Serenity, Living Room
'Is this what you do around here to have fun?' Sivella asked laughing as she stared at the board game in front of her. She had lost again.
'Sometimes.' Kaylee answered as she laughed too. River nodded enthusiastic.
The four woman were sitting together on the two couches staring at the boardgame on the table in front of them.
Inara smirked as she took her pawn and threw Kaylee of the board.
'O no! You can't do this 'Nara!' Kaylee brought out in horror.
Sivella laughed.
Inara laughed too but her face froze the moment Mal entered the kitchen. She plastered a smile on her face again, seconds later. River pouted her lips in thought as she stared at Inara's pawn. Inara's eyes went to Sivella who was smiling at Kaylee. She was thankfull that Sivella wasn't eyeing her reactions to Mal anymore. Everything had been so confusing these last days,the large fight with Mal and then her kissing Mal, admitting that she… Well, the thing about Nandi, and now having Sivella with her again. So much had happened that she didn't have time to think everything through since then.
'It's your turn.' River said.
Inara threw the dice again. She used to always know what to do. But since she had set one foot on Serenity that had changed very quickly. So many things always happened. And before she could plan something, something would come along so quickly. Life in the Training House was so much easier, relaxter and it was structured.
She swallowed as she moved her pawn. The three woman were laughing again and she cast a quick glance at Mal again. He was sitting at the kitchen tables now and was cleaning his guns. He had a concentrated frown on his face as his eyes were on one of his guns. She looked away again at Sivella. It was nice sitting here, enjoying this game.
He was such a different man. Different from all the men she had ever known. Those long, strong legs. His tall body, his face. Even his hair. His eyes. She liked everything about him. At least, if they weren't fighting she did. She even caught herself wondering how sex with Mal would be. She swallowed instantly at this thought. She had actually told herself something that she had ignored all this time. O, you know it Inara. You know exactly what you want. She had fought against that voice for so long. Just admit that the moment you kissed him you wanted to rip his clothes of his body if Kaylee hadn't interrupted. And then the doubt came again. Could something really be between them? And did he even want her? There were so many complications, and she didn't like complications at all. Why was it so difficult to admit, even to herself that she wanted this man to be so close to her?
She looked at him. It was almost as if her pride was also in the way. He could hurt her immensily. And somehow he knew exactly how with his sharp tongue, the insults. She tried to concentrate on the game again and studied River who got a happy glint in her eyes when she pushed Sivella's pawn off the board.
She had always wondered what it would be like to feel those strong, big hands on her body. To let her hands feel his body everywhere. To feel these strong muscles. To kiss him again. She had to stop herself from biting her lip. An old habit that she had had before she came into the Training House. A habit that seemed to be coming back again. Like some other habits seemed to do the same… But when she thought about it, she had noticed Sivella having some of these old habits too. She had noticed it in the way Sivella spoke, it was less behaved. And also in her posture. She was less controlled. Maybe that was what being away for so long from the Training House did to you?
But she hadn't been at home in the Training House. She looked at Mal again. She felt more at home here.
Mal looked up at her right that moment. His hand froze above his gun when he noticed that she had been looking at him. She gave a small and forced smile before she turned her attention back to the board game. She swallowed. He was so powerful, he would feel powerful. She was sure of that. And he also had a soft side. He always pretended to be so hard, which he was in some way… He had seen so many awful things. But somewhere he was a man with feelings. If only things could have been different. Maybe she should just allow herself to fantasize about him. There was nothing wrong with that was there? Well, there was. But maybe she should just give herself that small pleasure. He would never know. No one would know. She wanted to climb in his lap and kiss him mercilessly while her hands would roam through his hair. Wow Inara, you're heating up here. Behave yourself! She scolded herself. She was a controlled Companion! She needed water.
'Does anyone want some water?' Inara asked as she stood up elegantly.
River nodded.
'Yes please.' Sivella said. 'Are you cheating?' She asked Kaylee directly after that in a teasing and challenging tone.
'I am not! Inara, will you tell her that I never cheat!'
Inara lauged as she walked towards the sink, passing Mal.
'Cleaning your guns again?' She asked in a sweet-natured voice.
She wished that he wasn't still angry.
He grunted something.
'So who's winning?' She heard him ask. She took three glasses out of the cupboard. Inara felt relieved shortly. He didn't seem to be holding a grudge because of what she had said yesterday. But then again, they just seemed to move on after insulting each other, and then it would come up again in their next fight.
'I can't be sure really. Sivella just lost, but she's learning.' She said.
'Bet she's a quick learner.' Mal commented.
Inara turned around with a raised eyebrow.
He shrugged. 'She seems quite bright.'
'Yes, she is.' Inara said as she smiled fondly and filled the glasses.
He watched her while she brought the glasses back to the three laughing woman. It was nice to see and hear them having fun on his ship. It was nice to hear laughter again. And what was even nicer was to hear Inara's laugh. He dreamed about him being the one making her laugh like that one day. He watched her smile at River when she threw the dice again. River didn't look that happy when Inara made a move on the board. Her smile was so radiant. This was a real smile. Not one of her smiles just to be civil.
'Captain.' He heard a mischievous voice say.
When he looked up he saw Sivella taking one of his guns and loading it. Before he could stop her she finished the work and smiled at him. He looked astonished at her.
' 's that something you learned at the Training House?'
'It is actually.'
'Makes me wonder what else you woman learn there.' He stated.
'Well, wonder is a good thing isn't it Mal? Without wonder the world would be boring don't you think?'
He shrugged. 'Might do without wonder just fine.' He countered.
'Really? And what is it a man like you would wonder about?' She said as she sat on the table, looking at him.
Her gaze went to the table to Inara. 'Maybe she will tell you one day.'
'Tell what?' He asked surprised.
She smiled as she elegantly and leanly jumped off the table.
She leaned forward. 'All the things you ever wondered about: what she learned, and all that she can do.' He felt his groin react instantly. What she can do…. He didn't need to know. Didn't need to know what she did with her clients. To her clients. It was getting worse. He wanted Inara, and he wanted her bad.
'And believe me, she can do a lot. She wasn't one of the best in class for nothing.'
He sighed frustrated and wanted to give her an angry glare but she had already dissapeared from the table somehow. She was rummaging through a cupboard in the kitchen. He wanted to walk away now, cool off, but his trousers was just too tight momentarily.
The low dipped dress Inara was wearing didn't help either. He could see the creamy colour of her skin. Leading to the swell of her breasts. He had wondered so many times how her breasts would look naked. How they would feel. How her whole body would look naked. How every inch of her would feel. He just wanted to feel every inch of soft skin, kiss her senseless, study her, make love to her for hours, hour after hour. Calm down Reynolds. Calm it! He wasn't a kid in puberty anymore. But sometimes it did feel like that.
He eyed Sivella as she walked back to the table he was sitting at. She smirked. She was actually enjoying this.
'Nice knife you have here.' She said as she picked up his knife.
'Watch out, it's sharp.' He warned.
'It should be, shouldn't it?' She asked as she studied the knife. She threw it up in the air and caught it again on the handle.
Mal swallowed. He looked at her with wide eyes. He wanted to stop her from throwing it, it would cut her hands but she had caught it so elegantly.
She just smiled and walked back to the woman. The woman could handle a knife. He remembered Inara telling him how his guns needed to be cleaned only months ago. This sure was confusing.
Kitchen, evening.
'Captain Reynolds.' Sivella said as she nodded to him and walked towards the tea.
He looked up from his whiskey. And mumbled a greeting before staring into the liquid again.
'You're sick of Inara?' Mal questioned when she finished the tea and sat in front of him.
She smiled. 'What a question. I'd never get sick of her.' She chuckled shortly. 'I'd like to see some of your crew, talk to everyone.'
'Very social.' Mal mumbled as he watched her stir her tea.
'Did they teach you that at whore academy?' Mal asked.
Sivella looked up with a raised eyebrow in reaction at that sudden bark. She eyed the liquor he was drinking. It was clear that he was getting a bit affected by it.
'That must get Inara angry, but it doesn't get to me. I've been called worse.' She took a sip of her tea as she sat herself down elegantly in front of him.
'We'll be on Persephone tomorrow.' Mal said quickly. He regretted what he had said but couldn't get himself to apologise either. He was just too damn tired.
She nodded. 'Yes I know. Do you know anything about this 'Whore-academy' Inara and I went to?' Sivella questioned as she leaned back in her chair.
Mal looked up in her eyes and studied her shortly. Inara never leaned back in a chair. She always kept a perfect posture. 'Nope, just know that you learn to manipulate men is all.'
Sivella smirked. He really was bitter. 'That's one of the lessons yes.' She said teasingly.
She stared at her tea now. 'Aside from that, there are a lot of other lessons. Such as we learn to control ourselves fully. That starts at about the age of 12. Imagine that. Imagine that that's the only thing you are used to, controlling your feelings, your wants, your needs.'
He looked at her, not understanding what she meant.
'It's very difficult for us to loose that control. It's very frightening.' She spoke.
He looked up again, this time he narrowed his eyes. Us? Was she talking 'bout Inara?
'I think that when you lose control, control that you're so used to having, you'll do anything to get it back.'
Mal kept looking at her and swallowed. He lowered his eyes to the table again.
'It's all you know. That control.' He heard Sivella say in the back ground while he was in thought.
'So sometimes you go back to the only ways you know to get back that control.' Sivella took a sip of her tea and watched if her words sunk in with Mal. She wanted Mal so badly to understand how this worked with Inara.
'Even if it pushes away the person you want the most to be very near. It's like-' Sivella stared in the distance and thought about an example. Her dark eyes went back to Mal who was looking glazily at her now. 'Like you don't see right at that exact moment, like you feel rejected, and ofcourse… In reaction to rejection you act angry to protect yourself. I guess that is out of some sort of pride. And maybe to cover up sadness that you're feeling.' Sivella sighed and studied Mal shortly. 'Who isn't afraid of getting hurt? And mostly when you're in a vulnerable position.'
Mal's head snapped up at hers.
'You mean that you would be afraid if you'd… Maybe like someone?'
Sivella nodded.
'But you have all them wiles and all, how can you not have learned about that in-'
Mal asked as he bended forward to be closer so no one would overhear this conversation.
'-Whore-Academy?' Sivella ended with a challenging glare. 'Wiles?' She asked, not understanding.
Mal fluttered his hands towards Sivella. 'The things you do to make a man lose his mind, make him sweat, to trap him and to influence him, things like that.'
'Ahh… Yes, because we can do all of that.' Sivella said in a mild sarcastic tone.
'Believe me.' Mal said as he looked intensily at her. 'She can and I bet you can too. Just admit that that's a thing you learned there.' And it was something that had droven him mad from the moment he had ever met Inara. Whatever she did, however she acted, he just couldn't get his mind of off her. She had him wrapped around her tiny little finger like no one ever could. It was as if he lost power over himself. The things she made him feel, with even the smallest nod, the batting of her eyelashes, the tone in her voice. He had never felt so out of control. And God knows he had fought against that many times, over and over again, fought against her to stop that madness in his heart, head and body. But nothing really worked. The woman had him right there. And that frustrated him immensily.
'Well, I guess some things just have to stay secret, that keeps the mystery around us big and alluring.' She said with a broad smile.
Mal sighed as he leaned back in his chair. 'But you would be afraid if someone would like you?' He began remembering his earlier question.
'Well-' She began as she leaned towards him now, it seemed like they were sharing secrets now when Mal came closer too.
'Because 'love' is something-' Sivella began and stopped as Mal shot back physically at the word love.
'I am referring to myself ofcourse.' She reminded him.
He still sat frozen to his chair. She looked away in thought. 'Love is something that isn't useful for a Companion. I think you can figure out why, but the liquor must have affected something up there already.' Sivella said as she eyed his forehead.
'Thought you Companions had to be civil all the time. You ain't so civil, speaking your mind all the time.' Mal remarked.
Sivella smiled. 'Yes, they tried to get that out of me, guess they never succeeded.' She said consipartorilly. But they did succeed. It was only these last years after the decision she had made, that she had changed. She had become more like herself again. Had began to feel again what she felt instead of pushing it away to satisfy someone else.
'And something else. I'll tell you a secret.' She looked around her to be sure no one was near. 'Or maybe I shouldn't, maybe you are too drunk to remember tomorrow?' She uttered as she looked at his half empty glass.
'No no, I am not drunk. I am all ears.' Mal said greedily, all secrets were welcome, especially when they were about Inara!
'Good. I'll only tell you this because I'm leaving tomorrow anyway and well…. Some things just have to be.' She said mysteriously.
Mal bended forward again, ready to hear what she had to say.
Sivella swallowed. Inara would be so angry. But how long was the woman busy now with fighting the man she really cared about? A little mingling in might help a bit to push them in the right direction. And she wanted Inara to be happy. Sivella felt a sadness wash over her. Because she knew she herself would not got that happiness. She looked in Mal's eyes. She recognised so much in Mal and Inara. It was exactly the way it had been with her and Tommy. No, she shouldn't think about him. It was over. She could better pretend that that never happened. She felt a pang of hurt go through her instantly and an emptiness filled her up. Think about Inara. That helped. The loneliness got pushed away instantly.
She composed herself and smiled at Mal as she began to talk. 'You wanted to know about the love stories that are going around at the Training House?'
Mal nodded greedily.
'Inara's version didn't quite add up. They do go about you being a Pirate. A dashing, handsome Pirate for that matter. You sweep in the Training House to save Inara.'
She paused shortly and looked at him with her big brown eyes.
'Thought 'Nara said I sweeped a girl off her feet.'
Sivella shook her head. 'And not just a girl obviously. They call you 'her Pirate.'' Sivella smiled widely. 'Imagine how that would be! To have your own private Pirate! How romantic.'
Mal raised an eyebrow. 'You sure you didn't come up with that story?' He quipped.
'Unfortunately I didn't. But I do love these stories.'
'Was that the whole story?' Mal asked curiously.
'Ofcourse not!' Sivella said astonished. 'Inara's Pirate saves her and then –this is my favourite part- you make love to her many times in a burning temple, hot and blazing love. Isn't that romantic?'
Mal swallowed deep. And that Pirate was him? Those were the stories? Of him being a Pirate and making love to Inara? In a burning temple?! He swallowed again at the thought alone of making love to Inara. Those stories weren't negative at all, like he had thought before.. And like Inara had tried to let him think.
Sivella was still smiling. 'Inara hates those stories. At least, she pretends to do just that. The children love those stories. And I love them too, have to dream about something right?'
Mal leaned back.
'It'll never happen.' He said bitterly as he took a sip of his whiskey.
'And why is that?' Sivella asked bluntly making Mal choke in his drink instantly.
He looked at her. What the hell did it matter if he spilled his heart out to her. She would be gone by tomorrow and he would probably never ever see her again.
'She doesn't want me.'
'O dear Buddha! What are the two of you doing?!' Sivella said as she raised her eyes and hands to the imaginary sky. As she looked back at him, she was very direct. 'I want you to make that story come true!! Not fuss it all up! Give a lonely woman like me something to dream about already!' Sivella snarked heatedly in a teasing way.
Mal looked sarcastic at her. As if that beautiful woman would ever be lonely. Woman like that could probably get every man they wanted.
'How can I ever make that come true? We fight all the time. It's as if it's meant to be. As if we can't act differently. You saw it yourself.'
Sivella smirked. 'Let's just say that is her way of trying to get control over herself back. Haven't you been listening to anything I just told you Reynolds?'
He raised an eyebrow.
'Do I actually have to push the two of you together?! That might not be an option. You'd have to do that by yourself Pirate.'
'Don't know. You heard what she said, you were sitting next to her. She doesn't think I am civil, doesn't think a girl should dream 'bout me 'cause I'm a bad example. She thinks badly of me.' And maybe she is right. ' I am nothing compared to the clients she has, the men that fancy her, I-'
Sivella sighed. 'Ofcourse she doesn't want a girl to dream about you! That would make her jealous. Ugh… And civil?! You must have heard how she talked about you to me on the waves we had every week! She honours you greatly.' Sivella took a sip of her tea.
'The two of you are really talking nonsense. And that's all because you are afraid and so is she. I can't say it anymore clearer then I already have. I hope you'll both overcome that.' Sivella said as she stood up to get some more tea.
Mal looked up at her and wondered hard again why he had told her these things. Probably because had had already drank something. And the woman had something… Something that made him want to tell her things, something that made him want to trust her.
'So is that something you learned too, to make people want to tell their story to you?' Mal asked as he looked at Sivella's back.
'No. I already had that when I went to the academy.' She shrugged as she sat down opposite Mal again.
'And you did well, in the academy?' Mal asked curiously.
Sivella raised an eyebrow. 'What kind of question is that?'
Mal sighed. 'I see Inara and I see you. You are so different.'
'Different how?'
Mal thought for a moment. 'Less controled. You don't have all those little manners Inara has.'
Sivella smiled. 'Manners like..?'
'Sitting straight, you just seem to say whatever you want. You can be quite blunt and bolt, Inara would never- Except towards me ofcourse…'
Sivella sighed. She thought back of the days that she was a respected and good Companion.
'First I was exactly like that. I played to be serene, peaceful, tranquill, warm, listening, interested and all these others things Companions are and have to be. But I found out a while ago that I might not want to be a Companion anymore.' She swallowed. Tommy. That man had gotten to her. Had pushed the ground under her away. Had rummaged her world upside down. She had been so angry with him. She always was angry with him. But the same time, she would get jealous immensily when someone else showed interest in him. And there were many woman who had shown interest in him… So many things had happened. So many things had changed. He wouldn't let her hide behind her carefully chosen masks. The masks that everyone fell for. No, he would just come and burge in. Be blunt and honoust. Challenge her, annoy her. Make her angry, make all these feelings come up that she didn't even know she had. That would make her even more angry because she wanted to be in control. In control of herself, of her feelings. But he just didn't leave her alone. Didn't leave her to be that Companion again that just serviced others. He had seen something more in her, that she herself had never seen.
'Having to control yourself like that, it comes in the way of other things. Many other things that are very important.' She said. She had finally admitted to herself, after many years, after many, many a fight, after many insults she had thrown his way that she loved him. She loved that annoying, irritating man. And that he maybe loved her back was what frightened her even more.
'But your still with the Guild?'
'I haven't told them yet. I ended my contract and are going back to my family. And then I'll see what I'll do later on.' She wished that she had spoken the truth. If only it had been that easy…
Thomas was in the past. History. She had to run, run away and he wasn't to find out. She was afraid that he would be in danger too. This was the best. The best for both of them. He would find someone else. Ofcourse he would. He was popular, wanted. Attractive, and so many other things. And she-
-She was in trouble. The never-get-out-of kind of trouble. She had done something illegal. Something that the law would probably punish her for. Two things. She smiled ruefully. It was like it didn't matter anymore. One or two.
'Do those things have to do with-' Mal gestured towards Sivella's back.
Sivella stood up. 'I'm going to Inara's shuttle now. She must be waiting for me already. She wanted to read me something. It was nice talking to you.' Sivella said as she placed her mug in the sink and dissapeared ever so elegantly.
Inara's shuttle, at night
Sivella stared at the cortex screen. All the colour had been drained from her face. She had become pale instantly. She froze, her breathing became laboured. She stared from the screen at Inara.
Persephone
'I'll miss you so much.' Inara said as she kissed Sivella.
'Me too!' Sivella said as she hugged Inara again.
They were standing a few meters away from the open door now. The rest of the crew was already outside, standing in the sun and on the solid ground.
'Ya think they'll ever reach the door?' Jayne asked. The woman had been hugging each other and then had been walking a few paces after hugging each other again. And that had been going on for the last ten minutes now.
Zoe sighed. 'Guess they're just really good friends.'
'Yes, it's difficult to say goodbye. I hate goodbye's.' Kaylee said as she sighed sadly.
'Thank you so much.' Sivella said to Mal when they had finally reached the crew.
Mal smiled. ' 'T was my pleasure. I wish you a nice trip to Sihnon.'
'You already know who you'll be flying with?' Kaylee asked.
Sivella nodded. 'I have some arrangements yes.' She smiled at Kaylee. 'Goodbye sweet Kaylee, I'll miss winning from you over and over again.' She teased.
'You didn't win that much at all! Only three times, the fourth time I won!' Kaylee stated.
'It was the fifth time.' River corrected dryly.
'What? No hugging no more?' Jayne asked Inara when the two woman hadn't been hugging for minutes.
'Jayne, maybe one day you'll find someone who you'll want to hug many times too.'
'Pffwst, 'don't think so. Rather do somethin' else then hugging.'
Sivella sighed as he raised an eyebrow. 'And that's obviously your loss. I can almost say that I never met a man like you, but I did. The difference is that you can be friendly if you want too.' She said as she smiled at Jayne after walking to Zoe.
'She said I am friendly, you heard that?' Jayne asked as he put his cigar in his mouth.
'Mal.' Sivella said as she hugged him too. 'Don't forget what I told you about Inara.' She let go of him. 'Will you promise me?'
Mal sighed. He finally nodded.
'Good.' She said as she finally walked back to Inara.
'Goodbye, take good care of yourself.' Sivella said as she hugged Inara again. She caressed Inara's cheek.
Inara smiled. 'You too. Let me know instantly when you're in Sihnon. I want to hear everything about your journey there.' She said enthusiastically.
Sivella smiled. 'Yes, I will.' Sivella kissed her on the cheek and turned. She waved at everyone and then walked away.
After a minute she turned to wave at Inara. Inara was still there, with River and Kaylee watching. The rest of the crew was already busying themselves with something else.
'Goodbye Inara. I will miss you.' Sivella whispered. She turned around.
And now it is time to become invisible. She thought as she manouvred herself into the market and put on the hood of her long coat.