"Oh my god! How the HELL can you wear this torture device EVERYDAY?" I am finding it very hard to breathe. The corset that Mrs. Lovett has just put on me is suffocating. I hear her "tsk" from behind. I turn and see her holding up my "New England Patriots" t-shirt.
"'Ow can yeh wear this strange shirt out in public? It looks like a man's shirt, it does!" I give her a look as I pull on the dress she has let me borrow.
"Well, where I'm from, women can dress the way they want. Besides, it's much more comfortable compared to the cloths you must wear," I point out. I watch her pick up my bra and stare at it in complete awe. I try not to laugh, seeing she's acting like it's from outer space.
"So," Mrs. Lovett says after a moment, "Wot would've 'appened if yeh hadn't showed up?" I look at her for a moment, getting what she's asking. I guess it wouldn't hurt to tell her what she would've done.
"You wouldn't have told him everything," I answer as I start to lace up the dress, "You would've told him about Lucy poisoning herself, but not about her being a beggar. You would've allowed him to assume that she had died." Mrs. Lovett looks guilty.
"I know I'm 'orrible. It's jus' that Lucy 'as changed so much! So 'as he…" She sighs, dropping my bra, "Perhaps I wos bein' selfish."
"Look, this time around, you did tell him the truth. So, don't get upset, okay?" I say cheerfully, thinking about her unfortunate demise that I have just prevented. Woo-hoo! I see her smile gratefully, looking back down and pausing abruptly.
"Wot th' bloody 'ell is this?!" She exclaims as she picks up my...oh, for the love of God! Flushed, I march over to her quickly.
"Give me that!" I snap as I pull what she unfortunately had in her hand away from her curious grasp.
"Well, wot is it?" She asks me with raised eyebrows.
"It's underwear, you moron! You know, bloomers, except much smaller and tighter!"
"Yeah, I see tha', dearie. Tell me, do all women in your time dress like whores?" I stare at her for a moment. Whores??? Jiminy Cricket! If she thinks my clothes are bad, I can just imagine her reaction if she saw a typical outfit worn by Madonna during one of her concerts!
"Like I said before, things are different in my time. You wouldn't want to know what a "whore" in my time looks like," I say while I shake my head slightly. Her look lingers on me before she sighs.
"Right, well, we should get goin'. Mr. Todd is waitin' for us," Mrs. Lovett states. I follow her down the stairs, having to hold up the damn skirts. I think I'll dress up like a boy next time we go out.
Mrs. Lovett stops us as she spots Lucy begging for alms. We watch as Sweeney quietly approaches her. I see how anxious Mrs. Lovett looks. I'm equally as anxious. I'm praying that Lucy is nuts so I can try and play cupid for Sweeney Todd and Mrs. Lovett. Yes, I'm horrible.
"Hey, don't I know you mista?" Lucy sings like she did in the movie. Shit. Sweeney smiles slightly, looking hopeful.
"It's me, love. It's Ben, your husband," He says softly. Lucy stares at him for a moment.
"Ben?" She questions.
"Benjamin Barker," Sweeney answers desperately. Lucy is silent for a moment before she shrugs.
"Sorry, dearie. Don't know yeh." Both me and Mrs. Lovett sigh a breath of relief at the same time. I do feel bad for Sweeney, but even if Lucy was sane, I don't think things would work out between them seeing that Sweeney's a psychopathic murderer.
"But," Lucy sneers, "I'll get teh knew yeh betta for some alms…" Sweeney looks dazed and shocked. Uh-oh…here it comes…
"'Ow would yeh like a lil' muff, dear?" She snarls, lunging towards the poor man. Sweeney backs off quickly, actually shooing Lucy away in…disgust? Lucy cackles and runs off. Sweeney marches back over to us, wearing his traditional scowl.
"I'll kill that Judge for morphing her into that thing," He growls angrily. Mrs. Lovett cautiously approaches him to comfort him.
"I'm sorry, dear," She says softly. Sweeney stares at her with a hard look on his face.
"You should've let me think that she had died, seeing she virtually is dead," He grumbles. I can't help but let out a snort when I hear this, causing the two of them to stare at me.
"What's so funny?" Sweeney asks, or more like, growls.
"Oh, nothing. I just find your words very ironic, that's all," I say casually. Mrs. Lovett looks very nervous and curious. Sweeney grunts and starts to walk off ahead of us.
"Um, why wos wot 'e said so ironic?" Mrs. Lovett asks me quietly. Hmm…should I tell her about her demise? Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt. It's not like it's going to happen this time around, I suppose.
"Well, the thing is, without my interference, he ends up killing Lucy later on," I say quietly. Mrs. Lovett looks shocked and horrified.
"And?" She asks quietly, in an almost fearful tone.
"Are you sure you want to know?" I ask her. She nods quickly. Well, here goes nothing….
"When he realizes who she really is and finds out that you weren't entirely truthful, he…kills you, too." Mrs. Lovett is silent, but her eyes speak for her. They're a mix of shock, relief, and sadness.
"How does 'e…finish me?" She whispers softly, barely audible. I take a breath. Sheesh, why would she want to know?
"He throws you into your bake oven down in the bake house," I answer. She stares at me blankly for a moment before turning her attention to the man walking ahead of us.
"I suppose I owe yeh one," She mutters quietly after a while. I say nothing as I, too, watch Sweeney up ahead of us. Well, hopefully I can give these two the happy ending they deserve. I'll just have to avoid getting made into pies in the process.(God, I can't wait to get out of this stupid dress. My boobs feel like they are going to pop out at any given moment! ARGH!)