Chapter 6: Fatherly Advice
The next morning began like any other day for Izayoi. She awoke early, and then Sachi came in to help her get dressed and brush her hair. Then, Sachi went about her daily tasks while Izayoi made her way downstairs to the dining area, where she would take breakfast with her father. This was something of a daily ritual and it was one that Izayoi had mixed feelings about. She felt grateful to have this time alone with Lord Matsumoto. But also, Izayoi had to admit that there was something of an awkward and uncomfortable atmosphere that lingered between her and her father at breakfast. Despite this, however, she would try her best to be sociable with Lord Matsumoto, but never daring to discuss anything personal. He would sometimes nod, grunt, or make a few remarks or comments about what she said, but for the most part, he would look down at his breakfast and just listen as his daughter did most of the talking. At least, she hoped he was listening. Quite often, it was hard to tell if he was even interested in what anyone had to say to him, including his own daughter. But for Izayoi, it was much better than sitting in uncomfortable silence with her father; so what did it matter if she did most of the talking.
But this time at breakfast was different. Instead of attempting to converse with her father as usual, she sat quietly and ate her food while he did the same. Her mind was far too absorbed for her to care about or even notice the lengthy silence. First, the image of the handsome man from yesterday entered her recollection once more. But what shocked Izayoi the most was the realization that now, more than anything, she wanted to see him again and wondered if that were even a remote possibility. But she quickly brushed this thought aside, feeling somewhat embarrassed and guilty for having such thoughts in her father's presence. Then, she suddenly began to recall the strange dream that she had the previous night. It disappointed her to realize that she could only remember parts of the dream now. Everything else had become somewhat of a blur to Izayoi, but there was one part of the dream that she still remembered perfectly. The image of her childhood self in the reflection of the water was still fresh in her mind and she wondered what the significance of that image had been. Izayoi usually did not take dreams too seriously, but this one had been so vivid. "Surely, it must mean something," she thought to herself. "That place seems so familiar. Perhaps that beautiful clearing with the spring really does exist. And perhaps, I could even find it."
"Izayoi, what's wrong?" asked Lord Matsumoto in his usual strong, baritone voice.
Izayoi immediately looked up from her plate and smiled politely as she responded, "Nothing is wrong, father. Nothing at all. Why do you ask?"
"You're so quiet this morning," he stated as he eyed her curiously. "It's not like you to be so quiet. Is there something on your mind?"
"N-no, of course not." Realizing that she had answered a little too quickly, Izayoi immediately added, "I mean…yes…well…perhaps I'm…I'm just a little preoccupied thinking about the festival tomorrow." She hoped silently that he believed her response. "It is partially true," she thought to herself. She was excited about the festival and it had been somewhat present in the back of her mind.
"Ah yes, the festival," Lord Matsumoto replied thoughtfully, a tiny smile playing on his lips. "It's that time of year again already. You've always been very fond of it; even as a little girl, you simply couldn't wait for the festival to come back every year."
Izayoi was stunned that her father was actually conversing with her about anything regarding her childhood. After all, he was hardly a sentimental or nostalgic man. But more than anything else, it surprised her that he remembered how much she liked the festival. She could not help but smile gratefully at her father's change of attitude; for a moment, she could see his sweet side slightly emerging; a side that she so rarely saw, but deeply wished would emerge more often.
"So, what will you be doing today, Izayoi?" Lord Matsumoto asked, changing the subject and resuming his usual, nonchalant attitude.
"Well…" Izayoi began, unsure for a moment as to what she would do. Usually, she would spend the days either painting, reading, visiting the gardens, or conversing with Sachi when she came to bring her tea later in the day. On some days, she would also visit Kasumi Town with Sachi or else take a walk around the grounds of the mansion. These activities, however, did not interest Izayoi today. She felt the strong urge to do something completely different today; something spontaneous; something adventurous.
"Well, what will you be doing today?" Lord Matsumoto repeated a little more firmly, causing Izayoi to jump slightly.
"I-I'm sorry, father," she began apologetically. "I just could not make up my mind for a moment." The last thing she wanted to do was get on her father's bad side. Therefore, for the time being, she would go out and look at the gardens, then decide from there what she would do. "I think I will go outside and visit the gardens today," she began casually. "It is a beautiful day outside and I would not want to waste it."
"You know, Izayoi," began her father in a serious tone, "there are more important things that you could be doing with your time."
This statement took Izayoi completely off guard as she looked at her father, her expression becoming puzzled. "What do you mean?" she asked in a somewhat wary voice.
"I think you know perfectly well what I mean," Lord Matsumoto responded, eyeing her with a knowing and stern look. When she continued to look confused, he continued on by saying, "Izayoi, you are young woman now. You should be thinking more about your future as opposed to idling your time away foolishly. Good gracious, Izayoi, you are eighteen years old and you have yet to attempt to attract any potential suitors!"
This statement immediately caused Izayoi to drop her chopsticks and to stare at her father with a look of disbelief and shock. "Why is he bringing this up now?" she thought with dread, "I did not expect this to come up so soon."
"Izayoi, are you hearing me?!" he demanded, his voice now becoming impatient and irritated.
"Of course I can hear you," she thought angrily, "All of the servants are hearing you right now and if you yell any louder, all of Kasumi will surely hear you!" Possibly to avoid saying these very thoughts out loud, she merely nodded her head in response to him.
"You cannot spend all your days engaging in childish activities," he continued on. "Also, I do not see you make enough of an effort to gain favor with people. At every party that we've held so far, you always seem to distant yourself from people, especially with any noblemen that attempt to approach you. You cannot hide from people forever Izayoi, especially if you hope to find a suitable husband. It's bad enough that I let you go gallivanting into town, mingling with those commoners. Now, you want to spend your time hiding in our home like some sort of recluse! My goodness, Izayoi, do realize what people would begin to say about you?! About our family?! You have a reputation, Izayoi, and I suggest you start making more efforts to uphold it. I will be damned if I let you tarnish our good name by failing to find a husband!"
Izayoi sat there in complete silence, taking in her father's harsh words while at the same time, wishing she could just disappear. She could feel the tears of anger wanting to form, causing her to begin to tightly fist her hands, hiding them under the table where her father would not notice. "I won't cry here," she told herself mentally. She also lowered her head slightly, causing her bangs to fall forward and partially cover her eyes. Izayoi prayed that this would be enough to hide her eyes, which had begun to well up with tears; she forced herself not to blink, lest those tears fall and betray her. "Not here. Just be strong," she mentally urged herself.
"Izayoi , all I am asking is that you consider your future," Lord Matsumoto stated, his tone becoming slightly calmer. "I truly feel that it is time that you find a suitable husband. And the sooner, the better. And I strongly feel that tomorrow's festival would be the perfect opportunity for you to do so. Don't waste it."
Izayoi merely nodded again, her expression solemn the entire time he had been speaking to her. She now desired nothing more than to flee from the room. "I understand, father," she said in a low voice, not daring to look up at him.
"Good," he responded, seeming satisfied with her response. "You may go about your business now. And please keep in mind what I've told you."
With that, Izayoi stood up and left the dining area, making her way towards the back of the mansion. As soon as she was out of her father's sight, she began walking quickly, wanting to get to the gardens as fast as she could. The moment she was outside, Izayoi finally allowed the tears to fall. "Once again, father believes that I have failed him somehow," she thought bitterly as she wandered through the gardens. "Why must he always say such harsh things to me? And how dare he call my interests 'childish!' They're my only means of escape from my dull, sheltered life. And why is he trying to marry me off so quickly?! It is not a matter of life and death!" Izayoi stood in the gardens silently, allowing the last of her tears to fall. When she had finally calmed down enough, she quickly wiped her face with her hands, feeling somewhat appeased. Ever since she was a little girl, she would often cry whenever she felt angry; even she, herself, did not understand why this was. It was just something that came over her whenever she was extremely angry. As she stood there, looking up past the gardens, she found herself gazing at the forest just beyond. It was then that an idea struck her, causing her to smile lightly. "I told father that I would be going to the gardens," she said to herself, "but I never said that I was going to stay there all day."
Right then and there, she decided that she would go explore the forest and seek out the clearing from her dream. It did not matter to her whether it really existed or not; she merely wanted to do something exciting and new for a change. "It's much better than just staying here angry," she told herself. She took a glance towards the mansion for a moment as she thought, "I won't be missed until at least noon." That was usually the time when Sachi would come to her room and bring her tea, which they always took together. "I won't be long," she promised herself. With that, Izayoi began walking away from the gardens, walking around to the front part of the mansion grounds. From there, she followed the road leading away from the mansion; the road she always took with Sachi to get to Kasumi Town. But this time, she did not follow the path all the way to Kasumi. Instead, she took the opposite path; the one leading to the entrance of the forest. Her heart filled with anticipation as she stood there, gazing up at the tall trees that hovered over. She did not feel the slightest bit afraid or nervous as she contemplated what she was about to do. As she stood there, a lovely breeze began to flow towards her from the direction of the forest. Izayoi smiled, taking this to be a sign; the forest was beckoning to her and she knew she had to answer the call. Without another moment's hesitation, she stepped inside the forest and began making her way down the dirt path; a path that soon became increasingly familiar.