Chapter 19.
Edward.
I sped across the long road void of other cars with only one thought on my mind. Bella. I had to make sure Bella was safe. It was all that mattered. She was all that mattered.
I didn't stop at stop signs; I didn't pull over when I saw flashing red and blue police lights in the rear-view mirror. The road rules didn't apply to me, not then. I drove like a man possessed. And, in a way, I was.
My anxiety grew as I passed the 'Welcome to Washington!' sign towering overhead. With my foot planted firmly down on the accelerator, I could not push the car any faster. I almost considered running, but I knew abandoning my car was pointless. It was faster than I was.
I checked the glowing red numbers on the dashboard in front of me. They read 10:06 PM. It had taken far too long to drive from Charlie's house to Washington.
All I could do was curse Phoenix for being located so far away from where Bella was. Once again Phoenix was to blame.
I tapped my fingers impatiently on the top of the steering wheel, pushing the Volvo faster and faster. I could hear the engine moaning as if it were arguing with me, demanding to be treated fairly. But right now Bella was more important than a meaningless Volvo. I did love the car. However, I loved Bella more than anything. If I destroyed my car, I destroyed my car. I would do anything to keep Bella alive and well.
Stuck at a stop light, I contemplated speeding through the intersection. I was getting close to Washington State University, and my basic animal instincts were taking over. So what if I collided with a few cars? I wouldn't be harmed. And what were a few lives when Bella's was at risk?
Breaking me out of my destructive thoughts, my cell phone rang. I jumped, startled by the sudden loud bell noise erupting from my right.
I glanced down to my cell phone resting on the passenger seat. I could read the caller ID from where I sat.
'Alice.'
My chest leaped with excitement. I had attempted to call Alice and the others numerous times but nobody had responded. If I'd had a dollar for each panicked voicemail I left, I would have collected a small fortune.
I reached over and snatched the phone from where it lay, flipping open the top. My heart would have been racing.
"Alice. I tried to call you..." I said breathlessly.
"Edward. She's gone."
I paused for a moment, not sure of how to deal with the information I had been given. I gulped for air, but nothing came. Each time I opened my mouth to breathe, a stabbing sensation ripped through my chest. I spluttered, trying to form words coherently. Again, nothing came.
"Edward?" Alice's voice was higher than usual.
"We tried, Edward. We couldn't do anything..."
"Alice" I breathed out, pulling over in fear of causing an accident. I could hear other cars sounding their horns behind me. But the sounds were faded, as if they were a great distance away. All I could hear was the air tearing down my throat, my chest heaving up and down. "It's her mother."
I was met with silence.
"Alice, say something" I begged. I didn't have a clue what to do. I couldn't lose Bella. Not again.
"I didn't see this coming, Edward."
"You can't see either of them?"
"I...I can't..." I could hear her breathing rate increase.
"Alice" I said firmly.
"Jasper is on the phone to Carlisle. He says we will search for her together when he gets back with Esme" she said after a few moments of hyperventilation.
I froze up, "How long will he be?" I asked. I heard Alice pause for a moment and speak to a voice I recognised as Emmett in the background.
"Tomorrow morning" she said quietly.
"She could be dead by then" I said hollowly. There was no way I was waiting until tomorrow morning to look for Bella. It would be putting her life at risk.
"Edward, if we don't go together somebody could get hurt."
"Bella is more important" I said stiffly.
"Don't do anything stupid, Edward. Go home. We'll meet up with you soon" Alice said, disengaging her cell phone. I sat in my car numbly, listening only to the soft hum of the idle engine. I couldn't comprehend what just happened. Alice had blatantly disregarded Bella's safety, so had Carlisle and the others. They didn't know how much I cared for her. They couldn't. If they knew the extent to which I loved her they would let me go.
I couldn't live with myself if Bella was hurt because of my ignorance.
Making up my mind finally, I brought my hand to the car keys and pulled them out, killing the car's engine. I sat in silence for a moment, taking deep breaths to calm myself. I had to do this. There was no other way.
I stepped out of my car and locked the doors. I stood in darkness, watching the occasional pair of car headlights pass. Was I really about to abandon my family? I used to regard my family as the most important thing in my life. But that was before I met Bella. She made me a better person; she gave me hope for a better life. She was everything, and I was not going to let her slip away from me again.
I started running towards the thick wall of trees ahead of me. Rachel – Renee – would be taking Bella somewhere secluded. And then she would perform one of two options.
She would either kill Bella, or she would turn her.
I didn't want either.
There was a small voice inside of me that screamed at me as I ran through the forest, dodging thick tree trunks and spindly branches. It reasoned that maybe Bella would be better off as a vampire, that maybe she could love me if she saw my side of things.
There was also another voice inside of me. It told me to give up, because Bella would already be dead.
I didn't listen to either of them. I kept pumping my legs until I was travelling faster than I ever had. I wasn't running in any particular direction. I was covering every part of the forest that I could, and I would know where Bella was once her scent hit me. I was begging to whatever higher power was up there that I would find her soon, before Renee could change her life...or end it.
**
Hours had passed. I hadn't stopped running. I kept going. I would die before I gave up my search.
The darker forest of Forks was now in view. It had a different feel and subtle look to the forest I had emerged from. The Forks forest was well-known vampire territory. I had a feeling that Renee had brought Bella here - and if she had, Bella would be doomed.
I heard a rustling ahead of me and I crouched down, narrowing my eyes to increase my exceptional night vision. There was definitely somebody – or something – ahead.
And then the smell hit me. Vampire. I cocked my head up, sniffing the air carefully to determine the scent. It was familiar in some way. The scent did not belong to Bella or Renee, nor did it belong to any of my family.
"Edward Cullen" cooed a voice coming from the vampire ahead of me.
Renee said to keep him occupied, even if it means killing him.
I stood up, preparing myself for a fight. Just one quick glimpse into his mind and I knew who he was. James. Renee's partner. I clenched my fists at my sides angrily. He wouldn't stop me. I was more determined than he was.
"James" I nodded as he sauntered towards me in an attack stance. I took a determined step forward, to show that I was no afraid. And I wasn't.
"I can't let you pass."
"I'll just have to make you" I said loudly, taking another few steps forward.
Lunge at him. Do it, James. He's only a newborn.
One benefit to my gift of reading minds – I knew what people, vampires in this case, were going to do before they acted. I was never surprised in a fight.
James lunged at me, just as he had planned out in his mind. I blocked him by holding out both of my arms firmly. His stomach collided with them and he grunted. I hit him back to where he had started, watching him fall to the ground with a sense of achievement and pleasure.
He was up almost instantly, running back towards me. This time, he ran into me. There had been no way to avoid it.
He drove me straight into a tree standing behind us and I felt it snap violently under my weight. The noise it made was equivalent to thunder. I managed, in my short moment of disorientation, to kick out both of my legs and strike James in the chest. He fell backwards, swearing loudly.
I clambered up from the remains of the tree and jumped on James, who was still lying on the ground. As I landed on his body, I heard a scream. I knew instantly who it belonged to, and just at that moment I could smell the sweet floral scent of Bella.
James took my lapse in concentration to his advantage and pushed against my chest with his palms. I was forced up in the air and came down just as quickly. The ground shook underneath me, but I barely noticed the pain. Bella's screams were the only thing I cared about at that point. She was in pain.
"Just leave" James spat, ambling towards my body sprawled out upon the ground, "Never come back. Turn away and forget about her."
I can't keep fighting him for much longer. He's stronger than I am.
Hearing his doubt, I concocted a plan in my head. I knew that I too could not keep fighting for much longer. James may not have been as strong as me, but he had more experience. I was more determined than him, and I had originally thought that would serve as an advantage for me. It hadn't. If only, the thought of Bella in pain distracted me from what was occurring around me. I could not beat James while I was preoccupied with such dread.
I closed my eyes, breathing in the air around me. It was now thick with Bella's scent, and I could smell her blood just slightly. Her screaming had subdued, but I still knew that she was in trouble. She needed me - I had to act.
"She's not worth it" I said to myself, just loud enough to ensure James would hear. I tilted my head back, looking up at the sky with a look of anguish on my face.
James, cocking his head, moved towards me slowly, "You love her? She's a human."
"I was human once, too" I said sadly, propping myself up on my elbows. James watched me carefully; he did not trust me yet.
"I must admit" I said after a lengthy silence, "You put up a good fight, James."
He smiled deviously, turning his head to peer back through the shrubbery to where I guessed Bella was situated.
He hasn't done anything wrong. Why does Renee want him out of the picture? He cares for the human.
"I can read minds" I said as casually as I could. James flicked his blond head around and narrowed his eyes at me.
"I've never heard of such a thing" he said stubbornly. I chuckled.
He's trying to scare me.
"I'm not trying to scare you" I answered his thought with a smirk. James raised his eyebrows.
"Renee doesn't love you. I will leave today and never come back, like she requests. But know this – she has been using you since the day you turned her. Since then she has been searching for one thing, without you knowing. Her daughter."
"The human is her daughter?" James asked. His eyes were wide and his mouth was hanging slightly open. A small part of me pitied James, and a large part of me despised him for keeping me from Bella.
"She won't need you soon enough."
"Why are you telling me this? You're lying."
"I wish I were" I said with a fake sigh, "You have done nothing wrong here James. If anything, you have helped me see the truth. Bella will return to her mother. I will be left out of the picture. Just like you will. We're in the same position."
I could see James' expression morphing from disbelief to understanding.
He's right. You know he is.
"Leave" James whispered, "With me."
"I have a family" I reasoned, "Not too far from here, like I have said before. I can't leave them. But you can leave everything behind. You have nothing keeping you here."
He's completely right.
With one last glance in my direction, James sped off to the north, and I knew that I had won the fight. He wasn't coming back. Not for anyone.
I did feel guilty for lying to him, but I did not feel guilty for forcing him to leave Renee. She deserved nobody. In my eyes, she was given exactly what was coming to her. Abandonment.
And soon, she would be dead.
Bella.
I vaguely remembered what had happened to me. I was at the party with the Cullens, Renee showed up and then everything went wrong.
I remembered looking frantically over at Jasper, who had been strolling towards me as fast as he could while still looking partially human. I remembered feeling Renee's cold hand grasp my arm and drag me to her. I remembered Jasper taking those last few steps before I was pulled away at an incredibly fast speed.
I remembered crying out Jasper's name as he faded away into a small, barely visible white dot in the distance. I had reached out my arm in a pathetic attempt to grasp onto the branches whirling past me. The result was a five inch slice down the inside of my arm that bled profusely while I cried into Renee's shoulder. I didn't know what she wanted with me, and I no longer felt the desire to know. If she killed me, then she killed me. That was it.
For the first time in my life, I stopped worrying about the future and just accepted that whatever came would be inevitable. The future was inevitable.
"You're being quiet" said Renee as she pounded through the forest with me in her arms.
"There's not much to say" I said in a raspy voice that did not sound like my own. It may have been from the crying and shouting for Jasper, or it may have been from the rate at which I was travelling.
"Are you not curious at all?"
"Not really" I said truthfully, "I'd rather not know."
"You've changed" she observed, dodging a rather large, bare tree. I could see that we were entering Forks territory.
"You wouldn't know" I said breathlessly, "You haven't been around."
"And I apologise for that. But as you can see-" she paused, hurdling over a fallen trunk, "I am not exactly mother material."
"Apparently you never were" I said bitterly. She fell silent, no doubt hurt by my words. I had to admit that I'd been mildly surprised at how civil she was treating me. I didn't want to inspire false hope, but maybe she did not want to kill me after all.
When I saw who she was taking me to, all hope was lost. She was definitely going to kill me, or have me killed. We approached a vampire who looked to be frozen in his early twenties, maybe even earlier. His skin was smooth and pale yet held a subtle gloom which the Cullen's skin did not. I swallowed thickly and waited to be placed in front of him by Renee, but she strolled past him as if he wasn't even there. Nonetheless, he followed, and the feeling of anxiety still remained in my chest, as much as I tried not to care.
Renee pulled me off her body and let me sit on the soft, damp grass that I had spent most of the trip staring at from under her arm. It was a welcoming new feeling, rather than the hard marble of Renee's torso. She backed up a number of steps and snaked her arm around the other vampire's waist. They watched me in silence.
"Stand guard" Renee hissed at the other vampire suddenly. He nodded, giving her a peck on her left cheek, and ran off in the opposite direction to where I sat, "We can't have any interruptions" she added darkly.
"Now, Bella" she said, sitting down next to me calmly. I shifted away from her the slightest, and she snapped her head around to look at me, "I'm not going to harm you."
"How do I know that?" I asked while looking ahead at a group of birds perched on top of a tall tree.
"You have to trust me."
"I don't."
"You will" she said thoughtfully. I could see her watching my reaction, so I gave her none. I continued to stare at the birds. She breathed out heavily, "Bella. I can turn life around for you."
I paused, "...What?"
"I can make everything better."
"Everything is fine" I lied. She smiled.
"You're like me, you know. You can't lie."
"I'm nothing like you" I said curtly.
Renee ran a hand through her thick brown hair and brought it down to her cheek, holding it there as if to comfort herself, "What am I like, then?"
"You're a liar. You're a selfish liar who left when things got too tough, when things didn't go your way, when life wasn't perfect" I snapped.
"But I am here now" she reasoned, "And although I'm not the mother you remember, I-"
"I don't remember any mother" I interrupted, looking her straight in the eye. The vibrant red of them shocked me for a moment but I continued, "I don't remember what it was like to have you hold me or rock me to sleep. I don't even know if you did that or not."
"I did, Bella" she said, shifting forwards on the grass, "I did every single night. I sang to you, I cared for you more than anything."
"Then why did you leave?"
"I...I was overwhelmed. I was so young. Barely in my twenties. And your father...he had high expectations-"
"Don't you dare blame anything on Charlie" I snarled, a fire raging in my chest, "He has been three times the parent you have, plus some more."
"And I thank him for that, but-"
"There's nothing more you can say" I said. Tears were welling in my eyes, and I tilted my head back to stop them from falling, "I don't want you in my life."
"Is it because of what I am?"
"I couldn't care less what you are. It's who you are that matters."
Seeming unbothered by my insult, Renee pushed herself up from the ground and walked around in front of me, "You know, Bella, I find it very strange that you associate yourself with vampires. Since when were you a risk taker?"
"They're not bad vampires. They don't kill humans" I defended. She shrugged.
"It's still a risk nonetheless. This has, though, made my mission a lot easier. So I guess I owe the Cullens a thank you."
"What are you talking about?" I asked in irritation.
"You will wake up in three days and know the answer" she smirked, leaning into me. I tried to scream, but before I was able to I felt something pierce my neck. Then nothingness followed.
**
I woke up on fire.
A burning, raging fire emanated through my body; the flames licked at my skin, torturing me. I opened my mouth to scream, and the noise that came out seemed so far away, so distant. I had to be dying.
"You will wake up in three days and know the answer." Renee had said to me. It was so hard to think, so hard to focus my mind on what her cryptic suggestion may mean. All I could think about was the fire.
Would dying be this painful? Surely it would be over by now. Or, at least, the pain would subdue. My body would be shutting down, not burning me alive. Unless I was actually on fire.
Was I?
I ripped open my eyes and let them dart around, eyeing my surroundings. I was still in the small opening in Forks. I was still alive. But was I on my way to death? Who knew?
Death would have been nice. Welcome, even. I would have opened my arms to death, greeting it with a large smile and keen eyes. I would have asked death to stay for dinner.
"Bella, love, how are you holding up? You took a while to wake up."
I looked at the source of the voice - Renee, of course. I probably would have groaned, but if I opened my mouth, only screams would escape.
Seeing Renee meant that everything was real. Nobody knew where I was, and I was probably about to die. Great.
"You're probably very confused right now, and in a lot of pain. I want you to try your hardest to listen to every word I say, alright?" Renee asked, kneeling down next to me. I was completely still, although inside I was thrashing about, "Alright?" she reiterated.
I managed a very small nod in response.
"Good" she smiled, "Bella – I bit you. There's no other way to tell you or word it nicely. I. Bit. You. In just over two days now, you will be like me. Strong. Fast. Superior in every way."
I didn't want to be strong, or fast, or superior. I just wanted to be me. Bella Swan. Clumsy, fragile human. That's all I ever wanted – a simple life.
But here I was, becoming a vampire? A creature of myth and horror. Something to be feared.
I screamed. Not only because of the intensifying fire, but because of the shock I was faced with. Vampire. Bella Swan the vampire.
It couldn't be happening.
"Be calm, my dear. Everything will be over before you know it" soothed Renee, stroking my head gently. Her cool hands were almost worse than the heat of the burning. The ice ripped through my skull, sending shivers down my spine. My whole body, in a fit of confusion, shuddered violently and as a result my stomach lurched. I gagged, coughing up a sticky red liquid. It poured down my shirt and I felt it trickle across my stomach. Again, I threw up. Each feeling upon my skin made my stomach do flips. Each subtle gust of wind felt like knives cutting at my flesh. Each word Renee spoke felt like she was hammering against my temple with a rubber mallet.
Death had to be better than this. I wanted it now, more than I wanted Edward or to see Charlie again. It was selfish – but I would have given up anything or anyone just to die.