Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans

-"Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend." How to Save a Life, The Fray, 2005-

It was the prenatal sonogram that did it for Raven.

It was a chilly drizzling day in November. She had been fully convinced that the pregnancy test she had taken a week ago was a false positive. She was stressed out, all the work , the emotional turmoil she had refused to admit, a missed period. It could happen, but it was silly of her to assume it was because she was pregnant. Still she hadn't been to work all week, but she couldn't work (or function for that matter) properly with so much on her mind. She'd planned to relax for a few days take some things off of her mind. Focusing on anything other than the denial was almost impossible. She couldn't keep track of the plots of her books, she zoned in and out of televison programs, and movies suddenly didn't make any sense.

She resorted back to something she hadn't done in so long, sketch. Many papers ended up balled up on the floor. For some reason they all looked the same to her. Evenutally she ran out of paper. It was no problem, the art supply store was a block away she would run out and buy a couple more sketch books and be back in ten minutes. She made it to the store and back. She didn't remember what happened after that. A patch of slick ice, running kids. The next thing she knew she was laying on her back looking at the sky. Her doorman, Bill, rushed over to her and helped her to her feet, muttering something about "damned kids". After ensuring him that she was fine and by no means needed an ambulance, her gathered her things and rushed into the depths of her apartment.

A half an hour later she was sitting in her cast iron bathtub, letting the hot water pour in. Colour the Small one was currently playing the background, Breathe Me was the selection. Raven was staring blankly at the wall. Well she wasn't staring so much as she was pondering. That's when she felt it, the cramping. It was dulled at first barely even noticable, but then it increased to intense hurt so bad she couldn't bring herself to even climb out of the tub, plus she didn't want to risk falling again. She wrapped her arms around her waist and squeezed her eyes shut, and waited for the pain to subside. As quickly as it began it had ended.

Her mind began to race. Oh my God, she killed it! When she fell she must've hurt it or something. No, that was crazy she wasn't far along at all, there was no way that little fall could've induced a miscarriage. Could it? No, she promised herself. Later that night she laid awake. Sleep had been escaping her lately. In the past week she had been barely able to get more than two or three hours of sleep a night. Her body would be tired and rest but her mind refused to shut off. Tonight was no exception, in fact it was worse. her mind kept going back to the cramping. She wondered if she had lost the baby. Why did she even care? It wasn't like she wanted it or anything. Still she had to know, her mind refused to let her ignore it.

There she was waiting in the gynecologist office, wedged between two very pregnant woman. One woman looked like she was fully dialated. Raven also hated going there. It was in her opinion, gross. Finally she was called in. She told her the basis of the situation to Dr. Gloria Reese. The doctor told her not to worry that cramping was normal in early pregnancy, but they'd do an ultra sound just to make sure.

Raven thought it was pointless, she wasn't pregnant. It was even more pointless and a little crazy that she was even there. She set up the sonogram machine. "There we go." Dr. Reese said pointing out a tiny, dark, peanut shaped thing in her uterus.

Raven sat up on her elbows. "What the hell is that?"

Dr. Reese laughed. "That is your baby, and so far everything looks perfect."

That was over a week ago. The printed picture of the peanut baby had been banished into the depths of her nightstand. For some compulsive reason she avoided going into that drawer for any reason. Reality was beginning to set in. She was having a baby whether she wanted to or not. Raven had tried to call Garfield several times right after she had the ultrasound. She completely forgot about his rejection, and some small joy inside her wanted to show him the picture of the seed of their baby. He completely ignored her. Raven realized that there was no possible way that her baby could live a doll house life with a mommy and a daddy who loved it. Then the depression set in. It took over, and she couldn't escape it. Her mind was set on what she was going to do.

At this point only one thing was sure: whatever she did decide to do, she would do it alone.

Raven hadn't been to work in two weeks. She called the first day and said she had to flu. Dick accepted this excuse for the first week, but the second week it was becoming less believable. He didn't mind Raven spend some time away from work, but he was also getting worried. In his recollection Raven never got sick. Up until two weeks ago, he didn't even think she had the ability to get sick. She would call everyday to say she wouldn't be in, but her voice was hallow and empty. She hadn't called for the last four days. Dick needed to remind himself the although Raven was a sister to him, she was a grown adult and was capable in taking care of himself. That was the only thing keeping him from knocking down her front door. That in fact that he didn't want risk getting contaminated.

He was currently sitting with Kory for lunch at Nobu. She remained oddly and unusually silent. She didn't eat much she just kind of picked at her beef toban yaki. Her increasing coldness had not gone unnoticed by Dick, and he was unsure whether or not to be alarmed. Every time he wanted to make a date with her, she was too busy. When he tried to talk to her she would say they would talk later, which they never did. He sighed. Eggplant with miso was his favorite, but it was impossible to enjoy knowing Kory was upset with him and he had no idea why. It was frustrating. He had enough to worry about without Kory playing mind games with him.

"So," he started looking up at her. "Bruce wants me to go the manor for Christmas, to meet his girlfriend. I actually think he's serious about this one. I was hoping you would come with. Bruce adores you, and if I have to fratinize with his business bodies the entire time I think I'll go mental. Wayne Manor is always done up for the holidays. It's really a sight to be held."

"Is that so." Kory said not looking at him and picking at her meal.

He arched an eyebrow. He thought Kory would jump at the opputunity to spend the holidays with him and his family. Garfield was taking Terra on a belated honeymoon to the Seychelles. Raven-well he didn't know what Raven was doing for the holidays, but he hardly expected her to spend it with Kory.

He tried again. "Yeah Bruce buys toys for the kids at the orphanage and on Christmas eve they come to open them. So," she looked up at him. "will you go with me?"

"No, I have other plans." she said simply, and went back to poking her dish.

He stared at her increible, he felt anger begin to rise in his throat. How could she just blow him off like that? It was like she didn't care about him. Dick knew Kory had been behaving strangely but if she were mad at him for any reason she should tell him. He wasn't in the mood for her guessing games. His look was harsh. He contiuned to stare into her. "How can you other plans? I'm telling you this a month in advanced. Kory, are we okay?"

She looked up at him. Her eyes said they definately were not okay. "Are. We. Okay?" her tone was mocking. "You know what Dick we're not okay as a matter of fact."

"Well, if something's not right please feel free to elaborate." his voice was bitter.

She scoffed. "Nothing." she said lowly shaking her head.

"No really I want to know."

This was a crucial moment for Kory. She needed to decide whether or not to bring it up. She resisted thus far, but maybe Raven was wrong. She couldn't put her feelings on the back burner any longer, just because it made Dick uncomfortable. She wanted- No she needed to know that they had a future together and that they weren't just wasting time. She knew she that she wanted him now and forver, and if he didn't feel the same way she wanted out before it was too late. She was positive of it. Sure it would be unbearably painful at first, but she'd move on. She always did. She had fallen too many times not to know how to pick herself back up.

She took a deep breath. "Why won't you marry me?" it came out rushed. "I mean- don't you want to marry me?"

He looked at her, but didn't answer immediately. "Is that what this is about?" he said finally.

"Well I know I want to marry you. I love you. But that doesn't seem to be enough for you. I think I've proven myself time and time again. So please I really have to know what it is your waiting for."

He sighed. "Kory it's not you-"

"Oh please Dick, don't say it's not you it's me. That's bullshit."

"Well, what do you want me to say?" he couldn't help his voice from rising.

"The truth would be nice."

He was silent. He didn't look at her. She waited for him...again. Kory scoffed and stood up. She threw the napkin that was sitting in her lap and tossed it onto the table.

"Nevermind." she said storming away. Dick wanted to go after her. He wanted to tell her. He wanted to say the words he had never said to anyone wanted to her the real reason he couldn't marry her yet. To tell her he just wasn't ready. He wanted to tell her.

But then again he wanted a lot of things.

Dick needed to talk to someone pronto. He was so confused. He loved Kory, he did. He just didn't feel a psycological need to marry her. It was times like this when he wished the person who raised him wasn't a fifty year old casanova. Finally he just decided to risk contamination and go to Raven's place. She usually had something insightful to say, and besides that he thought she could use some cheering up herself. He tightly wrapped his scarf around his neck, and stepped into the chilly November air. Snowflakes gently drifted onto the sidewalk. Luckily for him Raven's place wasn't far away, just a short eight minute can ride. He hopped out and waved to Bill, who knew him my name. Dick rubbed his chilled hands together when he was inside the elevator.

He knocked three times on Raven's door. No answer. He sighed and reached his hand above the door frame and felt around for the spare key. He quickly located it and turned it into the keyhole. He pushed open the door and shivered. It was unreasonably cold on the inside. He turned up the thermostat sitting next to the door on the wall. He had never seen Raven's apartment in such condition. Whether it were her childhood bedroom or office space she was usually so meticulous. Half drunken cups of coffee were sitting in hoards on the living room and kitchen table. The really unsual thing was the sketch book paper balled up and tossed onto the floor by the hundreds. They covered the living room couch, table, and floor. The trail lead down the hallway. A few acceptable portraits were tacked and taped carelessly to the hallway walls. Each one resembled Garfield.

Dick sighed helplessly and followed the paper trail to Raven's bedroom. The door was locked. He knocked gently. "Raven?"

The only sound was the faint sound of music playing in the background. Dick slowly pushed open the door and stuck his head in. Raven was laying asleep on her bed. More papers littered the floor and her bed. Dick pushed the door open. He tip toed over to the music docking station and switched off the music. He wondered if he should wake her. He was there after all, but Raven was a troubled sleeper and he would just hate to wake. He would see if she were okay and then let her get to sleep. He kneeled besides Raven's bed and gentley nudged her awake. She slowly opened her eyes.

"Hey." he said quietly. "How long were you asleep for?"

Raven leaned up and glanced at the clock. "Ten minutes." her voice came out kind of hoarse and quiet. Raven stretched her arms and sat up. She looked terrible. There were dark circles extending underneath her eye, and her disshelved hair was longer than usual. Her skin was shockingly pale, even for her. Dick knew something was wrong and it wasn't the flu. He'd known Raven pretty much his entire life and he knew when something was wrong. Like the time when she ten and her father was awarded primary custody of her. She hadn't uttered a word in a week. He knew something was there for her then and he intended on being there for her now. First he had to figure out what was wrong with her, which would be a chore.

"Raven," he started slowly. "Are you okay?"

She looked somewhere past him. She wasn't okay. She wasn't okay at all, but she couldn't just come right out in tell Dick. Instead she said nothing. Dick sighed. "Is this about Gar?" he asked.

She was, at first, silent then she just shook her head. "Not really."

Oh he felt so guilty. Here he had rushed over to spill his problems to Raven, and he was unable to see she was having much bigger ones. He stay for awhile at least until he knew what was wrong. That could take all day. "I'll be right back." he told her and exited the room.

He made a brief phone call to the office to inform them that he might not be returning that afternoon, he returned to Raven's room. The sight was shicking. She was sitting on the edge of her bed with her pistol in her hand. Dick's stomach lurched. She opened the clip and emptied the barrel, letting the small gold bullets fall into her then closed the gun and threw it into her nightstand.

"Could you take these?" she said not looking at Dick, but holding her hand out to him.

He slowly made his way back over to the bed, and took all the bullets from her. "Raven," his voice was a shocked whisper. "What's going on with you? This is serious, why would you even think something like this." his voice was startled, concerned, and angry all at once. Raven wasn't the type of girl to do something so desperate over a boy. He waited for her to respond. She opened her mouth to say something, but instead she bolted up and threw the bathroom door open. She didn't even bother to turn the lights on. Dick could hear her vomitting from the bedroom. He slowly got up and moved into the bathroom. He flicked on the light and kneeled beside Raven, who was leaning over the toilet tossing her cookies. He pulled her hair back for her, something he hadn't done since high school.

Raven sat back and took a deep breath. She reached up and flushed the content of the toilet. Dick rubbed her back soothingly. It was silent for a long moment. "Are you pregnant?" Dick asked finally.

Raven didn't answer him, she didn't even look at him. "I-" she struggled to find the words. "I don't want to cry. I really don't. I won't do it." she wasn't make too much sense. Her voice sounded hurt and quizzical.

"Does Garfield know? Did you tell him?" he asked.

She shook her head. "He doesn't want it. He won't return any of my phone calls and he won't see me. He won't-" her voice trailed off.

Dick was so worried about his friend. He'd never seen her like this. The first thing he wanted to do was march over Gar's place and deliver his knee into his groin. Raven was first and fore most his sister. She and Kory were his extended family. He felt horrible there was nothing he could do for her, and that really pissed him off. He was suppose to be able to save the people he loved and lately he'd been doing a terrible job of it. Kory was mad at him, Raven was one Eric Clapton ballad away from an emotional meltdown, and Garfield had somehow transfrerred into a tool.

"How far along are you?"

"Seven weeks. It's not fair." Raven said. Dick was silent. He tried to comfort her the best way he could without words. Not that it would've matter, he had no idea what to tell. Everything would be okay? He just needed time? She had heard it all before. In his heart he wasn't sure of anything. He said the only thing he could think of for the moment.

"Yeah," he said. "It sucks."

Her voice quivered as if she were going to cry. "I- I keep having these- these daydreams I guess about killing myself. I see myself doing things, horrible things like hanging myself or throwing myself out of the window. Then I have these moments when I black out and I don't know if I'm having daydream or not. Yesterday I was in the bath and I blacked out. I had a vision of slitting my wrists, and when I came to I was holding a razor blade to my wrist. I- I just want it to end."

"The suicidal thoughts or your life?" he asked.

She shrugged. "I don't know anymore."

Raven and Dick's back were now pressed against the side of the bathtub, and they were sitting on the floor. "Not sleeping well I presume."

She sighed. "No, not at all. I can't sleep at all. If I'm lucky I get like three or four hours of sleep at night. My body is tired but my mind won't shut off. I keep worrying about-" her throat refused the word. "everything. It's the only thing I think about."

Dick turned to Raven. "Raven, I think you may have prenatal depression."

She sighed. "Yeah, that's just what I need: another fucking mental disorder." she turned to him as well. "I have no idea what to do. Dick, I'm...scared." her voiced was hushed.

Dick pulled her into embrace and pressed her against his chest. "I know you are." she said into her hair. "That really sucks."

Kory was very unsure, at the moment, if Dick and her had a real future together. He acted like her marriage proposal never happened. Was he afraid? Afraid of what though? Comittment? As far as she knew he had been totally comitted and faithful in their relationship. He had gotten over his fear of mental intimacy awhile ago. It felt like everytime they took steps to knocks those damned walls down, bam he built two more of them. Kory didn't understand it at all. Sure maybe they were a bit too young for the whole settling down thing, but when you find the right person nothing else mattered right? Besides he'd done the whole party thing, he'd seen the world, and at the age of twenty-five he more of a career than most men twice his age. What the hell was he waiting for?

She thought about this at day and night. She was currently sitting in front of the television zoning in and out. She didn't remember changing the station to some cooking show, but appearantly she had been watching it for over a half an hour. Kory sighed dejectedly. There was a solution to the whole Dick problem but it was risky and drastic, she would have to do it. She was going to-

The doorbell rang unexpectedly. Kory turned the tv off and gracefully moved to the front door. It was probably Dick coming to apologize. She was surprised to see Raven standing in her doorway. Her originally scowl laced face softened. She wasn't sure if Raven had actually ever been to her place. In fact she didn't even know that Raven knew where she lived. The first thing she noticed about Raven was that she looked terrible. Her usual pencil skirt and pressed blouse, where replaced with jeans and and oversized sweatshirt. Her eyes were swollen indicating she hadn't slept in awhile. Plus it was a little late for her to be stopping by so casually.

"Raven." her voice was a startled whisper. "Are you alright? What are you-"

"I'm having a baby." she said quickly and quietly, her eyes were directed towards the floor.

Kory was temporarily stunned by the news. Raven didn't seem like the nurturing type. She was so business minded and serious about her career and what not. Raven had never, ever mentioned anything about ever wanting children so it was more than fair to assume that she simply didn't want any kids.

"Oh," Kory said suprised recovering from her initial shock. "That's great con-"

"I'm getting rid of it." she told her. Kory had never smiled but she was sure her frown had deepened. Raven's head moved up to look at her. What shone in her eyes were sadness, desperation, and the closet thing that Raven had to tears. Whatever that was. Kory's heart broke for her. Raven cleared her throat. "I'm getting rid of it, and they ask you if there is someone to go with you, in case you need support and whatever." she sighed her breath was shaking. "I need someone to go with me, could you..."

Kory felt a neverending chain of sympathy for Raven. She was alone and desperate, but that didn't mean she agreed with her choice. "Raven, I don't-"

"Please." she said sadly. "I just need someone to be there for me."

Kory breath hitched in her throat. She pulled Raven into an unresponded hug. "Of course I will."

Raven remained completely stiff in her arms. "Thank you."she said quietly. They were then latched into uncomfortable silence. Raven turned and walked back toward the elevator. Kory stormed back into her apartment and grabbed her car keys and cell phone out of the key bowl sitting on the small chest in the front hall. She threw on a coat and began to run toward the elevator, punching in Dick's number. The elevator doors closed as she began to twitch with anticipation as the phone rang.

"Hello?" finally came Dick's voice.

"Oh thank God, I got you. Raven just told me she was pregnant." she said running out of her building. She looked around for where she parked her car in the back of the building. She slid on some ice and fumbled with the keys. She pulled herself into the driver's seat and started up the engine. "Dick, did you hear me?"

She heard him sigh. "Yeah, I know." his voice sounded dejected.

Kory pulled out of the parking lot and onto the busy New York street. "Well, did you know she's getting an abortion?" his silence answered her. She heard the phone clank to the ground and some rustling. "She's in no mental condition to make that kind of decision. Dick you should have seen her, she looked so not her. It was horrible. She's only doing it because Garfield is being a total ass hole right now."

Dick sighed on the other end. "Kory, I- I don't think we can just change her mind like that."

"Dick!"

"I know and I don't like it either, but I mean what are we going to do, tie her up until the second trimester? Kory, I feel horrible about the situation, but think of the pyscological state she's in." he tried to reason with her, unsucessfully at best. Kory was becoming angry. Were all men stupid. She sucked her teeth, and sped up to avoid running through a red light.

"I am. And I don't know about you, but I'm not going to let her make a decision that she'll regret for the rest of her life. Nevermind." she growled before hanging up. She had one last hope. Kory drove to Gar's house so quickly she almost gained a speeding ticket, that she had to flirt her way out of. She pulled into the nearest parking space, stomped through the lobby into the elevator and down the hall to Garfield's door.

She knocked rapidly until he opened the door. She didn't wait for him to invite her in. She just pushed past him. Garfield closed the door with a very dumbstruck expression plastered on his face. Kory crossed her arms over her chest, the fire in her eyes were evident. "Garfield what the hell is wrong with you."

He turned around still completely lost. "Hello to you too." he said sarcastically.

"Gar, I've known you for a long, long time. You are my closet friend, so it's not too often that I feel ashamed to be associated with you, but now is definately one of those ultra microscopic, particuairly rare moments when I regret ever meeting." she told him hotly.

He scowled. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Raven, baby." she pronounciated the words. Gar's face softened. "Yeah, I know and I'm repulsed by you. You're acting like some sort of hormonally charged teenage boy. I could you do that to her? Do you have any idea, just any idea how fucked up she is about the whole thing? It's disgusting and you need to go over there and talk to her."

Garfield scoffed annoyed. "Well, quiet frankly I don't think this is any of your business. Raven is a big girl, she can handle herself. How dare you come in here and judge me. Raven, broke up with me. She ended it between us. She's the one who broke my heart not the other way around."

Kory took a step toward him,but he took a step back. "So that's this about. This isn't about you being scared or not ready, this about you being selfish and your petty revenge. She hurt you and now it's pay back time. Is that it?"

Gar didn't answer her. She scoffed and turned her back to him. "You disgust me." she told him.

He watched Kory as she yanked the front door open and slammed it behind her. He fell onto floor, his head in his hands. Kory was wrong about him trying to hurt Raven on purpose. He did care about her. He did. He was just scared and not ready, he just needed more time. No, he wasn't trying to hurt her.

Not on purpose anyways.

The next day Kory accompanied Raven to the downtown clinic. Despite the hard plastic chairs and wrinkled old magazine, there was the air funeral about the place. Kory arrived at Raven's house early in morning. They had yet to utter a word to each other. There was nothing left to say. Raven was in turmoil and Kory just wanted her to know someone cared about her. Someone was on her side supporting her. So she ignored her inclinations and sat silently in the clinic across from a crying girl, who could've been out of high school. It smelled strongly like hand sanitizer and antibacterial soap. It was like some sort creepy doctor's office only quieter and much more grim.

Raven remained completely stoic. After about an hour of waiting a nurse tapped Raven on the shoulder to tell her the doctor was ready for her. Raven jumped at the touch. She turned her head and slowly stood up. Kory stood up with her. She gently placed her hands on Raven's shoulder. "Raven, I just want you to know that whatever you do I'm here for you. There's nothing that you will ever regret about keeping this baby, but you may regret this."

Suddenly the crying girl bolted up crying hysterically, and ran out the front door. Raven looked at Kory helplessly as the nurse ushered into the backroom, which had a sign that read: Sterile do not enter. Kory sighed and fell into the chair. Her head fell into her hands. Time slowed significantly after that. Kory was becoming fidgeting and anxious. Kory got up once to ask the receptionist how long she thought they would be. She wordlessly handed her a pamphlet. According to that the actual procedure would take literally five minutes to do, and then another hour for recovery. A passing nurse told Kory that it the time it took for the doctor to answer all of Raven's questions would also take some time, but they'd let Kory see her in recovery.

Kory avoided the stack of pamphlets describing how the procedure was performed. She kept her glaze on the floor. After about forty minutes she dared to look at the clock, only five minutes had passed. Kory sighed. Well that was it, she supposed, it was over now. Raven emerged several minutes later looking very pale. Kory jumped up when she saw her. "Raven, are you okay?" she asked concerned.

"Can we go?" Raven said distracted.

Kory nodded sadly and they quickly exited the clinic. Raven acted like she couldn't stand being in that place one more second. It was bitter and cold outside. Kory followed her down the block. Kory decided not to say anything. When she was ready to open up she would. Raven and Kory crossed into Central Park and sat on a bench across from a playground. Raven stared at the children doing various playground activaties like swining from the monkey bars and chasing each other. One particuarily defiant boy pushed a little girl off of the swings. Kory's glaze shifted between Raven and the kids.

"I didn't do it." Raven told her keeping her glaze on the kids. Kory's eyes snapped towards her. "The whole time she was explaining everything to me I just kept thinking about what it would look like and what kind of person it would turn out to be. Plus I kept hearing your voice saying I'd never regret having it."

A small smile crept across Kory's face. Raven turned to her. "Thanks." she said. "For everything."

"No problem." she told her. "No problem at all.

A few things I was not trying to make the case for either pro life or pro choice. It is what it is, and I'm sure everyone has an opinion about it and that's great but that not what this is about so no offense but keep the reviews on the plot please, thank you, and much appreciated. Another thing the confrontation between Kory and Gar got cut short because the page expired and deleted like half of the scene so there was like no way I could remember everything I wrote. Finally cross country is in full swing for the next month or so,but I'll try.