Disclaimer: (I wish it was mine...but it's not)

hey guys. the past few chapters had been pretty short so here's an average lengthed one. i hope you enjoy it.
please review :)

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Cliff Diving and Being Dead

It was nearing one and my marathon had at least seven hours to go. I stood up from the couch and decided that I had to get out of the house. It didn't really matter where I went, I just couldn't listen to the constant arguing in my head. I changed my cloths, I grabbed a breakfast bar and I hit the road. My truck wasn't running as well as it use to and my bumper was looking pretty limp. A clear sign that it probably was time for a check-up. The only problem with that was my mechanic was out of town…out of my life. I couldn't believe Jacob had kept me waiting this long without a shred of news. He knew I'd be going crazy, maybe he wanted this to happen to pay me back for what had happened the last time I saw him. I still couldn't wrap my brain around that. How he could blame me. I didn't do anything.

I drove past the high school and soon found myself heading for the Cullen's. I hadn't planned to go that way and I'm sure they really didn't expect or want my company. Unluckily for me I still wanted theirs. During the past two years they had become my family, my sisters, my brothers, and I alone caused them to hate me. I ostracized myself from the Cullen's and now I was paying for it. I was truly and utterly alone and I felt it. Jacob was my one shining light, but that was quickly dimming out. He left like everyone else. Without warning I became completely alone in life.

I stopped the engine and climbed out of my truck. When I walked up to the door I could feel a magnetic force pulling me back to the truck, but I ignored it. I knocked on the door. No one came. I knocked again. This time I heard footprints and the door opened. It was Emmett. He took a step back.

"Go away Bella". The door shut in my face. I could hear quick steps through the door. It swung open.

"Bella!" This was Esme. "Bella, what are you doing here?" I pulled my eyes to meet hers.

"I wanted to ask you-". She cut me off.

"No Bella, we are not discussing Edward". I bit my lip.

"…but I need-". She cut me off again.

"Bella I told you, this will not in any way involve you". She paused to search my face. "When the time comes maybe you'll get some news, but for now you must remain in the dark". I could see sadness in her eyes.

"But you see Mrs. Cullen…Esme (could I still use her first name?), I just really need to know if he's okay. If he's come back". She frowned.

"He has not come back and he is not okay. He is with the Volturi. Nobody's okay with them. Now you need to leave Bella. Go home and spend time with your father. You are about to leave for college and I'm sure he'd like to spend some time with you"

"You'd think". I mumbled. She caught this slip of tongue.

"Bella whatever your personal problems may be they don't matter here. We are centering our interests on Edward and we do not need or want your help. The best thing you can do is live your life as if we'd never met". She searched for some sort of realization in my eyes. "Forget us Bella and move on". She shut the door and left me alone on the step.

How could I possibly live my life as though I'd never met the Cullen's? It wasn't possible. I went back to my truck and I drove away taking one last look at the memory I was leaving behind. The Cullen's were now officially a part of my past. Any hope of befriending them again was out of the question. I was alone.

…

When I got home I continued with my marathon as if I hadn't even left. It was repetitive. Chips to my left and a remote to my right. A commercial came on, it was advertising for a crappy cable movie about a pen salesman. I think that might have actually been the title. I thought to myself, who would watch that? Then it hit me. My eye's started building up. I grabbed a pillow and slammed it to my face to shield my tears. I literally started balling like a two year old. My arms started convulsing and I let the feeling overcome me. I was ALONE. Nobody loved me or wanted me. Edward was gone. Jacob left. Not even my own father wanted to be with me. How was I suppose to survive living like this? I couldn't. I wouldn't! I jumped up off the couch and headed for my truck. I drove with determination. I caught a glimpse of myself in the rear-view mirror. I looked like crap. My hair was a mess and I had makeup streaming down my face. I hit the accelerator and gunned it.

It took me a whole of ten minutes to get to my destination and when I got there I knew what I had to do. I had to end it. I hit the brake on the truck and parked. Sitting there I felt like a worm. An unloved, unwanted piece of…nothing. I peeked in the mirror and quickly had to look away. Who would want to look at me? Through the windshield I could see the power of the water. It looked rough, but I figured it wouldn't be too bad. I mean what could be worse than what I was feeling now? I got out of the truck.

I walked up to the edge. A year ago I had jumped and survived, but now with no one to save me that wouldn't happen. I had to do this. I needed to do this. My brain told me no but my heart told me yes. Jump and get it over with. End the pain, end the sorrow and forget everything!

The rain started, engulfing me in curtain of water. It was thick. By now I was already soaked and one couldn't distinguish tears from rain. Was I really doing this? Was I about to jump to my almost certain death? The truck revved in the distance. I had forgotten to shut it off in my mad furry. I looked ahead as far as I could through the rain. I was going to do this. I took four steps back, paused for a split second and ran. My legs took all control. I was no longer crying. I was running. The edge came and I jumped. The cliff was behind me, my life was behind me.

As I flew through the rain I felt a form of inner peace. No longer did I think about Edward or Jacob. I just felt. I could feel the wind passing through my fingers and blowing back my soaked hair. A drop of rain hit my cheek and slid down my chin. My eyes were shut. I opened them to see the roaring water that was just seconds from me. Then my sweater caught something, choking my neck as it pulled me from my fall. If it was a twig then it was a sturdy one, it wouldn't snap! My neck was being strangled! As I choked for air an arm slid around my waist and fastened my body to it's owner. I grabbed on tight. Something felt familiar. Almost instantly I was thrown to the ground. My body slammed against some rocks and I rolled into a log. I could feel that my arm was hurt pretty badly and I could smell the blood starting to trickle. Once my vision came I noticed a dark figure walking towards me.

"What were you thinking!" The voice screamed. What was I thinking? Who was this and why would they care? He stood over me and his gaze met mine. "I said what were you thinking!" The voice was Edward! It was different but it really was Edward!

"EDWARD!" He grabbed my sweater and pulled me up to my feet. He looked so tall. There was something different about him. Something wrong. I spoke. "Edward you came back!" His eyes wondered to my arm then darted back to my face. I then finally noticed his eyes. They were practically glowing red and his stance was different. Instead of his usual reserved appearance he seemed more livid. He opened his mouth, his teeth gleamed off the rain. "Edward! What's wrong with you!" He grabbed my waist and pulled me to him. His mouth formed a grimacing smile.

"Nothing what-so-ever", he dropped the smile. "Why do you ask Bella?" This scared me. He turned his gaze to my arm. His expression looked as though he would tear it off. Instead he pulled it from my side and examined it, turning it over in the rain. "Bella, you're bleeding." I tried to pull my arm away.

"I know. And you didn't even apologize!" His face was stunned.

"Apologize? For what!"

"You did this to me Edward!" He frowned.

"I saved your life and you blame me for something as miniscule as a scraped arm! You should be grateful. I could kill you right now for such lack of appreciation!". His eyes twinkled red. This was not normal Edward behavior. I had to ask.

"Are you feeding on humans Edward?!" He smiled.

"Well they are the tastiest". I pushed my arm against him and tried again to get away. He held tighter.

"Where are you going Bella, we've only just made company?" This clearly was not a question. He twisted my wrist and I screamed.

"Edward! Let me go!" He dropped me to the ground. My neck hit a rock as I fell. He towered over me holding my arms together. Smiling.

"Bella why such a fret". I kicked my feet frantically.

"Let me go…please let me go Edward!"

"And why would I do that?"

"Because you love me…let me go because you love me!". He lessened his grip and dropped me to the ground.

"Because I love you? Do you love me?! That's the real question. Do you love me?!" I cried.

"YES!"

"Did you love me when you deserted me for that dog! Did you love me when I went looking for the Volturi! Did you love me when you jumped off that cliff!"

"I did, I DID!"

"No Bella I don't think you did!" His voice dropped. "You knew I couldn't possibly live without you. You knew I'd head for the Volturi. And I did. When I killed my first human I died. Edward died. Now I'm something else". He took a step back. "I'm a bloodsucker!" I locked into his gaze.

"No Edward. No you aren't!"

"Yes I am Bella. I've killed". A mangled ball of fur jumped from the woods slamming down on Edward. Jacob came out of nowhere and grabbed me. Edward was being held down by Seth. He yelled to me as Jacob ran me out of the scene. "I'm dead Bella. I'M DEAD!" Then he was gone. Too far in the distance for me to hear anymore.