Disclaimer: ( I own nothing and yes I am sad about it)
so i figured i'd give a little hint on how to go about reading this chapter. cause it could get a bit confusing.
the paragraphs in italics are edward remembering moments with bella. yeah that's basically it.
review, review, review
CHAPTER TWELVE
Hunting
I closed my eyes. She was walking across the parking lot. I could smell her. Why did her sent distract me in such a way. Two emotions flew through me. One was to kill. The second was to protect. But how could this be? She was a human, just a human. I opened my eyes and watched her. The breath coming from her mouth was visible in the cool fall air. I followed it as it left her lips. How was she doing this to me? I knew then that I loved her. There was nothing else but her in that moment, she was mine.
…
I was getting closer to Forks, I could smell the moss covered trees. Never was color so vivid to me until I moved here. And even then it's importance changed once I saw her. Everything from the brown red hair that flattered her neck to the pink that flowed to her cheeks whenever she noticed me. Color was meaningless unless it was around her, she brought it to life. I had good reason to be coming back, there was nothing for me with Aro and Jane. I shuttered, her name was enough to cause that effect on me. I hated her. I should have killed her. But for some reason I felt it was better to let her live. To let her suffer in her lonely world that she was all too eager to share with me. I liked that I hurt her by rejecting her. I liked that she would suffer. I traveled by foot once I got into Forks, this gave me more time to think things over. What was I going to do? Was I going to simply walk up to her? Would I get to her through Charlie? Then a thought shot through my mind. Would I kill the dog? Then she would be all mine and no one else's. There would be no other choice but me. I smirked at that. The dog deserved to die.
…
Then I saw the van. It was spinning across the ice, closing in on it's destination. She was in it's path. Without thinking I ran with all the force I had.
…
I was walking through the woods when I smelled it. Past the burning fire. Past the salt misted water of the beach. Just a slight breeze passed my nose and I knew it was her. I closed my eyes and followed the sent. I knew I was passing the boundary line, but what was a line anyway. What effect would it have on me now. I wasn't a Cullen anymore. I heard crunching of leaves coming from beneath peoples feet. The mindless jabber of a girl. Another gust of breeze passed me. I turned my head and saw her. She was no more than a couple yards away from me. The wind caught her hair and sent a bouquet of wondrous scents towards me. Punishing me. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I didn't care. She was so close! Using all the power I had I braced myself to the ground, refusing to move a muscle until she'd walked by. I wasn't going to give in that easily. I would wait for my marker.
…
She looked at me. Her eyes catching every movement that had happened. The van beneath my hand bore an imprint. I knew by the stare she held that she wasn't going to be fooled. She was different. She knew.
…
I left the beach and headed for my former home. Maybe I'd talk to Carlisle and he'd know what to do. Maybe he would be able to help me. On the surface I knew this wasn't possible, yet still I wanted it. My family. But would I be able to live with the shame? The constant reminders coming from their thoughts when I walked by? I'd probably kill myself if not them. I was different. I couldn't change that. Nobody could. I altered my path towards town. Maybe something there would distract me.
…
She slept. Curled up in her bed. Safe. To the average eye she looked safe, but I knew much better than that. What was sitting outside her window was far from safe. I could kill her. I'd thought about it. The image of her infuriated me. How could a mere girl cause such an effect in me. I should have been immune to it. She turned and faced me. Stirring in her sleep a name escaped from her lips. Edward.
…
I walked through the shadows of the night, hiding myself from any passers strolling along the street. I was surprised to see that in the town of Forks stores were still open. Maybe it was earlier than I'd thought. Pulling up my sleeve I glared at my watch. It was late. With nothing to distract myself with I decided to desert myself into an ally. Perhaps I'd find some dinner. On that notion a girl walked by. She caught noticed of my attire and ivory skin. Fear spilled from every pore of her body, sending wave after wave of ecstasy through my nose. The blood pounded in my temples. Then I saw her. Brown golden eyes, pink filled cheeks. The smell of fuchsia infuriating my every thought. She laughed sending shivers down my spine. Bella. How was she laughing? Could she be that happy without me? Did I really bring her down that much? I closed my eyes, of coarse I did. I ruined her. Opening my eyes I realized that in fact it wasn't her. No where near. Similar sent, but who knew these days. I smelt a lot more in people now. I balled my fists and flexed. Then walked towards my pray.
…
She laid beneath me. Her hair gently held by the grass. I noticed her glance around at the clearing surrounding us. This was our place. With her hand in mine I thought about what I had done. I had seduced her to me, there was no other explanation for it. Why would she have stayed? I should have forgotten her and let her live her life, but instead I was selfish. I couldn't let that happen. She was mine and I was eager to be hers. I was the lion and she the lamb.
…
I couldn't believe it. There was no way of escaping her smell. I caught it walking by a laundry mat. Backing up a few steps I crouched by the window. The shade was mostly drawn, but there was enough of a slant for me to see through. She sat opposite to me, her back to my face. I could see her reflection in a washing machine. She looked different. Sad somehow. I breathed in deep, bringing in every particle of her scent. Invigorating. Her eyes caught something and she instantly turned her body to face me. I fell to the dirt. She'd seen me, I was sure of it.
The next day I'd given up. I wasn't going to deprive myself of her any longer. I knew she was in her room. I crawled up the tree adjacent to her window and perched myself there. My eyes locked on her image. She laid on the bed with her head touching the floor. Her eyes closed in deep thought. How I desired to know what she was thinking, like I did with everyone else. Then I became disgusted with myself. I was watching her through a window. It felt more like I was a predator hunting it's pray. She wasn't my pray. I'd kill myself before I ever let anything happen to her. I jumped down from the tree and left her block. I was not going to do this.
…
I sat next to her in the truck. I still didn't understand why she loved this thing. It was old and slow. But I figured I couldn't complain. Somehow she loved me, so what was loving an old truck compared to that? No reason to either one. I turned my gaze over to her, letting my eyes skim across her face. She seemed to sense that something was wrong. I didn't want her to think that, I wanted her to feel safe. Out of danger. She loved me. I knew this. And more than anything in the world I loved her. I loved her with every being of my soul. The soul she insisted that I truly did have. Sometimes I liked to fall into that notion. To believe that I was worthy of her love, but I knew otherwise. I was evil. I was the bad guy. I didn't deserve to have love. And she would be better for it. I stopped the engine and took the key out of the ignition. For the tiniest moment I thought about not doing it. Instead of saving her maybe I'd doom her. She was mine and I was selfish. But I knew that I couldn't do that, I would talk to her. I would explain to her that she would never be harmed again. I would make it as if I had never existed. As if we had never met. Then I would leave and I would stay true to my promise. To truly love her I would leave her. It was safer that way.
…
I was scum. Again I found myself watching her. She was washing the dishes in the kitchen. I watched as she cleaned each plate. I watched as she dried each knife. And I watched as she cried. She tried to hid it from herself, but she was suffering. Once the tearless sobs stopped she unplugged the sink. Her eyes followed as the dishwater spiraled down the drain. I had done this to her. I had ruined her life. Then I felt her eyes on me. I turned and started to walk away once she lifted the curtain. I would not return to her house. I would not do anymore of this to myself. She was like a drug that I couldn't quit and pretty soon I was going to overindulge if I didn't take myself away from her. The hunt was over.