okay so here you go, and by the way the first two chapter for the next GaaMatsu story of mine is out...I know that i said i would wait, but i want to see what kind of reaction i get you know just to see if the story is even worth writing. so anyway enjoy.

Chapter 12

Music boomed from speakers placed around the large room, and neon lights flashed into the eyes of the dancers. The black interior was lit up by the green, blue, red, and yellow flashes, making the place look enjoyable. A place to let go. . . A place where you could be yourself. If only I could. I stood at the entrance, tense, beside Kiba who had a forced grin on his face.

We had decided to question Shikamaru a bit. Just to see what he knew, and if he did know anything. . .well we hadn't gotten that far since we were hoping that he didn't know. Maybe, just maybe, luck could be with me this time. I wasn't betting anything though. It seemed since the moment I stepped over the threshold of that school, my life had been a downward spiral. Perks every now then of course, like seeing Gaara without a shirt, sharing a room with Gaara, talking to Gaara. . .I'm a sad little person aren't I. I need a hobby. Of course I tell myself that all the time, but it seems that my only hobby is talking to myself.

"Mat. Come on, we're going to find a table." Kiba yelled over the blaring music. "Make sure to get a seat next to Shika, alright?" He whispered as he leaned down toward me. I nodded with a grim expression.

I hastened my steps until I was an arm's length away from Shikamaru and Temari. Though Shika is three years younger than Temari, he has her beat in height. He looks about two maybe three inches taller than her, making him seem older. I think he liked that he was taller. The genious probably did something with his bone structure to make him grow. It would suit a smarty like him to pull a thing like that.

They picked a large booth in the back corner, away from the crowd, that would allow all of us to sit together. It was a half moon shape, with a table positioned in the middle. It had red cushions on the seats and backrests, comfy. Temari slid in, to where she was on the outside, Shikamaru followed, trailed by me and Kiba. Hinata sat next to Kiba with Sakura, Naruto, Kankurou, Tenten, next and Gaara positioned on the outside, across from his sister, and vertical to me. I think if I moved my foot a little, I could feel his next to mine... Yep, it was his. I glanced under the table at his black shoe, and grinned a little.

"So after we order drinks, are we going to dance?" Sakura asked as her emerald eyes shined dramatically at Naruto. He blinked, and his foxy grin split his face.

"Hell yeah!" Tenten crowed as she pumped her fist in the air. Kankurou smirked from his place next to her. "Of course." he agreed.

"I d-d-don't know." Hinata stuttered, her pearl eyes wide with nervousness.

"I'm here Hinata." Kiba murmurmed warmly in her ear. Her frame relaxed a fraction, but her eyes were still wide, and scared.

"I don't care what you guys do, but i'm dancing after my first drink gets here." Temari said pointedly and elbowed Shikamaru in the ribs when his head slumped toward the table. I started to wonder if he could sleep anywhere.

A young blonde femal waitress walked up then with a tray in hand, and various drinks balancing on it's surface. "What would you like?" she asked brightly. I watched as her eyes skimmed over our group. They seemed happy and excited, then seemed to dance as her green orbs came to a stop. I followed her gaze, to see what had made her so. . . Was she being flirty?

My onyx orbs followed her flirtous gaze, and I choked on my breath. No. No, no, no, NO NO NO! She couldn't possibly be looking. . .not like that . . .not at him. . . that was impossible! She wasn't. . .She wouldn't . . .She was older than him. . .than all of us! She wouldn't be. . .leering at him. . .like he was something she could eat. . . She wasn't leaning toward him. . .not while pushing out her chest like that. . . no, she wasn't licking her lips. . .this was all a bad dream! SHE WAS NOT FLIRTING WITH GAARA!

"I want water!" I yelled at her as she advanced toward the oblivious red head. Gaara flicked his jade eyes to mine at my tone, and then looked back done at the napkin on the table.

She jerked upright, and glared at me from across the table. "Okay. Anything else?" she asked stiffly. My onyx eyes sparked with anger, and I mentally jabbed at her over and over again with a rusty knife.

"Yes. A new waitress." I answered icily. She sniffed and moved her eyes to everyone else at the table. "What can I get you guys." she asked.

"Um, I'll have a sake." Kankurou grinned.

"I'm not draggin your drunk ass back to the rooms." Gaara glared at his older brother.

"Heh, I don't think I'll be going back to school tonight." he gave his most perverted smile, and I felt bile rise in my throat. I grimaced and looked at Temari who was making puking noises as she stuck her finger in her mouth.

Tenten rolled her eyes and looked at our waiter. "Just a coke please."

"Actually that's what we'll all have." Kiba spoke up.

"Hey! I want sake." Kankurou whined.

"Fine, but no one else is getting drunk. I don't want to be expelled when graduation is just around the corner."

Everyone nodded in agreement with Kiba's statement and I gave him a satisfied smile. He stared back at me with an odd expression. Like he wanted to tell me something, but not at the current moment, surrounded by people. An uneasy feeling settled in the pit of my stomach. Whatever he had to say, I had the creeping feeling that I wouldn't like it. At all.

"Hey Mat, why don't you help me find a good place for us all to dance. With two of us, it won't take as long." he offered, but I could clearly hear the demand underneath. Just great. His black eyes were sharp, warning me to say 'no'. I didn't have much of a choice, what if it was important? Something I might regret later, but important.

With a sigh, I nodded and followed him out of the booth. Kami please, let this be something that I can handle and have an answer for. Or maybe I was just over thinking this. And wait a second, wasn't I supposed to be questioning Shikamaru? What was Kiba doing?! He was messing up the plan he helped make! The idiot, what was going on in his peanut sized brain? He was just asking for a beating.

I continued to grumble in my head as I followed him to a corner by the bar and leaned his elbow on the counter. He stared at me for a minute, and then turned to the bartender.

"Two shots of sake." Kiba ordered.

"What are doing? I thought that you didn't want anyone to get drunk?" I inquired as I watched the bartender prepare the drinks.

"I have a feeling i'm going to need them." he muttered back.

I cocked my head to the side and watched as he accepted the drinks, and swirled his forefinger on the opening of the glass. Something was bothering him, and he was having the toughest time getting it out. I moved closer to him and sat on the stool beside his own.

"Kiba, what's going on? Are you worried about Shikamaru knowing?" I asked.

"Well, that and. . ." he trailed off.

I waited to see if he would continue. When it was obvious he wasn't going to finish I spoke in and agitated voice, "If you don't tell me then there is no way I can help you."

He rolled one of his eyes to look at me, then gazed back at the fire water in his shot glass. "I've been thinking." he said in a serious tone.

"Okay. What about?"

He sighed heavily and locked gazes with my own. "Your friends with us all aren't you? I mean, you wouldn't brake us up would you?"

"The hell! You think I would do that to you guys! What kind of person do you think I am?! I would never do that!" I yelled at him.

He looked a bit relieved, and a small grin came on to his face. "So you don't like Naruto then?"

I stared dumbly at him. Naruto? Me? Like? All three words didn't register in my brain. How...could...he think...I...LIKED NARUTO! DID I STARE AT NARUTO? DID I WISH EVERY SECOND OF EVERY DAMNED DAY THAT HE WOULD TALK TO ME? DID I WATCH AS HE STARED OUT WINDOWS? DID I WISH THAT I COULD UNDERSTAND HIM? DID I WISH THAT FOR ONE SECOND HE WOULD KNOW THE REAL ME AND NOT THE PERSON ACTING A FRAUD IN A PLACE SHE DIDN'T HAVE ANY BUSINESS IN? DID I HOPE THAT ONE DAY HE WOULD KNOW ME FOR WHO I AM AND RETURN THE BURNING FEELING THAT WAS EVER PRESENT IN MIND AND BODY WHEN I WAS NEAR HIM? NARUTO?? NO! IT WAS GAARA DAMN IT! GAARA!

I wanted to explode. I wanted to scream. I wanted to yell. . . I wanted to cry. For the first time in the months I had been at this school, I wanted cold tears to run from my dark eyes. Wanted them to fall and take away the stress and aggrivation that was eating me from the inside out. If only I could rememeber how to let them rain down...

"No. I don't like Naruto, Kiba." I said bleakly.

I reached in front of him and grabbed both shots of sake, not even listening to his protests, and chugged both down in one breath. It burned. It felt like fire running down my throat, and I grimaced as I faced Kiba again.

"You question Shikamaru. I'll be back later." without further explanation, I turned away from him and walked toward the door.

I didn't really know what I was doing. I didn't know where I was going. I just knew that I wanted something. Freedom. To be free from the web of lies I lived. The lies that criss crossed my path and tangled my feet with each step in the right direction I wanted to take. I was stuck. And I didn't know how to get out. How. Why. The two constant companions in my head. Always how and why.

How was I going to get through this. How was I going to do this without hurting someone in the process. Why was I doing this. Why didn't I just show them what I was and be done with it. The answer was simple.

Because the feelings I got from them. Acceptance. For the first time in my seventeen years, I was accepted. No matter how abstract the acceptance was, it was still there. It was real. The best gift an orphan could recieve. They had given it to me. And I wasn't ready to give it up yet. I wasn't willing.

Lies. It was all lies. Everything I was, everything I am. A lie. I am a lie.

I didn't know how I got there, but I was suddenly standing next to Kiba's car. The red convertible had it's hood down, exposing it's contents, which wasn't much. Just old papers, and a black bag. I stepped into the car and closed the hood after pressing a button. I knew what was in that bag. It was Hinata's bag, after she stayed the night at Sakura's house. Her overnight bag.

I think the sake was taking over my system, because I didn't really pay attention much to what I was doing. I was only half aware of the fact that, in that bag was an escape. An escape from the lie I had been living. A way to finally be who I am. A way to show everyone else, without really telling them who I am. I wanted to see how they would react to Matsuri. Not Mat. I wanted to see if they would connect to the real me.

It was time for Matsuri to come out. Mat would have to wait until the night was over. I reached into the black bag and pulled out a red tanktop that exposed middriff, and a pair of light jeans that had rips, almost cat-like, on the thighs and back pockets. Both articles of clothing still adorned their tags, and somewhere in my intoxicated mind, I laughed at how Hinata accepted the obscene clothes Sakura insisited on buying her.

I really couldn't hold my liquor good...Then again, maybe I was sober, and I just wanted this to much to pass it up. Who knows. I did know, however, that I was going to finally get what I had been wishing for. A way to let loose. Maybe this club did let everyone who entered have a way to get away from it all.

Even me.

yeah yeah i know i didn't put shikamaru in there about his question and all but it's coming up...along with a dancing Matsuri! DUN DUN DUNNNNN! anyway review and don't forget to check out my other story. Call ORPHANED ALPHA!!