A/N Ok so this ones a bit longer than the rest—I had to reign myself in—It could have gone on and on!! I am SO excited to write the next chapter!!!!! Please please please read and review, and ill get chapter 5 up ASAP!!!
As I turned towards the mirror that Edward was holding up in front of me, I squeezed my eyes shut. I was scared that I would look too different, and lose my sense of self completely, but when I opened them a few moments later, I was pleasantly surprised by what I saw. I was breathtaking, and I knew that I was meant for this life. My face was perfected, although pale, I didn't like my red eyes, but Carlisle had told me that they would change with time. I knew that I wanted to stay with these two and learn to live in their way. I felt almost complete. I wondered whether the sense of well being I was feeling was a part of the transformation. I knew I should be grieving for my lost child, and my human life that was now over. But I couldn't shake the euphoric sensation that was coursing through my being. I felt elated, and in my reflection, I could see a smile breaking out around the sides of my mouth and the dimples in my cheeks, that had been a part of my smile since I was a child, trying to appear in my perfect alabaster skin. My hair was thicker and fuller too, its dull brown transformed into a rich, shiny, caramel cascading in waves down my back.
"You 're beautiful." Carlisle said simply to me. I smiled at him and his arm tightened around my waist. I felt as though my heart, had It still been beating, would have skipped one at his touch, and Edward turned his face a way from me, I was sure, to conceal a smile. How was I going to get used to this mind reading gift of his? I was unable to control the thoughts that kept surfacing in my mind about Carlisle, I had longed for him for so long that it was not easy to try and suppress those feelings. The fact that Edward could also read carlisle's mind had not escaped my notice either. I didn't want to make things difficult or awkward with my new family, but I could not deny the attraction I was feeling towards him, it was all I could do to stop myself from pressing my body against his in a way that should have been illegal, as he stood beside me, his reassuring hand nestled gently on my waist. Edward suppressed another smirk, and broke the tension by speaking to us both with a crooked grin on his perfect face.
" I think we could risk going out to the reserve now, and doing a spot of hunting, the rain has started to come down heavier in the valley and the humans will be staying indoors. also the clouds are much thicker now, so it should be fine." He said.
" Of course, Edward, you are right, it has been far too long we have tarried here, Esme you must be so thirsty, it has been unfair to make you wait to feed, if there had been any other way..." He trailed off, sadness in his eyes.
"Why do you seem unhappy? I'm Fine, really, I had barely thought of it until Edward mentioned it just now, Really its not too bad, I just have a dry ache in my throat,. Its not too uncomfortable." I tried to ease his discomfort, I couldn't understand why he seemed unhappy, I was so buoyant, but seeing him looking unhappy caused a pang of sadness in me too.
"I just feel responsible for making sure that the transition is a smooth as possible. I never fed on any blood, not even animal blood for a long time after I was changed. I was determined to starve my self. I did not have anyone nearby to help me. I remember how hard it was, and, as I am the one who did this to you, I want to make it as easy as possible. And Edward tells me that I got side tracked when he was newborn, too. And then left him too long and in discomfort after he was changed." Edward nodded in agreement, and began to head back indoors to prepare to leave for the hunting trip. When he was gone, Carlisle began to speak once more.
" I have never fed on a human. I have only tasted human blood twice in my life. First when I saved Edward, in 1918, 4 years ago, and second when I saved you. 4 days ago.
I don't even crave it anymore, it's been so long, almost 270 years. And I have always found Animal blood to be satisfying enough. But I don't measure thirst in the same way that Edward does. He …struggles more with sticking to just animal blood. I worry that one day he will have a mishap, and kill a human. In fact, as you have probably noticed, we were packing up to leave again, and start over in a new place…a less populated place… when I found you in the morgue at the hospital, we were ready to go the next day, but, we have delayed our leaving to give you time to adjust before we travel. We are headed north, to a small town in New York state called Rochester, we have a small house to move to, in an out of the way area, near a new reservoir that has been built, to provide clean drinking water for the town. But its like an open lake and a few people have fallen into it and drowned since it was built in 1908, and this keeps humans away, so its perfect for us, and there's an easy way to explain any…slip ups, that may occur. We can stay there for a decade or so before anyone will begin to notice that I'm not ageing. I have secured a nighttime job in the local hospital there. And you and Edward will be able to stay in the house and remain inconspicuous, until you are better able to spend time around humans. But first, I think we should spend a little time away from the human populace completely for a few months. We can go to Alaska where there are so few humans that it wont matter too much." When he had finished speaking he smiled at me again and took my hand to lead me back inside.
"But isn't that going to be terribly cold—Isn't it snowy all year round in Alaska?" I asked him and he laughed out loud.
"No, no, my dear, it wont be cold to you. You will never feel the cold again. However you are cold to humans now, if you were to touch a humans skin you would feel very cold and hard to them, like a living stone." At his words the vague fuzzy memory of his fingers on my skin all those years ago surfaced in my head, and a fluttering sensation started up in my stomach, as I remembered how captivated I had been with him. How captivated I still was. And I got to stay with him now. I smiled inwardly. Admittedly, he hadn't shown any signs of his attraction to me, but hadn't he said, while I was burning that he had felt that connection? And thought of me often? Maybe he didn't feel the same, now that I was a vampire like him. Perhaps he only liked humans. I felt a longing ache at my center when I imagined him going off and finding a human love, and the thought was so unbearable, that I felt a new agony at the loss of my humanity and I felt myself shying away from it, refusing to let it into the forefront of my mind. I would not think of it. I was determined that I was going be the only girl in my Angel's life. Vampire or otherwise.
When Carlisle and I entered the room where Edward was re hanging the mirror, He turned to greet us with a wide smile on his face and I noticed that his eyes were a darker shade than they had been earlier. I made a mental note to ask about this later but as the reality of the need to hunt overtook me, I forgot about everything else.
"Lets go!" Edward said enthusiastically, a new excitement animated his features, and with a shudder I realized what the maniacal glint in his eye meant—he was excited that we were going to hunt. In the same split second that I realized this, I also realized that my shudder was not one of revulsion…but anticipation. I was eager to feel the hot wetness of Blood dampen the fire in my throat, and taste the blood that was to sustain me from now on.
"Are you ready to run, Esme?" Carlisle said with a smile.
"This is one of the perks." Edward added, already heading out of the door, I hesitated, feeling a little apprehensive; I had never really run since I was 16. Since before I had met Carlisle for the first time. My parents had not considered it a ladylike pastime, and I was sure I would not be able to keep up. But as I was thinking it, I felt warmth flood my limbs, like the adrenaline I had felt when I was human, and the strength flowing through my limbs became an itch that was screaming to be scratched. I headed out of the door just in time to see Edward disappear in a blur of colour. He left the grass and leaves in the small garden that led to the forest behind the house, trembling in the breeze from his passing. I looked at Carlisle who was standing with his hand extended towards me, an expectant look on his face. I took his hand in mine and he gave me a gentle squeeze of encouragement. And then we took off. It was exhilarating, the feel of the wind in my hair and against my skin was electric, I was on fire with a fierce delight, I never wanted to stop, I wasn't tiring at all, and I could feel the miles disappearing behind me. I could feel Carlisle's hand in mine and was overcome with a sense of completeness, no matter the nature of our relationship, I knew that this was where I was meant to be, at this angels side. I felt like we had only been running for mere seconds when Carlisle pulled me to a stop at his side and I could see Edward running back towards us.
"There's a herd of Deer up ahead, if we veer to the left in about 100 yards we should hit the scent." confirmed Edward. As he spoke, the burn in my throat kicked up a gear in anticipation. We continued walking at a slow pace, and after we had gone a short way Carlisle turned to me and took both my hands in his. When he spoke his voice was soft and beautiful as always, but I could detect a hint of finality as though this was some kind of moment of truth. I supposed he was right, and I felt a brief moment of fear--what if I couldn't take the animal blood? What then? Would he send me away if I was true to our shared nature? I didn't think I could bear to lose him, or Edward, now. Even in this short time of being with them, they were already vital to my peace of mind.
My train of thought was interrupted by a warm, earthy scent, it was mixed with the damp smell of the rain and it wasn't exactly an appetizing idea, but I thought it must be the thing they were expecting me to feed on, because I saw an exchanged glance in my peripheral vision, as they both registered my reaction to the scent, and then, after that, I didn't notice much else , I pulled my hands from Carlisle's grip and I felt my instincts take over as I honed in on the warm, wet, beating sound that came along with the smell, and I could feel my self crouching in to an animalistic pose. I was doing it. But not doing it, at the same time, it was like I had jumped into someone else's mind for a moment. I could hear a low rumbling sound and It took me a few seconds to realise that it was coming from me, all of a sudden the deer I was stalking came into view, standing at the edge of a stream lapping noisily at the water. I moved at the speed of a lightening bolt and in one blow the animal was down, And I was greedily guzzling at its wide fur covered neck. It tasted warm and salty and the mental images that filled my head as I drank were unhelpful to say the least, but I found that it eased the burning in my throat and I drank eagerly, like a man who had been lost in the desert, finding a well of ice cold water. As soon as I had drained it completely, I was back on my feet and stalking a second deer, a third. After I had drained the third and I could feel a sloshing inside me, I turned back to the others but they were nowhere to be seen, The sun was sinking on the horizon and the sky was growing a deep shade of purple. It was beautiful with my vampire eyes, a new dimension added to the view, but I had other things to think about, where had they gone? I called out to Carlisle and in an instant he was beside me, his hand at my waist. The relief I felt was a heady thing.
"Where did you go? I was scared!" I scolded him.
"I was never far my dear, you were in my sight all the time, I was keeping a close eye on you. I had to, incase you caught a human scent, and decided to follow it. I wouldn't want that to happen, unless you were prepared for it. But, sometimes they can wonder off the trail and end up closer than we realise, so, Edward and I were keeping a lookout. He explained. "So? How did you find your first hunt?" He added after a short pause.
"Very strange, I didn't feel like it was me doing it. It made my throat feel better, but I feel like I could drink twenty more animals blood, except that I feel full. Of liquid, it's a strange sensation."
"It will pass, normally three deer of the size you took down would be more than sufficient. Your body is full but the thirst still dominates your mind. After a few months the thirst becomes easier to control. As a newborn vampire you will be mainly governed by your thirst, It will be hard for you to control it, so we need to keep you near a healthy supply of large game, and away from the populace. Its easier to be around humans after a year or so…If that's still your choice."
Before I could confirm that I was definitely planning to stay with him whatever the hardship, Edward appeared at our side. And the pair began discussing some earlier plan that had been made, that I had not been privy to.
"Right. We shall stay here until you return, then I'm going to go out of state to bag a few big cats." A glint appeared in Edwards eye as he smiled his crooked smile at us.. Carlisle turned to me and took my hands in his for the second time. When his skin touched mine I felt chills run all over my body.
"I'm going to hunt quickly now, while you two wait here, and then Edward is going to find some predators, He's partial to meat eaters if he can get them. But he has to go out of state, so he'll be gone until tomorrow. We shall go back to the house and I can tell you about some of our history and answer any more questions you might have. Does that sound like something that you want to do? We can walk back slowly and look at the scenery, we leave for Alaska in a few days so this might be the last chance to see it…at least this time around, We can always return and live here in a few years when everyone who recognizes us has passed on." He and Edward laughed heartily at this and I guessed it was something they had joked about before, I tried to wrap my head around that for a second. Immortality. I was immortal. My euphoria was back again and the overwhelming sense of completeness and contentedness. I smiled a small smile to myself, But Edwards knowing looked reminded me that nothing was really just to myself anymore. Carlisle left then and Edward and I sat down on a log nearby to wait. Edward explained that we only sat down out of habit because we were such young vampires and the human traits we had frequently used in life would linger a while longer, without us having to try, but for Carlisle, these things had to be consciously carried out, so that he could blend in when he was at work. Edward told me that he was noticing, after 4 years of being a Vampire he was gradually forgetting them, and had to practice, so that Carlisle would let him go to school again.
"Sometimes I have to remind myself to blink or to move a little from time to time, fidget, you know? Carlisle says it will be harder to keep it up, if I let myself stop completely, and I really want to finish my education…now that I can stand to be near humans without wanting to hunt. They have night classes at the university in Rochester, and I want to study medicine, so that I can one day help Carlisle and work at the hospital. It brings Carlisle so much happiness, working there amongst the humans. I can see it in his mind, the peace it brings him. I want that too." I felt a pang of sadness for the boy sitting before me, to have been ripped from his human life, He was barely more than a child, with his tousled bronze hair and expressive golden eyes, I knew that he had lost his mother and that Carlisle had saved him from the brink of death as he had done with me, but that was all. I wanted to know him.
"Edward will you tell me about yourself? Tell me what happened to you. How come you ended up with Carlisle. You have seen my story, inside my head. I want to know yours."
"Yes. I will tell you. If you want to know. After I was changed I agonized over my memories and held onto them as best I could with blistering determination, had I not, I would not be able to recount much of my story. It slips further away all the time, Its good to speak it out loud it will help me to keep it clear in my mind. Soon my memory will be only of the telling, and no longer of the events as they were." There was a deep sadness in his eyes as he said this.
"I was born in 1901, and lived with my parents in our house in Chicago. My parents were well off, and we led a nice life. We had a large estate in an affluent area, and my parents were well thought of in society, my future was mapped out to attend the best schools and universities, I learned to play piano, and I read a lot, I was happy. Then In 1914 the Great War began, and I was eager to enlist, I wanted to go to Europe and join the battle. My ancestors were English and I wanted to fight too. I had grand ideas about being a soldier, and returning home a hero. But my father would not allow it. I was too young anyway at 14, and he would not hear of me lying about my age, as many of my friends were doing. So I was stuck at home dreaming of War. I was frustrated but I knew that there was no quick end to the conflict in sight, and I satisfied myself with the thought that I would eventually be old enough to defy my fathers decree and go anyway." He let out a harsh, cynical laugh. "I didn't even know what they were fighting for."
"In April of 1917, when America joined the war, I again crossed swords with my father. He didn't want me to go to 'slaughter' as he put it, for the sake of a war that was, in his eyes a fools errand. Where I saw glory and honor, he saw only blood and death." He paused and picked intently at a piece of twill on his trousers, a deep frown etched onto his perfectly angled features.
" We continued to argue over it, the subject began to colour every aspect of our lives, It crept into every conversation, ending in raised voices and sometimes fists, and, inevitably tears from my mother." His voice faltered a little when he mentioned her. After a steadying breath he continued.
"By the following spring, our relationship was under serious strain and our home was not a happy one. One afternoon, after a particularly venomous exchange, he took to his bed with a fever, complaining of pain in his head and chest. I went out and walked around for hours, cursing him for having the power to say whether or not I would go and put my name on the draftee list for our town.. Why should he object? When so many of my friends' fathers, were eager to send their young sons away in search of glory on the battlefield…I wished it. Right there. I wished he would die so I could do what I wanted, I was so angry with him…I thought that…I thought that I hated him." He let out another harsh laugh, and I reached out and took his hand.
"Later that night I returned home to find my mother in tears, and sending the maid to fetch a doctor. She said that he was dying. He couldn't breathe and the fever was raging out of control. I ran to his bedside, but he was incoherent, delirious. I told him I was sorry, that I wouldn't go. I would stay and go to school, anything, if he would just get well again, I would do whatever he said. The doctor came soon after and took him away to the hospital. There was no hope for him. It was the Spanish influenza. He was one of the first victims of the epidemic. He never regained consciousness. So Ill never know if he forgave me. There are no words to describe the wretchedness I felt when he slipped away." Another deep breath. I could tell he was reliving it. I felt guilty. I shouldn't have asked him to do this. He plucked the thought from my brain before I could say it aloud.
"No, I want to tell you. I want you to know me." He looked at me and squeezed my hand and smiled a shadow of his beautiful smile, before he began again.
"Not long after we buried him, as I boiled in the stew of my own guilt and sorrow, the crisis worsened around me. People dying. People losing their parents, children, wives…I didn't register it really. At first, I think I was too numb to care, and then, when I began to get sick, the despair was such, that I welcomed it. My mother cared for me at home, although she was sick herself, and eventually we were taken to the hospital. I remember thinking how pointless it seemed to move us, we were dead anyway. I had, in my delirium, come to terms with the fact that I was dying, and unformed ideas about meeting my father on the other side and making peace with him, and that comforted me in my cocoon of sickness. I could almost taste absolution. I remember Carlisle coming into the room where I had been put, in a place for those beyond help, and telling me that my mother was gone. I was too dehydrated to shed any tears, although the acuteness of my heartache reached a new, and dizzying height. It didn't help the fever and my condition worsened. My memories are vague of this time, like I'm seeing them from behind the veil of death, I could feel myself slipping away, my body slowing down, like a gramophone that needed to be wound. Then I was lifted up and I felt as though I was flying, I thought that death had found me. It was cold, and I could feel the air rushing past me and when I opened my eyes I saw that I was being carried across the rooftops at an inhuman speed by the same doctor that had told me about my mother dying. I thought that I must be hallucinating in my death throes, so I closed my eyes again. The next thing I can remember is a slashing pain at my throat, and I have some images of a room with a red chaise in the corner. And I remember the pain. The Burning, agonizing heat tearing through my body for hours. Writhing and screaming. I thought I was in Hell. That I was damned for wishing my father dead. Then later when the pain dimmed, Carlisle told me what I'd become. He said he was sorry and told me about his way of life. That was hard for me, I didn't enjoy the deer much at all, and I showed much less grace than you have." He smiled at me and I could sense that he was coming to the end of his story.
"And we shall have to discuss my days as a bloodthirsty, brattish, newborn vampire another time, Mountain lions are calling my name." He winked at me and looked in the other direction, as a second later Carlisle reappeared, his eyes the deep butterscotch I remembered from our first meeting all those years ago.
"I'll see you two tomorrow then." Edward looked at us both with a small smirk before adding "Have a nice evening" and then he was gone, and we were alone. I turned to face Carlisle, and he stood gazing at me with a small smile on his face. I smiled back at him.
"shall we walk?" he held out his arm, which I eagerly took, and we headed back the way we had come, arm in arm, and with butterflies dancing furiously in my stomach.