I do not own Twilight or any of it's wonderful characters. They are the creative works of Stephanie Meyers. Please help me out with reviews, improvement suggestions, ideas your input would be great.

Jacob: One more day baby and you'll be my wife.

Mia: I can't wait to be Mrs. Jacob Black.

Jacob and Mia: I wonder where the honey moon is going to be, I don't know if

I can make it threw the reception with out him/her.

Mia laid in bed at her house as Alice and Bella made breakfast for the kids. She was not allowed to do anything but rest today they wanted to make sure she would be okay for the secrete Batchlorette party Rosalie had planned with Leah at Mia's house.

RING RING RING

" Hello." Mia said with a tear voice.

" How's my fuckin sexy Baby momma?" Jacob made a smile appear on her face.

" Confined to my bed with nothing to do, horny as hell missing you." Mia said.

" Awe babe you rhymed." Jacob said. " I feel your pain trust me, I'm like walking around half the time with a fuckin' tree in my pants."

" Mmm Sounds inviting." Mia giggled. " Sorry trying to keep a clean mind here."

" Sure Sure good luck with that." Jacob snickered. " Are your nipples hard yet?"

" Jacob." Mia pulled up her covers. " I'm not having phone sex again with you. We can control ourselves for at least 24 hours."

" Babe they are getting a stripper." Jacob said. " Quil couldn't hide shit in that wolf brain of his. I saw the whole plan."

" Doesn't mean you'll do anything." Mia said.

" I don't want them thinking she did this to me, its always you." Jacob groaned. " Go let me in we can get a quicky. Please baby I'll do that thing you like."

" Ohhh godddd." Mia opened her window and hung up the phone as Jacob popped in the window. She locked the door and they got at it.

" I've missed Little Jakey." Mia moaned.

" Mia honey are you hungry?" Bella asked.

" No I'm still trying to sleep." Mia bit her lip as Jacob pressed deep in her causing her to buck her hips.

" Okay, ah let me know when you are. Morning Jake." Bella giggled softly.

" Hey Bells beat it." Jacob whispered. " Damn Vamp sinces."

" Shut up and concentrate okay." Mia tossed him over.

" Damn someone's been eating her Wheaties." Jacob said.

" It's you baby you make me move mountains." Mia giggled.

A couple hours later Jacob said good bye as the guys started calling his cell phone. He jumped out of the window.

" See you at the alter Mr. Black." Mia leaned out the window.

" See you there last time I call you Miss Cullen." Jacob hopped on his bike and headed home.

" Ugh the smell you two I swear." Rosalie grinned and went into the bathroom and made a warm bath for Mia. " Come on time to start getting you ready for tonight."

" What are your plans?" Mia undressed and got in the warm tub.

" Well I thought we would start out in Port Angeles at that restaurant that you like, then come back here for a lingerie party. I have a couple of girls bringing over things and toys all kinds of fun stuff then ah well I got you a male stripper." Rosalie said.

" Nooo those guys are nasty. The only guy I want grinning his gear on me is Jacob." Mia cringed.

" This one is tasteful." Rosalie grinned I promise.

" I'll kill you if you talked Emmett into doing this." I looked at her. " OH MY GOD ROSALIE!!!!!!ALICE BELLA!!"

" What is it?" They ran in together.

" Rose talked Emmett into being my striper thats just wrong he's my brother, ugh the thought I don't think I'll have sex ever again." Mia shuttered.

" Ah my work is done." Rose smiled. " No honey I'm just kidding no stripper, but I did get it out of my loving husband what the pack is planning and it happens to be at that little strip club just out side of PA."

" Hey I have an idea, I know Leah will go with it." Mia grinned. Around six o'clock all of the girls got there and Sue took the kids to Charlie's for the night. " Thanks Sue, Braden you be a good boy no biting, no screaming and no being Daddy, you be good and Aunt Rosalie will get you a present when mommy and Daddy are gone."

" Really you want me to watch him?" Rosalie grinned.

" If you don't mind, I think you've grown enough to understand." Mia smiled.

" Thank you." Rosalie picked up Braden. " Auntie will buy you a pony?"

" nope I want a motorcycle like Daddy." Braden made sounds with his mouth and he ran out the door.

"Essie, hop on my bike baby."

" Oh god he's heard Jacob." Mia blushed.

" I've never heard him say that to you?" Alice said.

" Hopefully not." Mia looked at Rosalie.

All the girls loaded into the big hummer limo that they rented and drove to the restaurant and ate. Most of the girls drank a little too much as well.

" I think we need to go crash the party." Kim giggled.

" You know they're not getting Jacob a stripper, Quil told them everything so Sam and Embry made arrangements to take him to that strip club." Leah said.

" Yeah we know Emmett spilled it when Rose was." Mia made a Blow Job sign.

" What? Do you think Blood is the only thing we suck." Rosalie giggled with Bella and Alice.

" Rosalie." Esme shook her head.

" Mom chill or I'm going to slip some extocy into your next Deer." Mia smiled. " You're not our mother tonight."

" Yeah Esme your one of the girls." Leah smiled.

" Why thank you Leah." Esme smiled. " You know Carlisle took Edward and Emmett to a strip club once. The boys bought him a lap dance. I gave the girl a $100 and I was the striper."

" Mom, you're brilliant!!!" Mia looked at the girls.

Meanwhile at the Bachelor party. Jake and the guys are at some random bar getting hammered.

" Lets hit the club." Sam stood up and high fived Edward.

" Club? Here?" Jacob asked.

" Shut up just come on lets go see naked chicks." Embry stumbled.

" Yeah big tittie ones." Quil stumbled into Emmett. " Damn your fuckin big."

" Yeah thats what Rose says every night." Emmett laughed.

" Boys please." Carlisle said.

" Come on Doc. Fang get a little loose don't be the dad tonight be more of the less responsible big brother." Jacob hung his big arm around his neck. " We'll find you a naughty nurse hows that."

" You are marring my daughter remember." Carlisle smiled as Jacob turned all mushy about Mia.

" Yep, I'm marring the most wonderful, beautiful, hot, sexy, woman of my wet dreams." Jacob pulled out his phone. " Hey Eddy look, your sister has a tramp stamp with my name. I should get one. I'm so messed up I don't even remember my name."

" Thats a good one Jake." Edward and Emmett were rolling as they all piled in the limo to the strip club.

"Ladies they have arrived" The bouncer came in.

" Thanks." Mia placed her mask on.

" Damn little red riding hood has never looked hotter." Bella giggled.

" Little BO peep show." Mia laughed.

" Really girls a naughty nurse?" Esme laughed.

" I like mine." Alice floated around in a fairy costume.

" I think mine is Purr fict." Kim walked out as a cat.

" Not as good as what Sam's tomahawk is going to feel like after little miss Pocahontas is done with him." Mia gave Emily the thumbs up.

" Lions and tigers and Bears oh my." Rosalie giggled coming out as naughty Dorthy.

" well I'm going to shake up my hot headed little devil." Rachael fixed her halo.

" Great I get Embry and Quil. Oh well Embry couldn't hand all this alone." Leah giggled as she walked out as a cowgirl.

" Ride me baby ride me." Mia giggled.

" HEY WERES THE CHICKS!!!!" Embry yelled.

Then they started playing Cowboy from Kid rock. Leah grabbed Emily and They went out Dancing in front of Embry Quil and Sam. When that song was over Kim and Rachael walked out to Loosen up my buttons and Alice, Rosalie, Esme, and Bella joined. The whole time Edward sat with a huge smile as the girls started giving the guys lap dances and Embry and Quil and Paul were worried about Jacob who was locked on Little red riding hood in the shadows.

" Wow now those are some boobs." Jacob choked. The music changed to to that old song

Little red riding hood by Bowling for soup

Owoooooooo!
Who's that I see walkin' in these woods?
Why, it's Little Red Riding Hood.
Hey there Little Red Riding Hood,
You sure are looking good.
You're everything that a big bad wolf would want.

Jacob was shaking as Mia walked to the poll and took off her hood and tossed it at him. Edward

was laughing as he started groping Bella.

" Dude." Sam whispered.

" It's my wife I'm good, you better worry about yours." Edward whispered in his ear and Sam became unfrozen and started grabbing Emily.

" What the hell is he thinking, he's marring Miriam and ready to jump this this little tramp." Carlisle hissed.

" Easy now lover why don't we go to the back and play Doctor, you can show me that stethoscope." Esme hissed in his ear. " That is your daughter sweetie."

" Esme?" He looked her up and down.

" The girls did it." She pulled him to a privet room.

What big eyes you have,
The kind of eyes that drive wolves mad.
So just to see that you don't get chased
I think I ought to walk with you for a ways.

What full lips you have.
They're sure to lure someone bad.
So until you get to grandma's place
I think you ought to walk with me and be safe.

I'm gonna keep my sheep suit on
Until I'm sure that you've been shown
That I can be trusted walking with you alone.
Owoooooooo!

Mia was down to he bra, panties and guarder belt with thigh highs when she strattled Jacob and tried to kiss him.

" Awe come on Be a Big.....Bad..... Wolf." Mia licked his ear. She changed her voice to have a seductive European sound. Jacob grabbed her hips and tossed her back to the stage.

" Ah yeah your hot and all but I love my girl and this just ain't gonna happen." Jacob looked around and saw the guys making out with the girls. Except for Quil who was passed out.

" What the hell guys." Jacob looked around.

" Jake ah duh." Bella pulled off her mask.

" Awe baby that was so sweet." Mia pulled off her mask. " You didn't even notice the bump."

" Honey." Jacob grinned.

" I got to go can't see me after midnight. Love you." Mia kissed him and they all ran to the dressing room and went to the limo.

" Where is Esme?" Bella asked.

" ah her and Carlisle ran home." Alice giggled. " I'm glad the kids aren't there she broke the dining room table."

" Owwwwooooooooo, go mom." Mia yelled.....