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Dinner

'Sivella you have a wave from Pete McGarrett.' Wash said as he came into the kitchen late. Everyone was already sitting on the dinner table.

Sivella looked up from the plate that Kaylee had just put down in front of her. Inara had thought it best for her to come and eat with the rest of the crew instead of staying in the shuttle all the time. Some change would do her good.

'I am sorry, I don't feel up to talking to him.' Sivella answered. She didn't feel like talking to anyone too much. Telling Inara everything this afternoon had drained her from the little energy she had left. Inara had told her that it would be good to be among people again and not 'hide' in the shuttle. Sivella sighed inwardly. Yes, that is what she wanted to do: hide. She had never been the person that ran away from confrontations with herself but now, she had to admit that she would rather hide away under a blanket from the rest of the world. And to think. And rest. And come up with a plan how to go on with her life. Which would end up in numerous thoughts of worry because it seemed like everything had fallen to pieces. But Inara didn't give her the time right now. She didn't give her the time to think everything over. Inara just knew her too well. Sivella thought as she looked at her friend.

'He says that it's very urgent. He spoke to Edward and Rogan and he needs to know what is going on.' Sivella heard Wash's voice come from the doorway.

She swallowed at that.

Inara looked at her. 'If you don't want to, you shouldn't.' Inara said softly.

Sivella looked away. She didn't want to, but she knew she should.

'No, I should.' Sivella decided. 'He helped me. He deserves an explanation.' Sivella got herself up from the chair with a lot of trouble. 'And I guess all of you deserve an explanation.' She said as she looked around at the rest of the crew. 'If you want to hear it you can join me in the cockpit.' She gave Inara a weak smile after that.

Cockpit

'Pete.' Sivella said softly as she sat down opposite the screen. Everyone had followed into the cockpit and gathered around.

'You kidnapped Mary and David?' Pete asked urgently the moment Sivella sat in place.

'You WHAT?!" Mal uttered in shock from behind Sivella. He had thought that the Companion still had some things up her sleeve but this was…. Very unexpected and shocking….

Inara sent Mal an icy glare at that.

'You kidnapped children?' Kaylee asked with big eyes. She couldn't believe it.

'I want an explanation if you don't mind.' Pete said sternly.

Sivella was speechless for a moment. She felt everyone stare at her, wanting answers. 'I…' She composed herself. She was almost never speechless, and now was not the moment to change that good quality. 'Yes. I do mind.' She stated.

'You want to get yourself in more trouble then you already are?' Pete asked urgently.

Sivella sighed and looked away. 'Pete, I won't tell you where they are. Edward twisted his knife inside of me and I still didn't tell him. Maybe that should show you how willing I am to keep that a secret.'

'Where did you get the right from to KIDNAP them Sivella?!' Pete shot at her. 'I just don't understand. You know that I want to help you. Then tell me.' Pete's cheeks became red in frustration.

'I'll tell you Pete.' Sivella said in a calm voice. 'You think Mary ending up in the hospital was an accident?' She asked in a controlled, low voice. 'And what about the second time? She supposedly 'fell' off the stairs?' She breathed in deeply.

'A child Pete! A CHILD!' She barked at him emotionally. She put her hand in her side to remind herself to not talk so loudly. It made her ribs ache.

'No one did anything! NO ONE. So help me God they can put me in a prison for life but those children are never going back to those monsters if it's up to me!' She shouted at him.

Pete swallowed. 'He abused them?'

'Yes. Do you want to see how he tried his new knife out on the skin on my back Pete? Because I can tell you, it cut very well, it will take a long time before a knife like that needs sharpening.' She tried to steady her breathing. She ignored the other people that were present in the cockpit. It felt awful to talk about this and have others overhear. So she just imagined that she was alone with Pete, and with Inara as her support. That gave her some rest. 'I didn't want anything like that to happen to Mary and David. I will not tell you over a wave where they are. It's not safe.'

Pete shook his head with a confused look on his face. He needed to let Sivella's words sink in. He had gotten a shocked look on his face.

'So that's what they wanted to know from you? That was the information you had?' Zoe asked.

Sivella looked up at her and nodded. 'Yes.' She looked at her lap now.

'Why did you stab Edward? He says you wanted to kill him, that he needed to protect himself.' Pete asked.

'Ofcourse he did.' Sivella said bitterly. The question alone irritated her to no lenghts. 'I am so dangerous, I am a dangerous murderer. I will kill everyone around me if I have the chance.' She stated sarcastic.

'Sivella.' Inara said softly as she put her hand on her shoulder. She knew that Sivella used sarcasm as a mechanism when she felt threatened or hurt. 'Don't.' She urged softly.

Sivella pushed her angry sarcasm away with a lot of trouble as she breathed in.

'The night that I brought Mary and David to a safe place I went back to the house to get a few things and leave. Edward caught up with me in an alley and he beat me up. I was sure that he was going to kill me. So I stabbed him to protect myself. And that was horrible Pete. I would never ever do something like that unless I had too.' She looked at Pete earnestly.

He nodded. He believed her. 'And is that why you didn't want to inform the Guild?' Pete asked.

She looked away. 'Among other things.' She didn't want to talk about this. She didn't.

She felt Inara's hand on her shoulder. It helped her. It comforted her a bit.

'What other things?'

Sivella sighed as if she felt that he was hurting her with his questions. She looked up at him again with a fierceness in her eyes. 'I stabbed my client, took his children away and ran off, how does that look Pete? And besides that, how do I look? I can't show myself to them like this! I am a mess.' She stated as she gestured towards her face. The swelling had become less but there was still an angry purple bruise on her one cheek and a blue eye on the other side of her face. There were a few gashes spread over various places on the soft skin of her face to keep the bruises company.

Inara's hold on Sivella became harder but Sivella pushed Inara's hand away softly.

'No, I can not work as a Companion anymore. He ruined that for me.' She stated bitterly with anger in her voice as she thought about the state her body was in, all the scars, the wounds.

'I don't know what to say.' Pete said in regret.

'You don't have to say anything.' Sivella answered softly. What could anyone say? It wouldn't change the facts.

He sighed as he shook his head sadly.

'I would appreciate it if you wouldn't tell others about what happened. There is no need to know for other people.' Sivella suggested.

'Others?' Pete asked surprised as he raised an eyebrow. She was being vague but he knew who she meant with 'others' instantly.

'Just others. I don't want any questions or anyone to worry.' Sivella explained.

'You should inform The Guild anyway, because their men just arrived here to interrogate your client.' Pete informed her.

Sivella looked up at Inara at that. Inara read the worry and fear in her eyes. 'How did they know? Did you inform them?' Inara asked.

Pete shook his head. 'No, my brother Thomas did. The moment he thought something was wrong.' Pete noticed that Sivella didn't like that. 'He wanted to help.' Pete explained her.

'We will contact the Training House immediately.' Inara said as she felt Sivella was momentarily too shocked to say anything.

Pete nodded. 'I will keep you all informed. I have to make a wild guess that you meant Thomas with 'others'. He already knows. Why aren't you talking to him?' Pete asked as he looked at Sivella again.

'Because I am too tired. I haven't spoken to anyone-'

'- You are talking to me now.' Pete interrupted her.

Inara noticed that Pete knew her well to interrupt her like that. He didn't seem the kind of man that would be bold or insulting at all.

'Because I owed you and everyone an explanation.' Sivella answered.

Pete shook his head. 'I think you owe him an explanation too.'

Sivella fumbled with the dress she had borrowed from Inara. She wanted to leave now. Right now.

She forced herself to look up and answer Pete's question.

'Why? He wasn't there.' Sivella said confused, he had probably run of to some fancy party with a handsome woman on his arm by now.

'He warned me that something was wrong. If it wasn't for him I wouldn't have known you were back.'

'Well, that's very nice of him. I will talk to him as soon as I feel better.' Sivella said shortly.

Inara raised a brow at the sharp undertone she heard in Sivella's voice. No one else had noticed that probably, but Inara had an ear for those very small nuances. She had to remind herself to find out who this Thomas was later.

'You know that I love my brother. Be honoust to him. That's all I ask.' Pete told Sivella.

Inara could see how affected Pete was by this conversation. His shock as to what had happened to Sivella had been real. She became more curious for this Thomas.

'Be honoust about what?' Sivella's voice came.

He studied her shortly at that. 'Don't play me Sivella. I don't fall for your innocence and your Companion ways. The two of you have been at each others throats since the beginning.' He stated.

'Exactly.' Sivella agreed.

'What other people might not have noticed is that you liked being at each others throats.'

'What?!' Sivella suddenly barked. She closed her eyes in pain as she reminded herself to stay calm. And she also reminded herself that an outburst like that was very unCompanion like and would alarm everyone instantly, especially Inara. She composed herself quickly. It was no one's bussiness what her relationship with Thomas had been like. There hadn't even been a relationship! It was not a subject she wanted to think about anymore. It was a closed book. And she wanted that to stay that way.

'That is nonsense. I don't like arguing or fighting with anyone.' She explained with an astonished tone in her voice.

'O yes, you two play a good game, but not everyone falls for that. You two fool yourselves. Stop playing Sivella, talk to him.'

'I will when I am not so tired anymore.' She said matter of factly.

Pete shook his head and sighed. 'So you just said. I have been holding my mouth for a year now. I think that is long enough. And because you are not around anymore and I won't be seeing you so often then I used too, I think I should be frank with you. The way I see it, you two go through a lot of trouble to keep the other at a safe distance. You know what will happen if you stop fighting, arguing, insulting and bickering.'

Sivella's eyes had grown bigger in sheer astonishment and denial.

Just like the Captain and Inara, Kaylee thought. What a coincidence!

'Yes, I know what will happen. Nothing. Because we just don't get along. That is what people do who don't get along. They fight and argue etcetera etcetera.' Sivella countered.

Yes, that's exactly true. Mal thought grimly.

Zoe looked at Mal from the corner of her eyes. Well, that's some familiar behaviour. She thought as she eyed Inara after that.

'No.' Pete shook his head. 'That's what people do who are afraid to let the other one close. That's what people do who are attracted to each other. They don't dare to take that step.' He stated bluntly.

Ahhh, Kaylee thought. What a good explanation! She eyed Inara. And then Mal.

Sivella wanted to swallow but she stopped herself. She wanted to look around her in shame to see how the crew were reacting but she stopped herself too. She composed herself as the Companion she still was, somewhere. She tilted her chin and put a selfsecure expression on her face.

'You are wrong.' She stated pointedly. 'I am sorry to say that your brother and I don't get along.' She laughed shortly. 'After all, I was a Companion. A very good one. I know exactly how to read men, don't forget that Pete.' She pointed out at him.

Exactly, Inara thought. We know exactly how men are and what they want. Except… She eyed Mal angrily from the corner of her eyes.

That was true. Kaylee thought. They were Companions, if someone knew everything about men it was them, right? Kaylee eyed Inara and saw how she gave Mal a sidelings angry look. Right?

I hate that 'bout them Companions. They seem to know things… Jayne thought annoyed.

If Sivella could do that why had she stayed with her client? Mal thought confused. He just didn't understand anythin' of these Companions, or maybe all womanfolk.

'Yes, that's exactly what always surprised me. You told me you were thaught in psychology too and so many other things. You with all your training shouldn't fool yourself like that. Just try to be nice to him, he helped you.'

Yep, it's always difficult to look at yourself. Even if you know so much about others, what they want, who they are, you still have a blind spot somewhere. Zoe thought as she looked at Wash. She would have never even thought she would ever like Wash. She hated him in the beginning. Ofcourse, that had changed radically. She smiled as she thought fondly of him. She loved that man with her whole heart.

'I can't stress enough how wrong you are. But that's your own choice. I know that he helped me, and I will thank him for that. I want to get some rest now. Thankyou for your help.'

Pete nodded at her and at Inara and Mal.

'Goodbye Pete.' She said as she turned the screen off.

'Guess you don't know everythin' 'bout men after all.' Jayne said with a smile as he looked at Sivella. He liked that thought. He always felt weird in a way when she looked at him with those eyes, like the woman could see right through him. Like she knew everything that was in his head instantly! He then looked triumphantly at Inara and gave her a pointed look. 'Same goes for you.' This prooved that they knew nothin'! They were just guessin' is all!

's Not like that goes for you Jayne, there ain't a whole lot to know 'bout you is there?' Kaylee stated as she stood up.

'Huh? What does she mean?' Jayne asked as he looked around dumbly.

'She just means that you are very truthsome.' Wash said quickly to stop a fight from starting.

'Not so fast.' Mal said when Sivella stood up to leave.

Inara looked up at him with an angry look. 'She needs her rest.' Inara said before Sivella could even look at Mal and respond.

'What she needs to do right now is some explainin'.' Mal shot at Inara.

'When she is better.' Inara stated protectively in a cold controlled voice she used especially for annoying, stubborn people.

'Hahahahaa.' Jayne suddenly began to laugh. Everyone fell silent and looked at him in surprise.

'HA HA HA Hahahahhaha, this is so funny!' Jayne uttered in his laughing fit as he pointed at Inara and Mal.

'What?' He asked surprised when no one seemed to understand the joke here. Where they all dumb or somethin'? 'Was just thinkin' if that Pete-guy was right then he thinks the two of you should- hehehehe, that the two of you HAHAHAHHAAHA-' He pointed at Inara and Mal again. '-actually are attracted to each other and want to do some groin on groin-action hhahahahaha can you imagine that?' He said as he laughed loudly and looked at Wash.

Kaylee put up her nose at the words Jayne used to describe something that was such a beautiful thing to her. He always knew how to turn beautiful and special things into something disgusting, she thought annoyed.

Wash swallowed. Yes, he could exactly imagine them wanting that although they probably wouldn't admit it to each other, sadly enough.

Jayne laughed on as he stood up. 'That guy's so wrong hahahahha HA HAH AHAA they would fly at each others throats, you two would kill each other if you would sleep in the same bed Hahahahahaa.'

'Jayne!' Kaylee warned.

Sivella couldn't take her eyes of Jayne who was leaving for his bunk now. She just couldn't believe him.

'Let's go.' Inara said as she ignored Jayne and gave Mal one last angry look.

'Wait.' She said sweetly to Inara. 'What more did you want to know Mal.'

'Those children, what did you do to them?' He asked.

She looked him deep in his eyes. He felt measured again. It was his turn to tilt his chin now. He just didn't want her to have any more secrets that could come and hunt him down. 'I mean, are they safe an' all?'

'I trust you Mal. You are a good man.' Sivella said.

Mal felt surprised at this but didn't show it.

'I brought them to their aunt. She is a very sweet woman, Grace Blake. She hasn't been in contact with Rogan or Edward for almost a year now. They had a large fight and since then Mary and David weren't allowed to see them ever again. I didn't know where else to bring them. She takes very good care of them.'

Mal nodded and caught Inara's cold gaze directed at him. She sent him another warning glare after that which made him almost feel like she would attack him if he wouldn't let Sivella come with her immediately now.

'Sounds like a good choice.' Mal said as he nodded at her. Zoe nodded too.

Sivella let herself be guided away softly by Inara who took her by her arm gently.

Inara's shuttle

'No, I don't want to.'

'Yes you do.'

'No Inara, you don't understand.'

Sivella didn't want Inara to contact Sheydra or anyone else of the Guild.

Inara turned on the chair in front of the cortex screen. 'I think that I fairly understand what you mean. I heard enough already of your opinion half an hour ago.' Inara stated sternly.

'What? What is that supposed to mean.' Sivella said surprised by Inara's tone.

Inara stood up as she walked to Sivella who was sitting on her bed.

'You calling yourself a mess? And you not wanting to show yourself to Sheydra? Is that true? Is that really what you think?' Inara asked softly as she eyed Sivella intently.

Sivella wanted to crawl away from Inara's strong gaze. She knew exactly that Inara would pick up every minor detail in her reaction, in her behaviour. She broke eye contact quickly.

Then she faced Inara again with a stubborn look on her face. A look Inara knew all to well.

'Yes, it is. That is how the situation is right now.'

'How can you say such a thing?' Inara said with grief in her eyes as she took Sivella's hand but Sivella pulled her hand away.

'Don't.' She said as she avoided Inara's gaze again.

Inara tried to measure Sivella. She knew Sivella very well. She knew how Sivella reacted to problems and she had a feeling she was having one of these reactions now.

'Don't what?' Inara asked softly.

Sivella instantly looked at Inara at that with her eyes firing angrily.

'Don't pity me.'

'I don't pity you.' Inara said as Sivella's reaction affirmed her thoughts about her.

'Yes you do. You can't talk this right, I AM a mess, I will have a lot of scars, no one will ever want me again. And that is a fact.' She said with anger in her eyes and a defying look.

Inara knew very well what Sivella wanted at this moment. She wanted to fight, she wanted to argue. Because she came too close for what she wanted to shut her eyes for so badly.

'Are you trying to fight with me Sivella?' Inara asked honoustly.

'Inara stop it!' She snapped as she stood up from the bed to put more room between her and Inara.

'You are doing it again.' Inara stated. They had been at a point like this before. When Sivella had felt bad at the Training House. Something had happened and Sivella had become so angry with herself. Wanting to punish herself.

'No I am not!' Sivella snapped stubbornly.

'You know you are. You are angry with yourself. Stop that.' Inara said in a sweet, patient voice.

'Well I have every right to be!' Sivella snarled with nostrils flaring. 'I was a stupid fool! I was dumb, stupid…!'

'Stop this!' Inara reacted as she walked towards her and grabbed Sivella's wrists. 'Stop this.' She said again but softer now. 'Stop blaming yourself for this. That won't help you. It will not make you feel better. It's so much easier to blame yourself then anyone else. Don't close your eyes for this Sivella, that will only pull you down more.'

'Inara I am angry, get away from me. I am afraid I will say hurtful things.'

'I am not going to let you sent me away again. I am going to help you. We are going to get through this together. And no other way, do you hear me?' Inara said firmly as she still held Sivella's wrists.

'Please Inara, don't make me…' Sivella looked away.

'You know fully well that closing your eyes for what happened doesn't work. It will eat at you and destroy you from the inside. You need to rest. You need to heal. Allow yourself to do that.'

'I don't deserve that.'

Inara placed her hand on Sivella's cheek. 'You helped those children, you did what no one else dared. You almost got killed because of that. And you helped them again by not telling Edward where you brought them to. You have gone through enough. Through too much already.' She placed her other hand on her cheek now too. 'Do you understand that I will not allow you to put yourself through any more hard things?!' She said earnestly as she looked Sivella deep in her eyes.

Sivella's eyes watered up. 'I stabbed him Inara. It was awful.' She began to cry as they both sank to the ground. 'I know I had too, but it felt so awful. How could I have let it come this far? I keep asking myself that question but I can't find the answer.' Sivella asked as she looked at Inara in so much despair.

Inara placed her hand on the back of Sivella's head and pulled her against her. 'Just cry. And we will talk about it when ever you want. Just cry now. It will help.' Inara said softly as she kissed the top of Sivella's head. 'Just let it go.' She whispered softly. Knowing fully well that Sivella had to feel her pain to let it heal. And after that, we will contact Sheydra immediately. Inara thought.

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