I don't own any of these characters; they are the property of Stephenie Meyer. I am just fooling around with them ;)

Chapter 3

I burned for Eons of time before I was able to even try to think clearly. And my first solid thought, was that I had been able to see before. I pushed the burning pain to the back of my mind, and opened my eyes again. He was there. Just as he'd said he would be. He took my hand in his and began to speak to me in a calm quiet tone. He reminded me of our conversation all those years ago when he had told me of his secrets. I remembered it word for word. He needn't of reminded me, but I didn't tell him –I was scared if I tried to speak again then I would start up with the screaming once more, and I wanted to hear what he was going to say. All the time he was speaking I could feel the fire dimming in the tips of my fingers –it was still excruciating, but I found I was able to put it to the side, to think around it, while I concentrated on his voice. He told me what he was. What I was becoming. He told me that I was dying, and if he hadn't done this to me I would have been gone. He told me he was sorry, and that he did it because he was selfish and wanted the chance to have the friendship that had almost begun when I was 16. He told me that he had never forgotten me and had thought of me often. He explained that he didn't kill humans and if I wanted to stay with him, and Edward, as he'd told me his companion was called, then they would take care of me and help me to adapt to my new life. The pain was slowly fading, and I let myself drift as his hypnotic voice told me tales of the world I was going to be reborn into.

Time passed. Later, as the fire was dimming in my limbs, and slowly closing in on my heart, it beats becoming lower and heavier, I became aware that I could hear everything much more clearly than before. The sound of horses' hooves out side in the street, people talking about mundane things. I could hear insects walking on the floorboards, stomping like elephants. I could hear a clock ticking, it was so loud it was difficult to ignore. I began to measure the burn with it. Tick, tick, tick, it was up past my elbows and knees. Tick, tick, tick, it was creeping higher, more ticks, a hundred, a thousand…my arms and legs were free of the molten rock pulsing though my decimated veins… but it came at a price. The heat in my torso burned white hot and I felt sure I would burn away to nothing, I was writhing in the agony and I felt a cool hand on my face and soothing words in my ear. My Angels voice sounded fraught with worry.

"My Dear, it is almost over. I'm so sorry to have caused you this pain! I would take it from you and endure it myself if I could!"

And then Edwards voice, " No, Carlisle you did the best you could have done…No… Of course…she will understand, and she won't blame you...I don't blame you either Carlisle. Peace. It will be over soon—the pain is growing more concentrated, and she is able to think more clearly now—her senses are sharpened" Edwards words confused me a little. It was like they were having a conversation, without Carlisle saying his parts…and how did he know about my pain? Had I said anything out loud? And my senses? Edward chuckled.

"Edward? Are you reading her mind?" He sounded amused and intrigued. I was shocked. Edward chuckled again.

"She is surprised that I can read her mind. Hello Esme"

Hello Edward I thought at him. This was strange…but I guess it was the day for strange.

"How are you feeling?"

I'm Hot, I'm burning up—are you sure that its meant to hurt this much—maybe it didn't work right?

Edward relayed this to Carlisle.

"No, It is that bad I'm afraid but its nearly over now, the venom is centering around your heart, the pain will shrink until your heart stops beating and then you will be …Vampire."

I tried to take in his words…the unreality of the last few hours of my life—those hours that I was aware of anyway…this thought led to another, I didn't know what day it was…It had been Thursday night when my child had slipped away…I ran over the events of that night in my mind and winced at the fresh pain of remembering—I had wanted to die...but the memories had a dreamlike quality, like I was losing them. I heard Edward gasp and I turned my thoughts back to the present.

"Carlisle! I just saw why she was dying…. she was committing suicide—a child…she had lost her baby—she jumped off the cliff—she didn't fall, Carlisle, she jumped…she wanted to Die!" Edward seemed distressed. Was that why it was hurting so much? It was a sin to take your own life, maybe hell was trying to claim me still.

"No Esme. It's alright, honestly, I just had a strong reaction to your thoughts, your memories, they were so painful…It reminded me of my mother…I lost her …recently…I'm still getting used to this mind reading thing, it can be overwhelming at times." While we had been…communicating, I had begun to get the pain under control again and I found I was able to open my eyes. I saw them both then, sitting at my bedside. My new family. I saw Carlisle gazing down at me, sadness in his beautiful eyes. My night angel, returned to me. And I saw Edward staring into the middle distance, deep in thought, a frown creasing his perfect features. I felt a surge of fondness for him. I knew with every fiber of my being that this was where I belonged. I was home.

I lay gazing at them, counting off the seconds with the tick of the clock, my heartbeats counted down, louder and slower. I wondered idly why they were both so still. Surely someone must speak or move soon…or had time slowed down for me? And what felt like hours was really only a portion of a second? While I pondered this, I felt the fire accelerate towards my heart, it began to shrink and intensify even more, and then, my back arching involuntarily, the heat screeched into the center my heart. I felt it stutter, beat once, and then it was silent. I stayed perfectly still, not sure how to breathe. I sucked in a gasping lungful of air, but I felt no relief. I sat up, the movement so fast that I almost missed it. It felt odd to be so fast, I couldn't predict my movements and before I knew I had moved I was standing on the other side of the room. Carlisle and Edward were standing across the room, crouching and taking careful steps towards me with their hands in front of them in a calming gesture. How odd. They were acting as though I was dangerous.

"Esme try to come back over here a sit down, we need to talk a little, and explain a few things to you." Carlisle said, his tone soothing.

"My throat is hurting, it's so dry." I said in a voice that was not mine…It was the voice of a siren, clear and beautiful.

"That's one of the things we need to talk about. Please sit." He gestured to the small chaise next to the bed in which I had burned.

"I don't know if you can recall the things I talked to you about while you were…sick. But I am going to talk to you about it again now. And you can ask me any questions you have. Can you tell me what you remember?"

"This I why you had to leave Columbus so quickly wasn't it? Because someone had learned your secret. Why didn't you take me with you then? You left me there!! I have spent my life pining over you, and you were off being a vampire! I mean, you are a vampire! Why would you just leave me there? You could have just taken me with you then! Why didn't you? Why do you want me now, but not then?" I demanded. I wasn't sure where my outburst had come from and felt instantly ashamed of myself. He had saved me, and given me a new life. " I'm Sorry I shouldn't have ...I don't know what came over me …I am grateful you have found me and saved me. I just wish you had taken me with you then. I have had nothing but heartache since the day that I met you. I have longed to see you again" I felt as though I wanted to cry but the bitter sting in my eyes yielded no tears.

"No need to apologize, It was unfair of me to allow us to bond as we did, and I am truly sorry that you have been unhappy, I had no Idea. Or I assure I would have done anything I could, to have changed that. I knew that I could not pursue the friendship because of what I was. I could never have taken your life that way, I only was able to do it now because you were just barely alive. If I could have saved you, and kept you human, I would have. And I would have left again. So you could carry on with your life."

"Hmmph some life. I was never going to be happy without you Carlisle, no one ever measured up to my precious doctor. I was meant to be with you. I knew it the first moment I saw you. I thought that you knew it too." I looked down at my hands…noticing for the first time my strange milky white skin, my hands looked different too more defined, my fingernails were sharp and strong.

"I did know it. But I still could not have taken away your life that way, I have never killed a human who was not on the very knife edge of death and even then only once before you." He glanced at Edward who was standing silently on the other side of the room. "I'm sorry. I just couldn't do it" He looked down. I felt sad that we were talking about these matters right now. I had gone over the moment of our reunion a million times in my mind the past ten years, and not one of those imaginings involved having this conversation. As his words sank in something stood out in my mind. Never killed a human. Of course. He had told me that he and Edward didn't consume human blood. Grateful for the change of subject I asked him to expand on this—I was beginning to understand the feeling in my throat and I realized I was very thirsty, but if not water or, and I cringed at the thought, human blood, then what could I drink?

" What do you drink. If you don't drink blood?" I asked.

"We do drink blood my dear." He smiled as he spoke. "Animal blood."

Oh. Ok then I could handle that. Had I not eaten a bloody steak, or a rare piece of lamb?

"Well, if it's alright, then I would love to get something to drink."

" We can't go out just yet the sun is shining today and—" He was interrupted by Edward whose statue like visage had suddenly come to life.

" We have to show her. She'll like that part of what we are, she appreciates…beauty" he enthused

"Show me what?"

"When I mentioned the sunlight a moment ago, I imagined what you would look like in the sun, Edward saw the picture in my head and he thinks you would like to see it too." Carlisle explained.

"We can go onto the roof terrace." Edward suggested.

"Yes that's a lovely Idea, should we bring the mirror?"

"Oh yes, I think so." Edward was smiling now, a beautiful crooked smile that I knew I would love to see often. I felt that same fondness for him, that I had felt earlier. It was different to the way I felt when I looked at Carlisle. I wasn't attracted to Edward…It was something else…something I recognized but couldn't place.

"I need to warn you before we do this, when you see yourself you will be shocked. You look very different now…more like Edward and myself…but you will have different eyes to us. Our eyes get their golden hue from the animal blood we survive on. Our more traditional…cousins if you will, who survive on the blood of humans have a different colour in their eyes, its more of a deep red. Because of the blood you see, the human blood it makes the eyes stay red, and right now your body is full of human blood. Yours are bright red.. Please try not to be startled by this when you see your reflection. If you choose our path then your eyes will turn golden like ours in a few months."

"Hang on a second, I thought that vampires couldn't be seen in a mirror…and you said we were going into the sunlight—wont that burn us? I can't stand to burn again!"

"All myths my dear. We can go outside, although it is inadvisable to do so when there are any humans present, we are somewhat conspicuous when the sun hits our skin. And our reflection is as any humans would be. We can also be near Garlic and look at crosses, and touch holy water. Indeed, I am a man of faith, and I own a large cross, a relic, from my human life. Oh and the stake through the heart could not damage you. In fact you are nigh impossible to kill now. You will never grow old and die as a human would. You are an Immortal now. The things you have read and heard about vampires, are merely stories concocted to make the humans feel safe."

"Are there many? Like you, I mean that don't kill humans?" I asked.

"I am the only one I know of that made this choice without any outside influence…When I changed Edward, I gave him the choice I offer you. You are both free to choose the other path at any time, of course. But Edward has chosen to stay with me thus far. And I am honored to call him my friend...more than that. He is a son to me now and I love him as such." He smiled at Edward and the boys answering smile lit up his face. He obviously returned the sentiment.

" And that choice is to stay with you and survive on animal blood, or to go my own way and kill people. Well, it's not much of a choice is it? Of course I want to stay with you Carlisle, I have been waiting for you for ten years, there's no way you're ditching me this time." I smiled at him. He smiled back.

"Thank you Esme. I'm so happy that you wish to stay, but its not as simple as it may seem, you haven't hunted yet and you have never caught the scent of a human. Its hard to resist them when you can smell their blood, and an animal is not quite the same -- from your human life, what was the worst food you can remember?" he pressed

I answered without hesitation "Butternut squash, we used to grow them on our farm, and when the harvest was done, any that weren't a good shape used to come into our kitchen, we would live on it for weeks, cooked in as many different ways as you can imagine—ugh, it was so disgusting."

"Well, A vampire living on Animal blood is like a human only ever eating Butternut squash. It fills you and gives you strength, but it never completely sates the thirst and it is excruciatingly boring. Each human has their own scent you see, their own distinctive flavor, and there is endless variety. Animals mostly taste the same, except the larger predators, they tend to taste closer to a human I imagine. So I would wait and see how you feel about it later on after you have hunted. You need to taste the blood we live on and decide if you can live without…your natural diet. Then we will talk about your choices."

I nodded my assent. But in my head I knew I would do whatever it took to stay with Carlisle. I saw Edward smirk at me out of the corner of my eye and I knew that he was reading my thoughts. How strange to have no privacy inside my head. He looked up at me then and there was apology in his eyes, I shook my head and smiled at him. I wanted to reach out and touch him to let him know that I didn't mind, I didn't want him to feel bad. I felt the now familiar surge of affection towards him and with a jolt I realized it was a maternal feeling, I had felt it before, on a much sadder day. It was so vague now, that time, that it might have been years ago. I felt a pull towards Edward and I understood that I was going to be as good for this tortured looking young man, as he was for the bereft mother inside me. I could see the sadness in his soul, and I decided at that moment that I would care for him as though he were my child, after all I was meant to be a mother right now, and he was meant to have a mother, so why shouldn't I give my affection to him, he looked as though he needed it. He obviously cared for Carlisle and looked up to him, but he also looked a little lost. It was a strange thing, to feel so sure about something like this so suddenly, but it felt right. I made up my mind that I was going to care for them both like a mother, and …wife –I felt a little bashful thinking that, but Edward gave no reaction, so perhaps he was trying to spare my embarrassment. Carlisle had made no mention of me staying with him as his wife, I wasn't sure what our relationship was to be honest, I knew that I had always longed for him to return and I had believed him my long lost love, but now that I was here with him, he gave nothing away. I wasn't totally sure how he felt about me, was I just a companion? Or would it one day be something more. I couldn't tell. So I would just care for them both and see how things turned out. At least I was here with him. I felt a rush of excitement through my body when I thought about it, I was never going to grow old or die, and I was immortal! I had all eternity with these two!! , My little family, I had my dream at last. I imagined our home, and how beautiful I could make it. I couldn't believe my fortunes had changed so much, I was at rock bottom, ready to die, and then my Angel returned and brought me here to my new slice of heaven. My only sadness was the pain that still held fast from losing my child, even though the memory of his face was becoming blurry and indistinct. All my human memories seemed that way, as if they were veiled in some dusty material that obscured and twisted the images. Portions of a second had passed while all this ran through my mind, and at that moment Carlisle stood up and went to the dresser to fetch me some more suitable garments, I was wearing a night gown that I didn't recognize and I guessed that someone had changed me into it while I was unaware. He pulled a screen across in front of where I sat and he and Edward moved away so I could dress in privacy. I stood and began to remove the gown, and as I did I marveled at my body, it was toned and hard and more muscular that before, my breasts had stayed the same size as they had been when they were filled with the milk that my child could not drink, and this pleased me, but all the other changes that had happened to my body while I carried and gave birth to my child were gone, I was intact again, as I had been before my wedding night, before I was ravaged by Charlie, all the scars from his teeth and hands gone. I stretched my limbs and could feel the strength coursing through me, I felt pent up energy in my muscles and I began to anticipate escaping the confines of the room, this brought back the thirst to the front of my mind and I dressed quickly, eager to occupy myself until we could go out to hunt.

"I'm done" I stepped out from behind the screen, and both men stood up as I did so. Edward picked up a bulky, sheet-adorned object from the corner of the room and Carlisle cocked his elbow at me inviting me to put my arm in his.

"Shall we?" and we walked out of the door and up the stairs. A door opened onto a small roof garden with high walls of a red brick around it and many beautiful flowers growing in large pots around the edges. The sun was high in the sky and as we stepped out into I understood why they could not allow themselves to be seen by a human, their skin was shining and glittering in the sunlight like they were million faceted diamonds cut into human form. They were breathtaking. I realized with a burst of excitement that I too must look like this and I looked down at my hands and saw that I sparkled too just like them. Edward pulled the sheet from the object he had brought with us and unveiled a large mirror in an ornate gilt-edged frame.

"Are you ready Esme?" he asked as he held the mirror just out of my line of sight. I took a pointless deep breath and prepared to see what I had become.