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Inara's shuttle

Inara stared at the ceiling in the darkness. She couldn't sleep. Again. She had been thinking about Mal. She tossed and turned in her bed and almost bumped into Sivella who was sleeping on her side with her back towards her. She had tried to meditate, to think of peaceful things, but nothing helped. First she had been very angry with Mal, and now she began to feel guilty. That she had hit him. She didn't want to admit that to herself but what had possessed her? She felt ashamed because of that. Two years ago, before she ever came to Serenity, she would have never lost control like that. But it had been so hurtful that he had kept her back like that! Shutting her in her own shuttle! Away from Sivella who was in danger. She gave Sivella's back an angry glare. O yes, she hadn't forgotten the words that had been said hours ago. Sivella's words kept repeating in her head annoyingly enough. 'You want Mal, you want Mal.' Somewhere deep down she had known that herself, but hearing it from someone else... That made it so... Real.

She thought of Mal again. Yes, those first hours after he had locked her she had been extremely angry. And then, the guilt started eating at her. She should apologise to him.

Mal's bunk

'Inara.' Mal said surprised as he looked up. He was almost sleeping when he heard her come in.

'I came to thank you.' She said as she walked over to him.

'Thank me?' He asked confused. 'For what?' She had been sending him cold angry looks that would turn a man in an ice statue only hours ago.

'For helping with Sivella, for saving my life.' She said as she stood in front of him now.

'Uh, you don't have to-' He began as she climbed in bed next to him. His eyes grew big. Was she climbing in his bed? Was he imagining things? 'I thought you were still angry, I don't understand-'

'You don't have to-' His voice fell away when she bended over him and kissed him slowly.

His whole body ached for her instantly and all the guilt he was feeling washed away slowly. He didn't understand nothing of the woman! First she hated him and shouted at him, even hit him, and now she was on top of him? Kissing him? And how..... Wow....

'Inara you don't have to offer me-' Mal began as she cut off the kiss and laid down next to him.

He was just thinking that he didn't understand her behaviour when she pressed her warm body against his. All thoughts ran out of his head instantly by that sensation. Just to have her close. So close.

'Offer you what?' She asked.

He swallowed. She is lying next to me, right there, against me. He wanted to touch her so bad. SO BAD. But he shouldn't. But it would be so difficult to not touch her he…. He was going crazy here! 'For a moment there I thought..'

'What?' She asked sweetly.

Was she playing him?! That question really sounded innocent. She must know what she is doing to him right now! 'T- That you were offerin' somethin', but I meant that that weren't necessary as a thanks.'

'And what did you think I was going to offer you?' She asked as she looked up and leaned an arm on his bare chest so she could gaze in his eyes. His breath caught in his throat the moment her bare skin touched his skin. It sent tingles all over his spine.

'Well, I- uh, you know-'

'No.'

'The minute you bended over me like that-'

She smiled. 'You thought I was offering you sex to thank you?' She stated matter of factly as she rose one eyebrow.

She would become angry now… He was sure of it. But can you blame a man? She is in his bed here! He swallowed. 'Did I mention the way you bended over me already?' Mal asked weakly in his defense of thinking such a thing. And the fact that you're lying in the same bed as me…

'I wasn't offering you sex to thank you Mal. Just a kiss.'

'Okay. Not that you'd need to give me anythin'. Nothin' at all as a thanks.' He said as he was aware of her warm body again. Keep control over yourself Mal! You are a grown man! Not a thirteen year old boy! Control, it's all about control. Don't look at her hair, at her bare shoulders, at that creamy coloured skin at… StOP!

'I wouldn't have taken that offer anyway.' He said.

'You wouldn't?' She said surprised. 'And why is that?'

That voice! It killed him. She could put so much in her voice. It sometimes annoyed him to no lenghts. Those undertones she could put in there, like when she said things in a 'normal' way but you heard this angry undertone, or sarcastic undertone and you could never confront her about it because then she would say that she had said it in a normal way.

'Well, because it would be for the wrong reasons.' He said more powerful as he put an arm under his head and looked at the ceiling to avoid her warm gaze.

'And what reasons would be good enough for you then?' She asked lightly as she still glared at his face.

'Well, I know it's different for you- I mean sex an' all. But I would like to have sex when I love a woman.' O, now it sounded like he didn't, as if he wouldn't love her….

'I mean not just to thank someone.' He stammered quickly. 'I mean as someone wants to thank me.' He said as he swallowed and felt trapped all of a sudden.

'And how would that be any different for me?' Inara questioned.

'Inara-' Mal began, he knew this was thin ice. How did he get himself into this again?

She knew it too. 'I just like to know.' She stated.

'Just remember before I answer that I'd rather ly here like this with you then to fight okay?'

She nodded wordlessly.

'I just meant that you have sex also when you don't love a man. Or a woman- this is complicated.'

'I always thought that there is a difference between sex and love making.' She said.

Did he just feel her warm breath on his chest? It sent tingles all over his body.

'I am no more different from you in that. That I have a lot of experience with sex doesn't mean that I can't love one man. It just could mean that I am very good in bed.' She said near his ear.

Did that sound seductive? It did, was she seducing him? He swallowed. His throat was getting thicker by the minute. 'You ain't makin' me very calm here.' He stated.

'That's not my problem. And I didn't mean to make you calm.' Inara teased mercilesly.

'I could make it your problem.' He said sneekily.

'You think that you have that in you?' She challenged him.

He growled in a low masculine voice. 'Don't tempt me.'

She raised an eyebrow and looked at him innocently. 'I am not doing anything.' She said as she pushed her body closer to his.

He inhaled a sharply at that.

'I was sleeping a moment ago, if you go on like this woman, I won't be able to sleep for days.'

She smiled softly.

She put her hand flat on his chest and looked at him earnestly now. 'What I said, days ago, at the table. I didn't mean it like that. I don't think that you aren't civil-' She looked away shortly, remembering the whole ordeal with Atherton. 'And I don't see you as a lower person. I see no one as a lower person for that matter.'

He smiled as he placed one of her stray curls out of her face. 'That's nice to know.' And maybe, somewere deep inside, he already knew that.

'I thought you might like that.' She purred teasingly. 'And what else I like, is lying here.'

'What? On top of me? Always figured you for a bossy woman.' Mal said.

She sighed. 'I mean here... With you.' She explained softly.

He smiled and wanted to make a quip but he stopped himself. Didn't want to break the moment.

She bended forward and kissed him again. Very softly, sweet this time. The kiss heated up and they kissed each other passionately. Mal roamed his hands along the sides of her torso, feeling the sides of her breasts.

'Maybe we should wait.' Mal said when they were both out of breath and broke the kiss therefor.

'Wait?'

He took her face in his hands. 'I don't want to- I want it to be special. I want to take time, if we do this, I don't want it to be once. I want to built something up.' He said earnestly. Was he crazy? His body was shouting for her!!

She looked away. He let go of her face. 'Do you want that, for- For it to be somethin' between us I mean?' He knew that he couldn't bare to make love to her one night and then to loose her.

'I tell you where you are Mal.' She stated.

He held his breath. Was she angry?

Tears welled up in her eyes.

'You are right here.' She said as she placed her hand on her left breast. 'In my heart. And you've been there for a very long time now. You might have even made your way in there the first moment I saw you. The moment you thought you could get away with that ridiculously high price you asked for that shuttle.'

'It wasn't high at a-' Inara placed her hand on his lips to silence him.

'And the fact that you had some other people, as if I wouldn't get the shuttle if I wanted to.'

He smiled. 'I knew you wanted me.' He teased.

She raised an eyebrow. 'Don't flatter yourself.' She warned.

'What?' Mal said as he saw sudden worry in Inara's eyes.

'We have so many differences.'

He kissed her again. 'We will overcome them. That's why I am telling you that I want to built something up with you. Something strong. I don't want us to push each other away again. I pushed you away because I was afraid. I thought you would never want me.'

She caressed his head as she eyed him fondly. She placed a kiss on his forehead.

'Do you think I can stay here the night?'

Mal cleared his throat. That would be a very big challenge.

'Sivella took over the entire bed. She claims to need all the space and all my blankets and pillows because she is in pain, and after that she fell asleep instantly so I couldn't even say anything against that.'

Mal smiled and laughed softly. 'She is good.'

Inara sighed contently as she snuggled up against his side. 'I'll have a stern word with her tomorrow.'

'I bet she isn't asleep at all.'

Inara sighed out loud. 'I know. She knows exactly how to get what she wants.'

'What are you doing?' Mal asked as he inhaled breath.

'What? Nothing.'

'Your lips are against my skin.'

'Do you mind?' She asked seductively as she finished kissing his chest.

' 'Nara, you can't expect me to ly here just like that without doin' nothin'.'

Inara sighed. 'Allright. I see your point.' She said as she led back next to him and turned her back towards him.

She stared into the dark.

Mal stared into the dark.

It took them three seconds to bent towards each other and kiss each other passionately. Inara pulled Mal on top of her and pushed his body into hers. He gasped the moment his naked chest made contact with her soft breasts. He fumbled with her flimsy nightgown to take it off as fast as possible. He had never wanted someone as badly as he did her. She wrapped her legs around him and pulled him closer.

'What you did is unforgivable.' She said as she looked him in his eyes.

He narrowed his eyes. 'Huh?' Didn't he understand right?

She smiled. 'What you did…. It's unforgivable.' She said again as if she said just a normal thing.

He shot up in shock and inhaled for breath. He looked around and he didn't understand. She was gone. Then he looked at his legs that were tangled in his sheets. His bed was a mess. He looked around in the dark.

'Gorramit!' He shouted as he punched his fist into the wall hard. 'Can't believe it! Gorramit!!!' He barked as he dropped himself in his pillow again.

A dream ! A stupid dream. He should have known! She would never be like that, do things like that. Not to him anyway. He cursed again. It had felt so real. SO REAL. Now he ached for the woman even more! That damn woman! As if bein' in his head all day long, seein' her all day long, hearin' her all day long ain't enough already! No, she has to invade his unconciouss mind in the middle of the night when he finally has a chance to get some rest! She has to haunt him. And the worst part is that she herself doesn't even know that she is doin' all these things to him!

He jumped out of bed and began to dress himself. It was the middle of the night. He needed to move, to walk. Even his own body was betraying him! How could he dream such a thing! As if he didn't feel bad already. He pasted an angry look on his face as he climbed out of his bunk. The first human bein' he sees and who annoys him will know it!

And this all because he wanted her to be safe.

He was standing on the bridge all of a sudden where he could see her shuttle. She would probably be sleeping now. Peacefully. Serene. She would have forgotten all about him ofcourse. He gave the door an angry look as if that would change anything.

He wondered what the two had been fighting about. Were they still angry with each other? Clearin' the air, Sivella had called it. Was it so easy? Why couldn't Inara clear the air with him? Damn woman.

Inara's shuttle

Inara smiled softly as she had given herself the opportunity to fantasize about Mal, just shortly. No one would find out. Maybe that would get her to sleep.

She would laugh at a joke Mal made. Sometimes he did have funny jokes. Not always. But sometimes, she thought wearily. He would give her a warm look and she would notice the dimple in his cheek. She loved that dimple and the wrinkles that lit up his face. She imagined how she would touch those wrinkles next to his mouth. And foolishly enough she wanted to feel that dimple in his cheek. It would probably feel soft she imagined. She felt something fluttering in her stomach. He would take her hand and would kiss it as his warm gaze would look at her. The thought alone made her feel so nice, so wanted. He would love her. That would feel so good. Suddenly they were lying in his bed and she bended over him as her hand caressed his cheek. She would rip off his blouse quickly, o this was getting really interesting! She had seen his naked body before, in the desert, his chest would be-

'Just stand up and do it.' Sivella muttered.

Sivella's voice ripped Inara from her wonderfully, warm fantasy. She opened her eyes shortly and stared at Sivella's dark form. She still talked in her sleep obviously, Inara thought annoyed as she turned on her other side again.

Yes, she should apologise for her behaviour. She wished that she could go to him right now, but he would be sleeping. He was probably in a deep sleep. In a peaceful slumber. She only wished that she herself could get some deep sleep! This night felt like a never ending one!

And I will talk to Mal tomorrow. First thing in the morning, Inara promised herself.

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