Disclaimer: (I wish this was all from my imagination, but the awful truth tells me otherwise)

i'm putting this up now, but the next few chapters won't be ready until this weekend. so you'll have to wait. and if you could find it in your hearts to review i would be eternally grateful. like crazy eternally grateful.

CHAPTER NINE

Being a Worm

It had been a week since the bomb fire. I still hadn't heard any news from Jacob. I'd called Billy a few times, but he seemed just as left in the dark as I was. I thought maybe it was getting to him. His son had left and he was alone. Like me. How could Jacob do this to us…to me?

Last night Charlie had Rachel over for dinner. It must have been getting serious if he was introducing her to me. He even cooked the meal. I was surprised by this. Charlie doing something very un-Charlie like. I hadn't wrung him out about the milk incident yet, I figured I'd let him pass on that one. He was my father and I could vaguely remember him being some what accepting to my past choices. He didn't even question the lack of Edward. Which was nice, I didn't need an over involved parent right now. Yet that seemed to be the least of my worries. There was just so much going on and the worst of it all was that I wasn't being involved in any of it! That would have been one thing, but being left alone in the dark is being plain cruel. I was starting to get stir crazy. Like a chipmunk stuck inside a little cage with nothing but a wheel to distract itself with. I laughed at that, hell I'd even give in for the wheel. That chipmunk had it better than me. I'd been left in the dark without distractions. I climbed out of bed. It was about time I stepped foot out of my room. Charlie was getting worried, I could see it in the way he carefully spoke to me. Never hinting that anything was wrong. Just that he knew and wasn't going to bring it up. Deep down I thanked him for that. I didn't want anyone's sympathy…except maybe Jacobs. I pulled the cover back over my head. Thinking about Jacob was just a little too much for me. Maybe I'd leave my room tomorrow.

…

Although I'd heard the steps coming up the stairs and the pause that followed at my door, I chose to ignore it. Maybe whoever it was would go away. Not likely, but I found myself wishing for it none the less.

"Bella?" Why did he have to worry. "Bella I'm coming in". This sounded more like a demand than an offer. Charlie opened the door wide, letting the afternoon sun peek through. "Bella Honey, Rachel and I were about to go out for a picnic". He paused. "And we'd really like you to come along". He took a step closer. "So do ya…you know, want to come?" I could foreshadow the embarrassment that would soon be on his face. He knew just as much as I did that I wasn't going to say yes.

"Not really Dad". He grimaced. A frown that I'd been all too familiar with from the past few days. He quickly replaced his frown with a stern expression.

"Bella, you need to get out of the house". This I could see was a demand. I rolled over hoping this would help him give up.

"I'll go to the store. Do you need any more milk?" It seemed like he was going to give up then, but instead he pulled the blanket from my head. I didn't like that.

"No Bella. I don't want you to go to the store. I think it's about time that you got over this boy". I instantly frowned and furrowed my eyebrows to make a glare. "I know that I pushed you and Jake together, but I think maybe that I was wrong". This was too invasive.

"Dad, this is none of your business". It was true, yet it made me feel bad once the words were said. He didn't seem to be pushed back by this comment.

"Get dressed and come to the picnic Bella. I know you're old enough to do what you want, but I'm not having a depressive lump of a daughter like this. You should see yourself". Maybe I was too quick to my response because what I said next was beyond awful.

"Well maybe if you'd gotten over mom sooner then you wouldn't be so picky with me. Rachel is a good substitute Dad, but you know she's no Renee". He dropped his gaze and quickly retraced his steps. Probably wondering what he'd said to deserve such a mess of words. Then he turned around and placed his hand on the doorknob.

"Then don't come to the picnic". He shut the door, walked down the stairs and left the house. I heard the cruiser start up and he was gone. Had I really done that? Did I actually say those words to him? I'd become a monster. An evil dirty monster. With that I rolled onto the floor and started crying. The hole in my chest ripped even further than I'd thought possible. I'd carried Edward's pain and Jacob's, but now I had Charlie's. This hole was going to swallow me complete and destroy my life. A blanket from the bed slipped off and piled over my head. I left it there. I'd rather see nothing then see what I'd become. Bella Swan was a worm. No wonder nobody stayed with her.