said Jasper. I felt his cool breath on the back of my neck and shuddered. Both of the vampire brothers laughed.

"See you then, Emmett."

"Catch you later, Swan."

Jasper grabbed my hand and dragged me to the edge of the bonfire. We watched it in silence for a while. That was what I had realised about Jasper. We connected well, and didn't need to always be talking. Silence with him wasn't awkward. It was nice.

"Alice should be here soon" he said, warming his hands near the flames. I leaned on the barrier surrounding the bonfire and watched him, amused.

"What?" he asked, noticing my expression.

"You're warming your hands. It's a very human thing to do."

"It feels nice" he admitted, rubbing his hands together, "The heat. You don't know how lucky you are."

I smiled at this, and turned around so my back was against the barrier. I watched Jessica dance with a guy I knew as Eric Yorkie. He was a complete dork, but strangely, a lot of girls fell for that. He always had new girlfriends. He wore them like accessories. The two laughed and swung their hips in unison, it was almost captivating to watch.

"Is Edward coming?" I asked finally. The question had been bugging me for a while, "With Alice?"

"I don't think so. He's...got a lot on his mind. Or so he says."

"Do you think it's because of me?" I asked, feeling guilty already. Jasper turned around, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

"I'm not going to lie to you. It's probably because of you."

"Oh" I said slowly, thinking about all the things I had left unsaid with Edward. I wanted him to know how I felt, not only to make myself feel better, but him as well.

"Is there some way to get him here?"

"I think you should leave it for another night. Right now he needs to sort himself out, I think."

I shrugged, feeling disappointed that I would not be seeing Edward tonight. But nonetheless, I enjoyed myself as best I could. When Alice arrived, she dragged me off to dance with the other students. She stood out of course, with excellent grace and timing. I felt like a flailing fish next to her.

"You look amazing!" she said, pulling me back to Jasper and Emmett, who were both sitting by the bonfire now. Emmett had abandoned his keg duties and was stretching out on the ground like a cat. I watched him with a smile.

"Where's Rosalie?" I asked, wondering if it was safe to even look at Emmett with her around.

"She's off hunting tonight. We take it in turns."

"Is that safe, you know, with so many humans around?" I asked, not thinking of how it could offend. After realising what I had blurted out, I felt my cheeks grow hot and I mumbled, "Sorry."

Jasper and Emmett laughed. Alice smiled at me warmly, "There's no need to be sorry, Bella" she giggled, "We hunt far away. It's very secluded and safe. I promise you."

I started to relax more around the vampires, and I was hoping that I could do the same with Edward. While I was not their 'singer', I still knew that it was hard for them to be around me. If I could throw that aside with Edward like I had with his siblings, it would make everything a lot easier.

"I need some water" I said to the Cullens after a long conversation about classes. Alice nodded and they continued to chatter while I walked past dancing bodies to the water cooler.

Something moved ahead of me and I looked up, squinting. There was a woman standing behind the trees, watching my every move. I stopped pouring water into my cup and froze. It couldn't be who it looked like. She was gone. She left.

She wasn't here. I was imagining things.

I glanced over at the Cullens, who were further away from me than I thought. Suddenly I felt scared. The familiar woman was closer to me now, almost directly in front of me, watching me with excitement. Her eyes glowed red in the moonlight. Her skin shone ivory. She held a hand out to me. Her hair, the same tone as mine, whipped around in the light breeze.

I gave one more glance in the Cullen's direction. Alice was gripping the barrier surrounding the bonfire tightly, and Jasper was looking back at me with wide eyes. We all knew what was coming. Even Emmett looked paler than usual. There was no way for them to stop what was going to happen without exposing themselves to over one hundred students. They couldn't stop her from taking me.

I knew who it was. It took only one look at her to know. After years living absent of her face, everything came back as one, painful blow.

It was Renee. She had finally come back for me. But she was different to the woman I vaguely remembered. She was glorious. She was fiery. She was a vampire.

It was Edward all over again.