A/N: Well, here it is guys: the long anticipated Larxene chapter. Like Marluxia before, I like this character. But, guess what? Xion doesn't. And you'll find out why. XD

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts. Square Enix does because they're awesome.

Chapter 12: Larxene the Vicious Hag

Finally, I get to discussing the cruelest, meanest, and literally most heartless member out of our Organization. Larxene is definitely not someone you want to mess with. If her title, the Savage Nymph doesn't immediately scare you off, then be forewarned. She can possess the nastiest attitude in the universe when thoroughly angered. Indeed, she could easily claw your eyes out with her sharp, ionized kunai. Most of the time, though, she feigns politeness and demure behavior to flirt a lot with the other guys—the ones that would be considered cute anyway. Yes, Larxene can become rather promiscuous to the opposite sex. Her feminine wiles and charms actually are effective, as much as I find that hard to believe. I mean, the guys don't even treat me seriously; in fact, they treat me like a little girl. But, no, they don't with Larxene. Would it be weird to say I'm almost jealous of her?

She manages to wrap the guys around her finger except the elders (obviously, or that would result in gross old man perversion), Zexion (he doesn't like anybody...well, almost anybody), and my two good friends. Roxas is too young for her, and he says he wouldn't even be interested in her in the first place. As for Axel, he only prefers to entertain her flirtatious advances toward him. Other than that, he's not intrigued by her either. Still, as I said before, Larxene mainly has Marluxia to make out with anyway. Supposedly, they're plotting something evil together, so that's probably why. Call them a heartless version of Bonnie and Clyde.

And, like Bonnie and Clyde, they're about as ruthless together, an unstoppable pair. I don't know why they're into each other so much, though. Maybe Marluxia likes weirdly styled blond hair and laughingly mean teal eyes. Yeah, that's probably it. For some reason, though, Larxene is "nice" to me and has been for quite a while. I guess it's because I'm the only other girl in this place and that she's very desperate. But, Namine lives with us too, though Larxene treats her like crap. I don't know the exact reason why either; probably it's her sadistic side coming out. And, quite frankly, I dislike her because of it. If she can't go through a day without acting like a vicious hag, then I'd rather not hang out with her. Would you want to hang out with her? Yeah, I didn't think so. You probably understand then why I avoid her at all times. I don't plan on fading any time soon.

Well, I guess that practically sums Larxene up as a Nobody. Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention the way she fights. I would say she fights like a hostile bee: if bothered, she will sting mercilessly until her rival has the sense to back off. Wait, that describes a wasp. Oh well, wasps, bees—it's all the same thing as far as I'm concerned. Her sadistic tactics are enough to take the wind out of anybody. I remember I've trained with her before, and I don't plan on doing it again. I shudder to think of all the electric shocks I took during our mock battle. The truth is, I think she takes training too seriously to the point that she thinks the combat is real. If only she wasn't so delusional! Well, there really is no winning with Larxene, not as long as her psychotic ways get the better of her.

Time to reflect on a certain moment I shared with Larxene—but, really, I can't really look back on her fondly. Maybe I'll tell of the moment she tried to get me on her side. Oh, yes, she tried to convince me that she wasn't as bad as she really is. It happened on my second day at Organization HQ while I gave myself my own tour of the place. Since Xemnas guided me to certain spots he wanted me to see, I figured I could check the rest of them out for myself. I proceeded to sneak to the training room aka the gym. I didn't feel like working out, just watching others practice by beating the snot out of each other. Larxene did exactly that with Marluxia.

As he swiped his scythe at her, she lithely leapt on the handle and gave him severely electric shocks with her kunai...on the face. Ouch! Even I winced, despite not even participating in this training combat. However, I didn't resort to feeling sorry for Marluxia.

"Did you honestly have to electrocute me so harshly?" Marluxia questioned reproachfully, allowing his weapon to disappear. He seemed to have dealt enough blows already, so that he reluctantly surrendered, much to Larxene's glee. She smirked at him, amused from his reaction.

"Of course, Marluxia. So sorry that I hurt you."

"Well, no harm done, I suppose," Marluxia muttered resignedly.

But, yeesh, they showed their affection in the weirdest way I've ever witnessed.

It was then that Pinky decided to acknowledge my presence in the gym. Once his sharpened dark blue eyes scanned over me, he told Larxene, "I notice that the wretched new girl is here."

She glanced at me, curiosity abruptly piqued. "So she is. Let me handle this, darling."

And she kissed him for my benefit. I just thought that maybe they could take themselves and their making out somewhere else. I know I didn't need to see that tongue action between them. In spite of that, she sauntered vainly over to me, flipping her blond hair back. Trust me, I already disliked her, yet here she was, trying to start a conversation with me.

"Oh, so you must be Xion," she addressed me in her false honey tone. "I'm Larxene. It's rather...nice to have another girl around. These men can be so boring."

I felt that I wasn't at the age to know anything about the opposite sex, even though I was fifteen. Still, guys were the farthest thing from my mind, for I had better things to waste my time with.

I only responded tersely, "I suppose they can be."

"Let's be friends," she entreated, pretending to be diplomatic.

Shrugging, I decided that I didn't need to make any enemies. "Um, sure..."

Let's face it: I wasn't at all enthused at being Larxene's friend, but it was better than death. Despite this, though, she pestered me every day after that, imploring for me to hang out with her.

Again, since that served as a better option than death, I went right along with it. But, I'll have you know, this occurred before I started hanging out with Axel and Roxas. After that happened, I wasn't feeling so charitable any more. Maybe I should divulge what went on during the "friendship" with me and Larxene. Well, it didn't go over that great. Sure, she kept up her goody two shoes façade, but she did these weird things. Sometimes, she would ask me what I thought of the other guys and rate them on her special scale. Then, one time, she asked me if I still remained a virgin when I "died." Yeah, definitely don't ask about that. That thought still makes me vomit in my mouth a little bit. And, of course whenever Marly showed up, she would make out with him for ten minutes. But, that wasn't the worst part. I would happen to be there. It was sick.

Larxene, on one particular day, resolved to do something extremely low. I guess she was feeling rather promiscuous. For some reason, she wished to prove herself as a cheating rebel. In my presence, she pulled Zexion to her and kissed him like an animal. A surge of what I believe now was jealousy welled up inside me. I pushed her away from my future crush and screamed, "What the heck is wrong with you?!? He didn't ask you to kiss him!"

Zexion (I swear) almost flushed from embarrassment. "Um...thank you, Number Fourteen I guess. I appreciate you interfering with Larxene's own, ah, unique display of affection."

And he ran away as fast he possibly could, spitting and spluttering while doing so.

Thoroughly entertained, Larxene turned to me and said, "Well, Xi, I didn't know you—"

I interrupted her by punching her in the face with my firmly coiled fist. "Don't call me Xi! And, for another thing, you don't go around kissing other guys when you have a boyfriend, got it? Oh, and you can forget that we were ever friends. I didn't even want to be friends with you anyway!"

The smirk eroded from Larxene's face, replaced by a hostile scowl. "Oh, really? Well, I never even wanted to be friends with you either! You hang out with those two immature boys anyway—I don't need you. And it's perfectly fine to kiss other guys."

"Oh, really, Larxene?" Marluxia interrupted sourly.

The two of them proceeded to fight, using loudly voiced words during their argument. But, don't worry. They made up after two weeks of refusing to speak to each other. They really are a strange couple, but whatever floats their boat. As for me, I pretended that I was never "friends" with her, which was unsurprisingly easy to accomplish. Instead of her, I had Axel and Roxas: two for the price of one. That doesn't sound so bad to me. So, see? Larxene just wanted me on her side, because I was a fellow girl. But, just because we happened to be born the same sex, doesn't mean that we could get along. I had morals, she didn't. I had other friends to back me up, she just had a boyfriend. We were too different to even coincide with each other.

So, lesson be learned: never feign befriending evil hags like Larxene.

A/N: As much as I love the Marlene pairing (it was something I got into), I felt like parodying their relationship. Because, seriously, Larxene is abusive. XD So, of course, she shows her "affection" in the weirdest ways possible. And as for Xion, she just wasn't buying the whole friendship offer deal. After all, Larxene is who she is. And Larxene fans (including me) love her for it.

Larx haters too, I hoped you enjoyed this chapter. XD