Chapter 19

I was seething. Mad beyond the point of clear thinking, rage boiling in my veins and rushing through me. I could hear a little voice in the back of my head whispering Go on, you know you want to. Just do it. Give in. It was tempting, more than it should be.

If it wasn't for everyone around me, I would have already committed murder and be hauled off to prison. That bitch. That blonde haired, green eyed, skinny, anerexic, slutty excuse of a female. More than anything I wanted my hands to wrap around her perfect throat and just...just throttle that woman!

We had come from breakfast not to long ago. Humoring Naruto mostly, and had arrived at the mall to help the girls shop for their dresses. Aside from trying my hardest to keep my eyes away from the silent red-head that was so near, yet so far away, the morning had gone by fine.

That is, until we had to meet the 'date' that Sakura had planned for Gaara.

She was the biggest flirt I had ever met, and she was all over him! I swear I thought at one point she was going to let her gigantic boobs fly out her shirt from leaning so far over, stretching the material of her shirt to a point that it was defying modern science! In the last five minutes of watching her grovel at Gaara's feet, I have planned over twenty ways to kill this female.

"Oh, Gaara," I gagged at her high pitched giggle that followed her nasal voice. "You are so funny!"

For fucks sake, he didn't even say anything dammit!

Rolling my eyes, I glanced at the male to my right who had the blonde imp hanging off his arm as he walked. I would have laughed out loud, but he shot me a warning glare that caught the laugh in my throat.

He looked miserable, to say the least. His eyes were tight, showing his irratation, and his mouth was set in a firm hard line. He was humoring her, like we had done with Naruto for breakfast, for Sakura's sake...Oh, how much I wanted to shove that little blonde out of a window.

Control. I had to continuoulsy remind myself of the much needed control. Why was it so hard? I had trained myself through two months of torture, this shouldn't be so hard, but my God, it was, is.

"Hey, Mat, did any of the guys set you up with a girl yet?" Tenten asked nonchantaly as they walked past a few more shops.

It took me a moment before I realized she was talking to me. "Ah, no. I don't think i'm going." I replied in a detached voice as I spotted a nicely made sword displayed in a window not to far away. A sadistic smile broke across my face before I could contain it as I leered at the sword. Oh the damage that could be done to that blonde hussy hanging off Gaara's arm with that thing.

Bumping into a peeved Tenten brought me out of my daze, and I looked blankly back at her. "What?" I asked innocently.

"What do you mean you're not going to go to prom? The hell you are!" she growled. I leaned backwards, away from her death glare and glanced helplessly at the first pair of eyes I could find. Gaara.

He stared back at me with a look that clearly stated,'You're going, and you're going to suffer with the rest of us who don't want to go.'

"Eeyah!" Sakura squealed as she jumped next to Tenten, knocking me off balance and stumbling backwards. "We can help Mat pick out a girl here at the mall! The perfect date!" Her bright smile of self-accomplishment almost blinded me.

Dammit. I didn't want to go on date...Well I did, but not with a random girl that was desperate enough for a male that looked like a girl to drag her to a prom. I wanted a red-head that was at this moment getting tormented by a sleezy blonde.

"Eh...Umm, no thanks Sakura. I don't think -"

"Nonsense! You're just a little shy, but that's what we are here for." the pinkette jabbed a thumb at herself and the grinning females behind her. I looked desperatly at Gaara. He mirrored my expression and glanced sideways at the 'thing' hanging from him. Shit, we were both in our own private hell.

I sighed and fixed my ebony eyes on the grinning female before me. "Look, I'm not going okay? I need to catch up on my school work anyway."

Sakura frowned and her usually bright emerald eyes darkened to an impressive shade of forest green. I almost flinched from her glare, but I was already used to Gaara's death looks so it didn't affect me to much.

"You are practically a genius. You are in some of the most advanced classes, and you always do your work. You have absolutly no catch-up work to do. Your. Are. Going." she said the last part slowly.

"You know Mat," everyone turned there attention to Kankurou who was looking at me strangly. "I've never seen you with a girl...Are.." he trailed off and I knew what was coming. I just wish I knew how to stop it. "Are you gay?"

A pregnant silence enveloped us, and I glanced quickly around. Kiba stood next to Kankurou, his mouth open and eyes bugged, staring openly at the male next to him. Shikamaru was leaning against a pole beside Temari with an expression of lazy aggrivation. Gaara was still beside me, and his eyes were tight with annoyance as he glared at his brother.

Everyone else was staring at me with the same expression of shock and...suspicion. Even the rat that was hanging on to Gaara, was now looking at me with an expression of surprise and apprehension.

"No, I'm not gay Kankurou." I growled. "I just don't want to go to the damn prom. Now I'm going to the bookstore. I'll catch up with you guys later." I gave a half wave, and turned on my heel to walk to my destination without a backward glance.

I heard them murmuring behind me, and I hunched my shoulders as I sped up and rounded the corner that led down another path lined with shops. Once out of range of their voices, I sighed in relief. Everything was getting so confusing.

It suprised me that I had lasted as long as I had, and in the back of my jumbled mind I was wondering how much longer I could last. I also wandered how long it would take for the remaining people that I called my friends to find out the truth that Kiba, Shikamaru and Gaara now knew. And what their reactions would be.

I stepped into the bookstore and breathed in the scent of pages covered in writing that was just waiting to be opened and devoured by hungry eyes. Sighing, it didn't take me long to walk to the back of the store where no one would be able to bother me.

Back here I could be alone. Give me time to think, because I was thinking about something that could have a big impact on the rest of my days here at the school. Though there wasn't much time left, I knew that if I didn't make a decision it could hurt me later on.

I grabbed a random book off a shelf and sat down to pretend that I was reading when in truth, I was brooding.

I went over the pro's and con's in my head. Over and over again, begging for an answer to just jump out and slap me. But of course, it was never that simple.

The decision that I needed to make was to either tell everyone my secret and deal with the reaction, or not tell and live the rest of my life not knowing what would have happened and regreting not letting them know the real me.

I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding and glared down at the book in my hands. If my life was a story, I could write it anyway I wanted, I thought angerily. I could change the end to a way that suited me and have a happy ending. If only life was so simple.

"Excuse me, sir. The store is about to close." a clerk said in a bored tone as he gazed down at me. I sighed and stood, placing the book back on the shelf I stalked back out of the store. And still no closer to a decision. The only thing I could think was, if there is anyone up there looking down on me now, they must really hate me and like to see me suffer.

sorry for it being so short. Next chapter will be longer. Now, do you think Matsuri should tell everyone that she is in fact a female? Dun-dun-dun! Review please!