Chapter 14

Inara's shuttle

Inara was standing in the middle of her shuttle when she turned around towards the bed. She frowned her brows in surprise when she didn't see Sivella. She noticed that the blanket and a few pillows had disappeared too. What was this? Where did she go?

Inara sighed softly as she headed for the place she thought Sivella would be. She shouldn't be wandering around in her state. She needed rest. Inara thought worried.

Guestroom

Sivella put the silken blanket on the small bed. It was nice to be alone for a while. At least no one would be able to see her tears here. But the most important reason why she wanted to be alone was that she felt ashamed and guilty. And it ate at her immensily. Not facing Inara right now would give her rest for just a few moments. So many things had happened that she needed time. She felt the pain shoot through her whole body when she tried to stand up straight. She moaned softly. She just wanted to ly down on the bed and stare into nothingness for hours, to just forget. Forget everything that had happened. That is what she had done so many times these last months, she just became numb. It helped with the pain. The mental pain.

A soft and tired sigh escaped her lips when she looked down at the bed. Her pillow had disappeared. She must have dropped it along the way. She began to move slowly back through the hall as she leaned her hands on Serenity's walls to support herself. She saw her pillow lying in the doorway towards the Cargo Bay.

Sivella looked up when she heard the shuttle door close. She had a good view from here over the bridge, the Cargo Bay and the shuttle. And she didn't like what she saw. She saw Inara leaving gracefully. Sivella held her breath shortly. She was probably going to find her. A nervous feeling made it's way into her stomach. And she felt bad. She knew that Inara was her best friend but she felt so awful for what she had done. It had never… Inara almost bumped into Mal. Sivella watched her graceful friend coming to a halt and giving Mal a cold look.

'Just let me explain.' He said in a stern voice.

What had happened? Sivella wished that they would stop fighting for once. It just made her tired.

'Well..' Inara hissed as her hands left her sides and she crossed her arms in front of her chest. 'Why don't you explain to me why you forced your decision upon me and locked me against my will in the dark while my closest friend was in danger.'

Sivella groaned. He must have done something awful because her voice sounded like poison. Sivella leaned against the wall for support. Mal had locked Inara up somewhere?!

She really shouldn't keep standing here and listen to them, she didn't want to hear them fight. It was something between them. Sivella thought as she stared at the pillow that was just lying there. She had to bend to pick it up. But she felt drained of all energy. Her body felt so heavy that it was almost unbareble to move.

'Look at your friend.' Mal snapped as he pointed at her shuttle.

Sivella looked up at the mention of her person.

'I didn't want you to end up like her, that's what!'

Sivella closed her eyes in pain at those words. Ending up like me would be a very bad thing indeed.

'We've been over this yesterday Mal, I asked you for a reason, an explanation!' Inara snapped coldly.

Was the fight about her? Sivella thought as her eyes couldn't leave the two persons on the other side of her. She didn't hope so.

Mal swallowed. 'Just told you a reason.' He stated dryly.

Kitchen

Kaylee sat at the table and was staring at her cup. She had both hands locked around it. She couldn't see Mal and Inara, but she could sure hear them.

'They fightin'?" Wash asked as he walked towards her. The question was kind of stupid because they were so loud this time that probably everyone on Serenity could follow their arguement word for word.

'Uhuh.' Kaylee said as she nodded sadly.

Hallway

'What gives you the right to even think of such a thing?! Let alone do it! If I want to get hurt or killed then that is MY choice!' She bit at him as she pointedly took a step towards him.

It were that he knew that he was a tall, strong man, stronger then her, and a lot taller too. But it didn't feel like that at the moment at all. It felt like he was shrinking by the second.

Kitchen

'It's bad this time ain't it?' Kaylee asked softly.

Wash's eyes grew big as he looked at her. He nodded.

'I warned him..' He said.

'Why did he do it? Why would he do such a thing?' She asked angrily.

Hallway

'You have NO right whatsoever to take that choice from me!' Inara barked.

'This is my ship, I am the captain-'

Inara interupted heatedly. '-That has got nothing to do with it! Our agreement is-'

'O you mean the BUSINESS agreement?!' Mal interrupted her in his turn as he got a cold look in his eyes at that.

'… That I rent the shuttle and that I am no part of your crew in any way!'

Sivella sighed as she finally bended slowly and could reach the pillow now. She leaned her back against the wall to rest for just a moment. What had happened between these two??

'Exactly!' Mal spat as he put his arms in front of his chest now. 'So I get to decide whether you COME with my crew or not, and the answer was NO!' He shouted. He walked towards her now as he pointed his finger at her. 'And I knew that you were too stubborn to listen to me! So YES I locked your shuttle down!'

Sivella inhaled shortly. He locked her shuttle down?! O no. That was a mistake. A big mistake. He shouldn't have done that. Sivella had put her hand on her knife wound. It was an automatic gesture. It comforted her, in a weird way. Inara had wanted to come after her? She closed her eyes as a tear slit down her cheek. She swallowed deep because her throat felt so dry. She felt Serenity's hard wall against her back. That also comforted her in a weird way. It gave her support. She could understand why Inara had always liked it here.

Kitchen

'Are they at it again?' Jayne muttered as he walked past them.

Kaylee sighed annoyed. 'Can you even be sensitive?' She asked but he had already dissapeared.

Hallway

'You have crossed a line this time. That is unforgivable.'

'Because I rather have you angry and shoutin' at me then bein' cut up or hurt like Sivella! And yes it might be unforgivable what I have done, but I'd rather have you HEALTHY and alive!' He shouted at her.

Cut up and hurt…. The sound of these words rang through Sivella's head as she inhaled in shock.

'If things don't go your way, you will force them your way, whatever the costs. I will not stand for that.' Inara said as she ignored his obvious worry for her.

Kitchen

'Guess he didn't want her to get hurt.' Wash answered.

'By locking her in?! How dumb can you be??' Kaylee said astonished.

Wash shrugged. 'Wouldn't have been my first choice either.' No choice at all, he concluded when he thought deeper about it. Especially when they were talking about Zoe. Zoe would be so angry with him that he would never live it down if he did a thing like that.

'He knows that she finds her freedom so important, why didn't he… Why didn't he just… Aargh...' She just couldn't find a proper word.

'Think?' Wash filled in.

Hallway

'That COST is YOU! Why can't you see that?!' Mal shouted as he turned away from her in fury.

She shook her head. 'Because you forced your will upon me! And it doesn't matter what reasons you had for that! It is….' She stopped momentarily. She couldn't find a proper word for it. 'It is beyond me….. And it's the worst thing you could have ever done to me.'

'Because letting you get raped, abused, hit or killed would certainly be LESS worse!' Mal snapped.

Sivella looked away at that as if she had had a slap in her face. She had put her friend in this position. If it hadn't been for her…

'It was life and death we're talkin' 'bout here, you don't seem to see that! '

'Don't patronize me!' Inara barked. 'Whatever I choose will be MY choice and not yours. But I should have known because you always found it difficult to respect me.'

Sivella looked back at the two fighting persons and noticed how the anger and hurt stood written on Inara's face. Mal got to her. He did. Sivella had never seen Inara show so much emotion to a man.

'We're 'bout that again.' Mal sighed frustrated. 'I do respect you, just not what you let others do to you.' He said, meaning her clients.

'I let them do to me what I want them to do to me, you did something to me that I didn't want. What do you think that says about you?' She shot back.

Sivella put the pillow against her face in frustration. This fight was no getting out of, for the both of them. She wanted to leave but she didn't want to hear any more but she still had to get up and it had taken so much energy to get down even. Maybe one more minute of rest…

'It says that I made a mistake 'cause I didn't want you to get hurt, that's what. Don't know how to say it any plainer.' Mal stated clearly.

Sivella let the pillow drop to her lap. That was fair. He was being honoust.

'Is that an apology?' She asked in a hard voice.

He looked away and swallowed.

Inara noticed that an apology wouldn't be enough for her. She needed something more.

'Would you do it again if you could make the decision again?'

Sivella held her breath as she looked at Mal. Say it Mal, say that you wouldn't do it again.

Mal looked down at her at that.

'That's what I thought.' Inara snapped in an acid voice as she grabbed her skirt and marched back to the door.

Sivella realised that in a way she was glad that Mal had locked Inara up. Who knew what would have happened to Inara if she had come into contact with Rogan or Edward again.

Mal narrowed his eyes.

'Wait, this isn't over yet.' Mal snapped.

She looked at him with a big mask on. 'No Mal, that is exactly what it is. It is over.' She stated coldly.

He froze to the ground and didn't seem able to move. But he needen't too because she turned around and dissapeared graceful and elegantly in her shuttle. She shut the door behind her. And he was able to see the door that hadn't opened hours ago for her.

Guestroom

'What are you doing?' Inara asked astonished as she stepped into the guestroom.

Sivella looked up in surprise as she saw Inara standing in the doorway. She didn't think Inara would come out of her shuttle so quickly after her fight with Mal.

'I was just making the bed.' Sivella explained as she lowered the bed spread and looked away from her friends gaze. She didn't want to look Inara in the eyes. She didn't dare. The guilt she felt spread through her stomach again.

Inara saw immediately on Sivella's way of moving that she was in pain. She looked so tired and hurt. Inara's eyes went over the bed Sivella had made for herself here. What was she doing here?

'I don't understand. Why aren't you in my shuttle?' Inara asked as she looked at Sivella who still had her back towards her.

Sivella closed her eyes softly and inhaled breath. She turned around to face Inara.

'Inara I- I know that we didn't have a chance to talk properly about everything that happened. I thought that you could use some space.' She swallowed as she looked up at Inara. This was the first time since everything had happened that they had the chance to talk. 'I lied to you, I hurt you and I pushed you away.' Sivella looked took her blanket in one hand as if that supported her.

Inara sighed. Yes, Sivella had hurt her immensily. But after everything that happened and the reason why Sivella had done this she had understood that.

'I never thought you would come for me… That Mal would come for me. I didn't expect…' Sivella faced Inara again. 'You came for me.' She said in a soft voice, as if she couldn't understand. Inara noticed how Sivella's hands were trembling.

'Ofcourse I did.' Inara answered softly as she walked towards Sivella worried. 'You shouldn't be out of bed, you should rest.' Inara said as she took the blanket from Sivella's trembling hand. And placed her other hand over Sivella's cold hands.

Sivella avoided eye-contact again. Inara could see how Sivella fought her tears from not falling. Her eyes had become watery and she forced her tears back.

'I couldn't stop thinking off all the horrible things I said to you.' She swallowed. 'I know I said them to push you away because I was afraid that you would get hurt but-' Sivella's voice broke as tears left her eyes. 'I am so sorry Inara. It broke my heart to say these things eventhough I thought it was best to do that at that moment.' She was glad that she had said it. It lifted a small weight of her shoulders.

Inara shook her head as she took Sivella in a soft hug. She was afraid to hurt her.

'I know now that you pushed me away for a good reason.' She said softly as she caressed Sivella's back.

'You are coming back to my shuttle.' Inara stated after a few moments as she let go of Sivella.

Tears loosened from Sivella's eyes as her hand went to touch Inara's cheek shortly.

Inara's shuttle

'Here you go.' Inara said as she had put the blanket and pillow back into her bed and opened the blanket for Sivella. 'Ly down.' Inara offered as Sivella lowered herself on the bed. Inara pushed the silken blanket softly over her and then walked to the other side of the bed.

'Thankyou.' Sivella said softly as she pulled herself up against the headboard of the bed.

She stared in front of her. She put her hand in her face.

'I have never ever been so afraid.' She admitted softly as she stared at the silken blanket around her legs when Inara had settled in next to her.

Inara moved herself against the headboard too as she looked at her friend.

Sivella smiled wearily. 'I made a mistake Inara, a huge one.' She shook her head as she looked away. 'I should have known, I should have seen… But, I don't know… Maybe I was too stubborn.' She looked through teary eyes at Inara. 'In the beginning Edward was very nice…. And then, one day, he hit me. That should have been a warning but…. I liked being there.'

Inara's eyes filled with tears.

'With all the people, the children, the family. And then it seems everything turned out into some sort of horror story from then on.' She said as she looked in the distance. 'His brother Rogan- You met him- ' Sivella said as she looked shortly at Inara. 'He is violent too. No one would help. Maybe no one really knew. No one did anything.' Sivella began to cry.

Inara moved closer to her and wrapped her in a protective, comforting hug.

'I never wanted to involve you.' Was the last thing she heard Sivella say because she began to cry so much that she couldn't talk anymore.

Inara's heart almost broke at the pain Sivella was in. She closed her eyes to focus on just holding Sivella and trying to comfort her.

0000000000000000000000000000000

Ooww I hope this wasn't too soft, but I thought that it's awful what Sivella has been through so she would feel awful and all.... The next chapter will reveal ALL that happened with Sivella. Please let me know what you thought!