Cockpit

'That is not an option?' Sivella repeated Thomas' words. 'Who do you think you are?' She snapped bluntly the moment she sat down.

The handsome man on the screen smirked. His eyes studied Sivella's face intently. 'At least you have the energy to snap at me I see. You can't be that tired.'

'I am tired Thomas. I don't appreciate it if you treat me like this.'

'This is the fourth time that I called for you, I don't appreciate it if you treat me like that. You are not answering me back.'

'Because I was tired. Maybe you can see that I don't feel well.' Sivella said as she pointed at her wounded face.

Kitchen

Inara began to feel even more curious about what had Sivella acting like this towards Thomas. She had watched her leave en then she noticed that Mal had been watching her.

'Well, got some captainy things to do an' all.' Mal muttered as he avoided Inara's gaze quickly and stood up.

Inara watched him leave as she stood up herself to go and see if Sivella was doing allright.

'Inara.' Kaylee said as she stood up too and walked towards her.

'You ain't thinkin' of leavin' again are you?' Kaylee asked with big eyes filled with fear.

'O mei mei, what gives you that idea?' She asked sweetly as she touched Kaylee's cheek with one hand.

'You and the captain. It's bad this time ain' it?'

Inara's hand left Kaylee's cheek and she looked away shortly.

'And with you bein' close to your home an' all so soon.' It wouldn't be long befor they would reach Sihnon.

Inara couldn't answer. Yes, she had played with the idea of leaving.. Again. It made her feel free in some way.

'I'd miss you an awful lot. Don't want to miss you.' She heard Kaylee say.

'O, mei mei.' Inara said again as she hugged the girl close to her.

Cockpit

'You are avoiding me.' Thomas stated.

'I was tired.' Sivella repeated in her defense.

'You look horrible.' Thomas said.

'Well thankyou. That opinion is exactly what I have been waiting for.'

Kitchen

When Kaylee saw the beautiful Companion leave towards the cockpit she remembered that Inara hadn't given an answer to her question. She pouted her lip at that as she turned around and walked back to the table. She didn't want Inara to leave. Inara was part of this crew. She brought so much light, warmth and many other things to Serenity.

Cockpit

Thomas clenched his teeth. 'Why didn't you ask for help?' He stated.

Sivella looked away. 'Is that why you called for me?'

'I would like an answer.' His blue eyes bored into hers from the screen.

She sighed out loud. 'I didn't think I needed help.' She stated.

He shook his head. 'You didn't say goodbye.' He stated.

'I really don't feel like talking right now.' She said as she looked away again.

'I think I deserve an answer. More answers actually.'

She looked up at him. 'Yes… Pete told me that you helped me. Thankyou for that.' She had thanked him now, now she could end this conversation.

Hallway towards the cockpit

Inara leaned against the wall shortly. She closed her eyes as she thought about Kaylee. The way she had looked at her when she had asked her if she was thinking of leaving. Was she? She thought of Mal and got an angry frown between her brows. For everything that he had done and did, she still….Still didn't want to not see him ever again. She wanted to be able to have a normal conversation with him again. Did they ever really have one? Yes there had been times that they had laughed, talked witout insulting each other. She could count them on one hand. She still didn't understand how she could still like a man that infuriated her like no other! It frustrated her immensily. And a Companion should never have that feeling!

Cockpit

Thomas nodded at her. 'You don't have to thank me, I wish I was there before… Before he hurt you like that.'

'I am fine.' She ignored his obvious worry for her.

'Don't lie to me.' He said in an angry voice.

Sivella had forgotten. This man was blunt and he could see through her most of the time.

'What do you want, Thomas?' She said an angry voice matching his own.

'Why didn't you say goodbye?' He asked again.

She sighed and collected her nerve as she gave him an angry look.

'Why would I? There was nothing left for me there.' She emphasised the nothing, tellling him that even he was nothing for her. If that wasn't the final blow he needed to leave her alone… 'I wanted to be away from it all.' She stated coldly. She felt her words sting herself, while it was actually meant to sting him. And it did, she could see it in his face.

He swallowed something away. Probably an angry outburst. She had seen it so many times. He had gotten better in fighting with her.

'I visited your sick aunt.' He stated.

That struck her in shock.

'You what?' She uttered.

'She didn't seem that sick.' He stated.

'That's because she isn't.' Sivella's snappy reply came.

Inara halted outside the cockpit door and raised an eyebrow at the talk between the two. What was this?

'Yes, I found that out myself. Could have spared me the trip.' Thomas reacted.

'Why did you take that trip in the first place then?' Sivella dared to ask in a challenging annoyed tone.

'I guess I just wanted a change of scenery.' Thomas replied bluntly.

'Well I hope you saw a lot of scenery.' Sivella's snappy reply came.

Inara's eyes grew big at Sivella's blunt comment. She hadn't heard Sivella talk like that many times before.

'I have to go now, someone's calling for me-'

He opened his mouth to reply. 'Bye.' Sivella said as she shut off the screen to leave it black.

She turned around in the chair and wanted to leave when she saw Inara standing there. Near the door opening.

Inara was staring back at her, with her mouth open.

'I- Came to see how you were doing.' Inara stated in surprise.

'I am fine.' Sivella said as she stood up slowly and pushed the wrinkles out of the dress that was Inara's.

'That wasn't nice.' Inara commented.

'I am really tired. I think I am going to rest some.'

'I thought he was a friend of yours.' Inara said. She noticed how Sivella tried to change the subject but she ignored that.

'No, that is a mistake. We are not friends. You heard what I said to Pete.' She said shortly.

'He had another opinion-'

'Inara.' Sivella said as she looked Inara in her eyes. 'He was wrong. I am right.'

'But why did he help you? He travelled all the way to Sihnon to find you.' Inara pushed.

'He wanted a change of scenery.' Sivella explained as she passed Inara out of the cockpit.

'Is he interested in you?' Inara confronted. Sivella stopped walking instantly. Inara stared at Sivella's back.

'What?' Sivella asked shocked. 'Ofcourse not.' She said heatedly as she turned towards Inara now.

But it was too late, Inara had already seen that it took Sivella just a few seconds too long to come up with that reply and that tone in her voice.

'He sounded very sincere.' Inara stated softly.

The look in Sivella's eyes became distant. As if she shielded herself. She made no secret of her dislike of participating in this conversation. But Inara just wanted to know, and given the fact that Sivella would push her on a subject like this too: a subject that was probably very difficult for her but nevertheless seemed to be very important.

'That's because you don't know him.' Sivella stated.

'He travelled after you, all the way to Sihnon, he wanted to help you and he did, and you didn't say goodbye.'

Sivella narrowed her eyes. 'You overheard.'

'Yes, I did.' She admitted. 'Frankly, I was too baffled by your snapping voice that I couldn't move away.'

'He irritates me Inara, that is all.' SIvella explained shortly.

'He seemed worried to me.' Inara confronted her. She read the different nuances on Sivella's face instantly. 'You are angry.' Inara concluded.

'Yes. He makes me angry.' Sivella admitted through clenched teeth.

Inara smiled shortly. She couldn't believe it. 'Pete was right. You like him.'

'That is just ridiculous.' Sivella's weak reply came.

Inara raised both her brows. 'You would never act so heatedly if he didn't mean something to you.' Inara studied Sivella as she looked her up and down.

'You just pushed him away like that. Why?'

'It's different now.' Sivella said shortly.

'I know you can be a difficult woman for men who are interested in you.' Inara stated.

'What?' Sivella uttered in shock. 'I can't believe that you just said that.' She stated with an smile of disbelief on her face.

Inara looked at her in surprise. 'And why would that be?'

'Please Inara: Look who's talking!' Sivella shot at her.

'I beg your pardon?'

'Take a good look, because you are looking in the mirror right now.' Sivella said as she pointed from Inara to herself.

'What?' Inara asked astonished.

'That's why I meddled in with you and Mal. Because I know exactly what you are going through. Can't you see? Can't you see what you are doing?!'

Kitchen

'They fightin' again?' Jayne sighed annoyed as he came out of his bunk. Always the same, Mal and Inara fighting. He sighed frustrated as he looked up and saw Mal sitting at the kitchen table right there. 'Huh?'

Hallway to the cockpit

'What are you talking about?' Inara asked.

'You are the one who is pushing the man that you want away.' Sivella stated in disbelief.

'Why do you even think that you can tell me anything if you are doing exactly the same with Thomas?!' Inara snapped astonished.

'Because I don't want Thomas and you do want Mal! I did what is best for me. I want you to do what is best for you.'

'I know very well what is best for me, better then you think you do.' Inara stated.

'Yes Inara. You do in every way.' Sivella agreed. 'But with one exception... And that is Mal. And you know it.'

'We were talking about Thomas.' Inara suddenly bit at her.

Kitchen

Jayne looked from the cockpit to Mal. 'You're here. How can you be here if you're fightin' with Inara there?'

'Cause he ain't. Not this time at least.' Kaylee said to Jayne as she gave Mal an angry look. She still hadn't forgiven him his harsh words towards Inara only minutes earlier. So mean to say that she couldn't keep her legs together!

Hallway

'You overheard me talking to Thomas. Then let's be honoust. Let's have it all out.' Sivella said as she walked towards Inara.

Kitchen

'She's talkin' to Sivella.' Kaylee explained.

'A catfight?' Jayne shot up from his chair instantly. 'Great, I like catfights! Especially with Companions! Never seen one.' He stated as he wanted to leave for the cockpit immediately.

'And you ain't gonna see one now.' Mal stated sternly as he blocked Jayne's way.

'Ow come one! Just admit that you'd like seein' those two gettin' at it.'

'Sit down!' Mal ordered him.

Hallway

'You want Mal Inara. You want all of him.' Sivella confronted her.

Inara became angry now as she took a step towards her. It felt like all boundaries were gone now, all Companion ways. This was her oldest friend. They had always been honoust to each other. She wouldn't hold back either.

Kitchen

Jayne crossed his arms over his broad chest in annoyance as he eyed Mal.

'Can't believe that you would like to listen to a private conversation.' Kaylee stated.

'Ain't private. We can hear it from here.'

'Not what their sayin'!' Kaylee snapped.

'That's exactly what I mean. That's why I wanted to go stand closer.' He grumphed.

Hallway

'You seem to know everything so well for me. Well, I'll tell you something, you want Thomas, you can deny it all you want.'

'When are you going to forgive the man for trying to keep you alive and unharmed?' Sivella stated as she ignored Inara's comment. They were standing opposite each other now.

Kitchen

'Do they even know how to fight?' Jayne asked after a short pause.

'By the sounds of it they do.' Zoe stated as she had come into the kitchen to get something to drink.

Hallway

'What is the problem with Thomas? Did he get too close? Did he offer you his help? You coulnd't take that could you?' Inara asked.

'Let me guess, you are afraid that there will be a next time. That he won't listen to you either, that he will dominate you, walk over you, be respectless….?' Sivella filled in. 'As if you would let him! And Mal isn't like that. You know that.'

Kitchen

'That Sivella can sure say her opinion.' Jayne said as he heard Sivella's voice cut through the air. 'She's probably dominatin' Inara an' all.'

Hallway

'Now let me take a wild guess, you didn't want to face Thomas, you would rather walk away from confrontation, you choose the easy way. And now you are telling yourself how worthless you are and how ashamed you feel.'

Kitchen

'Tsch.' Mal uttered. 'Dominatin' Inara? Not likely, she might look sweet but she can crawl your eyes out of your skull by just lookin' at ya. And then she'd still be smilin' sweetly at ya while she did it.'

'Yeah well, you should know.' Jayne commented.

'Maybe 'cause you pushed her that far.' Kaylee stated angrily at Mal.

Hallway

'I am touched that you wanted to help me… But you shouldn't have been there. That's no place for you. I wished Mal had you strapped against a chair and had just left Sandria. Then you wouldn't have been taken at all.'

'And I wished that you would have let me help sooner so we wouldn't have found you half death!!' Inara suddenly barked in immense anger.

Sivella took a step back in shock. That hurt.

Inara passed her quickly and left gracefully.

Sivella swallowed as she saw Inara leave. She had never thought about Inara's worry for her, that it might be hard for Inara to see her like that. How could she not have seen that? If she would have been in Inara's position, if she would have found Inara almost beaten to death and so wounded and hurt… She would feel horrible. She took her dress and followed in Inara's imaginary tracks, only a lot slower.

Kitchen

Kaylee, Mal, Jayne and Zoe all looked up when they saw Inara passing by gracefully but way too fast.

'I've never seen Inara react this way.' Kaylee said amazed.

'S probably different with Sivella, her bein' an old friend an' all.' Mal commented.

Zoe nodded. 'I had a good friend from my childhood. It was different. You let them closer, in a different way. When you know each other that long.'

'Maybe they're goin' to make up an' all.' Jayne grinned at that. 'Tween the sheets I mean, I sure like to see that! You know with them…' He stopped as three sets of eyes looked angrily and annoyed at him.

Sivella came into the kitchen, walking slow but heading in the same direction Inara had gone minutes ago.

'Are you okay?' Mal asked worried as he stood up.

'Yes.' She said as she nodded and looked up at him.

'Fight's over now?' Jayne asked with dissapointment in his voice.

'This is not a fight. We are just clearing the air up.' Sivella stated as she kept on walking.

'So that's what Companions call that? 'Clearin' the air up?'' He began to laugh hard.

'Don't mind him.' Kaylee stated before Sivella left out of their eyesight.

Inara's shuttle

'I know that I made the wrong decisions. Don't repeat my mistakes Inara.' Sivella said softly as she had opened the door to the shuttle and saw Inara standing with her back towards her.

'Stop comparing your life to mine, my life is different.' Inara stated as she turned towards Sivella.

'Please stop fooling yourself!' Sivella stated. 'You are making the same mistake I made, you are pushing the man you love away from you. Don't do that.'

'It's not the same as with you and Tommy Sivella!'

'Why didn't you leave Serenity Inara? Make a choice! But you don't. You just keep lingering somewhere. Go back to the Training House or stay here, go back, stay here, go back, stay here, push him away, let him close, push him…. And I know how difficult it is, but don't ruin this like I did!'

'I don't love Mal at all, and you can't even talk about Thomas!' Inara snapped.

'That's right, I couldn't. But that's a closed book now, that part of my life is over. I just wanted you to be happy. What will you do this time? Are you leaving again? The man made a mistake, Yes a very GRAVE mistake, I won't say anything against that but he did that because he cares about you, because he didn't want you to get hurt, because he probably loves you.'

'You should better look at yourself and your own problems because you have a lot of them!' Inara suddenly snapped.

'I know that you are angry with me, and you have every right to be.'

'Yes that's right. I do have every right to be angry. I am angry that you didn't trust me enough-'

'It wasn't about trust!'

'If you had told us sooner we could have helped! You almost died! He stabbed you! I hate that he hurt you like that!'

Sivella looked away. How did they suddenly get from the subject Mal, Inara at her?

'And what is your excuse?' Inara stated as she turned around.

'What excuse?' Sivella asked.

'You're so good at turning the tables. Always. We were talking about you and Thomas and all of a sudden it's about me. I want to know your excuse.'

Sivella looked away.

'He's better off without me.'

'What?'

'Because I am damaged goods Inara, that's why.' Sivella said with a hoarse voice.

'You know it's true. And I don't mean just from the outside.'

'As broken and hurt as you might feel from the inside, telling yourself that you are damaged goods is also another way to just run away.' Inara stated. She knew very well that Sivella didn't want to face her feelings and problems.

That took Sivella's breath away. She had never looked at it like that.

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Hope you liked it! There will still be a few chapters, I think three or maybe four and then the story is finished! Hope you'll be able to hold on that long!! :)