Dear Frasier
Chapter Nine
A/N: Hiya. I'm sorry that I'm soooooo slow at updating, but I'm always writing this other story (not for fan-fic) and I never seem to get around to writing this one! Also, sorry if the chapters are really short. They're starting to become notes instead of letters. I'll try to make them a bit longer. Hope you enjoy!
Hey Doc,
Okay, let's cut to the chase. You're in prison, I'm sorry, that sucks, I know. Now, about me.
Right, well you know about me and Roz, I guess; and I gotta tell you, I love her, man. It's like, when I'm with her, I'm happy; and when I'm not, well, I'm not. So, I just wanted to tell you, I asked her the question. That's right, I proposed! I got a ring and everything. But, man, I had no idea how to do it!
I asked Gil - a load of help he was - and he said that I should book a ten day cruise, buy one thousand red roses, and have candles everywhere. I wanna propose, not go bankrupt! I told Gil where to stick it and he got a little mad. He ended up walking in on my new show - oh yeah, forgot to tell you, Kenny gave me a new show to replace a few of yours; seems this new lady's unpopular - and announcing that I have tiny…well. He made bad remarks about my little friend, let's leave it at that.
So then I asked Kenny, who said that marriage was destined to go bad from the moment you say 'I do'. He said to ditch her for a younger model and make sure that I have fun while I still can. He should be coming out of hospital as soon as the bruises heal up.
Then I asked your brother - he and his wife came in to see Roz. He said to decorate my apartment with all the things that that remind me of her, and then light candles and put on music and tell her why I love her and want to be her for the rest of my life. I figured that that idea had potential.
Okay, so I used that idea. The things that remind me of her were: a can from the first beer we shared, the shampoo she uses, and her favourite flowers - dandelions.
Right, so I set to work hanging cans all over the apartment - I lost the specific can, so I just used the same brand of beer. They all hung from little strings and reminded me of rockets I made as a kid. Then I poured bottles of her shampoo into bowls. Well, I was going to use bowls, but I couldn't find any, so I used saucepans. It's not the same, I know, but I think the effect worked just as well. Then I sprinkled dandelions everywhere - and I mean everywhere. On the bed, the sofa, and all over the floor. Then I went to get the ring, but I couldn't find it at first. I ran round the halls yelling, "This sucks! This is total B.S.! This…" And then I found it. In my pocket all along - weird, huh?
So I sat and waited 'til Roz came home. She walked in, took one look at the apartment and started yelling at me! Sheesh, you try to do a nice thing! So I told her that I was trying to be romantic by getting her favourite flowers, dandelions. Then she tells me that I got it wrong and that her favourites are daffodils! Does she really expect me to get it right every time? So I told her about the shampoo, but she just got mad that I'd used it all and that I was gonna have to clean all the pans! Then she saw the beer and yelled at me for drinking! Then I told her I'd poured most of it down the drain - yeah, right - and she just got mad for me wasting it! I just can't do anything right, can I?
Then I got real mad and shouted at her that I was trying to do a nice thing and propose to her. Then she went quiet and looked sort of shocked. I showed her the ring and her eyes went all watery, and she said I was the best boyfriend - fiancé! - a girl could ever have, then she said yes! Man, am I confused.
Still, got some good news for you, buddy! You'll be out in time for the wedding! We're having it in my Uncle's barn. We'll put lights up, but I'm not sure what we'll do about the smell… Aren't you lucky!
Hang in there,
Bulldog