Rocky heard his brother call his name before the elevator door closed. Its funny, he didn't see him in the waiting room so he must have just showed up. Why would Colt be here? Rocky hurried down the hall to room 306, the nurse told him; after a very quick lie that he is Robbie's fiance as only immediate family can see patients who have been in surgery; the lie, though, it made the nurse blush and become a little flustered it didn't bother Rocky at all, he and Robbie joked about it enough times it comes out as easily as breathing- granted you don't have emotional baggage. Rocky grabbed the door knob giving it a turn; he expected to see his lover laying in bed with a cast on his arm or leg complaining about how he can't hear the television because the remote doesn't work; all the while the bed is moving him up and down in recline. Smiling at the thought Rocky opens the door ready to hear the lame explanation of what happened but his mouth falters and the words in his throat hit a brick wall before even the smallest sound could come out. He wasn't expecting this... he wasn't expecting the Robbie he sees laying in bed before him. Covered from the waist and up in a wrap of crisp white bandages, sullied with dark red blotches of blood. Did someone do this to him- whatever it is that's done its... its so severe, so deep that....
"Robbie." He says but his voice is drowned out by a boom of thunder.
He turned his gaze at the closed window where the storm rages on and as it comes back to his lover, he sees that the bruised brunet is staring at him with his one exposed eye. Shock took over him as he sees in that eye a world that he and Robbie kept under the covers from the rest of the world saving it only for each other. His true pain. Rockys' frozen lungs began to work again, fuelled by the strong emotion of concern for his lover and the need to ease his pain. Faintly, the corners of his mouth tug up into a small smile.
"You're so lame, Robbie, why didn't you stick up for yourself this one time?" He slowly walks over to the bed, taking a seat in the chair left beside the bed as though a ghost had beaten him to his lover's bedside but is now gone having said his peace. "You of course know that I'm gonna have to take revenge on whoever did this."
Rocky's voice was so calm and so low that Robbie couldn't help it, his sobs expelled from his mouth in sad little huffs and gasps; tears roll from his one eye. Rocky tears up as well, but they did not fall; he takes the Canadian's wrapped hand, holding it firmly, though, gently in his own. Rocky could hear Robbie swallow his throat is so dry.
Looking beside the bed, he asks. "Would you like some water?"
Robbie parts his very crinkled lips to say something but nothing comes out. Taking it upon himself, Rocky pours the male a glass of water helping him drink it by bringing the glass up to Robbie's lips. Robbie took the offered drink not realizing just how badly he did need that drink. Trying a verbal breath he sighs then says.
"I can finally understand now.... I can finally understand" His voice breaks and he lets out a hard cough. "what it feels like to be a hero. The lack of knowledge from the person or persons you saved is sad, but, you can't help but feel your heart warm when you look at them- happy and healthy."
Smiling, Rocky nods; he knows what its like to rescue someone, although, he's never rescued anyone unaware of it. "Who did you save?"
Smiling softly, Robbie's one exposed eye looks at his lover and he whispers gently. "You."
Shocked, Rocky shakes his head looking a it disbelieving. "What do you mean? How did you save me?" Taking his lovers hand again, he asks. "What happened to you?"
"What time is it?"
Rocky thought that Robbie was acting very strangely, but he answered him anyway. He may very well be on medication for the pain. "Two forty."
"Fifteen minutes to three.... Hardly fitting for all the things I wanna say." Robbie pats the bed beside him.
More confused by his lover's words Rocky removes his jacket and sneakers leaving one on the chair, the other the floor; he clims into bed with Robbie, gently placing his arm around the male's torso.
"You're gonna be mad at me, but, Sam.... can you hold off on it until after I finish. I want today to be filled with nothing but good love between us. So please, love me."
"No. You don't have to ask for my love, you always have it- no matter what, but, Ivan, you're not making any sense to me. You have to tell me what happened between dinner at my grampa's to now."
Robbie sucks in a shaking breath, letting it out slowly. "The party was fun, believe it or not; Darren was a real great guy when it got down to it. There was dancing and singing along- this one girl asked me out, ha! can you believe that? She said "man, if I could turn you, I must be a real roll in the sack" I never laughed so hard in my life. Am I a roll in the sack?"
Rocky laughs, nodding.
"Sweet."
There is a moment of silence between them.
"There was a-.... a chubby blond kid, I can't recall his name but it might have started with a C."
"Chris?"
"Could be. ....He was the one, he said, "let's light these drinks up like they do in bars" and the others cheered. I didn't drink out of respect for you, so I was having a soda."
Rocky snickers.
"I don't know, the whole thing was so damned juvenile that by the time they got enough hot drinks down their throats they couldn't tell what from what and... I went over to tell them that it was enough already, because someone spilled a drink, and when Chris took a drink without blowing it out. You'd of sworn the kid was a dragon the way he spit that out... fl-..." His voice falters. "Flames blew out so quickly and I was right there and.... woosh!" He raises a hand up as if to show through mime the path the fire had taken.
Rocky's eyes widen as what Robbie's saying hits him.
Swallowing, he goes on. "I was so shocked by the booze being spat in my face I fell back in a panic or maybe I was shoved as he ran by for the sink but, I hit the glasses and things on the table and went up like a fire ball." Tears stream heavily down the male's eye. "Nobody helped me, Sam, nobody. I tried that whole, stop-drop-and-roll, thing and it only seemed to make it worse; I honestly don't know what happened after I stopped screaming but I woke up here and here you are."
Rocky felt his eye twitch in anger and pain. How could this happen to Robbie? Burned! This badly at that. And they did nothing to help him?
"It wasn't their fault, they did what anyone would do in a fire- they ran. Chris may be here too, his mouth was lit up pretty bad, he drank it after all." Robbie turns his head a bit; pain showing on his face with every small move he makes. "And that's what happened."
Rocky told himself to remain calm, but inside he was boiling a bit. Why can't Robbie ever just have a nice day. Its always something, if not everything. A simple party and he'd be back at the dorm safe and sound was that so hard to allow to happen in life. "If I'd know this was going to happen I would have asked you to stay at my grampa's with me, instead I pushed you to go."
"I would never have stayed with you- not for a second." Robbie was so serious about that Rocky looked almost offended by the comment. "It was... my choice.... it was my choice to save you, and I did."
"How did you save me?"
"Sam, I never told you this because, I- I don't know; when I was younger I just buried it inside of me because I couldn't handle it anymore but, my gift is nothing but trouble. I'll touch someone and see only the misfortunes in their lives- never the good. I used to think that it was because I couldn't fully control or understand my gift that made me see things only sometimes." He watches Rocky sit up straight from the slant he'd been in before. "But its because not everyone will have a misfortune that I sometimes see nothing."
"That's really what you think?" Rocky's tone was low.
"Its what I know." Robbie admits sadly.
"Then you're full of shit!" He barks. "How can you say something like that when you saw the two of us together and being with you has been nothing but great!"
"Hn." He puts a finger up to his charred lips to ask for silence. "You promised me you'd be mad later."
Still fuming, Rocky shakes his head to calm himself down. Resting back beside the male he glares at the clock. "The moment you get out of here, I'm gonna ignore you for two months."
Robbie laughs. "Ok. I disagree with you about that, though, personally, we're so good together but out loud everyone has something to say and it hurts you; it hurts when they say things and it hurts when you have to defend me; your family disowned you and you tell me that's not misfortune?"
"Maybe for them." He says through a pissy little five year olds pout.
Laughing Robbie nods. "Okay, for them but... Rocky, when I kissed you that one time I saw us together but since getting together I've been seeing bad things but the one that kept coming to me the most is the two of us being burned... to death."
Rocky blinks, concern taking over his face. "Couldn't you have just told me so we could avoid it?"
Robbie shakes his head. "When I see something, it happens- no if's, and's, or but's about it."
Rocky disagrees. "But you don't know that."
"Unfortunately, I do. Rocky, if i had stayed with you then you and I would be here together having been rescued from under a burning tree that was hit by lightning during this very storm. It came through the window to your room and pinned us down- this is what I saw; Mr. Shintaro would have made it out alright but you and me would meet our end."
"If we were both meant to die then why are you the only one here?" Rocky wonders. "Am I going next?"
"No. ...I told you that I saved you and I meant it." He takes his lover's hand. "Remember when my room was broken into? I had a vision of a party and I saw me, me alone getting burned."
His hand is released instantly and before he knows it Rocky's fist is coming down at his face. Robbie didn't so much as blink from the air following the blow, it didn't reach his face it remained in the air, just a hair above his nose. The two dead-lock gazes; neither saying a thing, just staring at the other. Robbie has no fear of Rocky, he would never harm him- sure, he's hit him once before but he had every right to but since then he's been nothing but good to him. Reaching up, his wrapped hands take the fist into them, holding it gently.
"You may think its pretty shitty, but I love you and to me... to me, getting burned was my choice. I've never been able to escape my visions but its like someone threw me a bone and gave me the choice. How could I not take it."
Rocky leans over, holding his hands at Robbie's pained sides, he rest his head gently against the male's chest. It was an uncomfortable, awkward position in the bed but he stayed there, sitting on his legs bent over, crying.
"Heey, hey now.... we had such a nice time together- times like this have been my favorite, not the holding and the crying but, just being alone together talking." He pets his lover's back.
"Its just so stupid... to be tested this much, but you know how far I'll go and how much I'd fight but still you insist on testing me."
Robbie can tell that it is not He whom Rocky is speaking to but someone far away.
"Sam... I'm going to die, even now its getting harder to breathe.... If you have any last words, please say them to me."
Rocky sniffled loudly before turning his head so his words would not be muffled. "Is there no other way?"
"I'm sorry."
That only made his pain worse. "I love you."
"I love you too."
Rocky snickers. "Ivan, do you know that I had to tell the woman at the desk that I was your fiance."
Robbie laughs at that. "You're serious?"
The blond nods. "And you know what, I actually meant it." Rocky laughs through his sobs. "I never thought I would love anyone this much again, not since Paula, but here you are and once again someone I love enough to spend the rest of my life with is being taken away." He cries for a moment. "I'm so damned scared for you I don't even know what to say or do to make it better."
That got to him. Robbie was scared as well, but he hid it, he wanted to be happy in his last fifteen minutes on earth but Rocky cracked him. He broke through that shell he's been so good at putting up. "Sam, you being here, you making it to see me is all I could ask for- because in my vision I was alone, right to the end. So thank you, this is what I want to make it easy, this is what I need to make it better."
"You mean that?"
"Of course I mean that, Sam.... you've come away to hide with me and its been so great. You and I kept each other for each other and who could ask for anything more."
"Yeah... Rocky and Robbie have taken a lot of shit but we remained good, happy- untouched."
"You're the one who talked funny, and didn't give a shit about what people said or did, how did I miss that? You were just coming out for me." He laughs merrily. "And I thank you for that."
Rocky nods. "And you were the one that let me talk about my problems, you didn't cast them off you listened and you loved me all the more for having them."
The two found themselves laughing a little longer and louder the more they spoke. They talked about how they held hands, how Rocky chewed out the school- even kissed infront of them and all for him. Robbie, who always laughed and brushed his pain aside knowing that it was already being received with every kiss or hug, long hold, or bitter tone taken with him for being foolish. They just stopped laughing in small sputters until there was nothing but silence between them. Rocky looked at Robbie and they smile at each other.
"Ivan.... what am I supposed to do without you?"
"Hn. You could sing of my love forever."
"I'm serious...."
"You live Rocky, you live Sam... you live. Don't waste a second hiding from people who don't deserve to have the power to stuff you in. You're worth far more to yourself and to me to be anyone elses. So for us.... live."
Rocky nods.
"Thank you."
"Thank you." He reaches under his shirt to reveal his anchor. "I'll keep those words with me and you... you keep this." From his wrist he removes a multicolored wrist band, its very old, Robbie can tell, but its had such care taken of it it looks almost brand new. "Paula gave me this, she made it for me and I made one for her- we did it at school but we always looked at it as our thing, our little mark of forever in every way shape and form."
"And you're giving it to me?"
Nodding, Rocky lifts Robbie's hand slipping the band on. "Don't let them take this from you," His wrist actually felt naked, almost scared without it but seeing the smile on Robbie's face as he received it the empty feeling went away filling with a new one. "All of me is with this, take it with you in spirit while I keep it in life."
Robbie touches it tenderly, but when he looks back at Rocky its not love in his eyes but fear that his boyfriend sees. "Sam, its happening." His body begins to shake.
"No!" Grabbing the call button he presses it over and over. "Ivan hang on!" He wraps his arms around his body tightly, his nails digging in as if to trap the male's soul where it belongs.
"Ah!" Robbie cried out. He's holding Rocky just as hard, his wrapped hands managing to dig into the blond through the his shirt and all causing the male to grunt in pain.
"Don't go!"
But Robbie could speak no further than a cry of pain; the nurses and doctor ran in pulling the two apart. Rocky backs away from the scene of them trying to revive the male but his monitor beeps louder and more frantically with every attempt.
"Get him out of here!" The doctor shouts.
A nurse came over to him leading him out of the room. Rocky wanted to stay, he had to stay, what if Robbie woke up?! He'd need him! Kneeling down where he stood Rocky begins to cry; his hand unconsciously rubbing at his bare wrist before it gradually moved to his collarbone tracing the necklaces delicate chain and anchor. He's trembling down to his very soul and it didn't seem that he would ever stop.
Colt was the first person- the only person he saw when he got off the elevator.
"Rocky!" His brother called to him before slamming into him, arms wrapping around his sunken body. "I know what happened, is he all right?"
Rocky shakes his head. "He's gone, Colt. He's gone." And Rocky cried against his brother. He did not return the embrace, he just stood there crying.
"Sshhh... I... I'm sorry that I didn't get there sooner. I was invited but I didn't wanna go, I mean, come on! it was Darren's party but then I went and I saw Robbie laying there and I called an ambulance and then you, right after."
"He's gone.... He's gone...."
"I'm sorry."
Anger surged through Rocky then, and he shoved his brother to the floor. "No you're not- you hated him! Everyone hated him! You make me sick!" Rocky stormed from the hospital to his car, slamming the door once he was inside he rests his forehead on the dashboard since he got in on the passanger's side. "Dammit!!! Dammiiiit!!!!" He tries to catch his stuttering, shaking, breaths. "Why? Why?!" Rocky gasped suddenly when a hand touched his shoulder. Looking behind him he expects to see Colt, but instead he sees.... "Sin... How?"
The cocky bastard smiled in that way he always does, but his eyes look sad even as he spoke. "You know I'm everywhere you don't want me to be. That's what makes me so charming."
"Go away, I don't need you or want you around anymore."
"Its my choice to be here, just like it was my choice to go away." He leans forward between the seat, elbows up on the shoulder of the chairs. "You're in an unfortunate life where your gift has me very much real, I'm not just some alter ego, I truly exist when you find that you can't and your grasp is slipping drastically. You want me to take over, brother? Hmm? I'll do it for you... I'll deal with the messy shit while you hide out."
Rocky hated hearing Sin say that, like he was some punk or broken. He may hide away but not the way Sin is saying it. He and Robbie hid for self preservation but they never hid from each other and he, Sam, will not hide from the loss of his lover. He'll face it just as he faces anything wrong with Robbie. He'll hold him and smile. Grabbing the necklace around his neck he takes in a breath and lets it out; when looking back up Sin was gone. not behind him, nor beside him, but gone.
'I won't let your last request be in vain, I won't let you down and I won't hide... not ever again.'
* * * *
The funeral was held not long after his departure. Sam and Jessica Douglas held their son tightly all the day in between as he cried in pain and told them everything in his heart. Jessica, in all honesty, was hurt that she could be the kind of person to make her son feel the way he has and wanted so much to make it up to him, but Rocky wanted nothing and retired to his dorm room at the school. He didn't need his family as hard as he needed them earlier on in his life. Things would be changing for everyone and its for the better. Colt and He made peace with each other, he didn't care for the fact that his brother had apologized for Robbie's death when in life he cared nothing for him. He has to be strong because he wants to be strong and with his son crying in his arms it isn't easy to keep his pain inside. Arc really loved his cousin and he was not taking it well.
His mother and father, the people who picked-on and shoved their son were a mess. They loved him through their being comfortable with everything Robbie is and was. They're truly beautiful people. Corin couldn't bring herself to cry, she only stared at her lap while her fingers tried mercilessly to rip themselves off her hands. All the other people at the funeral, his aunts, uncles and the like were broken inside as well. His family, Rocky's, they're there but he imagines that its only for him, just as the other students at the school. He loved this for Robbie to have all these people around but he hated the reason that they were.
"I wanted to say something kind." Rocky says at the podium. "I wanted to say something to ease everyone's pain but to tell the truth it wouldn't matter what I say because you wouldn't understand Robbie the way he was for me, just as I wouldn't understand Robbie the way he was to any of you. He's not gone because between all of us we have things about him to share with one another like our own personal existance with him and because of that I don't know what to say to help you understand who he was to me. But... I can say this- as wrong as you are for not liking him and as sad as it is that he wasn't worth anything to you until he passed on.... you're here now. You're here for him. ...Thank you."
Rocky looks over by a tree, where Robbie stands smiling at him right before he gives him a small wave and fades away.