A.N: Robbie is cheerful, but he has his inner jerk that he holds onto for later on. I did take your comment about Colt, this scene didn't go this way at all so thank you so much because I was seconds away from finishing the first half then going into a weeks worth of writers block *frightened shiver*. Tum tum's thoughts will be in the next chapter because I'm still trying to work them out with wording. But thank you guys for the reviews, you're my best verbal readers. hahaha. I take away from a lot of cultures too and my higher power is simply the word of 'if its not bothering me, good for you' if its the type of thing that does bug me I simply ask you not to talk about it around me and we'll always be cool. It may sound selfish or whatever but I would never talk about something that bugs someone else if they were passionate about not wanting to hear about it or talk about so I expect the same respect.

I mentioned the punching bag thing from you 3ninjafan I never noticed it myself and laughed when I did. Thank you for the comment. Enjoy the chapter!!!

.................

February 2nd.

'Its weird what happened after Rocky's screaming fit on Christmas.' Thinks Robbie as he looks over to said male whose head is lowered from having his attention on his study books. Robbie is also studying hard, not knowing what else to do with himself, though, he has to admit that its nice to focus and think about something involving the rest of his life rather than just getting through college and winging it. He's pretty sure he's going to go into accounting for a firm. He likes numbers fairly enough, or maybe a publishing place. Rocky wants to be a writer as well as a detective maybe he'll do both and he can read everything the blond love of his life works on. Yeah, publishing it is. 'Rocky screamed for so long and so loud that his voice actually broke, he sputtered into blood flecked coughs that soon choked into sobs. He asked me, in a voice barely there and shaking, to help him breathe. He was literally sufficating and needed me to give him air to be well enough to ask me 'why is this happening to me?' I didn't know what to tell him, it was only later on that I actually pieced together what his broken voice had said. I don't know why it happened to him but I know it pissed me off to no end. How could his own parents do something like that to him: yell at him, belittle him, make him feel as though he's worthless because he likes me in a relationship way. Its retarded to think that love and care for someone goes out the window just because they disobey you. Not only retarded but scary as well. The rest of the month Rocky said nothing, not to me, not to them, not to anyone. His silence stretched into and through January. The silence was worrying, the silence was sad. But he made a point to show that he wasn't mad at me or anyone. He smiled and nodded to greetings from people, he kissed and cuddled with me but he refused to talk. It was as if he's just shut himself off and his family is in charge of the switch to turn him back on. Tum Tum called a few times, I was shocked that Rocky just looked at his phone to see whom it was before returning to what he was doing, so every time Tum called he sent it to me instead. I asked why and how he even got my number and he told me that he has a lot of people's numbers incase of emergencies. I was flattered to be someone's just-incase call.'

Rocky cleared his throat.

'Tum wanted to ask how Rocky was doing and give an update on the family. All I could say was that he was ok, I asked him and he nodded. Tum said that their mother was a wreck and that their father is so furious he's pretty much attacking anyone and anything in site.'

"Robbie?" He says in a tired unused voice. "I've been thinking."

Robbie looked at his boyfriend as if that were the understatement of the year. "What about?"

"I can't think of any way to get my parents to see that you and I, is between you and I. I can't think of a way to make them take me back without having to break up with you."

Cocking a brow, he sits up. "Sooo, that meeeaans?" He stretched his words as if he were waiting to be cut off so he'd be told wrong about Rocky wanting to break up with him.

"It means that if I'm no longer worth it to them to love regardless my sex life, than they're not worth it to break up with you just to make them happy. I'm sick of making everyone else happy, its time to focus on me now. I'm 21 years old, I should be happy, not miserable and depressed."

"Yea- wait, are you depressed?"

Rocky shakes his head.

"Oh, good. That's some serious stuff."

Smiling, Rocky says good humouredly. "I know, right? What would you even do? You're terrible with serious situations." He laughs.

Robbie laughed as well, it took over him hearing Rocky laugh again. Said male sits himself up into a better position scooting over to the side of the bed where Robbie is seated. Reaching out a hand he holds his lovers chin twisting his head back and forth inspecting his face for something. Blushing Robbie asks.

"What?"

"I don't know, I almost forgot what you looked like when you're not all banged up."

Robbie snickers before leaning forward to steal a kiss from the blond. "Me too. Man, your dad hits really hard, but I took it like a pro- you know I could probably get a job as a punching bag at the gym."

Huffing, Rocky releases the male's face. At least being at school has become more pleasant. His talk with Darren really helped, niether he nor his goon friends have bothered him or Robbie. He had to wonder if Darren would again. Nothing more frightening then knowing your enemies pain. You only ever see yourself until someone puts you in their shoes and shows you another, not so fun, place. Holding out a hand he reaches for Robbie's taking it into his own, his thumb caresses the rough flesh of his lovers hand. He has a few rough patches of his own from handling weapons and such for summers long. He had to wonder how a dainty guy like Robbie could have the hands of a man- unless... releasing his lovers hand he says quietly.

"You're disgusting."

"How?"

"I train as a ninja, fight with weapons and such... and yet you have strong hands from doing.....?"

"I work out! I've told you before!" He says blushing from only guessing at what he's being accused of. "You know those things that you squeeze? I have two of them and I squeeze them to relieve stress." Shoving the male he retorts to the earlier comment with. "Creep."

"Hey, I don't know you're personal time." Rocky defends himself from a tossed pillow, easily swatting it away.

"Well ask me next time." He turns his nose up, pouting sadly. "You're always so quick to hurt my feelings."

"You don't have feelings."

"I do so." He crawls to the top of the bed, shoving Rocky down he rests himself on top of him. "Really, though," He says getting his erious voice. "I have to ask you what you wanna do about us?"

"Why? I already told you that I want us to be together."

"But can you mean that? In the long run, you and I.... who knows if this will last and isn't just some passing great time. Your family is your whole life."

"And now they're nothing, just like I'm nothing to them." After a thought he adds. "minus Tum and Grandpa, although, I haven't talked to him about it, I'm sure mom or dad got their hooks into him."

"Rocky, I've-.." He's cut off by a knock at the door.

"Who's that?" Rocky pushes the male on the shoulder telling him to scoot over. Walking to the door he pulls it open. "Hi. What's up?"

"This is for you." The Deans secretary hands him an envelope. Her face is unreadable.

"Thank you." He says to her retreating form.

Curious, Robbie asks. "What is it?"

"I don't know." Tearing it open he reads it quickly then slowly, then again. "Are you kidding me?"

"What?" Walking over to him he looks over Rocky's shoulder. "Your being kicked out of our room?"

"My parents aren't paying for my room anymore," He shrugs. "I guess its only natural that I'm kicked out of it. I've got ten days before its reassigned." He places the letter back into its envelope.

Drawn back Robbie is expecting another screaming fit. "Are you... ok?"

"......Yeah."

"Good, I mean... is it good?"

"Yeah. I'll just... find someplace else to stay."

"Where?"

Rocky shakes his head. "I don't know."

"Hey, I'll ask my parents to pay double, that way you can-..."

"Are you nuts? I can't ask you to do that and I won't."

"But why not? My parents adore you, Hell they'd let me get throw me out sooner than they'd let you."

"I'm not going to accept it, sorry. But, I can fight my own battles and this is just another one of those. I'll be fine."

Shaking his head, Robbie sighs, defeated. "Fine. But wherever you go, I'm going with you. We'll get a job and live together like an old married couple- we'll drink cold tea and talk about the good old days when bread was a dime or something." He watches miserably as his lover walks to the closet gathering his things. "Break up with me... please?"

"So now you're abandoning me too?"

"No way. I just know when enough is enough and this is enough, so let's give in and just be friends."

"Fuck you." He snubs Robbie's worried face. "I'm gonna start being that guy- you remember, the one that shrugs off other peoples shitty ignorance and stupidity."

Robbie scoffed at that knowing that Rocky only resorted to potty mouth when truly angry or when they're just playing but he can tell this is one of those times when they're not playing. "I should be flattered that breaking up with me pisses you off that much but you're being unreasonable. You're gonna struggle and that's gonna hinder your education, Rocky, you're going places, I'm not. You keep the room under my name. I'll move out, I'll get two jobs and get a place and life will be sweet- no homework."

Giving Robbie a solid hug, he then kisses the male. "You are so not getting out of this relationship that easily. I have to go, alright. Goodbye." He opens the door, closing it after his departure.

Shoulders slumped, Robbie staggers back to the bed dropping down onto it heavily. "Dammit." He says quietly and after a moment the only thing else he could think to say is. "Dammit."

................

Colt is in his single room, head down, books open, studying- or at least, he's trying to. But he can't seem to get past writing out his older brother's name on the paper. He's not sure if he's on the verge of writing his brother a letter or just trying to put order to the thoughts in his head of what to say to him when he sees him. He hasn't seen his older brother since the blowout and Tum Tum is officially not speaking to him. The only people on his side are his parents and well, they're kind of in a bad place right now, so its not as though he could see them to exchange pleasantries since they're so upset.

'Rocky.... Rocky.... Rocky I....' He reads the words over in his head. 'Rocky, I'm sorry.'

Something that started out so heated and cultivated with its means and point and reasoning seems so weak and flimsy now that its out in the open. Was it really just a game to Colt? Was finally having something to boss his older brother around about really that appealing to Colt that he would make mother cry? Rocky being gay and trying to hide it became his way, his way for him to finally crack the granite that once called itself Samuel, but was defined to more from their grandfather as Rocky. Rocky is actually very appropriate for his brother. He clammed himself inside a rock, he hid his pains and insecurities and from that safety pointed out everyone elses faults and mistakes as though it were a way to gather strength around himself and keep everyone away from the sad and week person inside of himself. But that's rude to think that way. His brother really did have a horrifying and scary life that honestly Colt couldn't deal with if it had been himself. But did Rocky really deal with it? He had Sin to hide behind.

'Damn. How could I have been so stupid.' Colt thinks sincerly in the quiet of the room. 'I.... I wanted to have some way to make Rocky see that he's human just like the rest of the world, that he can hurt and feel pain, that his butting into other peoples lives and relationships is wrong. But maybe I should have just talked to him instead of doing all this. Maggie was right, I've become this monster and I couldn't even see it. Maybe I should have been named 'Monster Destroyer',' He recalls his younger brothers desired ninja name. 'Colt. Hn. Fast and free, spirit of a young wild horse, huh? What's behind that? I'm loose? Maybe Grandpa knows more about us than we do- well, Tum Tum excluded, he may know him but the name doesn't define my brother completely. That little creep is actually somebody underneath all that 'when's dinner?'.' Closing his text book, he sighs. Hazel eyes rest upon a picture of his family. It was from last Spring. Rocky looked happy, he's smiling but in his eyes it seems as though no one is there. He was trying, for all of them, to be back to normal and he seemed to pull it off because Colt didn't notice anything wrong with his brother. But Tum Tum noticed. He kept trying to talk to him about it and he did nothing but brush it off and tell him that as a man Rocky should know what to do and how to handle his sadness and pain. But does he? Rocky's granite to the world, but he can't be granite to himself.

'And when I found that out I chipped away at it until he broke. Until he felt he could have no happiness. I saw him when he left the house that day, he looked as though he were going to sufficate. His eyes read blank. He couldn't even be angry- which is what I wanted. He was just emptied. I didn't want that, I wanted rage and fights, fire and a challenge just to show that- Hell, I don't know, that I could finally beat him but instead... all I got was loneliness and isolation. I unknowingly gave myself my own fears and now what? How do I make it better? I'm better on the fly of emotions not long winded thinking and considering. I am a Colt. I am fast and free and if I'm not free, I'm brash and lash out until I can be.'

A knock on the door called him to attention. Standing he walks to the door turning the knob, pulling it open. To say he was shocked would be an understatement. Robbie Balerini age 21, sophmore in college, personal interet hockey, stands before Colt with bitter accussing eyes. Shoving his way into the room he turns to face Colt when he's sure the male can't shove him out without a fight.

Holding up a hand to silence the words he believes will come, Robbie than speaks. "What is it that you wanted from all of this? Hmm? To hurt your brother? Or maybe you think screwing with other people's lives is funny. Rocky was going to tell your parents about us in his own time and you went and made what was going to be heartfelt and sweet, easy and understandable so there's no fear running through those people's minds, sick and twisted with your ugly, sick, words because that's the point you're taught to know- not to lie down with a man as you would with a woman. Nevermind that I make him smile, laugh, and admit his bottled up pain so that he can last through hard days, all you see is the fucking, its sex; we filthy animals do it because it calms aggitated nerves and man how good it feels too and that's all it is to nearly all the world. So why when someone says, hey I'm gonna be this way with a man does everyone suddenly grow so moral and conscious of this meaning that you will love only one and sleep with only a woman. They miss the 'A' woman part and allow themselves to believe the plural because one isn't enough. Maybe I could be the one for Rocky, maybe not. But don't sit there and have the world turning their nose up at what we have when we're not sleeping together. It isn't dirty, and it isn't sin. Its love and love should be what matters, not your needs to tell someone what's wrong and whip out the good book of ancient times that who knows, might not even have stood any longer in these modern times. Why is the world so close-minded? Why do you think its okay to hurt your brother in order to please someone that says to love everyone?"

Colt swallowed hard but did and said nothing.

Smiling faintly, Robbie actually looked kind of sick before speaking again and he says very softly. "You're cute Colt. Any girl would wet herself if you looked her way and, you know what, any gay guy would too. ...Do you feel better? Did you want to know that? That you're good looking enough to please the male eye? Because this, what you're doing to your brother honestly seems a lot like jealousy and its pointless because," He approaches the male getting close enough to him so he that he can feel his body heat and possibly brush lips with him if the conversation got a little more verbal. "unless you want a man.... why do you care? Only sicko's and psycho's ruin lives for fun- you strike me as neither, so than what is your motive? Have you hated your brother all these years and finally found a way to strike? Or are you just jeaous?"

Colt's blank face then drifted to pissed. How dare this asshole come into his room and talk to him this way. Raising his fist he's again surprised when its grabbed tightly in Robbie's hand right before he's slammed into a wall and pinned there by the male's weight.

"Honestly, you're the worst piece of shit to walk this earth for what you've done. My aunt kidnapped, raped and tormented your brother but she at least was out of her mind, but you, you're sick for fun. You get no status from hurting us, no power over hurting your brother who's already so hurt a tiny gust could blow him over, but you wouldn't know because you can't take your head out of your own ass to see that, to talk to him, to ask him about him. Its only you and your fucked up version of a good time." Robbie eases away from the male calming his voice back to its usual pitch. "Your brother just got evicted today. Who knows where the hell he's gonna now, or what he's gonna do all because you decided to have some fun."

That hurt. Visibly he winced. "Wh-... what am I supposed to do?"

"How the fuck should I know! You're in charge of you, not me. And you're not in charge of anyone else, neither am I... so no, I'm not fighting Rocky's battle for him, I'm just asking why? As well as how? How come people like you are allowed to be happy, are allowed to have gifts and opportunity when the rest of us have to get everything taken away because the rest of us dance to a different beat."

Colt lowers his eyes to the floor, annoyance clear on his face, though, he can't really be sure who or what he's annoyed at. Robbie or his accusations.

"I'm waiting for my answer? I'm waiting for you to tell me that you're jealous, sick or psychotic- take your pick...."

"It isn't any of your business what I feel, or why I do things." Colt snarls.

"You made it my business because you chose to do this to me and your brother." Robbie glares at the male, the icy color of his eyes threatening a coldsnap through the room. "So, Colt who runs his mouth as his emotions fly off the handle, you don't get to choose silence. Answer the question."

Colt bit the inside of his cheek thoughftfully. He really doesn't know, he had only just started really thinking about it himself and then Robbie burst in. What is his answer? What can he say?

"You've lost, Colt; your evil is over and there's nothing left for you to do, so what will you do now?" Robbie smirks knowingly, gloatingly. "You've played your ace in the hole and yet Rocky and I are still together. Now that your game is over? What will you do?" Walking to the door he grabs the knob. "You'll find your answer as to what kind of person you are in that question. So think long and hard about it." Walking out he closes the door in a light thump.

Colt sat heavily on his bed with a feeling as though it would have broken, collapsing to the floor had his mental weight been as heavy as his physical weight. He thought about his brother, he thought about his family, he thouht about Robbie and Darren and Maggie. It all hit him, it all rushed to him util it gathered in his chest like it were going to explode leaving a gaping wound in his chest.

"I'm sick." He whispered into the quiet room. "I'm sick." He repeated as if the word had made no sense the first time. And for the first time in a very long time, Colt honestly cried.

* * *

"Rocky? Are you kidding me?" Andre scoops the blond into his arms, patting his back heartily as he hugs him tightly in his arms.

Chuckling, Rocky gives the male a tap on the shoulder. "Hey, I'm breakable you know."

Laughing cheerfully, the bartender lets him go iviting him in gesture into his home while his mouth runs on about what he's been up to since their parting. The door of safety and care closed behind Rocky as he let himself relax.

"You're kidding? You're gay?" Andre wants a confirmation of what the male was telling him. "But I thought that Sin was the one with the...." He made a gesture of something that looked like dusting.

Cocking a brow Rocky smiles. "He was but, Sin is a part of me... I actually think that I'm mostly him and he's the one that won in the end but... I'm not really gay persay. I'm more just exlusively in love with a guy but no others."

Andre nods as he really understands. "Did you tell your parents?"

"More like they were told and now everything has blown up around me and... I don't know, they hate me. They kicked me out of my home and now I've been asked to leave the dorm at school... that's why I came here. I wanna know if you'll help me out for a little bit."

"You wanna stay here, with me and the woman and my kid?"

"I won't be a trouble; I'll sleep on the couch and cook and clean. I'm a very good house guest."

"I don't doubt you but... Rocky, I can't and it kills me because you're a friend of mine and I wanna help you the best I can."

"Thanks for that."

"How 'bout I get you a room over the bar? We can have it cleaned and get a key just for you so you don't have to worry about it being used."

Rocky seemed beyond grossed at that idea, knowing what went on in there with men and himself alike. "Not a good idea." Sighing he says. "I'll just get a hotel until I can get enough for a cheap apartment."

Emotionally punched, he touches the male's shoulder. "If you'd like I can get you a job as a bartender at the club. They love me there, they'll take my recommendation for you."

The idea of working at Sin's hangout was wrong in so many ways, but it wasn't sleeping there and he could still go to school in the morning. He was out of options for this short notice so he had no choice. "Thank you. I'll come by with the address of the place I'm staying when I find one. Let me know what your boss says?"

"Okay."

"Let me see your phone." He takes it punching his number in. "Call me anytime, even if its to just say hello."

"Thanks. I will."

Standing, he holds out his hand shaking the hispanics. "See ya around."

"Yeah." Rocky leaves the home wondering what he was thinking to ask the man if he could stay with him. Its just that Andre was so nice to him when he told him everything about his alter and... it was useless. Rocky rubbed his arms feeling a horrible thing creeping up around him. He has to get away from it lest he be consumed. He'll fight this, like he fights everything, and he'll win.