Disclaimer: (I heart Twilight, but I also heart Stephenie Meyer for creating it)

hey guys...here's another edward point of view...i hope you enjoy
sorry it took so long
REVIEWS WOULD BE AWESOME

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Getting Help

How could she not see that? I left because of her and she didn't even acknowledge it. I looked down at her seeing the pitiful being that she was. No. I couldn't think that. This was Bella. I loved her. A burning fire erupted through my veins. I could feel the anger overcoming me. She was too close. I lessened my grip on her wrists and dropped her to the ground. She fell like a rag doll.

"Because I love you? Do you love me?! That's the real question. Do you love me?!"

"YES!", she cried.

"Did you love me when you deserted me for that dog! Did you love me when I went looking for the Volturi! Did you love me when you jumped off that cliff!"

"I did, I DID!", she yelled. I could see doing so took all her strength. The fire lessoned. Calm was breaking over me.

"No Bella I don't think you did. You knew I couldn't possibly live without you. You knew I'd head for the Volturi. And I did. When I killed my first human I died. Edward died. Now I'm something else". I stepped back to show her what I'd become. What she'd made me. "I'm a bloodsucker!"

"No Edward. No you aren't!" How could she be so naïve?

"Yes I am Bella. I've killed". Instantly I was tackled. Something out of the woods slammed into me, throwing me across the ground. I looked up just in time to see Jacob pick her up. More than anything I wanted to rip from whoever was holding me down and tear his throat out. I snarled. He deserved it! I yelled the last that I could before her image faded into the woods. "I'm dead Bella. I'M DEAD!" Then she was gone. From the corner of my eye I caught another werewolf walking up to me. With my face in the ground and with no possibility for movement I snarled causing dirt to puff out in front of me. Then I heard a voice, a thought. Calm down Edward. You need to calm down. I turned my head only for my paperweight to crush my face back into the dirt. Don't try to move Edward. How was this possible? Were they teaming up on me? I reopened my eyes. Carlisle looked down on me, his face full of concentration. Probably to block what he really was thinking, not what he wanted me to hear. We've missed you Edward. It's time to come home. I shot him a glare.

"You don't want me home. Trust me". Then I felt my head squish further into the ground. Carlisle reacted.

"There's no need for that, he's not going to do anything. You can leave now". With that I was freed from my hold and I listened as the two wolves started to walk away. "Thank you Sam. Thank you Seth. Your help has been much appreciated". Then they were gone. It was just me and him. "Get up Edward". I stayed in my spot. I was not going to take my face out of the dirt. He didn't deserve to see me like this. A killer. He knelt down and placed a hand on my chin, pulling my face from my mask of earth. I did not open my eyes. "Edward look at me". My breathing deepened while I tried to resist. I did not want him to see me. Why did he have to come! "Edward". I couldn't stop myself. I opened my eyes. To my surprise he didn't turn back. He didn't scream in pain. He didn't even turn his gaze. Instead he let out a small sigh. "My poor son. What did they do to you?"

"They didn't do anything"

"This isn't you Edward. This isn't my son. You were better than this". I closed my eyes.

"Things change". He frowned. They don't have to. You can come back with me. It can be better. I can help you Edward. I felt desperate. "No". Edward let me help you. "What about the others? What would they think of me?!" This time he answered with words.

"They would love you. We are family. Family always forgives". Maybe he was right. Maybe I could go back. Then I got my better senses back. I stood up and got ready for my escape.

"It wouldn't work Carlisle"

He frowned. "I'm sorry it has to happen this way Edward, but we can't just let you go. I'm sure you understand that". With that I caught sight of five others coming out of the shadows. How had I not heard them? How could I have been so dumb? I dug my stance into the earth, frantically searching for another way out. I knew I could do it, but not without hurting one of them. Could I actually do it though? Could I hurt one of my family?I caught the stare of Alice and lost it all. Everything. Every possible scenario that was going through my head crashed once I saw her expression. She was in pain. Then I felt a wave of calm come over me. Don't fight it Edward, thought Jasper. All these thoughts were messing with my head. I didn't know which were mine and which were theirs. They knew this was the only way it would have worked. It was the only way they could stop me. A wave of words crashed at me. Breaking all my concentration. Don't do it Edward! We can help you. His eyes, they're so red! Edward let us help you! We love you Edward. Don't fight it! He's too far gone. Don't leave brother! Edward. Edward. EDWARD! EDWARD! EDWARD!Then everything went black and something happened to me that had never happened before. I lost my balance. Falling into the dirt the last thing I heard was Carlisle.

"Good work everybody. Now lets take him home".

…

Three days later…

"Edward it has only been three days. You can not expect us to let you go now"

"I'm ready Carlisle". He walked up to me and crouched to meet my level. Why didn't he believe me? I was ready to get out. I was ready to move on. His hand brushed through his hair.

"You just think you're ready. You need more time". Then there was more. He'd kill everybody. I can't let him go. Not yet. A shot of shame passed his face. "I'm sorry Edward"

"No you're not". Why would he be sorry. It was his true opinion. I was a killer and he knew it. I knew it. Even with that knowledge I couldn't stay here. All their thoughts running through my head. It was just too much. Even Alice who refused to see me couldn't escape me. Her thoughts screamed so loud I couldn't possibly ignore them. She hated me. But that wasn't even the worse of it. Emmett acted like nothing had changed. When he came to see me he didn't even acknowledge the chains that held me down. I hated it. I detested that he refused to accept what was real.

"No Edward, I am sorry. I don't choose to think that way. It just happens"

"Don't lie to me Carlisle. I don't disagree with you. I probably would kill everyone, but I just can't stay here. Knowing that you all hate me is beyond frustrating". He nodded his head as if he knew who I was taking about. Sometimes I wondered if he too could read minds. He knew me all too well.

"Alice will turn around. You are her brother. She'll forgive"

"I DON'T WANT FORGIVENESS!" This burst didn't effect him. He simply watched as I suffered with my inner turmoil. Why did he have to be so good? I hated that he could make himself that way. I remembered being able to try his way of life, but it wasn't for me anymore. A person can't just change who they are. Without her I was nothing. Carlisle stood up then walked out the room.

…

How long was he planning to keep me here? I could see his reasoning, but I still wanted out. At first there seemed to be a possibility of staying home, but that had been a trick of the mind. Jasper had done it. He'd killed much more than I had. I could even see it in him now as he stood next to me. The thrust hadn't left him. No matter how much he resisted he was different from the others. I could see myself in his eyes.

"Go away Jasper"

"No Edward. I'm here to help"

"Don't lie to me Jasper. I know you don't want to be here. Make it easier and leave". He took in an unnecessary breath and exhaled. I want to help you Edward. This is kind of my subject of expertise. If you let me I could show you how. My eyes shot up at him. What had he said? "Show me how to what?"

"I know the thirst Edward. I know how it feels to want. The pain it causes"

"You couldn't possibly know-"

"Every thought is invaded with the hunger. Even those you claim to love become the meal. Like Bella". My head dropped into my hands. Pulling at my hair I hissed through my teeth.

"Don't think her name!"

"I'm sorry Edward, but it's true. You would kill her"

"NO!" I couldn't! I wouldn't! Why was he doing this to me?! I'd managed to not think about her for a whole of three minutes and he ruined it. Every thought I had was invaded by her. Jasper was wrong. I wasn't invaded by the thirst. It was her that filled my every thought. Nothing I thought of, nothing my eyes ever laid on didn't somehow connect to her. She was ruining me. Just let me speak Edward.

"It's awful, but it's true. And it's not entirely your fault". Was he in denial? Of coarse it was my fault. If I even remotely had the weakness to kill her then I would be souly responsible. Nobody could hurt Bella because I would never let it happen. But if the killer was me then what would I do? Would I be able to push back my thirst. I had done it before, but back then I hadn't been feeding on humans. I couldn't possibly think on how her blood would sing to me now. I shuddered at that. The mess I was getting myself into was making me more human every day. No, not human. I could only wish for that. I was becoming some sort of demon worse than what I already was. Something worse than a vampire. But I was changing. I could actually feel pain now. My anger wasn't controllable and I'd become careless. In my former days I could have gotten out of here by now. I'd had the opportunity. A couple of nights ago Carlisle had left for some reason that he wouldn't share with me. He had purposely been hiding certain thoughts from me. But that night he wasn't here and I knew then that I could have gotten out. Without him there I'd be able to give in. Maybe it was some sort of test to see if I was getting better. If their help was improving me. If only they knew how dead wrong they all were. I wasn't getting better. I was getting worse. If anything I wanted to kill more than ever now. Maybe even enough to get past my family by all extremes. Jasper shot me a look of understanding.

"Please Edward. Just let me help you". I closed my eyes, using all my strength to keep them shut. I didn't want to see his face.

"I don't deserve your help". He slumped slightly in defeat. I didn't understand this? Why was he acting so human around me. With other people around it was necessary, but it was just me. Another vampire. Why was he keeping the act? With that Carlisle walked in.

"He does it because that's what we all do. You'd remember it Edward if you'd only put back your thirst". I did remember it. What fools we were. Trying to play pretend and mask our true selves as humans. Trying to kid ourselves that we were people. I lost all train of thought then. I was so thirsty. Pumping of blood rang in my ears. My tongue slid across my bottom lip. Quickly I was entering my own personal hell.

"Who is here?", I hissed thought my teeth. Carlisle and Jasper both turned to look at each other. Both questioning my statement. Could they not smell it? It was invigorating.

"What do you mean Edward?" Then it hit him. Instantly Carlisle's eyes widened in fear. There's a human here! No! This will ruin everything! It's much to early for that!"Jasper go upstairs and get everybody. Tell them all to come down here now! Make sure Esme takes care of whoever that is!". Almost as quick as Carlisle spoke, Jasper was on his heels already out of sight. My chest started heaving in and out. Nothing made sense to me. My ears rang with the sound of my pray. I closed my eyes and watched as the blood pumped through this humans heart. I was so thirsty. Without warning Carlisle was at my face. Don't do it Edward. This isn't you. This isn't my son. I didn't care what he thought. All I wanted was my deathly thirst to be quenched. I wanted my relief. Vaguely I heard the room filling. It was all muffled. Second rate to the beat in my ears. Rosalie spoke first.

"Oh God! What is wrong with him?!" Emmett answered.

"He's loosing it. What are we suppose to do?".

Alice spoke. "We stop him". Everyone looked at the short fairy like figure. She hadn't spoken to anyone in days. Refusing to see me, she felt ashamed to all her family. I could hear this in her thoughts. She hated me and was ashamed of it. Why was that? Hadn't I deserved to be hated? Hadn't I done enough to make her feel right by her judgments? Baaaboom baaaaboom baaaaboom. The sound was getting heavier. I could smell the beat of the heart and I wanted to tear it out and suck from it. I saw red dripping from my lips and an image of myself feasting. Then I was scared. I didn't want this. I didn't want to kill. I just wanted everything to be normal. It was a long stretch, but it could be possible. Maybe I could change. Maybe I could be Edward.

"HEEEELP MEEEE!", I screamed. Then I heard their thoughts come together in union. Finally.All of them, even Alice ran to me. Each of them grabbing on to some piece of my body to hold me down. I tugged and pushed, but their strength combined was too much. With each hiss and scream that spilled from my mouth I knew nothing could come out of it. My family was here. They were stopping me and I was letting them.